Drunken Kiss... Should I Tell?

[UpandAway]

Hi,

 

I did something incredibly stupid at a party a few days ago. I cheated on my boyfriend of 5 months and I feel like **** about it. I love my boyfriend so much and don't want to lose him. But I'm not sure whether to tell him or not.

 

The guy I kissed is someone who I kinda liked for awhile (long before I met my boyfriend). He told me he liked me too, but since we have been in relationships at different times, nothing ever happened. Until a few nights ago. We were both quite drunk, and talking about how we fancied each other. He kept saying " I know you have a boyfriend but can you not just forget about him for one night?" He tried to kiss me a few times and I kept saying no. I should have walked away then. Well, he went to kiss me one more time and I didn't pull away. I kissed him back for about a minute or less then got upset and walked away. It really meant nothing to me and I've regretted it ever since. I've enever cheated on anyone before, and my boyfriend is amazing. I wish I could go back and just walk away from the guy before I did something stupid.

 

I feel like an idiot and a horrible person. I love my boyfriend so much. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. So I want to do right by him. Some people say I should live with the guilt, and not hurt his feelings by telling him. I'm the one that deserves to feel bad , not him. On the other hand, I've always felt being honest is best. If I lose him because I tell him, I deserve that too, because I messed up.

 

I just want to do what's best for my boyfriend. He doesn't deserve to be hurt. What should I do?

[ducknrun]

 

I did something incredibly stupid at a party a few days ago. I cheated on my boyfriend of 5 months and I feel like **** about it. I love my boyfriend so much and don't want to lose him. But I'm not sure whether to tell him or not.

 

 

I feel like an idiot and a horrible person. I love my boyfriend so much. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. So I want to do right by him. Some people say I should live with the guilt, and not hurt his feelings by telling him. I'm the one that deserves to feel bad , not him. On the other hand, I've always felt being honest is best. If I lose him because I tell him, I deserve that too, because I messed up.

 

 

If you want to do whats "right by him" then tell him. It's hard I understand that but he doesn't need to continue to believe everything is as perfect as it once seemed.

 

Just because drinking was envolved doesn't change the fact the kissed another dude. Honesty is the name of the game in the realtionship as well as communication, two things that seem to be missing right now...

 

If you don't tell him now the guilt will eat at you and the relationship will have a different take on it. If you do tell him you will lose some trust but if your relationship is as good as you say it is he will hopefully be able to forgive (not forget) and over time be able to trust you again. People do make mistakes don't get wrong but couples need to be able to trust on another.

[UpandAway]

If you want to do whats "right by him" then tell him. It's hard I understand that but he doesn't need to continue to believe everything is as perfect as it once seemed.

 

Just because drinking was envolved doesn't change the fact the kissed another dude. Honesty is the name of the game in the realtionship as well as communication, two things that seem to be missing right now...

 

If you don't tell him now the guilt will eat at you and the relationship will have a different take on it. If you do tell him you will lose some trust but if your relationship is as good as you say it is he will hopefully be able to forgive (not forget) and over time be able to trust you again. People do make mistakes don't get wrong but couples need to be able to trust on another.

 

I agree with everything you say. Some of my friends have said it's not fair to tell him just to relieve my own guilt, but it's not about that... if i didn't tell him, i would feel like i was deceiving him, even though it was a once-off. I would rather have no relationship with him (though that would hurt like hell) rather than one built on lies.

 

I just don't know how to break it to him if I do tell him. He's the sweetest person and doesn't deserve this.

[road]

He needs to know the truth. Deserves the truth.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed wouldn't you expect him to be honest with you? You either have a relationship built on honesty and respect or lies and deceit. The choice is yours.

[UpandAway]

I see the consensus seems to be honesty, which was my initial reaction. Would there be anyway of telling him that wouldn't hurt him so much? I suppose not.

 

also do you guys think he would forgive me, or should i be prepared to say goodbye?

[northstar1]

There is no 'easy' way to tell him. You need to sit down, tell him, let him know your feelings and then let him digest it. If he truly believes the relationship is strong enough, and he can forgive you, then he will be willing to work through it. But that has to be his decision.

 

If you don't tell him and it comes up down the road, it may be irrepairable by that point.

[UpandAway]

Thanks very much for your replies , guys. I'm talking to my friend at the moment and she's trying to convince me not to tell him, that i'll lose him if I do. I know that, but not telling him doesn't sit right with me.

 

I love him so much, I hope we can work through this.

[northstar1]

Thanks very much for your replies , guys. I'm talking to my friend at the moment and she's trying to convince me not to tell him, that i'll lose him if I do. I know that, but not telling him doesn't sit right with me.

 

I love him so much, I hope we can work through this.

