mishy Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 This is my previous thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223494/ I know that people have been advising me to cut him loose but its been a bit difficult, and everytime i resolve to, he comes over, or something. I hadnt been in contact for 2 weeks and then he came over Thursday and we had sex. Its been 2 and a half years and its still as passionate as ever. But yep im still not good enough to go out with. Or be a girlfriend Heres what happened on Thursday. Literally right after he finished he got up, went to the bathroom, came back, made some weak excuse why he had to go home, got dressed. I wouldnt look at him and turned away on the bed, and he was asking if i was ok, and i was just saying 'yep" But then when he left i just cried and cried and cried, and got in the bath and tried to wash it all off, I felt so dirty and horrible. A hooker. Thats all he sees me as. Couldnt even stay one minute. If you tell me he feels absolutely nothing for me, that he has no feelings for me after all this time, and i will find it easier to cut him off. Is it true that he really feels nothing? No emotion for me? After 2 and a half years of sleeping with me? Link to post Share on other sites
RobM Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 What are you looking for here, if you don't like the situation then tell him no from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 Mishy, babe, this guy is a user. He only thinks about you when his dick is hard. I know that's hard to hear, but it's the truth. If he had any feelings for you he would treat you better. Did you ever give him the idea that all YOU wanted was sex? If not, then you should treat he with the contempt he deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
RobM Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 This is my previous thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223494/ I am still seeing my f--- buddy. Its been 2 years and 4 months He's your f---buddy, if you want more then tell him no and find somebody else. It's been over 2 years, nothing is going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 Mishy, you said this at the beginning of your other thread, on March 3rd: But i realise he only sees me as a plaything You realized that almost two months ago and yet you still let him back in your bed. Why? You know better and you know the reason and only YOU will have the strength to cut him loose so that you won't have any more of these lonely, post-coitus breakdowns which will always happen when you see this man who treats you so poorly. I'm afraid it is true; essentially you ARE a hooker, yet you aren't even getting the advantage of getting paid. So why are you giving it away when you get nothing in return? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 1, 2010 Author Share Posted May 1, 2010 Mishy, babe, this guy is a user. He only thinks about you when his dick is hard. I know that's hard to hear, but it's the truth. If he had any feelings for you he would treat you better. Did you ever give him the idea that all YOU wanted was sex? If not, then you should treat he with the contempt he deserves. no, he knows i want more. He has ended it quite a few times when i have asked to go out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 1, 2010 Author Share Posted May 1, 2010 Mishy, you said this at the beginning of your other thread, on March 3rd: You realized that almost two months ago and yet you still let him back in your bed. Why? You know better and you know the reason and only YOU will have the strength to cut him loose so that you won't have any more of these lonely, post-coitus breakdowns which will always happen when you see this man who treats you so poorly. I'm afraid it is true; essentially you ARE a hooker, yet you aren't even getting the advantage of getting paid. So why are you giving it away when you get nothing in return? Its actually even worse than a bona fide hooker, because i am a stupid hooker in not getting paid. On thursday i almost felt like saying 'leave the money on the dressing table". I should have said it but he would have got really angry Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 1, 2010 Author Share Posted May 1, 2010 Believe me when i say i do want to cut him loose. I just find it difficult because i have become emotionally attached to him Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 Believe me when i say i do want to cut him loose. I just find it difficult because i have become emotionally attached to him How can one become emotionally attached to some one who doesn't spend any time with them other then in the sack? I think your confusing sex with love. Allot of women do this its a hard lesion to learn but its one you have to realize on your own its up to you to decide when your done being his play thing! He doesn't care he has all the time in the world its not hurting him after all and hes getting his needs met are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 1, 2010 Author Share Posted May 1, 2010 How can one become emotionally attached to some one who doesn't spend any time with them other then in the sack? I think your confusing sex with love. Allot of women do this its a hard lesion to learn but its one you have to realize on your own its up to you to decide when your done being his play thing! He doesn't care he has all the time in the world its not hurting him after all and hes getting his needs met are you? i dont know how i have become emotionally attached, but i have. and it happened probably after about the first two months No i am not getting all my needs met. not at all Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 You are not a hooker, not by a long shot. What you are is a sad, confused and hurting woman who feels trapped by her emotions and linked to a man who she knows will never love her. I think if you look down you'll see that you are holding the key to the trap right in your hand. All you have to do is use it. Seems easy enough, but it really isn't. You do not have a chance at all in escaping this situation if you continue to let this guy use you like this. He does not love you. He likes having convenient and available sex. That is all. You have to walk away now and never, and I mean NEVER be in contact with him again. It will feel like you are losing part of your soul but trust me - you will only be losing the thing that is killing you inside. If you walk away, you will not lose a "chance" with him. You will not be walking away from a man who is "afraid of his feelings". The man you want him to be exists only in your heart and mind - the man who one day will wake up and realize that he loves you does not exist. You have to kill off that false image of him that you are holding on to. He will not be hurt if you leave him. He will only be mildly annoyed at no longer having convenient sex. You have to reach down somewhere inside you and find some anger. You are sad that this guy does not love you. You need to find a way to be angry that this asshat is using you for sex. Anger helps. It is like lancing a painful boil that hurts so bad you are afraid for anyone to touch it, and just like that - when your emotional bubble bursts it hurts but you will feel better afterward and furthermore you will be free to find someone who will show you just how empty this bastard really is. