Met with ex bf after 1 month! Sunday! what happened!!!!

[lullaby]

Ha ha!

 

Thanks Lull.

 

Yes there is always an element of risk in this situations, but like you have told me if you don't risk something then you will end up with nothing. At least you guys are BOTH trying. There will be periods when the guards up, but as long as you are still high on their agenda then I think there are no worries. For example. I dont think that when I was reconnecting that I was HIGH on my ex's agenda at all.

 

You guys are different. Its not like hes hanging out with loads of other people either trying to prove something. I can tell you that my ex had filled the void with lots of new friends, guys and girls, I was traded very quickly like a baseball card. A very different situation.

 

You guys are talking avidly and it seems, very enthusiastically also texting back and forth and the like and that is great. Keep on going. Little steps.

 

I just bought a self help book online. Not going to say the title, but in my struggle I've noticed some things I want to work on, and improve in myself. I want to be a better person so if I get into a relationship again I will have my self esteem in tact.

It's true that you need to be totally 'cleaned' from all what happened to have a new relationship.

 

That's been a real battle after this recent slap in the face. Self esteem. When we we were reconnecting and prior, I felt really good. But since that fateful day just a few weeks ago the self esteem took a knock. So I am working hard to keep it from falling.

 

I am just trying to regain that balance that I need. You know? Just trying to keep the faith.

 

Ive prayed a lot too. Ive been thankful for the wonderful things I do have in my life. Ive also asked for forgiveness for being in such a rut. I think it only right to do that. I'm not a religious nut by any stretch. Its very personal for me.

 

So how are you doing today? Do you feel better? Different? How are you coping?

 

Sup:cool:

 

Right. As I said, if it's not 50/50 is not worth it, but it's still complicated, because there are moments when one doubts if it's even or not, but I think it is with him, we are both trying in our different ways.

 

He is certainly assuring me that he's not into someone else, because whenever we talk he puts emphasis on "I didn't go out" or this and that. Or even when we spent our night together, it showed that he hadn't had sex for a long time like me LOL! You can tell.

 

Now I see I never get to know in full detail your break up, I know the important part, but not the details. If you ever want to share them with me, you know you can, right?

 

Thanks! yes, I'll keep going, nothing much I can do right now

I'm fine. It depends on the day and the events during the day. I was sad yesterday, but once he called, I was OK again Of course I'm anxious and eager, but as long as we talk or text, I get by, because that's something really important and means he is THERE and not moving away. We both have busy lives with tons of things so I'm used to this rhythm.

I'm pretty good actually, happy today and feel like growing personally more and more each day. Thanks for asking!!

 

Really? you bought a book? Well, good for you!!!! they help a lot and whatever you can do to renew yourself and regain your self esteem, then go ahead and do it!

 

It's also great to be thankful for everything you have. You were strong enough to start a reconnection process, and you're strong now to be better, you're not throwing yourself to bed and doing nothing!!! It doesn't matter if you're religious or not, you should be thankful, and do you see everything you're doing to improve???? THAT'S EXCELLENT!!!!!

 

Hope you have a great day!! What are your plans for the week? keep really busy and keep working on you.

 

I'll let you know if there are news!

[supersub]

Right. As I said, if it's not 50/50 is not worth it, but it's still complicated, because there are moments when one doubts if it's even or not, but I think it is with him, we are both trying in our different ways.

 

He is certainly assuring me that he's not into someone else, because whenever we talk he puts emphasis on "I didn't go out" or this and that. Or even when we spent our night together, it showed that he hadn't had sex for a long time like me LOL! You can tell.

 

Now I see I never get to know in full detail your break up, I know the important part, but not the details. If you ever want to share them with me, you know you can, right?

 

Thanks! yes, I'll keep going, nothing much I can do right now

I'm fine. It depends on the day and the events during the day. I was sad yesterday, but once he called, I was OK again Of course I'm anxious and eager, but as long as we talk or text, I get by, because that's something really important and means he is THERE and not moving away. We both have busy lives with tons of things so I'm used to this rhythm.

I'm pretty good actually, happy today and feel like growing personally more and more each day. Thanks for asking!!

 

Really? you bought a book? Well, good for you!!!! they help a lot and whatever you can do to renew yourself and regain your self esteem, then go ahead and do it!

