How do you deal with waiting?

[bananalaffytaffy]

I have a faithful husband. I need it to remain that way.

Why is it ok for you to f*ck around, but your husband must remain faithful?

I'm hoping I'm reading this wrong, because if I've read it correctly, it's one of the most disgusting, shameful things I've ever read on LS.

Hopefully someday you'll be out of the "fog", and see just how offensive and disrespectful this statement is. I don't care if your husband is the sorriest lover and the ugliest SOB on the face of this earth, he does not deserve to be treated with such disrespect. Again, I'm hoping I've read it wrong.

 

I pray for your family's sake that this is the fog talking.

Edited May 3, 2010 by bananalaffytaffy

[Passion4Life]

My marriage was ending before MM entered the picture...otherwise i wouldn't have entered into an A. When things were good, I was never tempted-EVER, and I had opportunity.

 

Most of the posters who dump their spouse for their affair partner will justify it by portraying their marriage as bad .

 

Davnnic , if i am not wrong did not you say earlier you didn't want to leave your marriage when you started the affair but afterwards you fell for him ?

 

Btw are you still keeping your husband in dark about your affair ?

Edited May 3, 2010 by Passion4Life

[michelle2010]

I knew the criticism would come. Thank you for your views, but please know that I don't feel the need to defend myself on LS. The personal attacks couldn't faze me less.

 

Those of you who are trying to help... There is nothing to work on in my marriage. I simply don't feel about my husband the way I feel about MM. I married the perfect man for marriage. He's a great guy. But he's not the one I want. MM, on the other hand, would make a lousy husband, because he could never be faithful.

 

To tell you the truth, I told my husband about this affair when it was in the emotional stages. I thought it would help him see how important our sex life is - we become more and more different every year, he becomes more restrained, I become more uninhibited. I thought that knowing about sex emails with another man would shake him up to the point of changing. But it didn't. He was upset, of course, but wouldn't change a thing. That sort of killed me inside and I decided that HE doesn't want to work on our marriage. And I will NOT spend the rest of my life unable to be myself.

 

MM and I, on the other hand... twins when it comes to sex. Twins when it comes to how we want to raise our children, etc. In addition, there's just a pull between us, that I've never felt with another man. My husband is great - but he'll never be MM.

 

I know exactly what the consequences are for this. I've weighed them. I also know that my husband is never leaving me, and if he does, I can handle myself just fine. I probably wouldn't have the big house, the nice car, the material things. But we didn't always have those! I think my happiness is just as important as my husband's "honor". I've given him enough opportunities to change (including counseling, books, endless conversations,etc.). But the truth is that, even if tomorrow my husband did in bed the exact same things MM did, it wouldn't do anything for me. There is nothing to work on. Divorce is not an option.

 

I either have the few moments of happiness whenever MM is into it, or spend my life living on memories. When it comes to MM, I really will take whatever I can get.

[anne1707]

To tell you the truth, I told my husband about this affair when it was in the emotional stages. I thought it would help him see how important our sex life is - we become more and more different every year, he becomes more restrained, I become more uninhibited. I thought that knowing about sex emails with another man would shake him up to the point of changing. But it didn't. He was upset, of course, but wouldn't change a thing. That sort of killed me inside and I decided that HE doesn't want to work on our marriage. And I will NOT spend the rest of my life unable to be myself.

 

 

You expected your H to change and make an effort whilst you continued your affair though. Why on earth should your H have made all that effort when you were not prepared to do anything yourself? Why should your H have put himself on the line like that when he knew that you continued to see the MM?

 

You are coming across as very smug and arrogant in the way you post about your H, as if he is some faithful litttle doormat who will never divorce you. Do you have any respect at all for this man?

 

As for the MM. Just as you use your H, he uses you and you allow that to happen and picture it as some great love or passion. It may seem that way to you but is there really anything from the MM that makes you feel that you are more than just sex? I personally do not see for a start why asking whether you would have more children indicates anything special.

 

 

I was 19 when I met my husband, he was my 1st real boyfriend, 21 when I married - I was a virgin. I have never cheated on him and this guy was the first one I had feelings for, (it's been THREE years) other than my husband. Now, things finally happen (after 1.5 years EA, but on and off) and he's not that into it?? WTF??

 

 

Also - can you clarify how long you have been married as in this post I got the impression that it was only three years so your affair only started when you had been married just over one year? Were you pregnant when it started (your child is only 1)?

