Met with ex bf after 1 month! Sunday! what happened!!!!

[wingman2]

Well sounds more like you had more of a reason to actually leave him considering he wasn't doing much for himself neither for the relationship by not focusing on those goals. I'm not so worked over by it anymore since it's not similar to why my ex left. The reason's my ex left are actually not completely known to me as of yet. She wasn't too open with me this time and also she was very indecisive. I think that possibly she's just been having doubts and part of her didn't want to let go but considering we've broken up several times in the past she figured to just let it all go than having to deal with it since she possibly felt that even if we got back together again the same thing will just happen again. That might be what is keeping her from deciding to reconcile with me. However unlike you with your old ex, me and her haven't gotten in a fight in almost a year, things have been very peaceful among us. In fact last time me and her hung out while we were still together was 1 week before she left me. We were having a great time together and she was talking about marriage and how she can't wait until we are married, although we weren't even engaged we had marriage plans for the future. It was a great night we shared together but then the next day she grew very cold, not right away the next day but by the next night. It all had to do with some issues I was having in my immediate family. I Was trying to rescue my sister from an abusive relationship that she's still currently in and so it was just a rough day for me. However somehow that had affected her in some way and then for one week she grew very distant, not wanting to see me nor talk, just a few text but rather than me just letting her have her space I was sort of in her face about it asking why she didn't want to talk. Wrong move on my part.

 

Anyway she never gave me a solid answer but it could be a combo of a few things. The first reason's she gave me was that she just doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, me and her are both in college and were planning and getting engaged right after college but she's had to change her major before since she's just really undecided about where she wants to go in life and doesn't feel ready to make marriage plans or be committed until she has that down. I give her that, I think she does have a point there and I can understand her point of view. Also I just think she's not ready to be seriously committed in general, she told me herself and although she brought up marriage more than I did she would just have these moments where she really isn't ready to settle down and I think it is due to the fact she's undecided about her career path. I know for a fact though she didn't leave me for anyone else, I would know if there's someone else. She even said that she's not planning on having another relationship for a long time and she just wants to stay single for a long time. I guess in a way she just wants to focus on herself for a while. Normally one would think she'd just call it a break but she made no promise to get back together later. Her reason's were "anything can happen" I guess it could also go hand in hand with her not making any committments at the moment since promising a future reconciliation is still keeping a committment.

 

Well with all that aside, I really had no way of really trying to reach around her on that, for one week I did plea and cry and begged her back and then I purchased a few books and talked to a few people and came to the conclusion that the most appropriate action to take is to just agree with the breakup and respect her decision, in which I did just that. I didn't want to be on bad terms with her and neither did I want to push her away more which I was doing. In the past though I seldem had to use NC, last time I grew upset and just told her "fine leave!" and went NC for 2 days right after the breakup, then she came forward crying and eventually within a month we got back together for another 10 months.

 

Moving on though, I continued to do everything right and then we had our last phone conversation before saying our goodbyes. She thought I was going to try and beg her to come back again but it was here that she said she felt our love had to be a certain way and she strived to make it that way but couldn't. She said I was too needy and dependent on her and that's what I feel triggered the breakup. I came across this text message I sent her about a week and a half before she broke things off. We were both having pretty rough days and she seemed really down. So I wrote her saying that she should be willing to open up with me and discuss it since I always let her know when something has been bothering me or is bringing me down and that as a couple we should be there for eachother. I believe this message is what gave her the idea that we have to be dependent on eachother and that idea she didn't like. Honestly the reason I felt this way is because I felt that she didn't have much trust in me and I always build my relationships upon trust so it didn't feel fair that I could just open up to her about anything but she keeps things concealed from me. She did eventually open up with me and I gave her advice that helped her feel better. I've always been the advice guy for everything, except when it comes to my issues I get stumped. However I've dealt with my breakups in the past single handedly without looking towards outside sources. This time itwas very different because she's been keeping herself concealed from me, not willing to just discuss and the different answers I'm getting from her.

 

I can't say I wasn't dependent on her to some extent but there definitely was a misconception since what she took as me being dependent was actually my way of confirming to myself that she trust's me. The issue she had that day had nothing to do with us either, it was about this heart condition her mom has.

 

After that conversation 3 and a half weeks went by and she starts showing interest in me again. The funny thing is last time I talked to her she told me she's decided what she wants to be, which is exactly what I thought she was aiming for anyways so it wasn't a surprise.

 

I'm taking she's still very confused but I know she still loved me a whole bunch when she left. She cried when she broke up with me and told me it's going to be painful for her as well. She cried in our last conversation before getting into NC and told me she still loves me and will never forget me.

 

I don't know what will happen now but I'm going to continue to use the strategy sup has been offering and try to get a good balance of things and see where things go. I honestly do believe it had to do with the dependency deal so I'm hoping I'm proving to her that I'm not as dependent as she thought I was.

 

Sorry about getting into so much detail about my story, I just tend to ramble on sometimes.

