Feelings finally hit me I think. What do I do?

[sweethearttx]

I would appreciate any advice, as this is really taking over my thoughts and I can't focus! I know this will be long, sorry.

 

I met a guy at a new years party. I'm 29, he's 35. I didn't think much of it at the time. I'm not exactly sure how we started hanging out together, but I have been unemployed for 9 months now and he would invite me to dinner or the movies when I was having a bad day. Just to get my mind off things.

 

We spent a lot of time talking, and I realized that this was the nicest man I'd met in a long time. He understood me, he was caring and kind, and we got along great. I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him or not, but I knew I wasn't UNattracted to him.

 

But the problem was, he was starting a business and had made a firm decision not to get involved with anyone at this particular juncture in his life. I understood that and respected it. So I sorta pegged him as "well, he's such a great guy but he's not available, boo, so oh well".

 

One night I went to his place to hang out and he cooked me dinner. Candles, wine, the works (I was sorta surprised by that). This was back in probably February. We had a bit too much to drink, but we laughed a lot and had a great time. Was the BEST date I had had in forever...and I didn't even know going in that it was a date. But I left feeling like it was.

 

I could tell he was wanting to maybe be closer to me, but I wasn't sure how I felt. At one point I thought hmmm, yeah maybe I'm attracted to this guy. But I've been hurt badly before (I'm divorced), and I felt myself close off. And keep my distance.

 

I saw him shortly thereafter and I was totally walled off. I just wanted to run. I didn't want to be near him. I have no idea why, but we just went on from that point being really good friends. He has been traveling a lot for his new business, and we keep in contact and chat a lot, but that's all it has been.

 

In early March he met some girl, and was very interested in her. He had told me around that time that he saw me as a friend, then as a potential girlfriend, then back as a friend since he didn't get any signals from me that I wanted something more. That's probably a fair assessment, however he also told me that he didn't want a relationship right now and I made that point to him as well! He said yeah, he sucks.

 

Anyway, his interest in the girl has since fizzled out I guess, as of early April...she just wants to be friends "until his business settles" she says. I wonder if he still really likes her, I don't know. But he's cool with being friends for now because, again, he didn't want to get involved w/ anyone.

 

He came back into town last week. Mind you, by this point, I have put him totally in the "friend" category. I went by his house to hang out with him and a buddy of his before he flew back out for work the next morning. Well the buddy left around 10pm, I stayed on.

 

We talked...at one point he was just looking at me and he said, "you know, you're really beautiful". That was sort of unexpected on my part. I told him thanks. He just sorta kept staring for a while. I found that I also kept staring at his, uh, a$$ when he'd walk around. I wasn't sure what that was about either lol.

 

He was fighting off a cold so I got up to go clean the dishes for him while he laid down. When I was done, he opened his arms and said "come here"...so I went and gave him a hug. Just sorta laughing it off, saying hey it's no big deal I just did a few dishes!

 

We went back into the kitchen together and finished putting things away, and he was talking to me about his company. And how he was dreading leaving, and unhappy about it. Etc. He said he needed another hug, I said ok. So I gave him one, and told him it would all be alright.

 

Before I left came hug #3. We were standing by the door, and I went to give him a hug to say goodbye...and I felt this flutter in my stomach. I was really confused when I felt that, because it was definitely an attraction feeling. There was no talking this time, and we stayed there that way a looooong time. It felt really nice and I just wanted to stay there.

 

I had this urge to kiss him, and had more than once that evening...but I just gave him a kiss on the cheek instead, and he kissed my cheek too. I told him I really like spending time w/ him, and he said the same. I left and he was just standing in the driveway, watching me drive off...and I think feeling about as puzzled as me.

 

That was just over a week ago.

 

A couple nights ago I had a dream about him, and since then I can't focus. I sent him a message 2 nights ago telling him how I felt. Basically that I had wanted to kiss him before I left, and that I was very confused when I left, and that I don't know if it's just a one time fluke or what. But that I thought he ought to know, and I don't want to make the friendship weird.

 

He wrote back that he had a smile on his face, and sorry if he's confusing. And that he knows he is cuz he's confused himself. He said he's really attracted to me and has been since he first saw me. He also said that, still, he's kinda glad I didn't kiss him cuz he'd probably not be able to put up a fight and he'd end up even more confused. (he's told me before that once any kind of physical intimacy - i.e. kissing - enters the picture, he's done for). He said he knows a lot of stuff is going to be changing w/ work one way or the other in the next few months, and it would probably be good to let the dust settle on that. But that that's the theory, although his theories haven't exactly worked out so far.

 

That was basically the last we talked.

 

So I guess my question is...what is he feeling? His text leaves me even more confused. And what am I supposed to do? I'm going nuts here. I don't know why I had all these feelings just slap me in the face all of a sudden, and I don't know how to really test it out since he's not in town and won't be back until mid-May. I have never been in a situation where I felt myself having sudden feelings for a friend.

[kittykat84]

The one thing that sticks out is he keeps mentioning work and being busy.

 

You can run a business/work full time and still have a relationship. I wonder if he's scared of something.

 

It does sound like he really likes you and you both have got a pretty solid ground in friendship which would make for a pretty good start to a relationship.

 

Could be you're both tip-toeing around the mutual attraction you have for each other and you're both kind of scared.

 

I think you should just suggest another date, and say no pressure, see how it goes....It's not like you need to jump into a full blown relationship....take things slow. :-D

[sweethearttx]

The one thing that sticks out is he keeps mentioning work and being busy.

 

You can run a business/work full time and still have a relationship. I wonder if he's scared of something.

 

It does sound like he really likes you and you both have got a pretty solid ground in friendship which would make for a pretty good start to a relationship.

 

Could be you're both tip-toeing around the mutual attraction you have for each other and you're both kind of scared.

 

I think you should just suggest another date, and say no pressure, see how it goes....It's not like you need to jump into a full blown relationship....take things slow. :-D

Thanks so much for your insight. And the problem with his work right now is it's literally keeping him out of town 100% of the time (as in he's gone for a month or two). But he told me this week that's going to come to an end very soon. And he's been more forthcoming about his feelings. So I guess now we'll see what happens.