Cinderella7 Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 I "met" a cute guy while out at happy hour a few weeks ago with a bunch of my (all female) coworkers. He was alone, clearly waiting for someone to show for a business meeting, and I was with 9 other women. He made eye contact with me a lot and mouthed "Hi" across the bar a few times. A few coworkers noticed he would not stop staring at me and dared me to leave my number on my business card for him, which is SO unlike me. He texted me a few minutes after getting my card and we sent a few flirtatious texts back and forth before he asked me to have dinner that weekend. I already had plans, so I suggested a night the next week. He was out of town for workk that week, so he asked me to have dinner on Wednesday of the following week (aka this coming Wednesday). Since then, he's texted me nearly everyday with a little message or update. He even called me last week and we talked for 45 minutes or so and we really hit it off. It left me really looking forward to our date. He also friend requested me on FB, but I haven't accepted yet since I prefer not to be FB friends with guys I date. Except our date is this coming Wednesday, and I haven't heard from him since Friday. Should I text him to confirm or leave it up to him? (If it matters, since we've been talking/texting, I think I've initiated a text once, wishing him a safe flight. Everything else has been initiated by him). Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 If you made a date for Wednesday I would leave it up to him to confirm. If he's interested he will call you. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 Yes, he should contact you for this. If he doesn't, then do something else that night. If he arranged for a get together, then all of a sudden he doesn't call or follow up, then he's not worth it. Think of it as a business relationship - if he never follows up on a business situation, then he's not a good businessman, is he? And you don't want to be doing business with someone who's not going to be a good planner for you, do you? Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 did he state a time and place for Wednesday? have you asked if he's married or committed to someone else? just asking to be clear that contact wasn't made over this past weekend mainly because he was with someone else and couldn't communicate. when a guy is taken sometimes if he's unwilling to be honest it becomes obvious he has obligations for his time with someone else when he disappears after a short length of contacting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinderella7 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Share Posted May 4, 2010 did he state a time and place for Wednesday? have you asked if he's married or committed to someone else? just asking to be clear that contact wasn't made over this past weekend mainly because he was with someone else and couldn't communicate. when a guy is taken sometimes if he's unwilling to be honest it becomes obvious he has obligations for his time with someone else when he disappears after a short length of contacting... I don't think he's married or seeing someone else. He wasn't wearing a wedding ring when I saw him, but that's not 100%. From what I can see of his FB profile, his status is "single". I know he was getting back from his work trip late Saturday night, so maybe he was catching up on regular life on Sunday? Who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinderella7 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Share Posted May 4, 2010 did he state a time and place for Wednesday? have you asked if he's married or committed to someone else? just asking to be clear that contact wasn't made over this past weekend mainly because he was with someone else and couldn't communicate. when a guy is taken sometimes if he's unwilling to be honest it becomes obvious he has obligations for his time with someone else when he disappears after a short length of contacting... We didn't set up a time and a place, which makes me a little nervous. When we got off the phone, he said he double checked that we would still be seeing each other on Wednesday & told me he would call me when it got closer to figure out the details. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 We didn't set up a time and a place, which makes me a little nervous. When we got off the phone, he said he double checked that we would still be seeing each other on Wednesday & told me he would call me when it got closer to figure out the details. ok, good. so now we understand that he's either: a) not interested enough to make an effort and consider your feelings b) distracted and busy and should let you know at least by tomorrow c) willing to be rude enough to wait until the last minute to confirm risking the chance that you may have made other plans since he wasn't polite enough to let you know ahead of time i guess the question now becomes... what are you going to do if he calls tomorrow or even Wednesday to set up a time and place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinderella7 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Share Posted May 4, 2010 If he calls Wednesday, definitely not. I don't know what I'm going to do if he calls tomorrow. I don't know if I should still go or not. Should I say I made other plans since I didn't hear from him & suggest another day? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinderella7 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Share Posted May 5, 2010 I cannot figure out this guy. We texted back & forth a little this morning, and then he texted me later in the afternoon and we exchanged a few messages. However, he never mentioned our date tomorrow. I texted him when I got home from work around 7 (earlier I had mentioned I would probably be working late that night) and didn't hear anything back. It's starting to irritate me. If I do hear from him, I'm tempted to say I made other plans since he never confirmed. However, I know he didn't forget we had a date, as he sent me a cute text a few days ago about how he was looking forward to having dinner with me. Ugh, I really don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 next time he texts - ignore him for the day. by participating he thinks you are available at all times. stay busy and distracted enough for him to understand you're too busy unless he makes more effort and is consistent with respecting you. he hasn't even been considerate enough to express what his intentions are (or not) for tomorrow. that's just disregarding you. that's not nice at all. he's training you to accept unacceptable behavior. don't participate with it. retrain him to be a man of his word - and a man who is respectful with nice behavior. a man that does what he says - without making you wonder. step back until he makes more effort. Link to post Share on other sites