[supersub]

Well sounds more like you had more of a reason to actually leave him considering he wasn't doing much for himself neither for the relationship by not focusing on those goals. I'm not so worked over by it anymore since it's not similar to why my ex left. The reason's my ex left are actually not completely known to me as of yet. She wasn't too open with me this time and also she was very indecisive. I think that possibly she's just been having doubts and part of her didn't want to let go but considering we've broken up several times in the past she figured to just let it all go than having to deal with it since she possibly felt that even if we got back together again the same thing will just happen again. That might be what is keeping her from deciding to reconcile with me. However unlike you with your old ex, me and her haven't gotten in a fight in almost a year, things have been very peaceful among us. In fact last time me and her hung out while we were still together was 1 week before she left me. We were having a great time together and she was talking about marriage and how she can't wait until we are married, although we weren't even engaged we had marriage plans for the future. It was a great night we shared together but then the next day she grew very cold, not right away the next day but by the next night. It all had to do with some issues I was having in my immediate family. I Was trying to rescue my sister from an abusive relationship that she's still currently in and so it was just a rough day for me. However somehow that had affected her in some way and then for one week she grew very distant, not wanting to see me nor talk, just a few text but rather than me just letting her have her space I was sort of in her face about it asking why she didn't want to talk. Wrong move on my part.

 

Anyway she never gave me a solid answer but it could be a combo of a few things. The first reason's she gave me was that she just doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, me and her are both in college and were planning and getting engaged right after college but she's had to change her major before since she's just really undecided about where she wants to go in life and doesn't feel ready to make marriage plans or be committed until she has that down. I give her that, I think she does have a point there and I can understand her point of view. Also I just think she's not ready to be seriously committed in general, she told me herself and although she brought up marriage more than I did she would just have these moments where she really isn't ready to settle down and I think it is due to the fact she's undecided about her career path. I know for a fact though she didn't leave me for anyone else, I would know if there's someone else. She even said that she's not planning on having another relationship for a long time and she just wants to stay single for a long time. I guess in a way she just wants to focus on herself for a while. Normally one would think she'd just call it a break but she made no promise to get back together later. Her reason's were "anything can happen" I guess it could also go hand in hand with her not making any committments at the moment since promising a future reconciliation is still keeping a committment.

 

Well with all that aside, I really had no way of really trying to reach around her on that, for one week I did plea and cry and begged her back and then I purchased a few books and talked to a few people and came to the conclusion that the most appropriate action to take is to just agree with the breakup and respect her decision, in which I did just that. I didn't want to be on bad terms with her and neither did I want to push her away more which I was doing. In the past though I seldem had to use NC, last time I grew upset and just told her "fine leave!" and went NC for 2 days right after the breakup, then she came forward crying and eventually within a month we got back together for another 10 months.

 

Moving on though, I continued to do everything right and then we had our last phone conversation before saying our goodbyes. She thought I was going to try and beg her to come back again but it was here that she said she felt our love had to be a certain way and she strived to make it that way but couldn't. She said I was too needy and dependent on her and that's what I feel triggered the breakup. I came across this text message I sent her about a week and a half before she broke things off. We were both having pretty rough days and she seemed really down. So I wrote her saying that she should be willing to open up with me and discuss it since I always let her know when something has been bothering me or is bringing me down and that as a couple we should be there for eachother. I believe this message is what gave her the idea that we have to be dependent on eachother and that idea she didn't like. Honestly the reason I felt this way is because I felt that she didn't have much trust in me and I always build my relationships upon trust so it didn't feel fair that I could just open up to her about anything but she keeps things concealed from me. She did eventually open up with me and I gave her advice that helped her feel better. I've always been the advice guy for everything, except when it comes to my issues I get stumped. However I've dealt with my breakups in the past single handedly without looking towards outside sources. This time itwas very different because she's been keeping herself concealed from me, not willing to just discuss and the different answers I'm getting from her.

 

I can't say I wasn't dependent on her to some extent but there definitely was a misconception since what she took as me being dependent was actually my way of confirming to myself that she trust's me. The issue she had that day had nothing to do with us either, it was about this heart condition her mom has.

 

After that conversation 3 and a half weeks went by and she starts showing interest in me again. The funny thing is last time I talked to her she told me she's decided what she wants to be, which is exactly what I thought she was aiming for anyways so it wasn't a surprise.

 

I'm taking she's still very confused but I know she still loved me a whole bunch when she left. She cried when she broke up with me and told me it's going to be painful for her as well. She cried in our last conversation before getting into NC and told me she still loves me and will never forget me.

 

I don't know what will happen now but I'm going to continue to use the strategy sup has been offering and try to get a good balance of things and see where things go. I honestly do believe it had to do with the dependency deal so I'm hoping I'm proving to her that I'm not as dependent as she thought I was.

 

Sorry about getting into so much detail about my story, I just tend to ramble on sometimes.

 

Hey Wing,

 

Just read your thread and highlighted some points I think I can help you with by reaffirmation and hopefully allaying any fears you have about them.