 

Not telling him is selfish. He has the right to know and make his own decision. Because if you leave it , he may find out down the road and that will be very hard to get over both the cheating and the fact youdidn't tell hiim.

 

You need to be honest and let him figure it out.

[lkjh]

Your friend is trying to convince you lie and deceive your BF, that is not a good friend. If you ever get into a real serious relationship that may end up in marriage you should consider losing that friend.

 

You cheated after only 5 months, you need to tell him. Just say it point blank and see what happens

[UpandAway]

Those are my feelings on it. He has the right to know and make a decision based on the real state of our relationship, not what I would be deceiving him into thinking it is. I'm hoping that by being honest he might understand how sorry I am and how much I love him. He means the world to me, and even if he does forgive me, I'll never forgive myself.

[ducknrun]

The hardest part is to find out something that can hurt ur relationship but its worse if he findsout from someone else before you. If it's coming from you there is hope of regaining trust, if its coming from someone else and not you it sends a different message.

 

One way is for you to email him the link to this page and have him read it but be by his side. Don't let him find this on his own. I only suggest that because your feelings are already out there probably beter then you can explain if you told him. I don't think he will part ways and say good-bye it sounds like you guys had something and you made a mistake.

 

If he loves you and really want to be with you he will find a way to get through this with you.

 

My first post was when my fiance cheated on me, I found a way to get past it wanted to make things still work sadly she didn't.. she could of just broken up with me instead of cheating.

[UpandAway]

The hardest part is to find out something that can hurt ur relationship but its worse if he findsout from someone else before you. If it's coming from you there is hope of regaining trust, if its coming from someone else and not you it sends a different message.

 

One way is for you to email him the link to this page and have him read it but be by his side. Don't let him find this on his own. I only suggest that because your feelings are already out there probably beter then you can explain if you told him. I don't think he will part ways and say good-bye it sounds like you guys had something and you made a mistake.

 

If he loves you and really want to be with you he will find a way to get through this with you.

 

My first post was when my fiance cheated on me, I found a way to get past it wanted to make things still work sadly she didn't.. she could of just broken up with me instead of cheating.

 

Tbh, there is little chance of him finding out because we live very far away from each other ( I know, cheating in an LDR, very clever! as if it wasn't hard enough!) but I want to tell him anyway. He deserves the truth. Im actually surprised at my friends telling me to keep it to myself. The few days I've kept it to myself so far (only because I've not seen him in person yet) have been horrible. I really think he needs to know.

 

Thanks very much for your advice and I might show him this page, if only because I can express myself better in words.

 

And I'm sorry to hear about your fiancee, I hope you can find happiness yourself. The funny thing is, I would also condone breaking up with someone before cheating on them... but in the case of me and my boyfriend, I've never had any desire to be with anyone else and the thought of leaving him is horrible to me, not just now, but ever since we got together. I've only been with him for 5 monthes , but I do feel he's the love of my life. That's why what I did makes no sense to me.

 

Thanks very much for the help guys.

[alphamale]

What should I do?

since it was just a kiss just keep it to yourself

[UpandAway]

since it was just a kiss just keep it to yourself

 

Does he not deserve honesty? Most of my friends say not to tell but I feel I'm deceiving him.

[alphamale]

Does he not deserve honesty?

in this case, no

[UpandAway]

Could you expand a bit on why he doesn't deserve honesty?

[alphamale]

Could you expand a bit on why he doesn't deserve honesty?

no i don't feel like it right now

[UpandAway]

Fair enough.

[skydiveaddict]

there was no real harm done. You dont want to do it again. You are not deceiving him by simply keeping the truth to yourself. I would let it go and stop worrying about it

[UpandAway]

Would I hurt him more by telling or not telling? It feels like deception not to. You shouldn't kiss someone else when you're in a relationship, end of, that's why I feel he should know. I'd want to know if it was me.

[skydiveaddict]

Ask yourself two questions:

Do I feel bad about?

Am I going to do it again?

 

It was only a drunken kiss. He doesn't need to know.

But if your conscience keeps bugging you then tell him. But you're tearing yourself up over a little mistake.

[UpandAway]

I feel horrible about it and I would never do it again. I was in shock after it tbh, because it's so unlike me. I hope my bf can see it from your view that it was just a stupid, stupid mistake. The more time goes on, the more I feel I can't keep it from him.

[skydiveaddict]

It sounds like you're going to tell him. But the guilt you feel over this is punishment enough for you. I still say let it go. you know you're not going to do it again, so why upset your bf over a small mistake? But, I'm on your team whatever you decide to do

[UpandAway]

Thanks for being nice! I suppose I'm not the type of person that can keep things like this to themselves, and if I know him like I think I do, I have a feeling he would prefer me being honest... but I won't know til tomorrow.

 

I really hope we don't break up.