In love deeply, but hanging on to someone else!

[jennifer05]

I'm sure more people then just me have went and may be going through this.

 

I dated this guy for a year and so many months, my first true love. To me, he was the GREATEST thing that ever walked on two feet, my whole world revolved around him. We had been friends ever since the day I was born, because his family knew mine. Well, for some reason, it seemed like his mom was turning aganist me. She said that mine and his realtionship was coming between my mom and her's friendship! So, she made us cut it off. Well, he told me that if we could make it through something like this then we could make it through anything. Well... over the months he kinda slowly became distant. He would never e-mail me anymore and when I wrote him letters in the mail, he wouldn't reply!!!!!! It was like he couldn't stand me anymore.

 

Now, to the question. How do you get over your first love? He's moved on and I'm still living in the past. I have a bf as we speak and in my heart I feel it's wrong to love someone else and love him too, because I feel that I'm not giving him all my heart & soul when I'm still feel'n for someone else. WHAT DO I DO!!

 

this is a quote that comes to mind when i think about me and him

"the worst way to love sombody is to be sitting right next to them, knowing you can't have them"

[Papillon]

"the worst way to love sombody is to be sitting right next to them, knowing you can't have them"

 

That is so so true....it perfectly reflects something that I'm going through right now...

But that begs the question: Am I correct in assuming that you still see this other person on a regular basis (and by see I mean in the platonic sense, physically see with your eyes)?

 

As an aside, I think what his mother did is inexcusable, and utterly pathetic and selfish.

 

We all remember our first true "love", even if that "love" wasn't reciprocated... I remember this girl from school, Belinda Lategan, that I was utterly obsessed with, but we never went out, and I never confessed my feelings to her. The what-if factor has always haunted me, to this day...but it's been over a decade, and my feelings for her have died completely, simply because I'v become more mature (or should that be "less immature" ), and I've realised that people change...heaven knows I sure have changed an enormous amount even in the last year... she's BOUND to be a different person.

 

The hard thing to do is to stop comparing your current BF with him, I'll wager a month's salary that you're still doing that, and that DOES mean that you haven't moved on, even if you do admit it yourself. Admitting it to yourself is wonderful, that's the first step in movin' on. Think about what it is that you miss in him, and try and find the same things in your current BF. Focus your energy on the present.

 

You don't say how long ago you went out with this guy, though. I wouldn't take it personally that he's not replying to your mails...unless you're specifically TASKING him to reply...if so you should demand that he explain why he's not replying. You can lead a horse to the water, but you cannot make it drink...people do drift apart and that's just the way it happens. I guess that you just haven't internalised that fact, and are taking this whole thing very personally. The best advice I can ever give anyone is:

 

Don't take anything personally, because everyone else is too busy taking everything personally to take the time to hurt you...

 

I suspect that this person's behaviour is/was influenced by his mother, in that case, he's a no-good spineless sack of manure, and you should forget about him. I might be wrong though, so don't read the previous sentence

[jennifer05]

Thank you so very much for your help! After reading what you've said, I can now look at things through a whole different window. Having someone who is going through the things I'm going through right now is more then great! Once again, thanks. God Bless!!!

 

*Jenn*