eric82 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 I cannot figure out this guy. We texted back & forth a little this morning, and then he texted me later in the afternoon and we exchanged a few messages. However, he never mentioned our date tomorrow. I texted him when I got home from work around 7 (earlier I had mentioned I would probably be working late that night) and didn't hear anything back. It's starting to irritate me. If I do hear from him, I'm tempted to say I made other plans since he never confirmed. However, I know he didn't forget we had a date, as he sent me a cute text a few days ago about how he was looking forward to having dinner with me. Ugh, I really don't know what to do. You said that he told you a few days ago that he's looking forward to having dinner with you. That to me sounds like he confirmed the date. Sure he's not responding to all your texts, but so what, he's still contacting you and making his interested known. If he wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't bother. He especially wouldn't be telling you he's looking forward to having dinner with you. Think about it. You're freaking out over nothing. Relax and just go on the date with him. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 You said that he told you a few days ago that he's looking forward to having dinner with you. That to me sounds like he confirmed the date. Sure he's not responding to all your texts, but so what, he's still contacting you and making his interested known. If he wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't bother. He especially wouldn't be telling you he's looking forward to having dinner with you. Think about it. You're freaking out over nothing. Relax and just go on the date with him. how is that possible when he never indicated what time and where? he eluded to the dinner but never gave any firm details for her. IF he expected too take her out - wouldn't he allow her the respect of stating what time, where to meet? Link to post Share on other sites
eric82 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 next time he texts - ignore him for the day. by participating he thinks you are available at all times. stay busy and distracted enough for him to understand you're too busy unless he makes more effort and is consistent with respecting you. he hasn't even been considerate enough to express what his intentions are (or not) for tomorrow. that's just disregarding you. that's not nice at all. he's training you to accept unacceptable behavior. don't participate with it. retrain him to be a man of his word - and a man who is respectful with nice behavior. a man that does what he says - without making you wonder. step back until he makes more effort. That's ridiculous. He already told her he's looking forward to having dinner with her and it seems he's initiating most of the contact. He's even been texting her in the morning and she's described his texts as flirtatious. His interest is obvious. "until he makes more effort" I know... he should kneeling with ring in hand by now, that inconsiderate confuser! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 That's ridiculous. He already told her he's looking forward to having dinner with her and it seems he's initiating most of the contact. He's even been texting her in the morning and she's described his texts as flirtatious. His interest is obvious. "until he makes more effort" I know... he should kneeling with ring in hand by now, that inconsiderate confuser! serious? look closely Eric... he never told her what time and what location. HOW could she possibly plan to meet him when he hasn't given her the info she needs to meet? in my world - men who are taken act this way. they lead with words and no action (and no firm plans) for a date because they don't yet know IF they can get away from their SO or W on that day/eve. he has eluded to meeting with her - but an available and interested man says right up front "i'll pick you up at 7pm on Wednesday for dinner at _____" he hasn't stated anything concrete... just him wanting to see her. no plans, no time, no place = no effort. he may be willing - but has made no effort. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 You said that he told you a few days ago that he's looking forward to having dinner with you. That to me sounds like he confirmed the date. Sure he's not responding to all your texts, but so what, he's still contacting you and making his interested known. If he wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't bother. He especially wouldn't be telling you he's looking forward to having dinner with you. Think about it. You're freaking out over nothing. Relax and just go on the date with him. I totally agree! Why all the game playing? He mentioned the date several times & confirmed he is looking forward to it, so why didn't you communicate your excitement and ask him for details? Why didn't you ever say "I'm excited too! Do you have any place in mind for dinner?" when he mentioned the date? Really, this situation doesn't have to be so complicated. A simple "Where are we going for dinner?" several days ago would have prevented all the ridiculous games you're playing! Link to post Share on other sites
eric82 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 how is that possible when he never indicated what time and where? he eluded to the dinner but never gave any firm details for her. IF he expected too take her out - wouldn't he allow her the respect of stating what time, where to meet? "Allow her the respect"... wow, you're being way too serious and blowing this way out of proportion. It's a first date, not a life and death situation. They haven't even gone out yet and he's already flirted, initiated most of the contact, and told her he's looking forward to taking her out. I agree he should make specific plans, but I don't think this has anything to do with him disrespecting her. If he didn't respect her, he wouldn't be flirting with her. I also don't think she's freaking out because she feels disrespected, but because she wants to see what he's all about and wants him to lead the way in that happening. I think if the situation is bothering her this much, she should just ask him what's going on and ask for details rather than playing games of avoiding his texts/calls to teach him a lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Eric I agree with everything you've said. This situation has definitely been blown WAY out of proportion. It's just NOT that serious! Yeah, ideally he would have said "I'd like to take you to dinner at xyz at 7:00 on Wednesday, what do you think?" but as it is, he invited her to dinner, told her several times he was excited for the date, and has initiated a lot of contact. He made a slight faux pas, but sheesh, give the guy a break! Maybe he figures he'd surprise her with the dinner location. Maybe he's not analyzing every detail & playing games the way the OP and others in this thread are. I really just do not understand why the OP didn't just ask him for details instead of fretting about it and taking it as a sign that he's not interested. Especially when he has repeatedly contacted her & expressed his interest! Link to post Share on other sites
