Just broke up with my boyfriend now i regret it

[lorrs06]

I broke up with my partner 3 days ago. we were together foor a year and a half. As with all relationships we had our problems.But he told me he'd change and he hasn't. It got so hard that instead of looking foward to seeing him it turned into a chore,gone are the days when we laughed all day it turned into a constant chore to make it better. He constantly acussed me of stuff. Flirting,Cheating etc. So i took it into my hands to call it off while I'm still in love with him, I taught that would of bein the kick he needed to get his act together. But to my surprise he has not contacted me. It feels like an eternity since i heard his voice. I really miss him and wish I chose not to call it off.But I tried to help him and it didn't work. I should'nt have to prove that I'm a good girlfriend and that I'm not a cheat he should just know.Please say I'm right. Or have I just made the biggest mistake?? Advice anyone??

[EthanH]

stop playing games!

 

I know what it is like to be him, he will be being told by everyone to give you ****ing space, and because he loves you, he will be sticking to it. I'm sure if he came on here, he would be told by the helpful regulars to give you the 'NC treatment'. But the facts are, every relationship is different. Sometimes it needs something like this for people to realise how they feel. If I was you, I would go back to him and tell him that you still love him... your relationship could be rejuvenated... but speak about it, tell him the jealousy needs to stop, and just be honest with each other. Good luck...

[Ilovecake]

lorrs06 I think you definitely did the right thing. It's not like he doesn't still have the opportunity to change but I would imagine he would really have to prove to you that he's on the road to change. It’s very smart of you not to give him empty ultimatums; you followed through on your word and told him if things don’t change you will not be able to be with him. Too many people stay in unhappy situations and throw out ultimatums left and right with no recourse, which gets you nowhere. Nothing is ever final and if it's important to him to be with you he will do everything possible to get you back. Of course you feel sad and bad, you can love someone even though they make you unhappy, just look around this site, it’s full of unhappy people in love. It’s only been 3 days. He knows exactly why you left and if he’s mature he’ll contact you when he’s ready and if he doesn’t you know the relationship is not important enough to him to make the effort to change and try again.

Stay strong, do not contact him because then you look like you’re going back on your word and he will have no incentive to change because he knows he can have you whether he changes or not.

[lorrs06]

Thanks very much. I will not be making the first bit of contact,I was the one to always do it but I'm staying strong, I hope all the pain is worth it.

I suppose nothing in this life thats worth having comes easy. I just hope he comes to his senses and lets his heart talk instead of hishead. Cos he can be so stuborn when he wants to be..

Thanks again

[lorrs06]

ehm I am new to this so I'm not to sure with the terminology:o so can anyone tell me what this ''NC'' means??

[Woggle]

I don't know how this will turn out but never break up with a guy unless you actually mean it. We take it literally.

[carhill]

ehm I am new to this so I'm not to sure with the terminology:o so can anyone tell me what this ''NC'' means??

 

NC= no contact. This means no proactive contact as well as actively discouraging and eliminating receipt of contact from the other party. Read the thread in my signature area for more details.

 

I don't know how this will turn out but never break up with a guy unless you actually mean it. We take it literally.

 

Yes, once stbx said the words "I want to divorce", I began the mechanics of making her wish come true

[Peaceful Guy]

Please say I'm right. Or have I just made the biggest mistake?? Advice anyone??

 

no, no.. your fine. its totally understandable to feel the way that you do right now. i dont think it was okay to break up with the intention of making him change because that's being controlling but if he was constantly doing something that you did not like, such as accusing you of cheating frequently, and would not change then ending the relationship was a healthy thing to do. best of luck and feel better soon!

[lorrs06]

Ok thanks very much

[EthanH]

lorrs06 can i speak to you on msn? Might help to discuss our situations. username: ethanhurlington...

[lorrs06]

not on it anymore ethanh sorry

[spiderowl]

You weren't happy with him. He said he'd change and didn't. You had good reasons for breaking up with him. You are bound to miss some aspects of him and have moments when you wonder if you did the right thing. Of course, think about that and take it seriously, but also take seriously that if you did get back with him (assuming he'd have you and that's not necessarily the case), then the same problems would rear their heads. Would they be acceptable this time or just as annoying? Would he change this time? Worth thinking about at the times when you miss him.

