DRS87 Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now. We have a daughter who will be 2 years old in september. We got a place together last year and he has asked me to marry him and that is all. He hasn't bought a ring or anything else so he's obvs. not 100% serious. Marriage is not something you just say and go to the courthouse with a cheap ring in my eyes. I would like a decent ring and a small wedding with family and close friends. I am ready to get married and have been for the past 2 years but since he hasn't said anything else about it, I haven't either. I really would like to get married soon. Also we have been together longer than all of our other friends who are getting married or are already married so what is the deal? I feel like I am doing something wrong or maybe he doesn't fully love me or doesn't see us together long-term.. Maybe you all could give some advice or input. I don't know what to do but it's starting to depress me a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 Well you already have a daughter so why not just be the one to speak up and tell him what you want as far as ring and ceramony and stop comparing yourself with your friends. If you are expecting him to just take charge and do some things on his own you will be sorily mistaken IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Author DRS87 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Share Posted May 1, 2010 Well you already have a daughter so why not just be the one to speak up and tell him what you want as far as ring and ceramony and stop comparing yourself with your friends. If you are expecting him to just take charge and do some things on his own you will be sorily mistaken IMO thanks but I've already told him that I wanted to get married even showed him the kind of ring and told him I wanted family there aswell that I didn't just want to go the the courthouse and get hitched. so what else can i do? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 thanks but I've already told him that I wanted to get married even showed him the kind of ring and told him I wanted family there aswell that I didn't just want to go the the courthouse and get hitched. so what else can i do? You can take him shopping for your ring and start planning your wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 thanks but I've already told him that I wanted to get married even showed him the kind of ring and told him I wanted family there aswell that I didn't just want to go the the courthouse and get hitched. so what else can i do? What did he say during that conversation? That he just wants to go to the courthouse? Did he ask you to marry him and just didn't buy a ring first? Did he do an actual proposal? Since you have already told him want you want and he doesn't agree then you two have to come to a compromise. Why won't he buy you a ring? Financial issues? Also, maybe you could compromise on the wedding, just restrict the wedding to family members and keep it very small. Then throw a party for your friends afterwards. I think you need to find out WHY he is not taking action and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DRS87 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 What did he say during that conversation? That he just wants to go to the courthouse? Did he ask you to marry him and just didn't buy a ring first? Did he do an actual proposal? Since you have already told him want you want and he doesn't agree then you two have to come to a compromise. Why won't he buy you a ring? Financial issues? Also, maybe you could compromise on the wedding, just restrict the wedding to family members and keep it very small. Then throw a party for your friends afterwards. I think you need to find out WHY he is not taking action and go from there. Yes, he just asked me and never got a ring, there was no actual proposal. I have no idea why he won't buy a ring.. maybe he doesn't really want to get married or doesn't see us as long term? I have no idea. just family members would be fine with me. it's not like we have to go all out. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Yes, he just asked me and never got a ring, there was no actual proposal. I have no idea why he won't buy a ring.. maybe he doesn't really want to get married or doesn't see us as long term? I have no idea. just family members would be fine with me. it's not like we have to go all out. Ask him!!!! If he want tell you then it shows you something about his communication skills... Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Sounds like a communication problem. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 We got a place together last year and he has asked me to marry him and that is all. He hasn't bought a ring or anything else so he's obvs. not 100% serious. Marriage is not something you just say and go to the courthouse with a cheap ring in my eyes. I would like a decent ring and a small wedding with family and close friends. Maybe he sees it differently. Maybe he thinks it's okay to go to a JoP and get a cheap ring. Link to post Share on other sites
MrSnufkin Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Does it really matter how much the ring costs? Surely the 'getting married' part is the special meaningful bit? Aside from which you'll be wearing your wedding ring soon enough right? If your priority is the ring and how much he spent on it then in all honesty you are probably not getting married for the right reasons. Having said that it seems that you are probably in the majority. What does an engagement ring mean anyway? Isn't it an outdated symbol of ownership? A polite way of your man unzipping his flies and peeing in a circle around you to mark you as his? Might just be me but then me and my partner aren't into material stuff at all. We marked our engagement by getting very precious matching tattoos on our wrists, to us that's special and will last forever. Maybe your guy has a similar kind of view? I know my partner would kill me if I spent say £2,000 on a ring - she'd rather use that to go for an Ikea spree to make our home together a little nicer, or to take the kids for a nice holiday. Fortunately I'm from the same mindset so we are very well suited. As you have been together for 5 years you seem to have a good connection, so why not just ask him outright for his views on the subject? Hope it works out for you anyway Link to post Share on other sites
VikingPrincess Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Understand that he is okay with the situation and probably sees no reason to speed things up. If you have already communicated how you feel and he does not feel the same way then if you can do it it is time to leave him. If marriage is important to you do not waste your time with someone who doesn't want to marry you. I would say something along the lines of,"We have had a great time together, I love you very much and want you to be happy. I want more from this relationship and this isn't really progressing." Don't let him manipulate you. Keep quiet afterwards and see what he says. If he doesn't say anything about marriage then this is your cue to become scarce. Getting things going in your own life isn't a bad idea anyways. Maybe do more activities with other moms too? Link to post Share on other sites
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