 

It's also great to be thankful for everything you have. You were strong enough to start a reconnection process, and you're strong now to be better, you're not throwing yourself to bed and doing nothing!!! It doesn't matter if you're religious or not, you should be thankful, and do you see everything you're doing to improve???? THAT'S EXCELLENT!!!!!

 

Hope you have a great day!! What are your plans for the week? keep really busy and keep working on you.

 

I'll let you know if there are news!

 

Thanks again Lull.

 

I don't like to talk too much about the issues of our breakup, but lets put it this way. I am older than she is. I think that I wanted more, and became a little needy. She did some things which I thought were out of order, like staying in touch with Ex's. I had enough because I felt like she had one foot out the door. I wanted to breakup cos I was hurt from that and other stuff, she agreed. I also broke up cos I knew I didn't feel like myself anymore. I had lost myself A big flag! Then you know the rest of the story.

 

Its just weird. In the beginning she did all the chasing. I wasn't really interested, then I got suckered in. for the first 18 months. It was a loving relationship, but when I was losing her or felt she had one foot out, I tried to make it better. Gifts, etc. I just became a carbon copy of who I really am. Lost my confidence.

 

But now I am going out to get it back, but its not just about getting me back. Its also about learning something new to take forward so this doesn't happen again.

 

I read something great the other day on a forum.

 

They used Rocky III as a metaphor. Yeah I know! Rocky flippin III! LOL!

 

It basically said that Rocky didn't beg Clubber Lang for his belt back. He just TOOK it.

 

Now despite my loathing of the Rocky Sequels. It did make sense.

 

You just have to get back to you and take it back. That's what I'm going to do.

 

So are you fed up with the process or happy with the rate its going? From here you seem a little back and forth. Understandable of course.

 

You will figure it out though.

 

Well this week. I'm looking forward to the World Cup starting. Not many plans, but hope to spend time with Friends on Sat. I also plan to run and workout this week.

 

What about you?

[supersub]

BTW. I'm not saying it was all her fault. I am as much to blame. I just couldn't carry on the way it was. Not when you lose your identity. We also could never seem to resolve our issues by communicating. If I asked about a problem, or tried to resolve it, usually she didn't want to talk about it, so nothing got resolved. At least that's what it seemed like from my perspective, but it takes two to get a relationship started and two to end it.

[paperchase]

BTW. I'm not saying it was all her fault. I am as much to blame. I just couldn't carry on the way it was. Not when you lose your identity. We also could never seem to resolve our issues by communicating. If I asked about a problem, or tried to resolve it, usually she didn't want to talk about it, so nothing got resolved. At least that's what it seemed like from my perspective, but it takes two to get a relationship started and two to end it.

 

They never want to talk once they've mentally checked out. Talking applies pressure they don't want to deal with. They also get impatient and easily irritated. I have no idea about your situation but I have been in an on again off again relationship with someone much younger than me and our first major breakup was a year ago. While she was pulling away I was doing all I could to fix stuff. I was working on us and she was working on replacing me. Yes, she came back but a year later we are broken up again.

 

Honestly, this thread is really sad. Listening to how one poster waits with baited breath for the love of their life to take them back is depressing. It underscores the need for NC. I read the first post about the new car and romantic drive, then the last page and it was as I expected. Breaking NC was a mistake. The dumper now has the keys to the car and the dumpee is pining and their day turns on whether they get a phone call from the person who hurt them. That's no way to life and even if the relationship does start again, the dumpee will always be in a position of weakness. The dynamic is etched in stone.

 

You mentioned how you changed and lost yourself. I can relate to that. By the end of my relationship the first time I was walking on eggshells, bending over backwards and just being pathetic. When she first met me I was walking tall, had my pick of women, and she chased me down knowing she was one of many. She fought for my love and got it. Once she got it, I think I changed. I think I lost my edge and I gave her the reigns to the relationship. I think had I been more detached and less needy maybe things would have been different. Then again, some say you should not have to manipulate your feelings when you find the right person. It's tough to micromanage love like that. Just some food for thought as you restore your swag (i.e., confidence).

[supersub]

They never want to talk once they've mentally checked out. Talking applies pressure they don't want to deal with. They also get impatient and easily irritated. I have no idea about your situation but I have been in an on again off again relationship with someone much younger than me and our first major breakup was a year ago. While she was pulling away I was doing all I could to fix stuff. I was working on us and she was working on replacing me. Yes, she came back but a year later we are broken up again.

