How do you deal with waiting?

[whichwayisup]

And while it is very enlightening to hear of other people's woes and how their lives were ruined by affairs, don't think I don't know that it could happen to me. I do. But, like with anything else in life, it's a gamble - and I think this one might just pay off for me if I play my cards right. In my head, everything is really so simple.

 

Then continue to bury your head in the sand. When this goes south and blows up in your face, you'll have noone to blame but yourself. If you don't play your cards right, you don't believe consquences are going to happen??

 

Sorry but you're in a fog and have no clue what's around the corner. What goes on in your head is completely different than reality.

[michelle2010]

What most people who avoid affairs fail to understand is most of us don't regret the actual R itself. Special chemistry, special love, new lessons, etc., that we would never trade it. I'm not recommending it to anyone but I can't say I regret it either. But you can't convince someone who fears pain and heartbreak.

 

Like you said earlier, something like I always say, with great love comes great pain. You just can't know one without the other. Sometimes As are worth it for this reason. Who wants a bland and easy life? Not to say all life without As is bland and easy but I think you get my drift.

 

So, are you talking about the people who have been bashing me on here, or about convincing my MM? I don't want to do any actual convincing, but it has crossed my mind that he is afraid. Our connection was so strong. Are there really people out there who refrain from something good because they fear the bad?! It is SO hard for me to relate to that.

 

Whichwayisup - Not really. There's nothing going on right now. We've never gotten caught in over a year. There's no contact right now, and IF he is at the party in 8 weeks, then there will be some, in person. If he's not there, I'll find some other way and break NC. But as things stand now, we're both protected.

Edited May 9, 2010 by michelle2010

[califnan]

Are there really people out there who refrain from something good because they fear the bad?! It is SO hard for me to relate to that.

 

QUOTE]

 

----------------------

 

Michelle, feels good - is not always The "good"

[michelle2010]

This is a cool article, about the reinforcement that NC creates and how a couple who is on and off again () is more attached than one who lets the affair progress and fizzle out. Maybe my baby has done this enough times to know that... or maybe we're just winging it.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sticky-bonds/201004/lets-talk-again-month-now

 

Califnan - Great point!!

[MorningCoffee]

This is a cool article, about the reinforcement that NC creates and how a couple who is on and off again () is more attached than one who lets the affair progress and fizzle out. Maybe my baby has done this enough times to know that... or maybe we're just winging it.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sticky-bonds/201004/lets-talk-again-month-now

 

Califnan - Great point!!

Thanks for the link. Very interesting article. Amazing how the tentative indecisiveness of the AP/MW/MM reluctant to leave the M actually makes the atachment bond of the AP/OW/OM stronger. Counterintuitive, but accurate, I think.

[White Flower]

So, are you talking about the people who have been bashing me on here, or about convincing my MM? I don't want to do any actual convincing, but it has crossed my mind that he is afraid. Our connection was so strong. Are there really people out there who refrain from something good because they fear the bad?! It is SO hard for me to relate to that.

 

I was talking about people who believe they would 'never get caught up in an A' which was something I always used to say.

 

Yes, there are REALLY people who refrain from something good because they fear the bad. I was a risk avoider my whole life and when I finally took one I must say, with all the pain, it was worth it. But that was MY experience so I can't suggest anyone else go ahead nor refrain from this kind of R.

[Woggle]

Go ahead and do what you want but please don't come here acting like the victim when all of this blows up in your face. You will have nobody to blame but yourself.

[bentnotbroken]

Go ahead and do what you want but please don't come here acting like the victim when all of this blows up in your face. You will have nobody to blame but yourself.

 

 

I don't think she cares. She is like a petulant child who is only happy with the world catering to her and her whims. She says her own child has nothing to do with it, but as most of us know, there is usually an unforeseen fallout, an action we think wasn't observed, someone waiting in the wings for payback and will even use a child to do so (like a recent poster mentioned), then it MIGHT dawn on her, but somehow I highly doubt it. Self destruction isn't pretty and it is even uglier when you insist on taking others with you.

[MizzBlue72]

Are there really people out there who refrain from something good because they fear the bad?! It is SO hard for me to relate to that.

.

 

Yes yes and yes!!!

 

I have dated STBDMM for almost 2 years.

We will both be D.

I DO refrain somewhat because we both are unsure what the future holds. It is really hard to move forward in live when you are so unsure of the 'what might be'.

 

So yes. There are people on here that refrain from something that MAY be SOOOOO good - just because we both fear the bad. Bad? How this may end. In A's, everything is great. Everything is rose colored while you are together. Try bringing this into the real world. Explaining to everyone you know how you met - and not lying about it. I have lost friends over this. I almost lost family over this too. It's a huge decision.

 

We have both endured trying. LONG marriages. We both know we have HUGE mountains to climb. So yes. Think everything through before you make a decision. You have to. If you don't - you may end up with more than you bargained for.

 

Don't blow people off because they are trying to give you advice. If you want to leave - leave for you and your child. But - from experience - do NOT think that anyone is out there to pick you up and take care of you when you are on your own. You HAVE to leave for you ---- no one else. NO relationship. EVER.

[Woggle]

I don't think she cares. She is like a petulant child who is only happy with the world catering to her and her whims. She says her own child has nothing to do with it, but as most of us know, there is usually an unforeseen fallout, an action we think wasn't observed, someone waiting in the wings for payback and will even use a child to do so (like a recent poster mentioned), then it MIGHT dawn on her, but somehow I highly doubt it. Self destruction isn't pretty and it is even uglier when you insist on taking others with you.

 

When it hits the fan she will care but will proabably blame everybody but herself. Everybody eventually gets their karma and this is no exception.

[White Flower]

Go ahead and do what you want but please don't come here acting like the victim when all of this blows up in your face. You will have nobody to blame but yourself.

Woggle for once I agree with you. We know what we're signing up for (if he is being honest and some are) and if it does blow up in our face we MUST take responsibility for it.