Fornication in long term relationship

[stillafool]

Do me a favor and let me know when you find some words written by God and not by man. Last I checked, every holy book available was produced by man.

 

Oh, ye of no faith!

[taiko]

My son's father and I have reconciled after almost a year apart. Before that we were together for about eight years. We have recently started going to a wonderful church and have been learning about living for gods will instead of our own.

 

One night a couple of weeks ago we were doing some reading and fornication was the topic. We are freaked out about having sex before we are married. I spoke with a pastor from our church and asked her if it was advisable for us to stop having sex until we are married. She mentioned that if she were advising a new couple she would mention that it would be a good idea to wait until after marriage.

 

One of the other pastors mentioned that since we have lived together for so long in the past and our son is seven, that it it is not like we are not in a committed relationship. We plan to marry in the next couple of months.

 

I asked a third pastor receiving these two conflicted answers but she said nothing really. She did say that god isn't against homosexuality in her eyes and that made me think that fornication isn't really a problem.

 

We have not had sex in the last couple of weeks, but is that required? We feel like we have not had a real answer to this question. Should we continue to wait till we are married or what? The more we read the more confused we get.

 

You seem to be in a liberal minded church. Which means they are not likely to object to officiating a second ceremony. Perhaps you can get your license and have a small private ceremony and then go back for the larger public ceremony in the coming months which are planning?

[Clep]

Well you mentioned a female pastor, so you are not Catholic, who pretty much said you are married and right now you are planning a party. And she would not advise you to refrain from sex until that party. In the end you two will have to decide what you will do. Just be glad that you will not have to lie and say that you are living as brother and sister, as Catholics and others must do, while raising a child between now and the public party.

 

The female pastor said that she would advise a new couple to wait until marriage. Well we aren't a new couple so I'm not sure what that meant.

 

We are not catholic. It is an Alliance Christian and Missionary church. We are just going to wait the couple of months. I don't think it will kill us. Do people of the Catholic faith really lie and say they are living as brother and sister? Isn't lying a sin. Hmmmm. Glad I am not catholic.

[Clep]

You seem to be in a liberal minded church. Which means they are not likely to object to officiating a second ceremony. Perhaps you can get your license and have a small private ceremony and then go back for the larger public ceremony in the coming months which are planning?

 

We are doing the small private ceremony and omitting the larger public ceremony.

[taiko]

The female pastor said that she would advise a new couple to wait until marriage. Well we aren't a new couple so I'm not sure what that meant.

 

We are not catholic. It is an Alliance Christian and Missionary church. We are just going to wait the couple of months. I don't think it will kill us. Do people of the Catholic faith really lie and say they are living as brother and sister? Isn't lying a sin. Hmmmm. Glad I am not catholic.

 

The Priest and Bishop believe they are enforcing God's law and won't issue sacrements (except confession and last rites) to those living in sin. Yes they expect you to first confess and go through their up to six month marriage preparation either formally seperated or pretending to live as brother and sister for the church to conduct a valid to them ceremony. They would ask the same of those Catholics married by a non Catholic or Orthodox Church or Catholics married by a judge. In this case since children are being raised they would ask you to live as brother and sister also..

[Clep]

The Priest and Bishop believe they are enforcing God's law and won't issue sacrements (except confession and last rites) to those living in sin. Yes they expect you to first confess and go through their up to six month marriage preparation either formally seperated or pretending to live as brother and sister for the church to conduct a valid to them ceremony. They would ask the same of those Catholics married by a non Catholic or Orthodox Church or Catholics married by a judge. In this case since children are being raised they would ask you to live as brother and sister also..

 

And who are they trying to fool (or should I say lie to) saying one is living as brother and sister. How are they supposed to portray themselves to the children, as mom and dad or as brother and sister?

[taiko]

And who are they trying to fool (or should I say lie to) saying one is living as brother and sister. How are they supposed to portray themselves to the children, as mom and dad or as brother and sister?

 

As mom and died. Remember they believe that the Virgin Mary and Joseph lived as brother and sister, by that I mean no sex, as they raised Jesus and indeed until their deaths.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

Though I feel very strongly there would not be any religious basis to stop at this point (I am sure it could be justified either way), it makes complete sense to me that waiting 2 months would make your marriage night any honeymoon that much more special on SO MANY LEVELS!

 

In my opinion intimate and genuine desire, sex and love between a married couple bring you very close to god. Similar acts outside of marriage are not the same. However, you have been intimate for many years and share a child... Very easy to justify the continued sexual relations if you wanted to.

 

So (at the risk of sounding like a prude), I say since it's a couple of months, the rewards will be great, WAIT!

[magda]

I have known of people that stopped having sex sometime into their relationship and then waited until the wedding. This is the sort of thing you'll have to decide for yourself because the bible or pastors will not give you a straight answer. It's just not in the bible and so all you'll get are personal opinions.

 

Do you feel like you're sinning if you do it? Do you feel that you'll be closer to god if you withhold?

 

Personally, I'm thinking, if your God isn't making it clear, it probably doesn't matter.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I am so thankful that we live in a time and place that we are allowed to decide for ourselves whether or not to believe in the Word of God. I am also thankful that you have the same rights and opportunities that I do in finding it amazing that others don't see what I believe is obvious. Be blessed and safe.

 

As we are born again, the things that felt right and made sense no longer seem to, at least to me. I lived with my former H before marriage. I would never to do that again, but I do understand the confusion others face. As you and your fiance' forge a new covenant with God, your faith, commitment and understanding will only increase in your love and respect for each other. I love what 1 Pet. has to say about marriage as well as Paul's letter to the Corinthians. Maybe you will enjoy reading it if you haven't already.

 

Nicely stated!!