 

Honestly, this thread is really sad. Listening to how one poster waits with baited breath for the love of their life to take them back is depressing. It underscores the need for NC. I read the first post about the new car and romantic drive, then the last page and it was as I expected. Breaking NC was a mistake. The dumper now has the keys to the car and the dumpee is pining and their day turns on whether they get a phone call from the person who hurt them. That's no way to life and even if the relationship does start again, the dumpee will always be in a position of weakness. The dynamic is etched in stone.

 

You mentioned how you changed and lost yourself. I can relate to that. By the end of my relationship the first time I was walking on eggshells, bending over backwards and just being pathetic. When she first met me I was walking tall, had my pick of women, and she chased me down knowing she was one of many. She fought for my love and got it. Once she got it, I think I changed. I think I lost my edge and I gave her the reigns to the relationship. I think had I been more detached and less needy maybe things would have been different. Then again, some say you should not have to manipulate your feelings when you find the right person. It's tough to micromanage love like that. Just some food for thought as you restore your swag (i.e., confidence).

 

Hey Paper,

 

Good always comes from bad.

 

I know it will get better. No doubt in my mind.

 

And Lull and I have been talking for a month now. I personally believe her situation is very tangible.

 

So no I don't think the thread is sad. I think there is hope, and there are other threads that are far sadder.

 

I think in the modern age, you can love someone but you have to leave some things in reserve and just not rely too much on them. Certainly something I will use moving forward.

 

I certainly appreciate your insights Paper, and hope to hear more from you.

 

Sup

[lullaby]

Hey Paper,

 

Good always comes from bad.

 

I know it will get better. No doubt in my mind.

 

And Lull and I have been talking for a month now. I personally believe her situation is very tangible.

 

So no I don't think the thread is sad. I think there is hope, and there are other threads that are far sadder.

 

I think in the modern age, you can love someone but you have to leave some things in reserve and just not rely too much on them. Certainly something I will use moving forward.

 

I certainly appreciate your insights Paper, and hope to hear more from you.

 

Sup

 

Thanks for your words, Sup! And I also believe the situation is tangible. I've been a dumper once and it's not easy either, and I hoped for a second chance that time and they never gave it to me.

As regards this relationship, it's not that he cheated on me, or anything, but, anyway, I accept opinions from all and I'm not naive, but I do think that the thread is not sad, it's just a roller coaster of emotions and we've been contacting for over a month, like you say Sup, so little details are important sometimes, like a call or a text.

 

OK, I didn't know all this! Didn't know you had changed so much for her, so now I can see more where you're coming from, and if you say you may have expected something different from the relationship, then it's clear what you needed in the reconnection process = something she didn't provide.

 

Besides, the worst thing you can do is lose confidence, and that tends to happen when you're shattered in pieces, but that's the one thing you should never lose.

 

You know I read the same? well, something about Rocky and the situation fits perfectly. You don't have to ask and 'try' to get it, JUST GET IT BACK! No second guesses, no anything, just win back your confidence and be that guy you miss so much.

 

Me? It's not that I'm fed up, I'm anxious, in every aspect of my life so.... that's the hardest part, I know it'll be fine, but I just can't wait! But I also think that taking baby steps is necessary. Remember how I told you the things I saw that were wrong about me? Well, they came out with time, and it's all we need to make it work so I'm happy. But that happiness of course comes when he is THERE, when I know he will call, or text, or be there for little details.

 

Like today, he thought it was going to be my first day at the new job and sent a text wishing good luck (he didn't know I'm beginning next week LOL).

 

And that's why it looks I go back and forth, because is not the same security as when you're together again, right? Anything can happen and that uncertainty is hard to handle sometimes.

 

Good! Keep busy, run, work out, read the book, hang out with friends and enjoy!!

 

Let me know how you're doing these days, OK?

[2sunny]

soooooo, he only needs to make a phone call and send texts for you to continue waiting around to actually participate in this pretend relationship?

 

did you notice he called from home? did you notice he could have just come to see you instead of texting all afternoon/evening?

 

but nooooo, he was supposed to be working... and instead he text you - since he wasn't putting all his effort into his project... why not just make an effort to see you? spend time with you? you settle for a phone call and texting and that makes you happy. it's really not enough and you know it. you have settled for a pretend boyfriend. one that takes up emotional and mental energy but never takes you out...

 

come on - just break up with him. you have trained him that you will tolerate that little bit of energy he's making for you. you deserve more than that.

