Is this the Friend Zone? Or where I want to be?

[Sevenscars]

I like this girl, and she likes me. We get along pretty well together. I think we can take this a little further. Oh wait, she has a boyfriend. This is the point in the story where I back off.

 

Since I found out, I've been very cordial with her, but very sparing; hesitant to give her much. After all, her boyfriend wouldn't like us being so flirty together, and if I had a girlfriend, there's no way I want her doing what this girl is doing (hanging out in the way where when you see a guy and a girl, you just assume). Even though these are the signals she sends out, the most recent time we hung out she seemed incessant on making sure I knew that we were friends. This girl could see that I like her, and it seemed as though she wanted to keep me around. For attention, for comfort? Who knows. Maybe to find a replacement for her long-distance boyfriend. But only while he is away; after all, she did claim that she was like a sister to me. This girl is obviously trying to friend zone me. And that is not where I want to be. I really like this girl, after all, even though these huge red flags pop up everywhere that tell me to back off.

 

One of my friends thinks that I should not back off, rather become her friend because maybe she is looking for a new boyfriend. Or maybe she needs a friend, or she likes me and is stuck in this relationship with this other guy and wants to make that clear, or try to get out of her current relationship, or a large number of possibilities that I wouldn't really know without actually going and being friends with her. I retort with her actions, and whether I really would want a girl that went around with guys she found attractive, no matter how much I like her.

 

She phoned me recently, and I couldn't answer it -- I was busy at work at that time. A few hours later I called her, she didn't respond, so I texted her and we had a short conversation (just a few short texts) where it was pretty clear that she wasn't flattered. Big deal, I say, this girl is nice and wonderful and all, but I can't be her friend, it's best that we stay vague and uninviting.

 

This woman is something else (to me), and I'm really attracted. But all signs (or at least, ones I can see) point away from her. Am I doing the right thing?

[ADF]

I think the source of your confusion is fairly simple.

 

Men--especially younger men--almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attratced to them. Almost never. If a woman has a male freind who makes any real effort to spend time with her, she can be about 99% sure he is hoping the "friendship" will become something more romantic.

 

However, women don't think that way. Women often befriend men who they have no romantic or sexual interest whatsoever. Often, men mistake womens' efforts to befriend them as signs if romantic interest. But they're often wrong. It short, it can be confusing because women do seek out men as friends only, whereas men almost never do this.