Is it normal to feel dead inside?

[dead_soul]

Please can someone reassure me that it is normal to feel like you have died inside?

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have 1 child.

A long, common story of destruction; a relationship that is very near its end, but I want to be reassured that I will get through this.

Does that make sense?

Help

[tojaz]

Please can someone reassure me that it is normal to feel like you have died inside?

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have 1 child.

A long, common story of destruction; a relationship that is very near its end, but I want to be reassured that I will get through this.

Does that make sense?

Help

 

Welcome to LS dead_soul. It is normal, or as normal as it can be anyway. It is an enormous part of your life being taken away its going to hurt. Tho only thing I can say is that you are in the best possible place for someone going through this. This board on LS is made up of those going through what you are, will be soon, or the wiley vets that have been there and came out on the other side.

 

Tell us your story, read some others, and learn. There are many here that have survived heartbreak and divorce, and so will you.

 

TOJAZ

[Gunny376]

Relationships have a beginning, a middle and an end.

 

 

Its the myth, fallacy, outright lie of forever here and ever after being forever in love.

 

The only place it works is at Disneyland!

 

And as I recall the Seven Dwarfts weren't what you would call "Happy Campers"

[You Go Girl]

Of course you will get through this...no question about it.

 

HOW you get through this is the control you have in your life.

 

You can get through it with the bottle, endless tears, self-neglect, isolation, depression, etc. etc. etc....

or you can take care of number 1--and be your OWN BEST FRIEND.

 

Don't do self-destructive behaviors. Grieve? Well of course, you're human and have a heart.

Think of what a very good friend would do to help you...or what you would think to tell a very good friend that is going through what you are...then do that for yourself.

You came into this world without him, you survived and THRIVED many years before you ever met him, you ARE a WHOLE person on your own.

What can you do, this very moment, to help yourself THRIVE?

Everytime you start to feel yourself sliding down into the abyss, look up and pull yourself up, dragging and kicking if need be.

[hopesndreams]

Please can someone reassure me that it is normal to feel like you have died inside?

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have 1 child.

A long, common story of destruction; a relationship that is very near its end, but I want to be reassured that I will get through this.

Does that make sense?

Help

 

It depends on what the story is and the part you played.

[dead_soul]

It depends on what the story is and the part you played.

 

 

wow thats an interesting answer..

the story is I married my best friend. we have always had nothing in common except our dreams.

now he has pursued his dreams along with me supporting him all the way. what we have in common now is a child.

he is now very successful, and has put me to the side, except when he needs a "trophy". He says he still loves me, and says there is nothing wrong with our relationship.

I am the opposite. Our relationship is not a relationship, it is an arrangement where, when he sees a need for somethhing from me, I am involved in his life.

We have no conversation, no nothing.

People think he is a fabulous family man who lives a healthy life. he drinks a bottle of wine a night, falls asleep by 730pm, smokes like a train (only at home) and dabbles in illicit drugs.

The complete opposite of me - except for the smoking cigarettes, however I am open and honest about that.

He treats me like I am nothing. Its killing me.

I told him yesterday that I am done and cannot live like this anymore. He didnt comment (suprise). I know he doesnt want to split - that would damage his reputation.

he is seen by the outside world as a the perfect man. He is narcisstic, and only has people in his life if he sees he will gain from them. Unfortunately they dont realise this.

I work with battered women. thats the worst part. the advice and empowerment I give to them to help them take control of their own lives, and look at me.

He doesnt take my job seriously - only because it is part time with many hours of unpaid work.

What a mess. god I hate mondays, and tuesdays and wednesdays lol

[You Go Girl]

ooooh giving advice is so much easier, and we can sound so much stronger, than revealing ourselves and taking our own advice!

I do it all the time on LS.

 

Those dreams...ask him where they have gone. Doesn't seem you are sharing them anymore.

As for the alcohol--I am married to an alcoholic--high functioning like yours--roommate situation only--

There's no sense in discussing much of anything with an alcoholic. They live in a haze.

Drop some AA brocheres on his computer desk, and say nothing about them. Or pull up the AA website and leave it on his monitor.

Other than that--you could insist on counseling, and go for yourself if he refuses.

Doesn't sound like you're quite done yet. You have to go the distance.

[Fouts]

I know you're just ranting, but yes, when you're in a hopelessly dead end marriage or relationship, there isn't much life to cling to. Focus on your child, they need you. Work from there.

[IronMaiden]

You feel dead inside because all the hopes and dreams you had for your marriage to your best friend have been slowly 'strangled to death'. I am not sure that they sound revivable.

 

If I were you, I would decide, yes or no, whether there is something worth saving or fighting for. If the answer is yes, then really make a concerted effort in counseling. If 'no' is the answer, then take steps to move on. What is the point of postponing the inevitable in a case like this? The longer you wait, the longer it is till you have a new, healthier life. And none of us get younger during the waiting..

[dead_soul]

I have thought about nothing but what I need to do in order to get through this.