 

if YOU want more - say so... and demand it - or break up!

 

but stop waiting around for life to begin.

 

get out there and start living every day - without him - without waiting for him - without checking up on what he's doing or where he's calling from.

[lullaby]

soooooo, he only needs to make a phone call and send texts for you to continue waiting around to actually participate in this pretend relationship?

 

did you notice he called from home? did you notice he could have just come to see you instead of texting all afternoon/evening?

 

but nooooo, he was supposed to be working... and instead he text you - since he wasn't putting all his effort into his project... why not just make an effort to see you? spend time with you? you settle for a phone call and texting and that makes you happy. it's really not enough and you know it. you have settled for a pretend boyfriend. one that takes up emotional and mental energy but never takes you out...

 

come on - just break up with him. you have trained him that you will tolerate that little bit of energy he's making for you. you deserve more than that.

 

if YOU want more - say so... and demand it - or break up!

 

but stop waiting around for life to begin.

 

get out there and start living every day - without him - without waiting for him - without checking up on what he's doing or where he's calling from.

 

Thanks for posting Sunny, but you really got it all wrong. I'm sorry to tell you. Don't know if you've read the whole post, because it's not just one thread.

 

Besides, I'm not back with him, he's not my boyfriend now and I'm free to meet whoever I want and don't need to let him know about it.

 

The fact that I like him texting and calling is because it's a way to reconnect, we are in that process, and as we're not couple again, why should we meet every single free moment we have??? We've spent time together already, and I have a life too you know??? Of course I'd like to see him much more, but I CAN'T either, I guess that part you don't know, and oh, I work too! So I don't have all the time in the world to see him, so yes, he was working and so was I, what else can you do but text?

It's not a relationship yet, so why should we act as in a relationship?

 

Sorry for my bluntness but I wonder if you ever gave a second chance to someone or you're just sending negative vibes because you never dared to...

 

Btw, I'm living, I got a new job, I'm studying, going out with friends, so...

 

Thanks anyway, I appreciate it, but this is a delicate subject and I'd rather you read the whole post before thinking you know how I feel...

[2sunny]

Thanks for posting Sunny, but you really got it all wrong. I'm sorry to tell you. Don't know if you've read the whole post, because it's not just one thread.

 

Besides, I'm not back with him, he's not my boyfriend now and I'm free to meet whoever I want and don't need to let him know about it.

 

The fact that I like him texting and calling is because it's a way to reconnect, we are in that process, and as we're not couple again, why should we meet every single free moment we have??? We've spent time together already, and I have a life too you know??? Of course I'd like to see him much more, but I CAN'T either, I guess that part you don't know, and oh, I work too! So I don't have all the time in the world to see him, so yes, he was working and so was I, what else can you do but text?

It's not a relationship yet, so why should we act as in a relationship?

 

Sorry for my bluntness but I wonder if you ever gave a second chance to someone or you're just sending negative vibes because you never dared to...

 

Btw, I'm living, I got a new job, I'm studying, going out with friends, so...

 

Thanks anyway, I appreciate it, but this is a delicate subject and I'd rather you read the whole post before thinking you know how I feel...

 

i feel you being defensive from here - each time i've posted. i have read it.

 

be honest with yourself.

 

you want more - and YOU do have time. we all have time even when we are busy... we MAKE time for the one we want to be with. have you seen that movie "he's just not that into you?"

 

IF he wanted to - he would MAKE it happen.

 

a reconciliation - if it's top priority - never moves this slowly.

 

just asking you to be honest with yourself... look at the bigger picture, not just your feelings. it never matters what a man says - it matters only what he does... and he's DOING nothing... so you really have no reconciliation happening.

 

and yes, i've done second chances. i'm an experienced woman who only has your written word here to work from. they work if both people make 100% effort to be sure each person is top priority. i'm not seeing that here.

 

i see you being hopeful and wanting more. in the meantime, he is busy and not making much effort. then i see you settling for not much effort in order to justify to yourself no action on his part.

 

make it easier... tell him EXACTLY what would make you happy. what would that look like? be specific with him. if he can't do it, move on and find a man that can give you what make you happy.

[supersub]

Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion on such things.

 

I think you have to take things slowly at the beginning. I think that its possible both parties would love to give 100 % but are scared of messing up.

 

As time moves on they either will reconcile correctly or they wont.