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 A hooker. you're not a hooker.. if anything.. he's a user. BIG difference!!! dude, drop that jerk! tons of guys would love to be with you.. just look around at all the nice guys here that talk about wanting to find girl to have something substantial with. i know, i know.. SO much easier said than done! anyway, his behavior is a reflection on him, NOT on you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 This guy seems to be your kryptonite. Seem to lose all sense of will around him. I know this is going to sound extreme but you should really consider moving. Not necessarily out of town but just so that he doesn't know where you live. Change your number too. Block his email. Might have to cut out any mutual friends or at least let them know you don't want him to know anything about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Heartford Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 Aww Mishy, your thread makes me really sad. What everyone is saying is true, and I know you realize the truth in your heart, which is why you cry so much after he leaves. You're nothing close to a hooker, because hookers use men way more than the men that use them. But enough about that. Start seeing him for who he really is, a guy who uses women. Maybe he thinks you are using him too, maybe he thinks it really is an f-buddy situation... WHO CARES... you don't want that, and he's into being with an F-buddy for over 2 years? One that he just gets up and leaves after he's done his business? YUCK. See him for who he really is, which is a guy that doesn't value himself enough to be in a real, committed relationship, and then look at who you want to be. Picture it in your head, the girl you know you are, deep down inside. And then empower yourself by moving closer to that girl, and a tiny bit further away from him, in babysteps. Babysteps are ok, slowly move away from him, if you need to. I mean this literally. I haven't read any of your other threads, but if it's about you responding every time he calls, and then hating yourself for it, ignore him a couple times, and feel what it's like to say NO. Not just to say NO to hooking up tonight, but what it feels like to say NO to being treated in such a distasteful manner. Feel the empowerment. The empowerment doesn't come from feeling crappy at eventually "giving in" and saying yes, it comes from relishing the strength you felt when you said NO. Don't focus on the weakness, focus on what the strength felt like, and use that feeling to reaffirm yourself in the future. Soon you'll realize that he isn't all that. In fact, he's nothing that you'd really want in your life, or in your best friend's life. The divide between the image you have of him and of who you really are will become so vast, and so deep, you'll one day have no problem telling him to dump his load elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 I'll pass on to you what was posted to me. loveaddicts.org Just check it out and maybe read some literature there. Link to post Share on other sites
kdark Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 In my experience, anytime you have to ask a girl if she is ok after sex and it isn't because she passed out from the earth shattering orgasm you gave her, then you probably shouldn't have had sex with her in the first place. If this guy was holding up to the "friends" aspect of the "friends with benefits" relationship, he would have stopped having sex with you a long time ago. No "friend" could watch you go through the emotional rollercoaster you are going through. You can't allow this to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 You're not a hooker! Stop it! I really want to kick this guy's ass for you. Honestly, your self esteem is shot to hell by him and you really, really need to cut your ties with him. Stop disrespecting your body and your pride for a man who is a complete a- hole. Stop putting him on a pedestal. Just stop it because the next time you cry you will have no one to blame but yourself for letting him take advantage of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jordanjames Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 The OP is being too hard on herself she is definitely NOT a prostitute. Yes, the OP is being used by this man but he is the one that's just terrible. I think the OP intellectually knows this isn't working but her heart is saying something else. Why doesn't the OP try to meet SOMEONE ELSE? Seriously, has the OP tried dating? I mean it! If the OP were to meet some other guy she would get over this man. The old saying goes the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. The OP has to give herself a chance to meet someone else that will truly love her. This man doesn't love you and yes he does see you as an easy lay because you allow yourself to be taken advantage of. The OP has the power she has to decide when she is ready to unlock the power by blocking this guy's number, deleting his number from her cell phone and resisting this man. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 You aren't a hooker.. You are just a confused person who is hanging on to the notion that the guy who is using her will finally stop and wake up and treat her right as she has feelings for him.. You are in charge of your own future and the only way to change that is never speak to that man again and go find another guy who will treat you and your body with respect as he is never going to change and will always treat you with disrespect.. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 i dont know how i have become emotionally attached, but i have. and it happened probably after about the first two months No i am not getting all my needs met. not at all Your attached to the idea the hope that he will come around one day and want to actually be with you for more then just a easy fling. Hun trust me he wont! Ive been there and done that in the past with guys like him more times then I care to think about. Grasping at straws desperately hoping/looking for love from them witch will never come. This guy has picked up on your weakness and is now selfishly feeding on it to get what he wants thats all. But as I said before no one else can make you decide when you have had enough. And when you want to start caring for yourself and stop letting people use you. I'm so sorry if I will come off as harsh but I know how destructive to your self esteem/wellbeing this kind of situation will be I just hope you wake up to the truth of it all sooner then later! That said I'm not going to sugar coat it for you to him yes your the equivalent of a hooker a easy willing lay with no strings attached even better its free! Yep hes got his cake and is eating it too and who cares how it affects you hes happy do you honestly think he even thinks about you after hes had his fun? think again! Common have some self respect I know its hard but do you really want to be his fool for ever? you need friends and support to get threw this hard time but you can do it. Go no contact immediately and delete his number do NOT answer anymore of his booty calls let im go pay for it from now on. I know at 1st its hard but it cant be any worse then your already feeling no? Link to post Share on other sites