 

You are bound to miss him and be sad that it didn't work, despite the good things, but something urged you to give up on him. That something is likely to make itself known again if placed in the same situation.

[lorrs06]

yep thats it we were talkin and i noticed he's still the same and always will be, still fighting with me and so on. and you know what i'm happy with my choice. even my parents said i'm a happier person .. fresh start for me wuhoo

[bellX1]

Hi Lorrs06,

 

a few questions before giving you my perspective. Did you ever give him any suspicion of cheating/flirting? Did he ever catch any not regular stuff, like all of a sudden a strange text, a call after "x" hours, any chat log, any personal meetings, any "good" male friend of you that you never introduced him to, but you still act all exciting when you meet/hear from this friend? ANYTHING THAT JUST DON'T ADD UP. To top it off, did you change your behavior towards him? Maybe he noticed your behavior changed as well.

 

Are you also a jealous type? Maybe he's just like that, because you're also a jealous type. Thus, you don't like if he gets a call after certain hour that is not from someone you know, or you won't like it if he's talking a few minutes to a nice girl at the club that he knows but you never were introduced to. Or if he looks at another girl that you find yourself attractive, or in other words, a threat. Maybe he's just doing those jealous things because you are doing it too. Maybe less jealous than him, but still you're doing it.

 

If those things happened, i totally understand him, especially if he's committed to you. I think he doesn't want to be hurt, because he gave you all his heart.

 

I think if you broke up with him knowing that he loves you, and he shows it to you as well after the break up, he tries to get you back (also you noticed he is trying to improve himself/being a better person), but you just are playing hard to get or you told him you don't want to work it out; i think that at some point he gets the point that you don't want him anymore or you don't want to work it out. Maybe after those efforts to get you back he just is fed up with being constantly hurt, fed up of feeling crap/heart-broken day after day, week after week, month after month.

 

REMEMBER, you broke it off, not him. If you look/act like the break up is not affecting you/you moved on, it will make it worst to him. After efforts to get you back, maybe he will start to think, if you don't want him anymore and you looked like you moved on/weren't affected by the break up, that he also wants to be like you. In other words, not feeling heart-broken anymore and just start the healing process.

 

I hope you understand my perspective. BTW, I'm a 30 year old guy and have had my share of experiences.

 

If you still love him, feel for him and miss him and you think it was a mistake, you should make a concrete move that you want to start all over. I mean start all over and not try to make the old relationship work. Start little by little and see where the new relationship will head. Try to call him/text/mail him to tell him that you want to talk things out, like what went wrong in the old relationship so you don't make the same mistake anymore for the new one.

 

If he still loves you and you make the move, he will go back with you. Maybe he won't go back with you at first, because he's scared of getting hurt again, but if he loves you, he will get back with you eventually. But you need to make the move, because you broke his heart. Swallow your pride!!

 

Cheers..

Edited May 13, 2010 by bellX1

[lvixen]

You both are doing the right thing. You broke up with him because he didn't trust you. You were right. He, being the dumpee, is going NC with you. He is also right. If you want him back just tell him you do, don't play games.

[lorrs06]

hi bellx1

sorry for not bein on this in ages..no probs for all the questions.. nope i never gave him any reason to think i was cheating/doing irregular stuff, I wasnt gettin any calls at strange times. I lost contact with all my friends..so there wasnt a jealousy on that point! He lived in my house so he knew what i was doing at all times! even when it came to work he was there the min i finished! I'm not the jealous person, I didnt mind him going out being on his phone etc! Truth be told now nearly 2 months on and I've kinda realised why he didnt want me to go... he had no job and was living in my house rent free, i bought his fags, i paid for his nights out our holdiays,weekend breaks, his new clothes etc! who'd wanna leave someone when ya have it that handy haha, and well someone who accuses someone of doing all that stuff in more times then not the guilty one!?!... look this guy even accused me of being with my sisters fiance on christmas..when heres the funny part they were in bed and i was down stairs, even my sister told him that but he still insisted i was... I appreciate your questions and view on the whole thing! i had contacted him but look that kind of relationship isnt for me..you shouldnt have to ask the person you ''love'' to change..and besides ya cant teach an old dog new tricks! I'm only 20 i dont need a jealous controlling man i need a 20 year old being a 20 year old not insecure! I know i might sound like a B****H but like that relationship wore me out and well my feeling bad and sad is gone, kinda into a major dislike now!

Thanks