[Ann_Igma]

Asking about you and your husband and if you want to have more kids???

 

Michelle, Read Edith's threads (particularly the last one) Her threads are in the Infidelity section. .. She says her husband is asking the other woman about her husband and if she wants to have more children ..

 

Is this common - or are you and Edith related: Your being the OW and Edith being the BS.

 

I actually wanted to ask this but have been too afraid to do so. So many of the situations and quotes have been exactly the same in both threads, it's uncanny.

[michelle2010]

No, I've been married for almost 8 years. My husband and I waited 6 years to have kids, my child is 1 1/2 now.

 

And no, I don't think of my husband as a doormat - we just have a very well established life. If he were to cheat on me, I would forgive him, after this affair... He has every right to go out and find someone else if he wants to. He has assured me that he doesn't want or need anyone else. I wish I could say the same, but I can't.

 

I'm not being arrogant at all - I'm just stating facts. My husband himself said that he would never leave me, even as I told him about the affair. I never looked for that kind of devotion, even though I am grateful for it. When I told him, though, MM and I were separated, no sex had happened and I had no idea I would ever hear from him again. I thought it was over.

 

Maybe it's over now. And MM and I both agreed that we would never uproot our families. The arrangement was that it would only be about sex... I'm the one who ended up having feelings for him. And quite honestly, I can't understand why divorce is even brought up by so many people. I'm never getting divorced.

 

Edit: I did read Edith's thread after someone mentioned it... and the consensus is that if a man has an emotional affair with a woman for over a year, he has feelings for her. I would like to believe that's the case with me, too. I'll keep checking her threads, her husband and my MM seem to have a lot in common. And no, I'm not part of her situation. That would be freaking scary! Thanks for the heads up on the similar situations, though.

Edited May 3, 2010 by michelle2010

[anne1707]

And quite honestly, I can't understand why divorce is even brought up by so many people. I'm never getting divorced.

 

Thank you for clarifying

 

The reason that divorce has been brought up is because your H does not seem to be anywhere near as important to you as the MM. You seem to have checked out of the marriage in all but name so really why stay? Your child is so very young. Do you really intend to maintain a "fake" marriage for the next 18 years? Don't you think it would be better for your child to be brought up by divorced yet happy parents rather than unhappily married parents? Divorce would allow both you and your H to move on and maybe each find someone who can really make you happy.

[michelle2010]

I really don't see my marriage as fake. I'm just not sexually attracted to my husband. Maybe that will change if I hang around long enough, I don't know. Everybody says that marriages have their ups and downs... So I'm staying. I prefer that my son be raised with parents in the same household... Divorce can be beneficial if the marriage has violent episodes, for example, but that's not our case. My husband and I hardly ever fight. We have our routine, we are best friends, we take care of each other, I'm happy playing Martha Stewart and taking care of each and every aspect of his life, and he takes care of me. But romantically, the flame went out as soon as I met MM. I really didn't have any control over it.

 

But I'm very aware of what I can and cannot have.

[anne1707]

But it's not a real marriage, it it? Not sexually attracted, no romantic feelings....

 

Those feelings will not come back if you "hang around long enough" especially if you continue the affair. It sounds like you are doing typical affair fog things like distancing yourself from your H ("the flame went out as soon as I met MM"). You say you don't have any control over this but you do. You can step back from this and decide what do YOU really want. If you can have that without hurting anybody or using anybody then go for it.

 

If you want your marriage to last, you will need to end the affair and you and your H probably need MC. If your focus is on the MM, you really should in all fairness divorce your H. You say that you don't want to do this and argue it is unneccessary because your marriage does not have violent episodes. Fine but your marriage doesn't have loving episodes either. It is just a convenient arrangement and you are prepared to raise your son in that set up.

[greengoddess]

I really don't see my marriage as fake. I'm just not sexually attracted to my husband. Maybe that will change if I hang around long enough, I don't know. Everybody says that marriages have their ups and downs... So I'm staying. I prefer that my son be raised with parents in the same household... Divorce can be beneficial if the marriage has violent episodes, for example, but that's not our case. My husband and I hardly ever fight. We have our routine, we are best friends, we take care of each other, I'm happy playing Martha Stewart and taking care of each and every aspect of his life, and he takes care of me. But romantically, the flame went out as soon as I met MM. I really didn't have any control over it.

 

But I'm very aware of what I can and cannot have.