eric82 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 serious? look closely Eric... he never told her what time and what location. HOW could she possibly plan to meet him when he hasn't given her the info she needs to meet? Ask him what time and place, of course. in my world - men who are taken act this way. they lead with words and no action (and no firm plans) for a date because they don't yet know IF they can get away from their SO or W on that day/eve. he has eluded to meeting with her - but an available and interested man says right up front "i'll pick you up at 7pm on Wednesday for dinner at _____" he hasn't stated anything concrete... just him wanting to see her. no plans, no time, no place = no effort. he may be willing - but has made no effort. Ok. Simply asking for specifics cuts those guys out of the equation. Who knows why he hasn't solidified plans. Maybe since it seems that she's shown minimal interest (letting him do most of the contacting, not asking for specifics of the date or saying she's looking forward to it, not accepting his facebook friendship request), he's doubting her interest in him. Or maybe he's seeing other girls. Or maybe he's the kind of guy who prefers to have some spontaneity in his life and it's not like they have established anything serious where respect comes into play. Some people are just more structured in their plans than others. Link to post Share on other sites
marsle85 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 No. Way. You do not drag a date out of a guy. STOP texting him and STOP hinting about your date. Stop. stop. stop. If you have to ask, DON'T DO IT! Link to post Share on other sites
eric82 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 No. Way. You do not drag a date out of a guy. STOP texting him and STOP hinting about your date. Stop. stop. stop. If you have to ask, DON'T DO IT! I get what you mean, but her asking wouldn't be dragging the date out of him. He's already told and shown her that he's into her, and he's suggested the date to her more than once. Her asking for specifics would primarily be for her own understanding of what's going on, but it would also have the effect of letting him know that she's not just hesitantly accepting his contact, she actually wants to go out and get to know him. No harm in that. Link to post Share on other sites
janie423 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Ask him what time and place, of course. Ok. Simply asking for specifics cuts those guys out of the equation. Who knows why he hasn't solidified plans. Maybe since it seems that she's shown minimal interest (letting him do most of the contacting, not asking for specifics of the date or saying she's looking forward to it, not accepting his facebook friendship request), he's doubting her interest in him. Or maybe he's seeing other girls. Or maybe he's the kind of guy who prefers to have some spontaneity in his life and it's not like they have established anything serious where respect comes into play. Some people are just more structured in their plans than others. I tend to agree with this. I think the OP has not made her interest clear. Since she rejected his offer to see her on the weekend because she was busy, and then rejected his offer to be FB friends, he might perceive a lack of interest. Then when he asks the OP out for Wednesday, she doesn't press for details of any kind. Sounds like a lot of game playing here. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 so maybe the best plan is for OP to be perfectly clear. "when am i going to see you?" Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 (edited) We didn't set up a time and a place, which makes me a little nervous. When we got off the phone, he said he double checked that we would still be seeing each other on Wednesday & told me he would call me when it got closer to figure out the details. I honestly don't think this guy is interested. If he was, he would probably be a little more proactive. I know that I would put in more effort especially since you already made it abundantly clear that you like him. I just re-read the original post and now see that although the OP thinks she clearly made her interest known, the guy probably does have legitimate doubts about whether she's even single. Rejecting the weekend date and the FB request could make the guy assume she already has a boyfriend and that taking her out on a date could be a waste of time. Edited May 5, 2010 by Chicago_Guy Link to post Share on other sites
marsle85 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 I honestly don't think this guy is interested. If he was, he would probably be a little more proactive. I know that I would put in more effort especially since you already made it abundantly clear that you like him. Exactly. When they made plans he would have buckled her down for a day and time. You guys are crazy if you don't think it's shady he hasn't specified a time with her up to a DAY til they're supposed to meet? Girl, if you're smart- you'll tell him "Oh! I would have loved to meet with you, but I never heard from you...:eek:" Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Exactly. When they made plans he would have buckled her down for a day and time. You guys are crazy if you don't think it's shady he hasn't specified a time with her up to a DAY til they're supposed to meet? Girl, if you're smart- you'll tell him "Oh! I would have loved to meet with you, but I never heard from you...:eek:" my thoughts exactly. this guy is missing a few steps along the way. IF he were definitely wanting to see her - and only her - he would have cleared his schedule and pinned her down on a day, place and time. i think he's lukewarm at best. i hope i'm wrong... but something seems off. Link to post Share on other sites
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