 

Firstly don't look for a reason 'why?' ever. Never do it, because you will never be told the truth anyway. This happened with me, and anytime my girl gets emotional now I show indifference, because whenever I pressed her it just pushed her away for the wrong reasons. This will eventually lead her to tell me, because I'm not pushing anymore. It could be sometime before she tells, and maybe never, but there are no time limits to this. We sometimes have to make hard decisions for what we want now, by waiting for tomorrow for the answer. Its very hard, but be strong my friend

 

She was talking marriage and you were concerned about a family member and rightly so, just in her mind you were not focused on her. See what Im saying? Again do not press. Just explain. "I feel that when my sister was having problems you felt I didn't care about your wants and desires. You know? It couldn't be further from the truth babe! I was concerned about your wants and desires I was just preoccupied. I'm sure you understand." Then give her a huge smile. Of course you can only explain this when the time is right, not when the atmosphere is heavy or emotional. Okay?

 

You did a great job in respecting the decision and not begging, which is why you are in the situation you are in now i.e. there is LC from what I can see. She is very confused as a result, and I would leave it a few weeks NC and then ask her for lunch or coffee, nothing heavy. Then you can start using some techniques, even as simple as a smile to let her know you are not the enemy. We can work on that later.

 

You were needy? Heck don't worry! So was I (like a little baby!), but now is the time to show you are not. Get out there and work out, get strong. Build yourself up, get your teeth whitened. Get a new haircut, new clothes. Even if its a little change. Heck get a sunbed. Have a bright face, teeth, and when she does see you again, she'll be like. "He's beaming! He's different." Believe me it helps. It's not the solution, but it really helps, because it builds your confidence, and women pick up on confidence. Especially one that is already attracted. Also play sports, get with friends. Go on trips etc. etc. You know the drill!

 

Don't worry about concealment and confusion. Thats what she has girlfriends for Lol! Its proof she is emotionally invested in you otherwise she would be indifferent. So don't worry if she is mad at you. Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.

 

Do you know my friend that when I was on my date this weekend. My girl smiled and reached out to me the whole time? It was more love. Before when we met there was too much emotion. Almost hatred. Believe you me. You have a great opportunity here based upon what I tell you. Right? If I can do it, you can to!

 

Also another great tip. Get yourself a vision board. Huge whiteboard, write down positive affirmations to yourself, write down the positive things you have in your life. Cut out pictures of places, and of you and your girl in happy times. Get up everyday and look at the board and say 'thank you.'' It will make you mentally stronger. Sounds crazy, but it helps.

 

One question. How often have you been talking in the last few days?

[wingman2]

Thanks again for all the help. I really appreciate it. Well 3 weeks ago almost 4 weeks she contacted me for the first time since we said our goodbyes and we texted eachother throughout that week for 4 days then she mentioned wanting to see me. Not sure if I had mentioned this but in her first message to me she said "I know we said we wouldn't talk anymore but some things have been bugging me so much and I've been wondering if you've been thinking of me as much as I've been thinking of you." That was the very first thing she said when she initiated contact with me and throughout that week I put off seeing her until that Friday and told her I would have to think about it. Throughout that entire week she became so eager and impatient to talk and see me but then after we saw eachother that friday she showed no more interest in me until I contacted her a week and a half later asking her questions. That happened a week ago now. Then 2 days later she text's me asking what I'm doing and we've been texting eachother on and off since Friday but it would be like a text or two a day. She hasn't gotten back to me yet but she could be busy. Hope that answers ur question, dunno if I've already mentioned all this before. Thanks again for the advice.

[supersub]

Thanks again for all the help. I really appreciate it. Well 3 weeks ago almost 4 weeks she contacted me for the first time since we said our goodbyes and we texted eachother throughout that week for 4 days then she mentioned wanting to see me. Not sure if I had mentioned this but in her first message to me she said "I know we said we wouldn't talk anymore but some things have been bugging me so much and I've been wondering if you've been thinking of me as much as I've been thinking of you." That was the very first thing she said when she initiated contact with me and throughout that week I put off seeing her until that Friday and told her I would have to think about it. Throughout that entire week she became so eager and impatient to talk and see me but then after we saw eachother that friday she showed no more interest in me until I contacted her a week and a half later asking her questions. That happened a week ago now. Then 2 days later she text's me asking what I'm doing and we've been texting eachother on and off since Friday but it would be like a text or two a day. She hasn't gotten back to me yet but she could be busy. Hope that answers ur question, dunno if I've already mentioned all this before. Thanks again for the advice.

 

Okay. Now you need to go off her radar for a while because these phone, text games are getting you guys no where. Write a letter/email if need be. Reaffirming that you agree with the situation, the break, but tell her you have something great to tell her at another time, it can be anything, and exam grade etc. (we end it positive. It leaves the door open while keeping your pride in tact) Emotions are running too high right now and things are confusing to get you guys to a point where you can just talk without the big pink elephant in the room. Wish her well then disappear. Work on yourself (as I stated above) until you at least can think without emotion. Then try to reconnect. If she contacts you in the meantime. You are doing great, just keep it short and sweet, if she calls in the meantime be polite, but end the call after a few minutes. Your priority during these calls is to remain upbeat, but give little info even if it kills you. If she asks to meet and there is no emotion then by all means meet, but make it on your terms not hers. Remember you want her, but you don't need her. Also No face-book. Don't look at her profile. Its like covering the floor in glass and taking off your shoes. Yep. Done that too!