 

No you are not best friends. Best friends do not lie to each other every day. Best friends don't say they are going one place and sneak off somewhere else. Best friends are able to tell each other everything. No your husband is not your best friend, if he was you would not have had an emotional affair for a year. Stop lying to yourself and see it for what it is.

[joey66]

Edit: I did read Edith's thread after someone mentioned it... and the consensus is that if a man has an emotional affair with a woman for over a year, he has feelings for her. I would like to believe that's the case with me, too.

 

If he is in an EA for that long, then he definitely has feelings for you. If he just wanted to get laid, he would move on to an easier target.

 

Love your attitude michelle2010.

[LucreziaBorgia]

the consensus is that if a man has an emotional affair with a woman for over a year, he has feelings for her. I would like to believe that's the case with me, too.

 

Of course he has feelings for you, they just don't extend past the boundaries of what he made clear he wanted: NSA sex. It is wholly possible to have feelings for someone only within the tight bubble of affair sex.

 

Outside the bubble, the relationship doesn't really exist and that is why he treats you with nonchalance and disregard outside of when you are having sex. That is what NSA is about. That is what FWB is about. The emotion is only real when the sex is happening. That is the 'bubble' - it contains sex/emotion, and it only exists inside that bubble. When someone lays down the NSA rules like your MM did, that is what he was intending.

 

Not all affairs are like that, but a good deal of them are.

 

That is the problem I would have and it would invariably lead to me leaving them behind: they just didn't understand that it has to stay inside the bubble. Everything outside of the bubble is off limits, including unnecessary (non-sexual) emotional involvement.

[jwi71]

To tell you the truth, I told my husband about this affair when it was in the emotional stages.

 

And you've told him you are having intercourse with him now - that the EA has gone PA? Or is that secret?

 

I thought it would help him see how important our sex life is - we become more and more different every year, he becomes more restrained, I become more uninhibited. I thought that knowing about sex emails with another man would shake him up to the point of changing. But it didn't. He was upset, of course, but wouldn't change a thing. That sort of killed me inside and I decided that HE doesn't want to work on our marriage. And I will NOT spend the rest of my life unable to be myself.

 

I DO agree with being yourself - one can only suppress natural tendencies / behaviors for so long - you can't act like someone/something you are not.

 

However, how honest have you been with your H? Did you tell him you are in love with another man? Did you tell him you are sleeping with him? Have you been 100% honest with your H - or just "kinda honest"?

 

What about MC? Did you directly ask for it?

 

(I happen to greatly value M and the commitment it represents - this is why myself and others have urged another course of action.)

 

I know exactly what the consequences are for this. I've weighed them.

 

What an odd thing to say given your H would never leave. If he won't leave and the M is functionally dead anyways...what do you see as consequences?

 

This doesn't make sense to me.

I also know that my husband is never leaving me, and if he does, I can handle myself just fine.

 

Wait...why would HE leave? You just said he would NEVER leave?

You, though articulate, are not painting a consistent picture.

Divorce is not an option.

 

Why not?

 

I either have the few moments of happiness whenever MM is into it, or spend my life living on memories. When it comes to MM, I really will take whatever I can get.

 

Well, then you get exactly that.

And I'm not sure you are telling the whole truth...too inconsistent.

[secretlady76]

Totally agree with jwi71, the story seems to have changed throughout the thread. You don't seem to be open to a) criticism b) advice c) common sense so therefore I wonder what the point of this is. You've already decided what you're going to do, you've already decided that you think so little of yourself that you will put up with whatever scraps MM offers and you've already decided (for him it seems) that your husband is going to stick around whilst you do whatever you want to do with MM. So I can't see the point of this thread. The only people you're listening to are those who are writing what you want to read, the ones who are giving you tiny little rays of hope that he may feel something for you. I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with; you or them!!! Sorry, if I sound harsh, experience talking here. I can see a massive massive fall coming and it'll be you who falls flat.

[Just a stone's throw]

Totally agree with jwi71, the story seems to have changed throughout the thread. You don't seem to be open to a) criticism b) advice c) common sense so therefore I wonder what the point of this is. You've already decided what you're going to do, you've already decided that you think so little of yourself that you will put up with whatever scraps MM offers and you've already decided (for him it seems) that your husband is going to stick around whilst you do whatever you want to do with MM. So I can't see the point of this thread. The only people you're listening to are those who are writing what you want to read, the ones who are giving you tiny little rays of hope that he may feel something for you. I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with; you or them!!! Sorry, if I sound harsh, experience talking here. I can see a massive massive fall coming and it'll be you who falls flat.