My ethical side is telling me to fight for this marriage; my instinct and heart is telling me it is over.

four days of no communication whatsoever, then an email (!) to say he is away for the next three days.

It is odd that I feel relief that he has gone - where I dont know, and for the first time ever I'm not fussed in finding out. He tells me via email that this time apart is an opportunity for us both to have a 'think about things'. Lol that is too funny, what does he think I think about all day and through those sleepless nights?

But at least I can focus on work and my daughter for a couple of days.

Keep your advice coming.

boy it is so nice to be able to say how I feel here..

[You Go Girl]

Do you live with your H?

How old is your daughter?

Could you support yourself financially on a part-time job?

Would you receive a fair amount of $ in a divorce?

What are your hurdles to separating?

[dead_soul]

Do you live with your H?

How old is your daughter?

Could you support yourself financially on a part-time job?

Would you receive a fair amount of $ in a divorce?

What are your hurdles to separating?

 

 

yep we live together, but live very separate lives. Our daughter is 13 and goes to boarding school and comes home on weekends. I cannot support myself on the income I recieve from my job. husband pays mortgage. we have separate money. he has pretty substantial investments, which I am entitled to 50% if we split.

my main hurdle is financial. we live a fairly modest lifestyle, and my job is quite high risk, therefore I cannot just go rent anywhere, there are safety issues to be considered (boy that sounds like something out of a movie!).

up unitl a couple of months ago I thought the biggest hurdle to splitting was how my daughter would be affected. but now I know that I cannot stay married to him just because of my girl.

[You Go Girl]

Is changing careers something to think about?

You would be at less risk, so would your daughter.

You could find full-time employment.

You might have more choices in where to live.

Unless it is very substantial, the investments won't last forever, and you will realistically need to work full-time in your future.

You could still volunteer or be minimally involved with the coworkers, environment you work in now.

Are some of the skills transferable to other professions?

[dead_soul]

Is changing careers something to think about?

You would be at less risk, so would your daughter.

You could find full-time employment.

You might have more choices in where to live.

Unless it is very substantial, the investments won't last forever, and you will realistically need to work full-time in your future.

You could still volunteer or be minimally involved with the coworkers, environment you work in now.

Are some of the skills transferable to other professions?

 

yep, I am hoping to start a new career by the end of this year. I thought I could hold out until my daughter finished college (4 years) but I cant do it. If I stay I will not survive.

I guess Im thinking that if it is all over now, I may be in the poop financially for a wee time. and I have to get my head round that.

[Zombie]

Please can someone reassure me that it is normal to feel like you have died inside?

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have 1 child.

A long, common story of destruction; a relationship that is very near its end, but I want to be reassured that I will get through this.

Does that make sense?

Help

 

I have been dead inside now for nearly four weeks. I have shambled and shuffled through what is left of my 'life'.

 

She left me over something incredibly silly and trivial. Initially (so I thought) for a couple of nights so she could get some peace and quiet to get her thoughts together etc...

 

Things have gone downhill. I have woken each morning and wished I was really dead.

 

She expects me to be upbeat and to look on the positive side! How can I be like that when she's not with me?!?! It's a Catch 22 situation... If she came back I'd be happy, but she won't even consider meeting me face to face unless I'm in a 'happy' mood! Jesus wept...

 

Sorry if that doesn't make much sense... I'm very 'stream of consciousness' these days. Not much straight thinking going on in my head...

[You Go Girl]

yep, I am hoping to start a new career by the end of this year. I thought I could hold out until my daughter finished college (4 years) but I cant do it. If I stay I will not survive.

I guess Im thinking that if it is all over now, I may be in the poop financially for a wee time. and I have to get my head round that.

 

I am in the 'poop' financially. My H and I are roommates.

 

There's a quote another LS poster has as a signature and it's become my mantra.

"Do, or do not. There is no try."

 

Read that over and over again when you are facing financial hardship.

[dead_soul]

I have been dead inside now for nearly four weeks. I have shambled and shuffled through what is left of my 'life'.

 

She left me over something incredibly silly and trivial. Initially (so I thought) for a couple of nights so she could get some peace and quiet to get her thoughts together etc...

 

Things have gone downhill. I have woken each morning and wished I was really dead.

 

She expects me to be upbeat and to look on the positive side! How can I be like that when she's not with me?!?! It's a Catch 22 situation... If she came back I'd be happy, but she won't even consider meeting me face to face unless I'm in a 'happy' mood! Jesus wept...

 

Sorry if that doesn't make much sense... I'm very 'stream of consciousness' these days. Not much straight thinking going on in my head...

dont be sorry. it makes so much sense it is unbelievable.

my man and I have spoken. and he has done EXACTLY the same to me. told me I need to be more positive and healthy. then he will love me again.

He doesnt want to break up, that is too hard, but he says he can love me again if I get fit healthy and positive. Christ I feel like a stepford wife. he wont let me leave.

That stream of consciousness you talk about: man I so feel like that. but My eyes are leaking today. My guts have been ripped out.