 

I know couples personally that have reconnected or tried to reconnect. One couple was successful (they are now engaged), the others were not, but the one common denominator between them was that they took their time, and it took time to build trust again and I think this is what Lullaby is talking about. You cannot rush back to where you were because that relationship didn't work did it? Its about reconnecting, setting boundaries and setting trust, and communicating again. And yes its a minefield and yes, it could fail, but if you don't try then you will never know.

 

Just my ten cents.

[lullaby]

Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion on such things.

 

I think you have to take things slowly at the beginning. I think that its possible both parties would love to give 100 % but are scared of messing up.

 

As time moves on they either will reconcile correctly or they wont.

 

I know couples personally that have reconnected or tried to reconnect. One couple was successful (they are now engaged), the others were not, but the one common denominator between them was that they took their time, and it took time to build trust again and I think this is what Lullaby is talking about. You cannot rush back to where you were because that relationship didn't work did it? Its about reconnecting, setting boundaries and setting trust, and communicating again. And yes its a minefield and yes, it could fail, but if you don't try then you will never know.

 

Just my ten cents.

 

yes, of course everyone is entitled to have their own opinion and I truly appreciate each of them.

I really have hope in this relationship and I’m planning on letting him know what I expect from it, but I had to let some time pass by.

It was my decision to open the door to him again and I’m trying because I believe there’s so much more we can share together and I'm having a go at it, but it also took me time to realize that, and I do believe his intentions are honest, because you know what? I would doubt if things moved that fast, and wait, he did intend to go back to routine like things we used to do and I pushed him away because I wanted a new relationship based on full trust and honesty. it’s confusing, I know, but time is our best shot right now.

I know of couples who went through a reconnection process and did very well, so there’s hope, but one thing is for sure, I won’t settle for nothing, I know what I want from him and I will speak my mind so I’ll let you know.

how are you Sup? any news?

[supersub]

yes, of course everyone is entitled to have their own opinion and I truly appreciate each of them.

I really have hope in this relationship and I’m planning on letting him know what I expect from it, but I had to let some time pass by.

It was my decision to open the door to him again and I’m trying because I believe there’s so much more we can share together and I'm having a go at it, but it also took me time to realize that, and I do believe his intentions are honest, because you know what? I would doubt if things moved that fast, and wait, he did intend to go back to routine like things we used to do and I pushed him away because I wanted a new relationship based on full trust and honesty. it’s confusing, I know, but time is our best shot right now.

I know of couples who went through a reconnection process and did very well, so there’s hope, but one thing is for sure, I won’t settle for nothing, I know what I want from him and I will speak my mind so I’ll let you know.

how are you Sup? any news?

 

No Lull,

 

Everything is quiet, and you know what, for the first time. I'm enjoying it.

 

Did you read about my dream? Its in coping.

 

Went for a 5 mile run last night with my IPOD and felt totally free.

 

How are you doing?

 

Hanging in there?

 

Remember what I said? You will never know their motives unless you try.

 

I still believe you still got a good chance kiddo!

[lullaby]

No Lull,

 

Everything is quiet, and you know what, for the first time. I'm enjoying it.

 

Did you read about my dream? Its in coping.

 

Went for a 5 mile run last night with my IPOD and felt totally free.

 

How are you doing?

 

Hanging in there?

 

Remember what I said? You will never know their motives unless you try.

 

I still believe you still got a good chance kiddo!

 

Good. Sometimes quietness is the best outcome possible, because it gives you a sort of serenity and you can analyze what you feel and there're no messy thoughts swirling through your mind. So you're feeling better then, aren't you? at least you're not so down as a couple of days ago. You don't sound like it

 

couldn't find the post of your dream, how is it called?

 

I'm doing fine. I have a lot to study and these days I'm staying at home because I'll start in my new job next week so these days come out really handy for me to prepare everything for the upcoming exams and to relax a bit so that's great

 

thanks for the good vibes! as I already said, I'm already in the game, I won't quit now. I have mixed emotions though, because from time to time I have the desire to play really really hard to get you know, like, not wanting to send any text or anything, but then I think 'what for?' who am I kidding? he knows how I feel so there's no point in doing that at this stage of the process

 

there's been quite a progress these days because he called during the weekend as I told you, he texted me on Monday and yesterday. Still no news about the weekend, don't know what to do about that. I would like to know if I'm seeing him though because otherwise I would fix something with my friend, we want to go and see Sex and the city II so... I guess the proper solution to that would be just to arrange with my friend and if calls to meet, well, that's a pity, but I can't do that yet!!!