 

SL, actually working and couldn't post until now but you took the words right out of my mouth!!!

 

Funny, coming from us, with the situations we've been in but I can't see any need to continue this thread either. She's stated what she wants, what she's going to do and that it is what it is. Wow.

[califnan]

I knew the criticism would come. Thank you for your views, but please know that I don't feel the need to defend myself on LS. The personal attacks couldn't faze me less.

 

Those of you who are trying to help... There is nothing to work on in my marriage. I simply don't feel about my husband the way I feel about MM. I married the perfect man for marriage. He's a great guy. But he's not the one I want. MM, on the other hand, would make a lousy husband, because he could never be faithful.

 

To tell you the truth, I told my husband about this affair when it was in the emotional stages. I thought it would help him see how important our sex life is - we become more and more different every year, he becomes more restrained, I become more uninhibited. I thought that knowing about sex emails with another man would shake him up to the point of changing. But it didn't. He was upset, of course, but wouldn't change a thing. That sort of killed me inside and I decided that HE doesn't want to work on our marriage. And I will NOT spend the rest of my life unable to be myself.

 

MM and I, on the other hand... twins when it comes to sex. Twins when it comes to how we want to raise our children, etc. In addition, there's just a pull between us, that I've never felt with another man. My husband is great - but he'll never be MM.

 

I know exactly what the consequences are for this. I've weighed them. I also know that my husband is never leaving me, and if he does, I can handle myself just fine. I probably wouldn't have the big house, the nice car, the material things. But we didn't always have those! I think my happiness is just as important as my husband's "honor". I've given him enough opportunities to change (including counseling, books, endless conversations,etc.). But the truth is that, even if tomorrow my husband did in bed the exact same things MM did, it wouldn't do anything for me. There is nothing to work on. Divorce is not an option.

 

I either have the few moments of happiness whenever MM is into it, or spend my life living on memories. When it comes to MM, I really will take whatever I can get.

 

-----------------------

 

It is not likely that a betrayed spouse will wish to show you a great display of sexual affection - while the wife is admitedly drawn toward another - What kind of a turn-on is that.

 

But as discussed previously on LS, the BS should be informed of the affair so that he can have the freedom to plan his life, as well.

[jthorne]

OP- You've disclosed the EA, why not disclose the PA? If you know he won't leave, why not be open about it? Or better yet, since you wouldn't care if he has an affair of his own, why not suggest an open marriage? You've asked for you needs to be met, he hasn't met them, perhaps he won't care if you get them met somewhere else? (I highly doubt this to be the case, but who knows?)

 

You do realize that the best case scenerio with your MM is the case you've got right now, right? The waiting around for the emails, texts, the hoping the guilt won't get to him and he won't dump you, the unrequited love... This is the best it's gonna get. You know that right? It never gets any better, it only gets worse. You know that, right?

 

You know that the more you get emotionally involved, the more agony there's gonna be? You're okay with that, right? In the end, it'll all be worth it, right?

 

And speaking of the end, what's your endgame? How do you see this playing out? 2,3, 5 years from now, will you still be sneaking around, pining for a man you can't have while ignoring your marriage? Do you REALLY think this will have a happy ending?

[califnan]

I actually wanted to ask this but have been too afraid to do so. So many of the situations and quotes have been exactly the same in both threads, it's uncanny.

 

-------------------

 

Yes Ann, I went back.. Both affairs 1-1/2 yrs. Both women with one small child. The MM asking about husband and if they plan to have more children.. And sex after 1-1/2 yrs - a diff seems to be that the sex was different.

 

If nothing else, it would be good for them to read each other's posts.. Michelle to know that there is a caring wife, with small children waiting.. And the husband could loose more than half what he owns, if he continues.. Edith to know what goes on in the mind of the OW.

[califnan]

No you are not best friends. Best friends do not lie to each other every day. Best friends don't say they are going one place and sneak off somewhere else. Best friends are able to tell each other everything. No your husband is not your best friend, if he was you would not have had an emotional affair for a year. Stop lying to yourself and see it for what it is.

 

---------------------

 

Living with someone who is with another - and all of the indifference that goes with it, can be like living with the enemy..

[fooled once]

Why is it ok for you to f*ck around, but your husband must remain faithful?