SavannahSmiles Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Before I was married, I knew a guy kind of like this. He only came over for late night booty calls. I had very low self esteem then. I didn't think I deserved better. PLEASE - drop this dude. There are much better guys out there. You will see. The sooner you get rid of this loser, the better off you will be. Once you meet the right kind of guy, you will never settle for less. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Mishy, you're not a hooker. But fact is that this guy is making you feel this way, feel used and so unhappy, is just more proof to walk away.. No matter how hot and good the sex is, the chemistry may always be there but it doesn't mean you have to have him. He's messing you up, ruining who YOU are inside. He makes you feel worthless, alone and unloved. Sweetie, you deserve ALL the love and happiness in the world, and he's uncapable of ever giving that to you. He's a total dickwash and I hope soon you realize life does go on and you'll be fine without him. Having good sex isn't worth this much heartache, how you suffer after being with him...How you feel while with him after sex and that he doesn't open up or be truly intimate with you. Keep posting and please, take in what we're all saying. Hopefully it'll sink in soon and you'll start believing you're worthy of much more than he's willing to offer you... Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 ..But fact is that this guy is making you feel this way, feel used and so unhappy.. yeah, this guys not being cool thats why it sucks to be with him and once your over it you'll feel a lot better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 You are not a hooker, not by a long shot. What you are is a sad, confused and hurting woman who feels trapped by her emotions and linked to a man who she knows will never love her. I think if you look down you'll see that you are holding the key to the trap right in your hand. All you have to do is use it. Seems easy enough, but it really isn't. You do not have a chance at all in escaping this situation if you continue to let this guy use you like this. He does not love you. He likes having convenient and available sex. That is all. You have to walk away now and never, and I mean NEVER be in contact with him again. It will feel like you are losing part of your soul but trust me - you will only be losing the thing that is killing you inside. If you walk away, you will not lose a "chance" with him. You will not be walking away from a man who is "afraid of his feelings". The man you want him to be exists only in your heart and mind - the man who one day will wake up and realize that he loves you does not exist. You have to kill off that false image of him that you are holding on to. He will not be hurt if you leave him. He will only be mildly annoyed at no longer having convenient sex. You have to reach down somewhere inside you and find some anger. You are sad that this guy does not love you. You need to find a way to be angry that this asshat is using you for sex. Anger helps. It is like lancing a painful boil that hurts so bad you are afraid for anyone to touch it, and just like that - when your emotional bubble bursts it hurts but you will feel better afterward and furthermore you will be free to find someone who will show you just how empty this bastard really is. everything you have said is correct. I think i keep seeing him because i think "oh if i just do this or say this he will want more. Just one more time, i'll crack his shell" Its pretty much all my fault though. Most of the time I have asked to see him, not the other way around. So its me using him really as well. He pretty much never initiates contact , except a few times lately he has just turned up. Once a few weeks ago when the day before i said i wasnt interested in sex at the moment. He didnt react but the next morning at 8am he was at my door. I refused him sex. But the next morning he came over to do this "favour" for me (at my request) and we ended up in bed. I guess the fact that , as you say, he will only be "mildly annoyed" at losing a sex option, should i cut contact, helps me in deciding to cut it all Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Its pretty much all my fault though. Most of the time I have asked to see him, not the other way around. So its me using him really as well. It's practically programmed into women to regard sex and love as entwined. However, I'm not sure how much good that does us in this day and age. Leaving aside the emotional entanglement for a moment....I'm assuming you enjoy the physical aspects of this? I'm assuming the sex is good? If it is, then acknowledge that you are in fact getting something out of this...and that you're not simply a victim being used. However, what's standing out in amongst all this is the fact that this guy doesn't seem to want to hang out with you....and that's where it gets a bit murky sounding. You can have a situation with someone where you're not the love of their life, and it's not going to end with marriage...but where there are still elements of friendship and mutual respect, as well as great sex. It doesn't sound like that's in evidence here. Regardless of how good the sex might be, a situation that's going to erode your self respect will reduce the quality of your life in all sorts of ways. If it does, eventually that could have repercussions for your sex drive as much as anything else. It definitely sounds like it's time to knock this on the head. In a few years time, you're going to look back on this...and the way you handled it at the end is going to be all important to you. Ideally, you'll look back and remember that you eliminated this one from your life in a reasonably classy and self respecting way. What would that look like, for you? What's the most elegant way in which you can remove this person from your world? Link to post Share on other sites
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