enchanted771 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Actually I kind of know the answer, but I am just having a hard time with it. I have been in this fwb off and on for over a year. I struggled with my feelings and stopped seeing him for a while. I have been seeing him consistently since November. We started becoming a little closer, but I know its just because we have sex. He knows how I feel about him. And I know he will NEVER make a committment to me. Still, its just breaking my heart thinking that I will never see him again. What can I do? I am just so afflicted. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Not only do you need to cut off you FWB relationship, but you need to cut off all contact with this man. For good. I know that sounds harsh, but please hear me out. A fundamental mistake women make is to enter into FWB relationships thinking that, in time, they will grow into "something more." What they don't realize is that for many men--maybe most men--being in committed, LTR is NOT the ideal situation. For men, FWB is the ideal situation. In a FWB, a guy gets everything he would get from having a GF--affection, sex, companionship--except with no strings. FWB is the ultimate win/win, have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too sceanrio for guys. Once a man has you in a FWB, he will NEVER want the relationship to become "something more." And why would he? In a FWB, he is already getting everything he wants--for free! Break off this non-relationship before you get hurt even worse. And don't ever do FWB again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 I know that is what I have to do, but why cut all contact with him?? I still consider him a friend even without the sex there. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 I know that is what I have to do, but why cut all contact with him?? I still consider him a friend even without the sex there. Because you have feelings for him and being around him "just as friends" will be detrimental to you getting over him. There will be the temptation and desire and that will not diminish if still have contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 (edited) don't you know that after sex, women's brain can produce a kind of chemical that make her feel deep bonding with the man? the chemical makes her feel she actually bonds with the man in a deep level, such as want to have babies with him and build a family. BUT men are NOT so. You definitely put yourself in a undesirable situation You know where you did wrong? you expected men are same as women, or you assume the man is same as you. Men aren't going to fall in love with you just because of sex (but women can, and that's why many of them stuck with jerks and with those who treat them badly); if he cannot fall in love with you without sex, he isn't going to fall in love with you with sex So the thing you can do now is to stop having sex with him, completely. Bring sex into this situation only make it more complex, FOR YOU. Edited April 28, 2010 by Lovelybird Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Because you have feelings for him and being around him "just as friends" will be detrimental to you getting over him. There will be the temptation and desire and that will not diminish if still have contact. Very good point. And he would never stop trying to get you sleep with him again. And he'd probably succeed, sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 I have been in a FWB situation for a year and a half. It started out as a relationship for 3 months and then he got a little freaked by how close we were getting and started withdrawing- so I broke up with him. He never went away. I actually had to tell him to eff-off after I broke up with him because he was tugging on my heart strings so much. He didn't want anything overly serious, but he didn't want to leave either. After a couple months of no contact, we resumed things and just fell into a FWB situation. We've been on again, off again for a year and a half now. It works for me because I am not in love with him anymore. You cannot continue a FWB once you want that person and they just want sex. It will never work out well for the person that wants more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 Very good point. And he would never stop trying to get you sleep with him again. And he'd probably succeed, sooner rather than later. Yeah, I actually stopped seeing him for a couple months. We were still talking as friends no sex talk or anything. The desire between us was always there, so I ended up wanting him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 I have been in a FWB situation for a year and a half. It started out as a relationship for 3 months and then he got a little freaked by how close we were getting and started withdrawing- so I broke up with him. He never went away. I actually had to tell him to eff-off after I broke up with him because he was tugging on my heart strings so much. He didn't want anything overly serious, but he didn't want to leave either. After a couple months of no contact, we resumed things and just fell into a FWB situation. We've been on again, off again for a year and a half now. It works for me because I am not in love with him anymore. You cannot continue a FWB once you want that person and they just want sex. It will never work out well for the person that wants more. I understand. It just sucks because he isnt a bad guy, he is a nice guy but just doesnt want the same thing as I do. I love spending time with him, we get along great, and have alot of things in common. I just wish I didnt have feelings for him anymore. Even when we werent having sex, he still contacted me and we would just BS. A lightbulb kind of went off in my head last night telling me to snap out of it, that he doesnt want a relationship (he has his own issues). I can either think of it for what it is and have fun or get the hell out if I cant put my feelings aside. We agreed to see each other every 2-weeks (before that it was every 3-4 weeks) but it seems the more I see him, the worse it is for me. He contacted me last night, but I was just kind of aloof with him. My heart just isnt into anymore, so I guess my enthusiasm is gone. I usually make plans the weekend before we get together, but I am not going to make plans anymore. Doesnt seem to be in my best interest. It sucks because when I was seeing him once a month, I felt fine. Now that i have been seeing him more, its a freaking nightmare. Link to post Share on other sites
Jordanjames Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 I think the OP needs to be honest with herself she is just setting herself up for a lot of heartache. I know it is going to be hard for you to give this man up. However, ask yourself this question what are you gaining by hanging around? The man has been very honest with you he just wants a FWB he doesn't want a committment with you. You have to stop lying to yourself and stop wasting your time with this man. You deserve happiness and you must move on. If you continue to wait around how will you feel if this man meets someone else while you WAIT and WATCH? You are kidding yourself if you think you can just "be friends" with this man when you have feelings for him. Girlfriend, I have been in this situation myself. Last year, I went out with a guy he didn't want something serious so I split. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated by this man. You deserve to be happy and you will NEVER be happy with this man. You must move on from him. Link to post Share on other sites
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