I'm hoping I'm reading this wrong, because if I've read it correctly, it's one of the most disgusting, shameful things I've ever read on LS.

Hopefully someday you'll be out of the "fog", and see just how offensive and disrespectful this statement is. I don't care if your husband is the sorriest lover and the ugliest SOB on the face of this earth, he does not deserve to be treated with such disrespect. Again, I'm hoping I've read it wrong.

 

I pray for your family's sake that this is the fog talking.

 

Completely agree!

 

I knew the criticism would come. Thank you for your views, but please know that I don't feel the need to defend myself on LS. The personal attacks couldn't faze me less.

 

Those of you who are trying to help... There is nothing to work on in my marriage. I simply don't feel about my husband the way I feel about MM. I married the perfect man for marriage. He's a great guy. But he's not the one I want. MM, on the other hand, would make a lousy husband, because he could never be faithful.

 

To tell you the truth, I told my husband about this affair when it was in the emotional stages. I thought it would help him see how important our sex life is - we become more and more different every year, he becomes more restrained, I become more uninhibited. I thought that knowing about sex emails with another man would shake him up to the point of changing. But it didn't. He was upset, of course, but wouldn't change a thing. That sort of killed me inside and I decided that HE doesn't want to work on our marriage. And I will NOT spend the rest of my life unable to be myself.

 

MM and I, on the other hand... twins when it comes to sex. Twins when it comes to how we want to raise our children, etc. In addition, there's just a pull between us, that I've never felt with another man. My husband is great - but he'll never be MM.

 

I know exactly what the consequences are for this. I've weighed them. I also know that my husband is never leaving me, and if he does, I can handle myself just fine. I probably wouldn't have the big house, the nice car, the material things. But we didn't always have those! I think my happiness is just as important as my husband's "honor". I've given him enough opportunities to change (including counseling, books, endless conversations,etc.). But the truth is that, even if tomorrow my husband did in bed the exact same things MM did, it wouldn't do anything for me. There is nothing to work on. Divorce is not an option.

 

I either have the few moments of happiness whenever MM is into it, or spend my life living on memories. When it comes to MM, I really will take whatever I can get.

 

So tell your H that you are in love with and sleeping with another man. If you are such best friends, tell him. Be honest with him. But I bet you won't be.

 

What have YOU done to change? Why is it okay to expect HIM to change, while you screw another man? How is that even remotely 'fair'?

 

You want your cake and eat it too. You want your H to take care of you, to provide for you materially, to just deal with you having an affair....and you seem to have ZERO empathy for what you are doing to him. You almost seem antagonistic with him -- telling him how you were in an EA with someone else, trying to hurt him.

 

Totally agree with jwi71, the story seems to have changed throughout the thread. You don't seem to be open to a) criticism b) advice c) common sense so therefore I wonder what the point of this is. You've already decided what you're going to do, you've already decided that you think so little of yourself that you will put up with whatever scraps MM offers and you've already decided (for him it seems) that your husband is going to stick around whilst you do whatever you want to do with MM. So I can't see the point of this thread. The only people you're listening to are those who are writing what you want to read, the ones who are giving you tiny little rays of hope that he may feel something for you. I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with; you or them!!! Sorry, if I sound harsh, experience talking here. I can see a massive massive fall coming and it'll be you who falls flat.

 

Totally agree. She wants to believe this MM has feelings for her, yet she admits in her first post HE never initiates any conversations with her. SHE is the one continually reaching out to him. Doesn't mean he has feelings for her because he accepts her invitations to have sex with her. To me, just shows he is a cheater, like her, and has no problems with disrespecting his wife by cheating on her.

 

Sure makes you hope people are using condoms!

[ladydesigner]

Totally agree with jwi71, the story seems to have changed throughout the thread. You don't seem to be open to a) criticism b) advice c) common sense so therefore I wonder what the point of this is. You've already decided what you're going to do, you've already decided that you think so little of yourself that you will put up with whatever scraps MM offers and you've already decided (for him it seems) that your husband is going to stick around whilst you do whatever you want to do with MM. So I can't see the point of this thread. The only people you're listening to are those who are writing what you want to read, the ones who are giving you tiny little rays of hope that he may feel something for you. I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with; you or them!!! Sorry, if I sound harsh, experience talking here. I can see a massive massive fall coming and it'll be you who falls flat.