 

I don't need to tell you that if I don't see him this weekend because he can't, I won't be happy and I will start to lose interest in this reconnection because the obvious next step is for us to meet some time soon, right?

 

any suggestions? I hate myself for acting as such a child sup!!!

 

I'm good though, is the f*** anxiety that always troubles me!! LOL!

[supersub]

Good. Sometimes quietness is the best outcome possible, because it gives you a sort of serenity and you can analyze what you feel and there're no messy thoughts swirling through your mind. So you're feeling better then, aren't you? at least you're not so down as a couple of days ago. You don't sound like it

 

couldn't find the post of your dream, how is it called?

 

I'm doing fine. I have a lot to study and these days I'm staying at home because I'll start in my new job next week so these days come out really handy for me to prepare everything for the upcoming exams and to relax a bit so that's great

 

thanks for the good vibes! as I already said, I'm already in the game, I won't quit now. I have mixed emotions though, because from time to time I have the desire to play really really hard to get you know, like, not wanting to send any text or anything, but then I think 'what for?' who am I kidding? he knows how I feel so there's no point in doing that at this stage of the process

 

there's been quite a progress these days because he called during the weekend as I told you, he texted me on Monday and yesterday. Still no news about the weekend, don't know what to do about that. I would like to know if I'm seeing him though because otherwise I would fix something with my friend, we want to go and see Sex and the city II so... I guess the proper solution to that would be just to arrange with my friend and if calls to meet, well, that's a pity, but I can't do that yet!!!

 

I don't need to tell you that if I don't see him this weekend because he can't, I won't be happy and I will start to lose interest in this reconnection because the obvious next step is for us to meet some time soon, right?

 

any suggestions? I hate myself for acting as such a child sup!!!

 

I'm good though, is the f*** anxiety that always troubles me!! LOL!

 

I don't think you should change your plans. I think you should just carry on and forget about him this weekend.

 

You don't want to look like you are waiting on him to call.

 

Let him call you. That's what my gut is telling me, but at the end of the day, what is your gut telling you?

 

You are not acting like a kid. You just have to detach from the emotion a little more, I know its not easy, but I dont want you to make the mistake I made in that I was still too emotional.

 

Know what I mean kid?!!!?!!

[lullaby]

I don't think you should change your plans. I think you should just carry on and forget about him this weekend.

 

You don't want to look like you are waiting on him to call.

 

Let him call you. That's what my gut is telling me, but at the end of the day, what is your gut telling you?

 

You are not acting like a kid. You just have to detach from the emotion a little more, I know its not easy, but I dont want you to make the mistake I made in that I was still too emotional.

 

Know what I mean kid?!!!?!!

 

You're right, Sup! he never contacted me on Saturday to see what my plans were, he had his project in mind and planned his day with that. Hejust called because he felt it and to catch up and see what was up.

 

I definitely don't want to look like waiting for his call! if I wanted that, I would have already contacted him and didn't because there was something telling me 'don't look so available', so, yes, that's what my gut is telling me, that I shouldn't provide with a plan for the weekend, he should.

 

For the time being, I'll arrange with my friend, and if he calls, well, he should accommodate to my schedule and not his

 

you never said what was the name of your post of the dream!

 

how are you feeling today?

[supersub]

You're right, Sup! he never contacted me on Saturday to see what my plans were, he had his project in mind and planned his day with that. Hejust called because he felt it and to catch up and see what was up.

 

I definitely don't want to look like waiting for his call! if I wanted that, I would have already contacted him and didn't because there was something telling me 'don't look so available', so, yes, that's what my gut is telling me, that I shouldn't provide with a plan for the weekend, he should.

 

For the time being, I'll arrange with my friend, and if he calls, well, he should accommodate to my schedule and not his

 

you never said what was the name of your post of the dream!

 

how are you feeling today?

 

Hiya,

 

I think that's a good move. Let him make some play for you.

 

I'm feeling great thanks! Hoping to get a good run in tonight. (Gosh im feeling so strong.) Had a haircut this lunchtime. Longer Fauxhawk style, kind of David Beckham style. Ha ha!

 

My post is called 'The strangest dream' or something like that, adn its in coping.

 

How are you feeling? You aren't over-thinking are you sweetheart?

