How to find love for my friend

[Lipsy10]

Hi, Im new to this so sorry if this is the wrong place for my dilemma.

 

Basically I want to help my friend find love. I've known "Mary" since we were 13. Growing up she was always the hopeless romantic, she couldn't wait to grow up, get married and live happily ever after. Ironically I never had much interest in getting married but here we are at 27 - I'm engaged with 2 children and "Mary" is still single.

 

I know she's desperately unhappy about this as she has told me several times. She is a very pretty girl, she's smart, funny, has a good job yet she can't get a man! She's been single for the last 8 years bar a couple of flings. I say flings because these men wanted all the benifits of a relationship without the commitment.

 

The thing is I fear she's become jaded over the years. When we are out with other single friends she gets annoyed when they want to talk to a group of guys. If a man approaches her she turns into and ice queen and scares them off. She can be very rude. Yet she can't understand why she's been single for so long. I've tried to give her advice on how to be more flirtatious/friendly but she doesn't get it.

 

Last week at a collage reunion an old school pal asked who she was seeing "Mary" said she was single at the moment to which the old pal replied "well you've always been a man hater". This shocked and upset my friend but I have to say I can understand why the old pal would think of her that way - she' not the first to say it.

 

I also have selfish reasons for finding her love. She's starting to get an attitude about my relationship with man. She dosn't get that I can't go clubing every week as we are saving for our wedding plus with 2 small children and a mortgage I've just got different responsibilities in my life right now. I feel like she resents me sometimes when all I want is to see her happy. Any advice appreciated.

[skydiveaddict]

Mary needs to start taking risks and date someone

[Disillusioned]

Sounds like Mary is just a late bloomer. You need to talk with her, one on one, to ask her what kind of man she's on the market for... because if you try to fix her up with just any guy, without trying to get inside her head, she might never forgive you for fixing her up with Mr. Wrong.

 

I'm going through a dilemma which is not too different, though I'm 42 and VERY jaded. My friend (I'll call him John) is going through a very acrimonious divorce from a narcissistic wife, and already he's thinking about finding another woman to put his heart back together. John has gotten all mopey in front of me more than once and said "I should have listened to you, I should have been more picky about women". But I'm afraid I'm not of much help to him because I've been in the trenches too long... I think God forgot to tell me that relationships aren't supposed to be serious. Talk about a letdown.

[Shakz]

Maybe Mary should try an online dating service? She seems to have a default setting on defensive. Having an opportunity to screen guys first before she's ready to talk to them might help her find someone without automatically feeling self-conscious.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Maybe Mary should think about giving up on men? Relationships are not all they are cracked up to be.

[ShadowBlue]

Brady_to_moss wrote:

Maybe Mary should think about giving up on men? Relationships are not all they are cracked up to be.

 

It's easy for those who have had relationships to say that and easily dismiss those who haven't. If you were on the other side desperate for the first adult relationship of your life (or been single for a hell of a long time) while everyone else is being paired off rapidly like clockwork or has 15 relationships or 5 marriages already and makes it so simplistically EASY for them for your whole life (and it's extremely difficult for you just to get one), you wouldn't be saying that.

[carhill]

OP, tell me, since you've known her many years, how is Mary's relationship with her father?