 

Now I know it feels nuts, but wing its because you are reading that you have to do the opposite of what you are pre-programmed to do. Its perfectly fine to read this and go "How the F..aaa am I supposed to do that!" But you can. Think about it this way. When you push for something, an answer etc. Its like pushing a person into a corner. They want to run away from you. However If you tell them hey I got something i need to tell you, but I will tell you some other time... Guess what?! They will chase you for an answer. See the logic? Okay get started.

 

And yes I have lived this, and its not easy but nothing worthwhile is my friend. In truth I am over this particular hurdle, but its not over for me. Im just at a new point in the game. Everything above I have been through, and you DO come out stronger. Heck you might even not want her back. That's what it does for you. At this point it has to be about you.

 

Right now its a power stalemate. Take the power. Work on yourself, heck build a model ship out of matchsticks. That'll pass the time LOL!

 

Any questions? Just let me know brother.

[wingman2]

Yeah I have a few concerns actually. The information you've given me is very similar to a few books I purchased a week after our break up. It's good advice but it's what I've been trying to apply this entire time. Ive already accepted her decision, applied NC for 3 and a half weeks and during that time I was trying to get over my emotional rollarcoaster. Then she contacts me and that's how we got into this push/pull LC thing.

 

I don't see why I would need to do this all over again, specially considering it's been 2 months and I guess I get scared she'll just move on and not care. My biggest fear is she will find someone new and at that point I feel that it'll be too late. I also feel that I may have had my chance when she contacted me admitting that she misses me to death. Some friends have told me that was my big chance to get her back and few have told me she may want me back but may feel too guilty or scared of rejection from me. I know she wants to talk to me, she wanted to talk for a while even thoug h I put her off I know she wants to talk about something important so ill see if she still wants to and listen to what she has to say. If it's just chit chat ill cut it short but keep it cheerful. I just want to know what she has to say. Tonight I got a lot to do and she hasn't contacted me yet so Ill have my own time tonight.

[lullaby]

Hi Wing! I know you think you can't do all over again, but the point is how you feel right now. From what I read from your story, you're still thinking too much, and too emotional, so you need to find the way to see everything clearer and see the big picture here. Even if she finds someone new, she won't stop loving you that fast, so please don't think about that, it's useless because you would only hurt more.

What I mean is: try to reconnect WITH YOURSELF, think about the things you've done, the things you haven't, what attitude YOU need to have if you want to work things out with her, don't overthink about what SHE feels or thinks because you'll never ever know!!!!

As Sup said, I think you have great chances here, but there's not doubt she is still a bit confussed, and she may be too thinking what to do. So I would go on the NC at least for a week, don't write or anything and we'll see from there. But even if you think that you've already done everything, every single step of NC, working out, bla bla, well, do it again because it means you weren't fully recovered.

We'll survive! you'll see!!

[lullaby]

Now, about my situation? no news guys it's really weird my ex didn't answer my email, I'm beginning to think he might have not received it, because even at our worst times, he answered, and besides, there is no point right? we met last week and everything was perfect and there was a possibility of us talking and meeting again.

 

What should I do? should I contact him to see if he got it? it happened to us in the past, his email from work is a mess and it wouldn't be the first time but... should I wait?

I can't think of him not wanting to talk to me, it'd way too IRRATIONAL!

 

I'm positive though, still working on myself, buying new clothes for me, studying hard. I might get a new job soon, so time will tell, but the everyday step is tough and I miss him. But you know? I don't cry as much as two months ago, I'm definitely getting stronger! See? There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Any advices?

[wingman2]

My ex didn't message me back either and I wrote her 2 nights ago. She may be busy but I'm sure she had time to write a short reply. Last Friday she wrote asking what Im doing and if I can talk for a bit. She wanted to talk to me about something but I was nervous and busy this weekend however now whatever she wanted to talk about isn't important cause she hasn't gotten back to me yet and even last time all she asked was how my day went. I feel like she's playing games with me and I'm having a really rough day and my emotions are all up in the air. I feel so miserable and feel like just arguing with her. I've just about had it.

 

I would suggest not writing him even though it can get frustrating, u had already written him so therefore it's his turn to write back. At least give it a few days.

[supersub]

Now, about my situation? no news guys it's really weird my ex didn't answer my email, I'm beginning to think he might have not received it, because even at our worst times, he answered, and besides, there is no point right? we met last week and everything was perfect and there was a possibility of us talking and meeting again.

 

What should I do? should I contact him to see if he got it? it happened to us in the past, his email from work is a mess and it wouldn't be the first time but... should I wait?

I can't think of him not wanting to talk to me, it'd way too IRRATIONAL!