 

Best,

 

Sup:cool:

[lullaby]

Hiya,

 

I think that's a good move. Let him make some play for you.

 

I'm feeling great thanks! Hoping to get a good run in tonight. (Gosh im feeling so strong.) Had a haircut this lunchtime. Longer Fauxhawk style, kind of David Beckham style. Ha ha!

 

My post is called 'The strangest dream' or something like that, adn its in coping.

 

How are you feeling? You aren't over-thinking are you sweetheart?

 

Best,

 

Sup:cool:

 

I've just read your post about the dream. Quite weird, right? I think it meant you're getting close, yes, sir! The first one was clearly how you felt during the weekend, and the second is this new you that is being rebuilt

 

Good for the haircut and run a lot tonight!

 

I just took a nap it felt great!! next week, this happy life will end with the new job so I'm enjoying it now!

 

You know? I'm not over-thinking for the first time! Perhaps some other time I would have been constantly thinking about it, and reminding myself 'do this' 'do that', like pushing me in order to do nothing, but this time it feels natural. I guess I have changed somehow, right? or perhaps it's the fact that I'm hopeful about this and have a sort of confidence in that he will make the next move? could be too. But I'm positive about this decision I've taken and tend to follow it. I hope to be strong enough

 

let's hope for the best darling!

[lullaby]

just to let you know that he sent a text a couple of hours ago asking how I was doing and wrote something like 'is your computer still malfunctioning? I guess I should take a look at it one of these days' Because my computer is not working well and he's a technician, so... let's see.

 

He appeared on his own Just wanted to share it.

[supersub]

I've just read your post about the dream. Quite weird, right? I think it meant you're getting close, yes, sir! The first one was clearly how you felt during the weekend, and the second is this new you that is being rebuilt

 

Good for the haircut and run a lot tonight!

 

I just took a nap it felt great!! next week, this happy life will end with the new job so I'm enjoying it now!

 

You know? I'm not over-thinking for the first time! Perhaps some other time I would have been constantly thinking about it, and reminding myself 'do this' 'do that', like pushing me in order to do nothing, but this time it feels natural. I guess I have changed somehow, right? or perhaps it's the fact that I'm hopeful about this and have a sort of confidence in that he will make the next move? could be too. But I'm positive about this decision I've taken and tend to follow it. I hope to be strong enough

 

let's hope for the best darling!

 

At the end of the day regardless of advice, you have to do what you think is right.

 

I'm hoping you guys make it for all the rights reasons, and I mean that. There is no point if its half arsed.

 

Only you guys can know, and you both have the power!

 

I am rooting for you.

 

Sup;)

[lullaby]

Hey Sup! I was trying to study but really need to share this with you because I don’t know if I made a mistake or if I’m entitled to do it.

 

He called a while ago, because we never arranged for the weekend yesterday. We started talking; he was really sweet calling me honey, pretty, and all those cute nicknames. And after talking about my computer, work, he mentioned we should meet Saturday AFTERNOON. I was certainly not planning to meet in the afternoon because I have to study and was really hoping us to meet at night, I don’t know, grab something to eat, go to a pub, whatever, because the mood during the week in our texts was more related to a night out. So I asked if he had plans for the night because I didn’t want to meet in the afternoon, I said I had to study and preferred to do something later in the night, not at 3pm as he had proposed!!!! (he said something like ‘I can go and check your pc and then maybe we can go to Starbucks) His reply was that he actually didn’t know because his friend wanted to see him but hadn’t confirmed anything yet, but added that he did want to see me. That was unfortunate of him so I got upset about it. Didn’t cry or anything though, well, not during the conversation.

 

We continued talking and I asked ‘ok, so you’re gonna let me know if you’re meeting your friend or not? because I have stuff to do, and if not, I will go the cinema with my friend. I really don’t want you to change everything the last minute and mess with my time’. He didn’t take it well, it did sound like a girlfriend putting up a fight, but I was angry because he was planning on meeting me in the afternoon, see how it went and then ‘maybe’ meet his friend OR NOT! WTF???

 

He noticed it had made me upset and said something like ‘I know I don’t have to give you explanations but I will if you need them honey. I do want to see you, and I’m not saying I’ll meet my friend, I just need to let him know so we can arrange to meet’. Yeah, well, bla bla. I was not buying it because in his mind he had to CANCEL something to see me; I was not his top priority for the night. Am I wrong??? I don’t know what to think. I know he wants to see me, and he has feelings and whatever, but I’m done with small meetings, coffees, when during the week, he texts, calls, and treats me as his sweetheart. I don’t want to talk about the painful stuff, nor do I want to know if we’re getting back or not, but I’d like to spend more time with him, not just a silly talk in a coffee shop.

