miss annonymous Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 I need advice...I think that my husband might be using cocaine...He does smoke weed and that is fine with me. I have delt with that but he knows that is as far as i will accept. I am sooo against drugs and he knows that. I do not do drugs and i feel strong about anything else besides marijuana. Well lately it seems like he is up all night flipping through the channels. Also he is really horny i am constantly telling him to let me sleep cause i can feel him feeling on me all night. And we have been married for over 7 yrs so its not like we are newly weds. Plus, last night i saw a rolled up dollar bill in his pocket he said someone must of gave it to him like that. I thought he felt as strong as me about it but im not sure anymore. Plus i noticed he has been loosing weight. He does have friends that do it and lately he has been going over there alot. ALmost everyday. he works on cars so i dont know if he is using that as an excuse of going over there alot. Plus since he smokes weed the whole eye dialation and stuff confuses me. Does it sound like he can be using or do u guys think i am paranoid...what should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 He does smoke weed and that is fine with me. I am sooo against drugs and he knows that. ..what should i do? you should stand up for what you believe in. that means if you are strongly anti-drugs, but you allow the use of drugs by your H.... then you should expect that he doesn't believe that you are strongly against drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss annonymous Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 i agree with u...i have asked him over and over again to stop smoking weed. but when i met him we were young i thought he would grow out of it but he hasnt. So i guess in a way i feel like i can't stop him i have tried but he says that relaxes him and with all the talk that weed is almost legan and whatever i guess that is why i accept that. I just will NEVER accept him doing cocaine or any other strong drug Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 i agree with u...i have asked him over and over again to stop smoking weed. but when i met him we were young i thought he would grow out of it but he hasnt. So i guess in a way i feel like i can't stop him i have tried but he says that relaxes him and with all the talk that weed is almost legan and whatever i guess that is why i accept that. I just will NEVER accept him doing cocaine or any other strong drug so, if he is using cocaine AND he knows your strong feelings already- what are you gonna do? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 You shouldn't have to feel that you should be made to accept any drug use as okay in your marriage. A marriage based on alcohol or drug use is very difficult for the non user.. Have you ever been to any Alanon meetings ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss annonymous Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 i would threaten to leave him or he would have to stop hanging out with those friends. what do u think? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 If a behavior or habit inhibits the ability to have a healthy interpersonal relationship (in your case, marriage), it bears scrutiny. Do you think your marriage is healthy? If no, do you think his behaviors and drug use have a bearing on that health? Since drugs aren't free, request that he divert one month of drug money to one month of weekly counseling. Then, within that framework, explore the health of your M. If he refuses, he can continue to drug-up alone. No sense in continuing with someone like that, IMO. I presume that you're aware, depending on jurisdiction, that you can become an accessory after the fact wrt any drug-related misdemeanors and/or felonies. I think that's worth keeping in mind. If my spouse was using illegal drugs, she'd be out on her ass, but that's me. I like my freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Acceptance of drug use in a marriage is an enabling behavior and only tells the user that it is okay to continue on with his/her drug use. When you bow down and accept it with out any consequences then you become the enabler in the addiction and lose all power to help yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss annonymous Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 what are alanon meetings? So by the sound of it does it sound like he could be using cocaine? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 So by the sound of it does it sound like he could be using cocaine? Yes, or something similar. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 i would threaten to leave him or he would have to stop hanging out with those friends. what do u think? Unless you follow thru with an ultimatum it will only cause more problems that it will fix. If you believe that the ultimatum is one where you will back up and can live with then it is one way of stopping your enabling of his drug use, but remember that you have to be ready to have to live without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Are you in the US ? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Here's the Alanon web site Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss annonymous Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 i have already accepted it, i know i can live without him, I love him but i love myself more and i have already told him and i know i can live without him. I will def have a talk with him when he gets home from work. Thanx for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Good Luck with your talk.. Don't be afraid to read out to someone at Alanon or go to a meeting.. Even though Alanon deals with many Alcoholics, drug use is an addiction very similar to Alcoholism and the people in those meetings also have partners with multiple addictions and can help you if you need it. All the best... Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernSunshine Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 Yes, it sounds like he's using. When you approach him, try talking to him rather than at him. Keep in mind, it's not going to be easy.. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused728 Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 I had a very similar situation! here the thread i posted a few months ago, tell me what u think. I had the same situation where he was haning out with freinds that are drug addicts i tried to keep them away but didnt work, its not worth the stress Break Up Over Drugs Or Trust Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 i would threaten to leave him or he would have to stop hanging out with those friends. what do u think? these are just empty threats unless you take action. are you completely prepared to have him move tonight when you have this talk with him? you better be - or you are simply throwing out idle threats... which is worse than anything you could do. do - or do not... it's as simple as that. find a boundary that keeps you happy, healthy and safe and stick to it. your words MUST equal your actions. otherwise you are simply having a meaningless conversation and lose all credibility with him an to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 I went through the same thing. My guy was using coke and I suspect yours is too. Based upon your description of the situation I would not doubt for a minute that he is using actually. I would protect myself financially and my children if there are any in your case. You are not describing inconsistent recreational use, but addiction. I would go to the nearest Al-anon meeting, not enable, threaten him or change my values to suit his wants. The less you enable his behavior the shorter time it will continue, at least with you in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
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