 

I'm positive though, still working on myself, buying new clothes for me, studying hard. I might get a new job soon, so time will tell, but the everyday step is tough and I miss him. But you know? I don't cry as much as two months ago, I'm definitely getting stronger! See? There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Any advices?

 

Nope, just keep doing what you are doing. He'll come around, he's probably analyzing the email you sent trying to glean meaning from it.

 

[lullaby]

So I've told in my previous thread that I saw my ex bf a week ago after one month separation. Everything went really well, there was no physical connection or anything, but it was really genuine and fun.

The point is that he mentioned wanting to be with me in a probable near future, and I said I would like that too but that I needed time because I was hurt and was getting to know myself with him again. He understood and said the only way to work things out would be with time. Well, the details are on the other thread so...

But I couldn't contain myself and sent him an email on Monday, a week after, which was actually a forward of another email I got which was a greeting to both of us from some people we wet on holidays in Brazil and they were just saluting us, so it wasn't a personal email really. It was friendly and kind and didn't even mention to meet with him, nothing, it was cool and relaxed.

So..... yesterday night he called!! saying he preferred to call me instead of answering my email and began to tell me what he'd been up to this past days since we met, he told me every single detail in his life at the moment, and he even mentioned talking later on in the night but I said I had work to do and would not be able to The talk lasted 12 minutes, it was quite short for the amount of time we normally talk and we never brought up serious issues. I ended up telling him that I would let him know what happens with a new job offer I have and about my grandpa's health. He said he'd love to hear about that and we could then arrange to meet again but there was no date settled, though I decided to let him know that I was unavailable this weekend (and it is true!!!!) just in case, you know?

so.... we'll see.

 

What do you think??? I'm happy with the way I'm acting. I feel like I'm in control and I don't think he is moving on. Besides, he is not even acting as if I were the backup for anything, or just sex, he doesn't act like that. And I do think he is trying to start connecting with me, he left me, he contacted me most of the times and well... now that I've talked about it with some friends, they've come to the conclusion that it was never a break up, that he needed time to sort things out in his "cave" and that's it. Who knows, right??? any advice as to what to do now???

 

Sorry, but I can't help but to see hope at the end of the tunnel.

[supersub]

So I've told in my previous thread that I saw my ex bf a week ago after one month separation. Everything went really well, there was no physical connection or anything, but it was really genuine and fun.

The point is that he mentioned wanting to be with me in a probable near future, and I said I would like that too but that I needed time because I was hurt and was getting to know myself with him again. He understood and said the only way to work things out would be with time. Well, the details are on the other thread so...

But I couldn't contain myself and sent him an email on Monday, a week after, which was actually a forward of another email I got which was a greeting to both of us from some people we wet on holidays in Brazil and they were just saluting us, so it wasn't a personal email really. It was friendly and kind and didn't even mention to meet with him, nothing, it was cool and relaxed.

So..... yesterday night he called!! saying he preferred to call me instead of answering my email and began to tell me what he'd been up to this past days since we met, he told me every single detail in his life at the moment, and he even mentioned talking later on in the night but I said I had work to do and would not be able to The talk lasted 12 minutes, it was quite short for the amount of time we normally talk and we never brought up serious issues. I ended up telling him that I would let him know what happens with a new job offer I have and about my grandpa's health. He said he'd love to hear about that and we could then arrange to meet again but there was no date settled, though I decided to let him know that I was unavailable this weekend (and it is true!!!!) just in case, you know?

so.... we'll see.

 

What do you think??? I'm happy with the way I'm acting. I feel like I'm in control and I don't think he is moving on. Besides, he is not even acting as if I were the backup for anything, or just sex, he doesn't act like that. And I do think he is trying to start connecting with me, he left me, he contacted me most of the times and well... now that I've talked about it with some friends, they've come to the conclusion that it was never a break up, that he needed time to sort things out in his "cave" and that's it. Who knows, right??? any advice as to what to do now???

 

Sorry, but I can't help but to see hope at the end of the tunnel.

 

Good work Lullaby, pleased you didn't resend the email. You have said it yourself; Patience.

 

I told you he would come around and he did. I think you are doing good, and I'm really pleased for you! I know that I did some similar tactics a few weeks ago by not being readily available, just make sure you don't push too hard in either direction, because they can sense it and do the same back to you. Just keep walking the tightrope.

 

Great news you are feeling a connection right now. Feels good doesn't it? I know that's how I felt after a brief meeting a few weeks ago and then the date, but you have to realize that a) You don't want to be too cool about it, cos guess what? Guards go up again. I know because its happened with me prior(hence my choice of title for the post above!) , and b) when you get to this point you are at the cusp of not really needing advice because I think you can use your intuition to follow through i.e. you can drop the guard a little.

 

Let me ask you. How do you see it panning out? Personally I think its time for that first brief date. However I think the ball is firmly in your court.

 

Again. Great work, and pleased you were patient.

 

Supersub

[lullaby]

Hi Sup! Yep! I'm really happy too.

