fleur_d Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 I have been sleeping with a close guy friend for about 5 months. Now I've developed feelings for him. I don't know if he has feelings for me or just thinks of me as a friend with benefits. We hang out and talk regularly and always have sex when we are together. The sex is very intimate and loving. We have so much fun together and feel really comfortable with each other. Sometimes though he gets distant and he doesn't really make plans ahead of time to see me its usually spur of the moment (but thats kinda how he is and our friendship has always kinda been like this). He initiated the sexual relationship 5 months ago and it progressed slowly to having sex. I can't tell how he feels about me. What should I do? Should I talk to him about it or should I try to give him signs I want more and have serious feelings for him? Part of me feels like if he was interested in more he would make a move towards that and maybe I shouldn't push something that isn't there. Or maybe he doesn't know how I feel cause I am kinda of a poker face lol and I don't necessarily make it obvious I have feelings or want more. I tend to always play it to cool with guys. He seems hot and cold sometimes so I'm afraid to tell him that it might scare him away but I can't just keep doing this casual thing with him cause my feelings are getting really strong and I'm afraid I'll be really hurt if I get more and more attached and his not interested in a relationship. Please help??? I'm confused. *Some input from some men would be great too Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Run seriously read my threads... Link to post Share on other sites
Author fleur_d Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 I thought about telling him I can't sleep with him casually anymore cause I have developed serious feelings and I'm afraid of getting hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fleur_d Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 Wow i just read your thread...i'm sorry thats so awful...so men are real *******s But my situation is nothing like that. We cuddle and touch all night before and after sex. he always spends the night...sometimes he spends entire weekends at my house. He always compliments me and does nice things or helps me out like take out the garbage clean up when i cook, fix my computer, or burn a movie i mentioned i wanted and so on. we have very deep talks and when i was sad about some stuff in my life he held me comforted and cuddled and i cried until i feel asleep. he has told me he feels more comfortable with me than anyone else. i know everything going on in his life and he talks to me about his problems and asks for advice and vice versa. he is very protective if someone hurts me. i know he genuinely cares about me maybe even loves me but i dont know what it means as far as any relationship potential. Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 I would just back off a bit from him. Do what you need to do to stop yourself getting hurt. I wouldnt recommend blurting that you have serious feelings. Hang back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fleur_d Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 I usually do that and he always calls to see me or hang out...or we go out with friends and go home together. He pretty much always initiates I let him have control. what do i do the next time we hang out and he initiates sex with me?? i dont think i can keep doing this casual thing its driving me crazy Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Well, since you say yourself you can be hard to read, how about simply giving subtle encouragements that you would like this relationship to move forward? Stop being cold and start opening up your feelings to him. Question: do you two go out on dates? How about friends: do your friends consider you two to be together? Link to post Share on other sites
S Chris Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 (edited) Generally I assume if a guy initiates a sexual relationship with no signs of commitment outside of hanging out that he's probably assuming it is an FB situation. Then again I have an extremely poor view of men in general and assume the majority of them only act on impulses sent from their lower brain. That's a difficult situation to figure out. If you ask the guy if you two are drifting towards being a couple, it may create an awkward moment that leads into things getting "weird" or worse yet, months of "I'm not ready for a relationship, but let's get it on regularly in the mean time". The other scenario being that you never say anything, the emotional attachment gets a lot stronger, and he finds himself a girlfriend, leaving you behind feeling totally betrayed and rejected. Of course, there are the possible positive outcomes as well. Dropping hints could lead him into admitting similar feelings. Never saying anything would likely still lead into a FB situation if he is too afraid to say anything himself, though. Ultimately, it would likely be best to start feeling around the subject and seeing how he reacts without directly confronting him with it. Find out if you are investing in something worthwhile, or wasting mental energy on a hope for something that isn't going to happen. That is unless you are really starting to feel intensely strong feelings for him and can't keep it slow. In which case directly bringing it up and potentially causing everything to collapse would be better than feeling heartache over months going over the situation in your mind and have it inevitably collapse anyway when you have much more emotional investment. Easier said than done, of course. But worrying about your own emotional health is important, too. And you do not want to just put yourself in a situation that could potentially send you spiraling downward each day asking yourself "what if". Edited May 4, 2010 by S Chris Link to post Share on other sites
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