help with my relationship

[love sick guy]

i am 21, and she is 18. i have been going out with my gf for amost a year and a half, and just moved in together 2 months ago. When we first met, we never became friends or anything, we just started going out. We are like 2 oppisite people, in everything, and now its starting to catch up to us. We are both in love with each other, but we always agrue about everything. We think and deal with situations totally differently. She is my first real girlfriend and i dont want to be alone again. We always talk about "getting help" but we never doI dont want to break up but i think thats the only way we r going to be happy, well ill be a mess for a long time. Idonno what to do, any ideas?

[april]

it seems to me that when a couple are going together and things are going good, then they move in that things fall apart. maybe that is the way nature intended it. i think that it has to do with stressing out over the commitment, financial, freedom wise, finding little things that irritate each other. you both have to let things happen naturally, don't force anything and don't inflict a bunch of "rules" on each other like toothpaste caps, which way the toilet paper should hang, should the shower curtain go in or out of the tub when not in use, etc. sometimes i think it is just a matter of adjusting. sit down and talk with each other about what is happening. don't give up, set up some guideling, not "rules" and both agree to them, not just one. i have been in the exact same situation as you are now, it just took time and an adjustment period for things to settle down then we finally found again what we thought we had lost. i don't think you both stopped loving each other, so just communicate alot! hope that helps, if not sorry.

i am 21, and she is 18. i have been going out with my gf for amost a year and a half, and just moved in together 2 months ago. When we first met, we never became friends or anything, we just started going out. We are like 2 oppisite people, in everything, and now its starting to catch up to us. We are both in love with each other, but we always agrue about everything. We think and deal with situations totally differently. She is my first real girlfriend and i dont want to be alone again. We always talk about "getting help" but we never doI dont want to break up but i think thats the only way we r going to be happy, well ill be a mess for a long time. Idonno what to do, any ideas?

[Tony T]

Love has little to do with it right now. Real, lasting, committed relationships have many commonalities such as: mutual admiration and respect, shared views about money (how to save it, how much to save, how and where to spend it, credit, etc.), shared views about children (whether or not have them, how many, how far apart, how to raise them etc.), ability to forgive, open mindedness, selflessness, shared views with or respect for each others religious or spiritual beliefs, etc. If you don't have those elements ironed out, you don't stand a chance for having a fairly healthy lifelong relationship. It doesn't sound like you have much of those at all.

 

If you think you're having problems now, just wait until new dimensions of your relationship develop...and if a family arrives, your problems could be devastating.

 

It doesn't get better either. Once the passion, lust, and excitement of a relationship diminishes over time and you enter a new phase of your love based on deep friendship, contentment, and respect, you will have ZERO because it doesn't exist now. Those things just don't magically pop up from a bad relationship.

 

You can't work on this stuff. If it's not there, you have to go find it elsewhere. If you are addicted to some aspect of the relationship, hang in there until you just can't take it anymore. Most people do anyway, regardless of what people tell them.

 

Based solely on the information you posted, remaining in this relationship will subject you to more pain and mental anguish than you ever dreamed could exist on planet earth.

 

As far as your not wanting to be alone again, hear me out. The absolute worst, most chronic awful case of loneliness is not even a small fraction as bad as the kind of relationship you have now that seems to be getting worse.

 

Now, that's my opinion. I hope others will give you their point of view. Perhaps some will encourage you to stay and try to work it out. Give all opinions due consideration. I'll be praying for you.

[Pete]

Amen to Tony on staying in a bad relationship. A lot of people are afraid to be alone. But you are 21. You are way to young to be worried about that. There are others out there whom you are more compatible with. You may be alone for awhile, but you will meet someone again if that is what you want.