Gaining Insight

[seren]

It has struck me, more than once that on some posts, all involved in A's, whether BS, MP, OM/OW achieve consensus. There is a shared empathy for pain, bad behaviour in relationships and an acknowledgement of pain. The stereotypes often don't exist, or are sometimes only used to justify why A's happen - and yet as a BS I can feel sympathy for an OW who is being treated badly, for a MP who is torn between BS or OW/OM.

 

I don't believe A's are the answer to looking for happiness as this is only achieved by causing pain to another, but I can see the attraction of escaping a crappy situation. I can also see the attraction of being wooed, how people can fall in love, yet don't see how it can continue for years as I couldn't continue to share my love with another. Yet, I have empathy for OW/OM who fall in love and wait for the MP to leave when (insert whatever) and still hang in there waiting years and years after timelines have passed, and while I don't agree with deceit, I can feel for that person's pain.

 

As a BS, I know what was happening in my M and the lies that were told to OW, and when I see OW/OM say I know this isn't happening to me, I hear the OW in my marriage saying, I know him, I know he wouldn't do this or that and I think but he did.

 

I am rambling I know, but it struck me that what LS has helped me to do is to gain insight into the fact that not all OW/OM are predatory, homewrecking pariahs, that not all WS are evil, and that not all BS are fat, ugly or stupid. One thing I have learned is that in general, A's are a very bad way to deal with problems in a marriage. I wondered if anyone else has changed their viewpoint since posting here or managed to gain better insight into A's and the people involved

[califnan]

I agree that these things do just happen, and not without warning - or being a predator.. An emotional relationship can wreck havoc with one's life enough - without going further into more hurt and involvement.

 

Being on here is definitely Insightful.. You see all of the symptoms of this disaster.. The developments can be different in some ways - but the stories themselves can be much the same.. So much the same that others who have been through this themselves, can almost call all of the shots - or forecast ..

[Blindsidedagainalive]

I am unable to have any empathy for a WW/WH or an OM/OW.

 

Quite simply for one reason.

 

Almost everyone I know has SEEN the awful destruction of infidelity. I am not talking about media affairs....family, friends, coworkers.

Affairs are like emotional atomic bombs with ENORMOUS fall out.

 

Probably the most important cornerstone of a committed relationship is fidelity. In my case, I have forgiven many things. However....I EMPHASISED...don't ever cheat on me......warn me and leave me....don't cheat.....IT WILL DEVASTATE ME.

 

Well, a few months after my best friend got divorced due to his wifes infidelity......as he cried with me many times......as he referred to his wife as a whore....ALL IN FRONT OF MY WW.......she went ahead and did the same thing.

 

Sorry, I can't forgive it, justify it, accept it.

Its a choice to cheat.

A ONS perhaps can be viewed as a mistake....but a long term affair.......sorry, no empathy for the cheater. They should round up all the cheaters and put them on an island somewhere so I don't get mixed up with another one.