There is one other thing that happened today! He sent me an email asking me about sth he wanted to know. Because on the email I had sent him on Monday, as a PS, I put "you wouldn't guess where I had a barbecue on Saturday". I went out with my parents and had dinner at Puerto madero, the same place I had gone with him, so I left it as an enigma. Hence, he wrote to ask me that, giving me options, as if it were a game, right? I played the game along, and we continued to write all day long. He still hasn't figured it out. On one of my responses, I wrote "well, you should work on it and maybe we could bet on sth" LOL! He fell into the trap and answered "Ok, I think I have the answer, what do I get in return?" and we stopped there. He has to tell me what his bet is but no news so far.

 

Yes, the connection feels great. It's like the good old times, getting to know each other again, and I don't know if it happened to you, but I feel different towards him, flaws that I had, I see that I'm changing them, and it's for the better.

 

I surely believe I can work on my own now, but I wanted you guys to know! because we've all been in this sort of situation so...

 

According to your question, yes, I do see that the ball is completely on my court. It's high time we decided on a date anytime soon. I'll see how this email chain goes and if all goes well, I may drop a hint to plan on going out someday.

 

How is your situation going?

 

Thanks for all!

[supersub]

Hi Sup! Yep! I'm really happy too.

There is one other thing that happened today! He sent me an email asking me about sth he wanted to know. Because on the email I had sent him on Monday, as a PS, I put "you wouldn't guess where I had a barbecue on Saturday". I went out with my parents and had dinner at Puerto madero, the same place I had gone with him, so I left it as an enigma. Hence, he wrote to ask me that, giving me options, as if it were a game, right? I played the game along, and we continued to write all day long. He still hasn't figured it out. On one of my responses, I wrote "well, you should work on it and maybe we could bet on sth" LOL! He fell into the trap and answered "Ok, I think I have the answer, what do I get in return?" and we stopped there. He has to tell me what his bet is but no news so far.

 

Yes, the connection feels great. It's like the good old times, getting to know each other again, and I don't know if it happened to you, but I feel different towards him, flaws that I had, I see that I'm changing them, and it's for the better.

 

I surely believe I can work on my own now, but I wanted you guys to know! because we've all been in this sort of situation so...

 

According to your question, yes, I do see that the ball is completely on my court. It's high time we decided on a date anytime soon. I'll see how this email chain goes and if all goes well, I may drop a hint to plan on going out someday.

 

How is your situation going?

 

Thanks for all!

 

Good stuff, your game plan is working well. Proud of ya! Keep it up!

 

Me? Not sure, she said she would contact but hasn't as of yet.

 

Whatever will be will be...

[lullaby]

Just to let you know he contacted me today again and we even bumped into each other on the subway!!!! (but we didn't talk, it was crowded and were both in a hurry) but it's like in the movies LOL!!

Anyway, he said he is still thinking about "the bet", he wants to drive me crazy and I love it, he used to do that when we first started dating. It's a sort of silly innocent game and it's so funny because we drop hints but then act as if nothing ever happened.

Hope you're doing well

[supersub]

Just to let you know he contacted me today again and we even bumped into each other on the subway!!!! (but we didn't talk, it was crowded and were both in a hurry) but it's like in the movies LOL!!

Anyway, he said he is still thinking about "the bet", he wants to drive me crazy and I love it, he used to do that when we first started dating. It's a sort of silly innocent game and it's so funny because we drop hints but then act as if nothing ever happened.

Hope you're doing well

 

More good news Lull, well done, keep it up.

 

I'm doing okay, starting to wonder a little about whats happening in my situation. Great date the weekend. she reached out a lot, very touchy feely. I was natural and didnt push unless I felt comfortable. I was fun, she looked at me with the look I know etc. She wanted to walk hand in hand, arms round each other etc. Calling me honey etc. Nothing strange. Great!

 

She says she will call, but nothing so far. Not that I've been waiting, because I've been very busy this week, but I thought about it tonite, and I was thinking she would have made contact by now. See if she doesn't by the start of next week then I will go off to my own again and won't be readily picking up the phone if she calls i.e. my guard will go back up. She's either playing me against other potential suitors, or shes playing it cool, either way its not helping her, and its actually pushing me away. We are either reconnecting which is fine, or we are not which is fine also.

 

As a second opinion; What do you think Lull?

[lullaby]

Thanks! Yep, I'm great actually. We'll see what happens now when he decides to tell me what are we betting for, right?

 

As regards your situation, I don't see it's that bad. You said it yourself, it's time and patience and you don't have to push it.

After seeing my ex (although it wasn't a first date because it sort of came out like that) but I waited a week and couldn't help it and sent him an email and that's why we are connecting like this now. I don't know if he was going to write me that soon!!!

So, my point is that if you had a great date, just as you are thinking and recalling everything, she may be too. I don't think she is playing you. You told me about guards going up and down and pushing too much or not. She may be waiting for your call too!!! You told me that in my case! So I would just wait a couple of days, I don't know, until Monday, and perhaps you could send her a text asking how she is doing and then we'll see what your next move should be. There is no point trying to figure out what is on her mind because you'll never know. If she was caring and treated you lovely, then I would not worry. You already are on another position now, you've been through the struggles and pain and know how to move on from now, so don't be afraid to show her you still care. Each couple is different and as I see it, you have a great shot at it, just like me.

