I'm in need of some Reassurance

[daytripper]

So I have been really bummed out lately because I can't seem to find a girlfriend.

 

I am 23 years old and it's been 6 years since my last and only girlfriend. I have had sex twice in my entire life (2 one-night stands) and I am really getting sick of not having a women to spend time with.

 

I think part of the reason why I can't seem to find a girlfriend is because I am kind of quiet and reclusive. When Friday and Saturday night roll around I usually end up staying at home practicing music (I aspire to be a professional musician) instead of going out.

 

Not to be pretentious, but I do feel like I have an enlightened outlook on life and because of this I feel like I sometimes have trouble connecting with people. I see guys "running their game" and I just hate it. Some nights I will tell myself that, "Tonight I am going to try to act just like everyone else," but I can't bring myself to do it.

 

When I do go out, I focus on having a blast with my friends. I feel like if a woman is interested in me she will initiate contact. By sitting back I feel like I am less likely to waste my time. Perhaps I just need to be more aggressive.

 

When I do happen to meet a girl and get her number, I **** it up somehow and usually don't even get a date.

 

I have a very unique look. I am a total hippie, I have a full beard, long hair and tats. Sometimes I feel like I need to clean myself up and try to fit in more, but it's who I am and I don't want to change it.

 

Sorry for ranting, but after 6 years of being single, I just want some companionship in my life.

 

If any of you have any advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks for letting me vent my frustrations!

[Tim The Enchanter]

You know, you sound an awful lot like me! I'm almost 34 now, but when I was your age I was in a very similar situation. I'd had sex four times with four different girls, all one night stands, and had never been in a long-term relationship. I used to do exactly what you are doing - sit back and expect girls to approach me. Sometimes they did, and I would get lucky, but more often than not I would end up very frustrated. It was hell.

 

You need to realise something, and it's an uncomfortable truth. Your role as a male member of your species is to pursue women. No matter what anyone says to you, that is a biological fact. Please, please, please do not sit back any longer. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself the same thing. Instead, I went six years without any intimacy with a female whatsoever.

 

Maybe you do need to clean yourself up a bit. You need to be prepared to compromise if you want to change. Just ask yourself this - are you happy with your life? If the answer is no, then you should realise that only one person can make the changes necessary to make your life happy - you.

[Peaceful Guy]

You know, you sound an awful lot like me! I'm almost 34 now, but when I was your age I was in a very similar situation. I'd had sex four times with four different girls, all one night stands, and had never been in a long-term relationship. I used to do exactly what you are doing - sit back and expect girls to approach me. Sometimes they did, and I would get lucky, but more often than not I would end up very frustrated. It was hell.

 

You need to realise something, and it's an uncomfortable truth. Your role as a male member of your species is to pursue women. No matter what anyone says to you, that is a biological fact. Please, please, please do not sit back any longer. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself the same thing. Instead, I went six years without any intimacy with a female whatsoever.

 

Maybe you do need to clean yourself up a bit. You need to be prepared to compromise if you want to change. Just ask yourself this - are you happy with your life? If the answer is no, then you should realise that only one person can make the changes necessary to make your life happy - you.

 

thanks tim, that was very helpful!

[monkeywithagun]

I agree with Tim, while some chicks(such as myself)do like the quiet type that dont do any approaching,. most of them do not. If you really dont want to leave your cave then maybe you should try some online dating sites and meet girls around your area on there., I have a really good girl friend that met her now boyfriend of 3 years on match.com.

 

good luck

[Tim The Enchanter]

I agree with Tim, while some chicks(such as myself)do like the quiet type that dont do any approaching,. most of them do not. If you really dont want to leave your cave then maybe you should try some online dating sites and meet girls around your area on there., I have a really good girl friend that met her now boyfriend of 3 years on match.com.

 

good luck

 

I'd be lost without internet dating. It's really hard work and pretty soul destroying at times, but I've managed to have four relationships in the last three years (just under three actually) so I will always rely on it - until I find myself in a long lasting relationship.

 

I have learned a lot about women from internet dating. Even though it's more superficial than trying to meet women in everyday life, it's made me more proactive and, dare I say it, confident around women. You will learn that rule about having to chase women very quickly on a dating site, because if you sit back and expect women to contact you, you will be in for a long, hard wait. I guess some guys with movie star good looks could afford to do that (or guys with good photos), but the rest of us have to put the leg work in.

 

I realise now that, as helpful as internet dating is, I really need to be more confident and sociable around women in public places. I want to get into the habit of just chatting to random women in the supermarket, the gym or whereever. I'm at a particular disadvantage, because I work in a male dominated profession - IT. So people like me need to work extra hard.

 

So to daytripper, or anyone reading this: I know exactly how depressing it is to feel like a hopeless case when it comes to women and love, but you have to throw aside those feelings and put yourself out there. Be confident. If you lack confidence, there are ways of improving it. Get yourself in shape and get some nice clothes. Get out more (I need to do this myself). And get chasing those women! Just remember to be friendly, casual and never creepy.

[Peaceful Guy]

..never creepy.

 

im curious.. what falls under this catagory??

[Peaceful Guy]

from the dictionary::\\

creep·y

 

1.having or causing a creeping sensation of the skin, as from horror or fear: a creepy ghost story.

 

2.that creeps: a creepy insect.

 

3.Slang. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is a creep; obnoxious; weird.

[Peaceful Guy]

ive heard girls say this a number of times about people that were not being creepy but rather they just didn't want to talk to.. ive also seen dudes be pretty forceful.. and ide say that's creepy. soooo?

[Tim The Enchanter]

ive heard girls say this a number of times about people that were not being creepy but rather they just didn't want to talk to.. ive also seen dudes be pretty forceful.. and ide say that's creepy. soooo?

 

Creepy - overly persistent, being forced (e.g. fake laughter every time she says a joke). Calling all the time etc. Basically just be natural and don't put women on pedestals.

 

Obviously it's a subjective thing - I guess those guys may not have seemed creepy to you, but then they weren't trying to chat you up. I think you can tell, usually within minutes, if a woman is interested in you. If she's giving obvious signs of disinterest and you keep trying to chat her up, it's easy to see how a woman would see that as creepy.

[Peaceful Guy]

..just be natural and don't put women on pedestals.

 

sounds good!

[stillafool]

You sound like a great guy to me. I love it that you love music and are aspiring to be a musician. I think if you are good enough (in music) you should search for a band. You know how we women feel about musicians. Also I know you like your hair and beard long but get a good haircut (wear it long but make sure it is trimmed, shiny and clean) and get your beard trimmed to something short and neat. I don't know what instrument you play but I guarantee you you will get girls.

[stillafool]

Why is it that I never hear guys calling girls "creepy"?

[BiAxident]

So I have been really bummed out lately because I can't seem to find a girlfriend.

 

First off, I would not necessarily change your "hippie" style just for the sake of finding a woman. I know plenty of guys with dreads and scraggly beards that have "netted" women, attractive and creative women at that.

 

Beyond that, I think you've already been working on the solution to your dillema, perhaps without even realizing it. You're a musician! If you play guitar or keys, go find yourself some bars with open mic nights and lay it down. Any bar frequented by college students is bound to include some artists, poets, etc who may dig your vibe!