it feels that i have to do all the changing here

[tonibologna]

hi there, i have this big huge problem and am hoping that maybe someone can help shed some light on this for me.

i have been with my boyfriend for a few years now and there are times when he gets very angry towards me because he is either tired or stressed or something so it seems he takes things out on me or i feel that i am the cause of his stress and moods.

so i keep thinking to myself that if i help him more, change myself for him more, do more things for him, then maybe he will not be so stressed out and angry.

the problem i have with this is that it is so hard to do that when he IS stressed out and cranky towards me, it makes me NOT want to do anything for him at all.

i can't seem to break this cycle. i think if i helped him more with his job or around the house or with what ever project he is working on that it would help eliviate him some stress.

but i can't get passed feeling so angry back for his attitude towards me, and i end up not wanting to help him because of the way he is acting.

does that make sense to anybody?

if so help!

[darling]

Sweety, this is just not healthy for you. I have been in the same position as you. I used to write lists of how different I would be when I was around him. I even started taking anti-depressant pills just to change myself so I could be the one for him. I stayed the same. Why? because that is who I was.

 

He is the insecure jerk that is too much of a coward to face his problems with the people causing them. You are not the reason for his stress, therefore you should not be getting the brunt of it. He should talk to you and consult with you , rather scream and shouting at you for something you didn't even do.

 

I am sure you have already talked about this to him and expressed your concern. He seems to have not responded to your pleas. Therefore, I advice you to let him go. He is not worth all this emotional stress that it is imposing upon you. Also, once you let him go, you need time alone to readjust and secure self esteem. Otherwise you are going to end up in the same exact situation.

 

I am sorry you are going through this, I know it is very difficult.

 

~darling

[Dawny]

Hey it sounds like ure a really caring person, and if he accept you for who you are, well is his really worth hanging around for???

 

He needs to get some counselling or someting for that anger problem, i have a ten year brother who acts like dat, so give him the option either find some other way of dealing with his stress rather than using you as the punch bag, or your outta there....

[Girlie]

He has no right to take his moods out on you. You have accepted him the way he is, as someone else mentioned. It sounds perhaps like he is not willing to do the same for you. If he's getting angry at you due to stress or other stuff, he needs to look into that. In the meantime, there's no need for you to feel bad about yourself or try to make all of these changes just to please him. Don't let yourself get treated like that.

[tonibologna]

you know we have such a long history of being together and each time i think of leaving him it just breaks my heart. the thought of never being in his arms again, or the silly games we play.

you see he is not always this way, if he was then it would be so much easier to leave him.

but he has these days where he is this way then he goes back to being the loving sweet man i fell in love with.

a roller coaster ride is a good way to describe this but when it is good i love him to pieces but when he gets these other ways i just want to run fast and far to get away from the tension it inflicts on us both.

i have literally told him he nees some mood stablizing or else! yet he thinks he needs nothing that everyone around him is "incompentent" that is why he is so stressed out with things.

i'm just so sad feeling today because yesterday and today he has been so irriable that i don't want to even be near him and that breaks my heart to feel that way but it also hurts to feel such tension within my own body from all this.