 

This is very wise advice here. Michelle2010 I so understand how you feel and what you are saying. Although my A began as a revenge A with NSA it ended with me falling flat and there was a time in the beginning of my A that I felt as arrogant as you. I didn't care at the time what it would have cost me. Wow was I wrong. I also started with NSA and then the emotions swept in for the both of us. Neither one of us thought we would have fallen that hard for each other, but we did. And when my XOM ended things so abruptly, literally "I love you I can't imagine this ever ending" to "I'm sorry but I cannot do this anymore."

 

What are you going to do Michelle when he ends it or stops returning your emails? When you say you would even cherish to have the memories, your memories will be tainted upon ending. My memories consist of now: WTF was I thinking? WTF did I do that? Why did he let me down? Why did I let myself down?

 

Sweetie I HOPE you do not have an ending like mine. One that literally rips your soul apart. It has taken me 2 YEARS to get over my XOM and I finally feel good about my life again.

 

Please tread carefully and wisely through this time in your life (((Michelle2010)))

[michelle2010]

My soul has already been ripped apart. I ended it with him today, and I don't even care what he emant to do in the enxt few days... This is what I wrote:

 

"So, I know that you haven’t replied to me, so technically there’s nothing to end between us, but I still need to tell you that I can’t do this anymore.

Please don’t contact me again. I’m not cut out for this, like you said once. I feel too guilty and get too involved. I wish I could be “cool” about it like you, but I can’t. I like you too much, and that’s a problem.

 

I hope you find someone else to take care of you when you need it… I wish it could be me. And I wish you all the best."

 

 

I have been crying all day. Taking care of my son has been hard. Reading all the posts has been tough. But thank you for your input. I really wish I could write more and thank all of you individually, but I'm in a REALLY bad place right now.

 

I know I said I wouldn't write him, but if I didn't make it clear that I never want to see him again, at some point it would have started up again. I can't live like this. I'm really not cut out for it.

 

Thank you again.

[Just a stone's throw]

Hugs MICHELLE!!! We are here for you. When you feel up to it post and we'll keep supporting you. That is what we're here for.... the good, the bad and the ugly..... I am thinking good thoughts for you! Hug your son! He is a precious thing and will help you through this!

[ladydesigner]

Michelle I don't think any of us are cut out for this. I am sorry you are in pain. I truly understand where you are at. The pain will eventually lessen. Do not be surprised if he contacts you. Not sure if you want to keep contact with him or LC, but I found NC to be the best thing for me.

 

Take care of yourself and your son. I too thought I would not get the passion and love back for my H, but it did. I hope you and your H can find it too;)

 

And take care and focus on your son, he really should be getting all that attention now. I know I wasn't giving my kids 100% when I was in my A and I am glad to have that back again.

[White Flower]

Of course he has feelings for you, they just don't extend past the boundaries of what he made clear he wanted: NSA sex. It is wholly possible to have feelings for someone only within the tight bubble of affair sex.

 

Outside the bubble, the relationship doesn't really exist and that is why he treats you with nonchalance and disregard outside of when you are having sex. That is what NSA is about. That is what FWB is about. The emotion is only real when the sex is happening. That is the 'bubble' - it contains sex/emotion, and it only exists inside that bubble. When someone lays down the NSA rules like your MM did, that is what he was intending.

 

Not all affairs are like that, but a good deal of them are.

 

That is the problem I would have and it would invariably lead to me leaving them behind: they just didn't understand that it has to stay inside the bubble. Everything outside of the bubble is off limits, including unnecessary (non-sexual) emotional involvement.

I must agree on everything LB just stated. I can remember back when I thought MM was so in love with me--when I KNEW I was in love with him. Yes, he was in love, had all the emotional content and was present both physically and emotionally but it was only contained within that bubble.

 

Somewhere along the way that bubble burst and our R spilled over into all aspects of our lives. The bubble is in the past. I don't know for how many A couples this happens, but it happened to us.

 

Michelle, it is wonderful, but it also gets messy. This is when one or the other or BOTH AP start wanting more and issues such as D or separation come up. Your kids are young and you say you don't want to D. Perhaps it is just best keeping your A in the bubble? It can be a magical place but you have to know how to leave it intact and enjoy it for what it is.

 

Ah Jeez! I just read your last post Michelle. I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. It sounds as though you just need more from this guy and the bubble isn't going to work for you.

 

(((((Michelle)))))

Edited May 3, 2010 by White Flower