My technique for sleeping after heartbreak

[worldgirl]

I think Macbeth said it best: "Sleep that knits up the ravell’d sleeve of care", or for another beautiful image "in the arms of Morpheus", who was the ancient Greek god of sleep and dreams.

 

Anyway, while in the prolonged throes of anguish after being suddenly deserted by my once-beloved husband of 28 years, I find myself being regularly beset by nights haunted by demons of worry, regret and anger. By day, I have been slowly becoming a bit more engaged with life and interested in things, but when I get into bed they often surface, and chatter malevolently in my ear about everything. It does make you crazed and unable to function if you can't sleep much, doesn't it?

 

Well, I've begun to use a technique called A Safe Place, where you visualise a beautiful environment (real or imaginary), enjoy its pleasures including sounds and smells and invite in favourite people and bring your favourite things into it too. It's really a retreat, where you know everything is lovely and you don't need negative emotions. There's some information about it on the internet; I read a long description in Vikki Stark's new book, on suddenly abandoned wives.

 

It's not actually only for sleep, you can use it to relax, but I find it best when I cannot sleep (and I'm going through a real phase of that now). In the worst of my shock I used sleeping pills, but wanted to quit. This seems to do the job, and when I talked to my counsellor about it she was very much in favour.

 

It was hard to think of a beautiful place where I hadn't been with my husband - we did so much together and enjoyed each other's company so much - but I settled on my late and much-loved mother's garden (he rarely visited her).

 

Now, whenever thoughts of him disturb me at night, I go to my safe place and tell myself "He can't come in, he's not invited". I have had at least four peaceful slumbers after trying this. If you're experiencing a similar heartbreak, it's certainly worth a try.

[Gunny376]

This should become a permanent post!

[mimidarlin]

I agree with Gunny. Sleep has been an issue for my since my father's death. I do have pills but my insurance won't pay for the brand name and the generic doesn't work as well. I've tried to wean myself off of them. I found that using a sleep machine, there's an app for that, has helped me. I set it on a timer and there are a lot of sounds. It relaxes me and keeps a part of mind occupied that won't shut off.

D-

[worldgirl]

I agree with Gunny. Sleep has been an issue for my since my father's death. I do have pills but my insurance won't pay for the brand name and the generic doesn't work as well. I've tried to wean myself off of them. I found that using a sleep machine, there's an app for that, has helped me. I set it on a timer and there are a lot of sounds. It relaxes me and keeps a part of mind occupied that won't shut off.

D-

 

Mimidarlin, I'm sorry to hear about your sleep problems too. They are so debilitating. And I guess people in Canada and the UK always are shocked by Americans having issues with insurers, especially while in distress, since our systems are free.

 

But more to the point, whether brand or generic, sleeping pills are ultimately not the answer for anything but a short-term fix in extremis. They don't even really give you a genuine sleep, as it interferes with the cycles.

 

They used to have a radio station in the UK on digital called Birdsong, but I think it's been taken off the air. Anyway, although I liked the sounds, it was a bit too heavy on the wood pigeon cooing!

 

So for now, I will use my own imagination to take me to Morpheus. But a sleep machine such as yours might also help if my imagination fails me sometime ...

[trippi1432]

Well, sleep tonight will be hard to come by. I typically don't sleep due to nervous energy and worry. I've been on sleeping meds since last year and have been asking for them for almost 10 years due to stress.

 

My coping mechanism had always been to rock myself to sleep since I was a child. I recall my father telling me that one day I was going to have to learn another way to cope as a husband would be put off by this. LOL! Luckily that is not why I am twice-divorced, but I have been known to slink off to a dark room, put in my headphones and rock myself until I am so tired I can barely think. Usually takes about four hours if something is heavy on my mind.

 

Since my mother took my sleep meds from me, I guess I had better start charging my iPod....going to be a long night....sigh.

[D-Lish]

I induce sleep every night in this fashion. I have a happy place that I go to. I refuse to let the anxiety into that happy place. It works.

 

Unfortunatley, I wake up far too early with intense anxiety and find it hard to get back to sleep because I am so ridden with panic (that manifests physically) that I can't focus too well, but I am working on that.

 

I am lucky if I get 4 solid hours of sleep a night.

[trippi1432]

Right there with you D-lish......I was getting a lot of sleep this week....guess that's done.

[D-Lish]

Right there with you D-lish......I was getting a lot of sleep this week....guess that's done.

 

I hate anxiety, because it's a physiological condition and you can't control how your body reacts, you just can't.

 

When I wake up at 4am and my stomache is crawling with butterflies and I am on worry hyper-drive, thinking I am going to sleep through my alarm or stressing over getting things done at work, or just stressing for no reason. That's my life.

 

I try to explain to people that don't understand anxiety: You know that feeling when you have a "fight or flight" response to something? How your entire body jumps onto overdrive, your stomach flips, your hair tingles, your whole body is suddenly overcome by this heightened sense of "beware, be ready".... That's how people with anxiety feel 24 hours a day, and it's a physical response that is pure adreneline all the time.

Try sleeping with such a disorder- it's next to impossible without an intervention that usually involves a sedative.

 

It's really tough:(

[You Go Girl]

When I'm alone at my cottage I fall asleep with a movie in the vcr. (Yes, the cottage has a huge collection of those clunky old things). The last few times I've been there, knowing I will be asleep quickly, and having slept through it the last time too...I just push play again. It's been "7 Years in Tibet) probably 7 different nights, and I didn't watch it through one of those nights. Before that it was "national parks" over and over, and before that...I think "Driving Miss Daisy".

The key is to never pick a tearjerker.

It's the first time I've ever had a tv in my bedroom.

[trippi1432]

I hate anxiety, because it's a physiological condition and you can't control how your body reacts, you just can't.

 

When I wake up at 4am and my stomache is crawling with butterflies and I am on worry hyper-drive, thinking I am going to sleep through my alarm or stressing over getting things done at work, or just stressing for no reason. That's my life.

 

I try to explain to people that don't understand anxiety: You know that feeling when you have a "fight or flight" response to something? How your entire body jumps onto overdrive, your stomach flips, your hair tingles, your whole body is suddenly overcome by this heightened sense of "beware, be ready".... That's how people with anxiety feel 24 hours a day, and it's a physical response that is pure adreneline all the time.

Try sleeping with such a disorder- it's next to impossible without an intervention that usually involves a sedative.

 

It's really tough:(

 

YES!!! I KNOW THIS FEELING!! Mine started a couple of years ago....it actually started with my toes....if someone raises their voice just a little, my toes actually curl up then my hands shake. Was doing good since the ex left, but have been having the issue again for about 2 weeks due to stress at work and trying to finish up my last class for school.

 

Now I have nothing to help with the stress but stay up all night.

[D-Lish]

YES!!! I KNOW THIS FEELING!! Mine started a couple of years ago....it actually started with my toes....if someone raises their voice just a little, my toes actually curl up then my hands shake. Was doing good since the ex left, but have been having the issue again for about 2 weeks due to stress at work and trying to finish up my last class for school.

 

Now I have nothing to help with the stress but stay up all night.

 

Honestly? Try taking a benedryl and drinking a warm glass of milk before bed- it knocks me out and negates my allergies, lol.

 

It's so beneficial to get your sleep when you're stressed.