Author shadowofman Posted September 14, 2010 Author Share Posted September 14, 2010 or payback is hell. In no way can this be considered payback. Firstly, her actions do not harm my security or self-esteem. I actually enjoy the fact that she is being sexually open. Secondly, she was doing this in secret. My interpretation is that this is a behavior which she wants to do, but is incapable of allowing me to do. It is the definition of selfish, possessive behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 14, 2010 Share Posted September 14, 2010 In no way can this be considered payback. Firstly, her actions do not harm my security or self-esteem. I actually enjoy the fact that she is being sexually open. Secondly, she was doing this in secret. My interpretation is that this is a behavior which she wants to do, but is incapable of allowing me to do. It is the definition of selfish, possessive behavior. That is exactly why it is "payback". She hit you where it hurts: acting out one of your fantasies for her own pleasure, but didn't share it with you. If she believes you've been selfish, what better revenge could she design? You've caused each other so much pain. This isn't how love is supposed to be. Why are you still together? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 14, 2010 Share Posted September 14, 2010 So what's come out of the conversations about these pics? What "reason" did she give for taking/posting them? How did she attempt to explain away the hypocrisy? What do the two of you plan on doing going forward in light of all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowofman Posted September 14, 2010 Author Share Posted September 14, 2010 If it was payback, she only hurt herself. I'm going to tell her today that I do not respect her expectations. She is free to do as she pleases. Hopefully she moves back in with her mother. If she wants to stay, Im fine with that. But I don't think I love her romantically anymore. I care about her as a person. As a friend. But I'm not bending over backwards to accommodate her ideas of a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 If it was payback, she only hurt herself. . It matters of vengeance, that is often the case. Although, it does sound as if you are hurt by her secrecy. It is understandable if you are. How did it go when you talked to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 If you don't love her romantically, and can't agree on boundaries within the relationship...what's the point of staying married? Why not divorce and free the both of you up to find more understanding partners? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowofman Posted September 19, 2010 Author Share Posted September 19, 2010 I have basically set my new expectations. She can do whatever she wants. I am going to do whatever I want and it isn't any of her business. I will be glad to tell her what I am doing, but I will not flaunt any "freedoms" (if I choose any at all, I work nearly 80 hours a week). And she is free to leave anytime she can not handle my actions or finds something better to do. I think this is going to work out just fine. Now it's just a matter of maintaining the libertine attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 So again...what's the BENEFIT to staying together vs ending the relationship altogether? Link to post Share on other sites
eamherst14051 Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 so actually you are 'F' buddies living together. Kind of unique when you think about it Link to post Share on other sites
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