 

I would suggest that. Wait a couple of days. She may not know what to say or do at this point and that may be her reason for not calling you. She needs to see what is left after that first date with you, how she feels.

 

You know her, I don't. What do you think? Will she take it as desperate if you contact her on Monday? At least just to check up on her?

[supersub]

Thanks! Yep, I'm great actually. We'll see what happens now when he decides to tell me what are we betting for, right?

 

As regards your situation, I don't see it's that bad. You said it yourself, it's time and patience and you don't have to push it.

After seeing my ex (although it wasn't a first date because it sort of came out like that) but I waited a week and couldn't help it and sent him an email and that's why we are connecting like this now. I don't know if he was going to write me that soon!!!

So, my point is that if you had a great date, just as you are thinking and recalling everything, she may be too. I don't think she is playing you. You told me about guards going up and down and pushing too much or not. She may be waiting for your call too!!! You told me that in my case! So I would just wait a couple of days, I don't know, until Monday, and perhaps you could send her a text asking how she is doing and then we'll see what your next move should be. There is no point trying to figure out what is on her mind because you'll never know. If she was caring and treated you lovely, then I would not worry. You already are on another position now, you've been through the struggles and pain and know how to move on from now, so don't be afraid to show her you still care. Each couple is different and as I see it, you have a great shot at it, just like me.

 

I would suggest that. Wait a couple of days. She may not know what to say or do at this point and that may be her reason for not calling you. She needs to see what is left after that first date with you, how she feels.

 

You know her, I don't. What do you think? Will she take it as desperate if you contact her on Monday? At least just to check up on her?

 

Its funny isnt it? We can always offer advice to others but we doubt it when we try to apply it to our own situations. That's why other people are so important. Thanks for your response Lull I really appreciate it!

 

I guess I'm being a little impatient today. But this stuff can be a little arduous and there are times where you feel like its a stalemate. I'm kind of tired of the whole thing to be honest today, just want to move forward either with or without. Buts its just today. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. Guess I'm tired.

 

As for calling. I arranged for the date. That's why I said call me, and I don't think that's too much to ask, give and take. I also think that in my hurried state, 3 or 4 days isnt long. Its just that I thought we were reconnecting, maybe I'm hurrying it in my mind?

 

You are right, she may not know what to say. I never really thought of that. Needed a female perspective.

 

I guess once again we shall see.

 

Thanks!

[lullaby]

Its funny isnt it? We can always offer advice to others but we doubt it when we try to apply it to our own situations. That's why other people are so important. Thanks for your response Lull I really appreciate it!

 

I guess I'm being a little impatient today. But this stuff can be a little arduous and there are times where you feel like its a stalemate. I'm kind of tired of the whole thing to be honest today, just want to move forward either with or without. Buts its just today. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. Guess I'm tired.

 

As for calling. I arranged for the date. That's why I said call me, and I don't think that's too much to ask, give and take. I also think that in my hurried state, 3 or 4 days isnt long. Its just that I thought we were reconnecting, maybe I'm hurrying it in my mind?

 

You are right, she may not know what to say. I never really thought of that. Needed a female perspective.

 

I guess once again we shall see.

 

Thanks!

 

Yes, this is like that. We never know what to do but look certain and confident when providing advice to others!!

Look, last Friday I was really down, I was hoping he would contact me and he didn't, so I had a bad day and was anxious like you. But on Saturday everything looked better. Besides, the upcoming days to the weekend and the weekend itself are the worst!!!

I said she may not know what to say because I've been in that situation, I was the dumper in my previous relationship, and whenever I had the urge to call my ex I knew he would be expecting a sort of answer, or response to anything, and since I could not give it, I didn't call. Fool me because it was too late when I decided to express it all.

Go through this day and tell me tomorrow how you feel.

 

Thanks to you too! your words really helped me

[supersub]

Yes, this is like that. We never know what to do but look certain and confident when providing advice to others!!

Look, last Friday I was really down, I was hoping he would contact me and he didn't, so I had a bad day and was anxious like you. But on Saturday everything looked better. Besides, the upcoming days to the weekend and the weekend itself are the worst!!!

I said she may not know what to say because I've been in that situation, I was the dumper in my previous relationship, and whenever I had the urge to call my ex I knew he would be expecting a sort of answer, or response to anything, and since I could not give it, I didn't call. Fool me because it was too late when I decided to express it all.

Go through this day and tell me tomorrow how you feel.

 

Thanks to you too! your words really helped me

 

Thanks Lull, anytime! Tell you what. I'll hold you up if you feel down if you can offer me the odd word of encouragement when I am doubtful. Sound fair?

 

Thanks so much.

 

Sup.

 

THanks again!

[lullaby]

It sounds fair to me! keep me posted!!

