pureinheart Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 This is basically to release frustration, and if it helps anyone out there, well then my life and experiences is worth something. I'll try to make this brief. Also want to add, this is my story and in no way am trying to "send" an indirect message to OW/OM or BS's. This starts out shortly after 9/11, I think I lost it...it goes back further, but this is the starting point of a series of VERY bad choices. I was in shock (still am). The harsh truth of reality has finally set in and I'm a mess, barely able to function. First off, I am not blaming, although am so hurt concerning the reality that is in my face that ...man, this is hard. 1st reality/truth: I need to move on, exDM will never be there for me, whether he used me or not is between him and God...God will judge him, not me. He abused me greatly, and still would be had my son not intervined when he heard the way this man talked to me, it was to say the least very degrading...NONE of you would have put up with this type of treatment and I am angry at myself for allowing it to happen. He could possibly be in shock like me, although I did not deserve the blame for the break up of his M...that was their problem, not mine. 2nd reality/truth: My kids, I wanted them to succeed so bad that I literally laid down everything I had. I have always rescued them because I know how it feels to be left in the cold...but now they have left me in the cold and have been doing it for quite sometime now. I do not want to paint a picture that they are horrible people as they are not...my idea of family and theirs is much different. My idea concerning family is that you lay down your life...period. If you will do this for family, you will do this for anyone, as family is the hardest to deal with at times. Bottom line LOYALTY. The reason I am writing this is the last major thing I had to deal with ended a couple of Mondays ago...done. During this last year of dealing with this "disgusting/horrible thing" I have been very depressed and over medicating (legally) and during severe times drinking. This is not me...ya I was a partier back in the day, but health used to be more important and obviously it hasn't been lately. Now I need the help and it's not there for me because the people I dealt with are too selfish and self-centered to give a damn. I need a miracle and am up for adoption...reality really sucks, but oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a stone's throw Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 PIH, you're always there with kind words and support for all posters here on LS no matter how great or how trivial their issues are. You always have something to contribute. I like that about you. I just want you to know that. I know things look dark right now. But the sun will rise again tomorrow and it will be a new day. I am saying a prayer for you right now because I know you need it. I will let others help with the specifics of your issues but I want you to have a hug and a prayer from me. JAST Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Well I'm always here to help you Sweetpea.. I have noticed that when kids run from you, is when we have expectations for them .. You are Retired Pure ... The World is Yours.. Do what you have always wanted to do ... No, I'm not saying trips.. Trips are like a desert - anyone with time and Money can do them .. Think upon what you have always wanted to do, and pursue it .. Could be home decor, hobbies, classes, tennis, workout .. POF .. ha .. Also, I don't know how old you are - but there all kinds of activities out there offered at various city and senior centers - fun things like short trips, and with good people to hand out with .. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Philippians 4:8 whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things ....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 Just want to add...the truth does set you free and there is a season for truth, as the possible reason for not being able to let go of someone who is not good for you could be that you are way overwhelmed and are unable to handle it. I'm going to my prayer group tonight and laying it all at the alter...I need God and people ...am in need of a miracle and will get one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 Wow...I was really shocked to see your replies so soon (JAST and CN)...thank you so very much...just want to say, I felt your guy's power in the Spirit! Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Great Big Hug pure......and I care. You've got friends here. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 About a relationship that is not good for you: I have come to realize that if I wish to receive sweet nothins, I can go to the store and go through the Hallmark cards... My Life is worth too much for any other .. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a stone's throw Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Wow...I was really shocked to see your replies so soon (JAST and CN)...thank you so very much...just want to say, I felt your guy's power in the Spirit! PIH, I believe we were meant to be here for you today. I hope you feel good from your prayer meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 ((((((((((PIH)))))))))) You are always there to support us and now it is your day. Or week or month:p. Lay it all at the alter sister, then come back and tell us about it. We're with you. I'll pray for your kids. Your son stuck up for you once, and he'll be back. They always come back babe. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 ((((((((((PIH)))))))))) You are always there to support us and now it is your day. Or week or month:p. Lay it all at the alter sister, then come back and tell us about it. We're with you. I'll pray for your kids. Your son stuck up for you once, and he'll be back. They always come back babe. ---------------------- They DO always come back, Pure.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 I'm going to my prayer group tonight and laying it all at the alter...I need God and people ...am in need of a miracle and will get one. This happened to my Mom years ago at a Bible study/prayer group. Someone sensed a dire need for prayer from someone in the group. They started describing what they sensed and no one came forward. Finally, my Mom said it sounded exactly what I (me) was going through. They laid hands on her and prayed for me. Even though I had been in my darkest hour and wanted to die, I woke the next morning with a new found breath. A new energy and feeling of living. I called my Mom and informed her and she just started crying and told me what had happened the night before. I can never tell this story without bawling now. So Pure, I reach out to you in your hour of need and pray for you. It is time for your miracle. Love and prayers, Red Link to post Share on other sites
jenifer1972 Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 You are always so kind and encouraging. Sorry to hear you are going through a dark time. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 Nice story Ms. Red. Thanks for sharing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted May 4, 2010 Author Share Posted May 4, 2010 All I can say is thank you so much, your support was way more than I ever expected. I never went to my prayer group because I was too drained and depressed, but did lay it all on the alter. Thank you also for the prayer for my kids. Ms Red, this type of thing happened a lot in this particular prayer group, although the power I felt in the Spirit from all you guys was hard to top...lol....and it's interesting the chain of events tonight. For those of you that live in CA, and are familiar with the crazy freeway system here (other states may have covered this), well there was a bad/weird accident on the 405 and it's still under investigation...but 1 girl died and she just happened to be a good friend of my sons gf....she was way out of sorts, this hit her hard, so I spent most of the night talking to her. Life is short. The thing that is upsetting is I watched the news coverage and maybe I am hypersensitive, although what I heard was how the 405 was backed up with traffic and "thank God" 2 lanes were finally opened. I do understand the frustration of the LA freeway system...BUT a girl lost her life (she was 25, the report said 30, but she's 25), so in my thinking a wait on the freeway is better than this girls situation...I mean sorry she got killed and ruined your day (I know sarcastic, but that is how I feel). You guys are the best! Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 Big hugs Pure. Until you know Gods truth, in the meantime there is YOUR truth. You are a good person - a fantastic person. Warm caring loving smart, insightful and funny. You have made amends in so many ways in your life from what you say, you have righted the wrongs to the best of your ability. You have recognized bad patterns in your life and taken steps to fix them. Your truth is that you are a strong and beautiful person and that good things will come no matter how cold the "outside truth" seems right now. Lots of love jj Link to post Share on other sites
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