 

You're welcome!

[supersub]

It sounds fair to me! keep me posted!!

 

You're welcome!

 

Nothing to report today but I am feeling better thanks:cool:. Just came back from a workout. Will write some music tonight, perhaps see friends later. Kind of tired from working this week so Im not fussed if I dont go out.

 

Tomorrow I'm going shopping maybe get a haircut, but I need new sneakers and some shirts.

 

Sunday I have a soccer game.

 

How are things on your end?

[lullaby]

Good to hear you're doing better today!! you'll have tons of moments of "weakness" and doubts, as you told me (I have them too!) but this is the path you and I choose.

But you seem to have your weekend planned! congrats!!! Keep on improving yourself, even if it is with a haircut, you'll surely feel a lot better!

 

From my end, I've been terribly busy these days and it won't stop! I had a job interview today and it went really well, we'll see!! Besides, I've been attending a congress about Translation and Interpreting and I'm locked up in this hotel all day long so there's no room for me to think! I'm so excited about this because I'm learning a lot! and I'll be going there tomorrow and on Sunday too so you can imagine the rest of my weekend right?

Anyway, I'm hoping to have a call or text from him though, but I'm doing fine, time is passing rapidly and I know he will appear soon, he has the ball on his court now! It's just that there is sparkle growing again and I miss him terribly!

 

Keep me posted!!!!

[supersub]

Good to hear you're doing better today!! you'll have tons of moments of "weakness" and doubts, as you told me (I have them too!) but this is the path you and I choose.

But you seem to have your weekend planned! congrats!!! Keep on improving yourself, even if it is with a haircut, you'll surely feel a lot better!

 

From my end, I've been terribly busy these days and it won't stop! I had a job interview today and it went really well, we'll see!! Besides, I've been attending a congress about Translation and Interpreting and I'm locked up in this hotel all day long so there's no room for me to think! I'm so excited about this because I'm learning a lot! and I'll be going there tomorrow and on Sunday too so you can imagine the rest of my weekend right?

Anyway, I'm hoping to have a call or text from him though, but I'm doing fine, time is passing rapidly and I know he will appear soon, he has the ball on his court now! It's just that there is sparkle growing again and I miss him terribly!

 

Keep me posted!!!!

 

Im good. Staying strong. Hung with friends tonight, have a great sense of freedom and future, a great night.

 

It's funny, John Mayer's 'Heartbreak Warfare' came on in the bar tonight. Unbelievable how that songs lyrics perfectly fit the situation that many of us find ourselves in. However we are all still perfectly capable of being happy with or without that person. Pride and guard is so powerful that we can truly lose the people we love because of it, however when all is said and done we always lose the people we love. Its just question of where when and how. Whether we are in a 1,2,5 year relationship, a marriage. We DO always lose the people we love.

 

Pleased you are feeling busy and confident Lull. Congratulations on a successful job interview. That will give you more confidence, and that's always a good thing. Just keep on keeping on. Thats another signal that the universe will send to him, I think success is close for you.

 

Best,

 

Sup.

[supersub]

Well she called today, conversation was okay I guess, we are supposed to hang out in the week and have dinner as that's all that either of us can offer (we both have other commitments in the week). After the date last week I felt a renewed connection as she told me she did, but after the phone conversation it always seems to feel like we are both trying to state how great our lives are right now, trying to play it cool, and to be honest its a little frustrating. I'm trying to figure out how to get beyond this piece of the game. Like I said after a week of no communication, but a great date, it seems the guards have gone up again. On both sides of the isle, but no one ever said this would be easy.

 

It seems relentless, but I guess we shall see what the week brings.

[lullaby]

Hi Sup! Ok, she called. Did she say she'd like to see you this week or did you say it? how did you feel the conversation? of course it's gonna be a bit weird but actions are all that matter right now and the fact is she called and you'll see her, so we'll go from there after you meet.

I think it's great she called and contacted you so don't overthink too much and wait till you see her. I do believe guards have gone up a bit though, as you said, but you know? I think it's gonna be like that for a while, until you both feel 100% strong and let yourself go again without no fear, because it's not that you're completely "cured" and have no problem in letting your feelings show, so why should she?

Man, this is hard, right? we know this was not gonna be easy and it certainly isn't but remember what your goal is and you said it yourself. You prefer to fight for this than having nothing at all.

 

From my end, I'm having a sort of sad night (yeah, I gave you advice and now I feel down!!!! I should read my words, right?)

I was out all day in the congress and just arrived but the night is taking its toll now and I'm missing him so much. He has to call, text or sth. These are the moments when I hate the situation I'm in. I'm only happy when he calls!!!!! and this can't be! My God!!!!! And when I think about it I say to myself: "Go easy on it, please! he sent you an email on Thursday, give it time!!!" but I can't help myself and wonder where he is, who he is with, "does he miss me?" "is he meeting another woman???" ahhhhhh!!!

 

Anyway, I'll try to resist. He'll come around eventually, he has an answer to provide and can't run away because HE started the game, right???

 

I'm crazy... I know