 

I do know I shouldn’t have answered like that because it sounded like a reproach and I may have been to emotional, but it’s been a month already, I guess I’m entitled to speak my mind and let him know what I want = to spend more time with him, to enjoy our time together and to be his top priority for the weekend.

 

What do you make of this Sup? Am I being too anxious? too irrational? did I get it all wrong and misinterpreted what he meant? Because I guess it’s obvious I’d like to know forehand what I’ll be doing in the weekend and told him that.

I don’t know... it distressed me and I cried after hanging the phone. He had to get back to work and I needed to continue studying and the last words were ‘we’ll talk later and see how we can fix for Saturday, ok?’

Edited June 10, 2010 by lullaby
spelling

[supersub]

Hey Sup! I was trying to study but really need to share this with you because I don’t know if I made a mistake or if I’m entitled to do it.

 

He called a while ago, because we never arranged for the weekend yesterday. We started talking; he was really sweet calling me honey, pretty, and all those cute nicknames. And after talking about my computer, work, he mentioned we should meet Saturday AFTERNOON. I was certainly not planning to meet in the afternoon because I have to study and was really hoping us to meet at night, I don’t know, grab something to eat, go to a pub, whatever, because the mood during the week in our texts was more related to a night out. So I asked if he had plans for the night because I didn’t want to meet in the afternoon, I said I had to study and preferred to do something later in the night, not at 3pm as he had proposed!!!! (he said something like ‘I can go and check your pc and then maybe we can go to Starbucks) His reply was that he actually didn’t know because his friend wanted to see him but hadn’t confirmed anything yet, but added that he did want to see me. That was unfortunate of him so I got upset about it. Didn’t cry or anything though, well, not during the conversation.

 

We continued talking and I asked ‘ok, so you’re gonna let me know if you’re meeting your friend or not? because I have stuff to do, and if not, I will go the cinema with my friend. I really don’t want you to change everything the last minute and mess with my time’. He didn’t take it well, it did sound like a girlfriend putting up a fight, but I was angry because he was planning on meeting me in the afternoon, see how it went and then ‘maybe’ meet his friend OR NOT! WTF???

 

He noticed it had made me upset and said something like ‘I know I don’t have to give you explanations but I will if you need them honey. I do want to see you, and I’m not saying I’ll meet my friend, I just need to let him know so we can arrange to meet’. Yeah, well, bla bla. I was not buying it because in his mind he had to CANCEL something to see me; I was not his top priority for the night. Am I wrong??? I don’t know what to think. I know he wants to see me, and he has feelings and whatever, but I’m done with small meetings, coffees, when during the week, he texts, calls, and treats me as his sweetheart. I don’t want to talk about the painful stuff, nor do I want to know if we’re getting back or not, but I’d like to spend more time with him, not just a silly talk in a coffee shop.

 

I do know I shouldn’t have answered like that because it sounded like a reproach and I may have been to emotional, but it’s been a month already, I guess I’m entitled to speak my mind and let him know what I want = to spend more time with him, to enjoy our time together and to be his top priority for the weekend.

 

What do you make of this Sup? Am I being too anxious? too irrational? did I get it all wrong and misinterpreted what he meant? Because I guess it’s obvious I’d like to know forehand what I’ll be doing in the weekend and told him that.

I don’t know... it distressed me and I cried after hanging the phone. He had to get back to work and I needed to continue studying and the last words were ‘we’ll talk later and see how we can fix for Saturday, ok?’

 

Hi Lull,

 

Honestly if it were me, and I wanted to see my girl I wouldn't make a big deal about breaking it off with a friend for the night. I would be like, I'm going out with my girl and I'll tell my friend we'll hang another time.

 

I think he could change the arrangement but maybe he's trying to look busy, or his interest is less than we were hoping. Its impossible to say at this point.

 

Maybe he's testing you, maybe not. I wish I had an answer for you sweetheart.

 

If I were him I would be changing the plans with the Friend and saying. Yes I will go out with you Saturday night. No fuss made.

 

I am really sorry you are dealing with this BS. I hope that you get some relief from it soon.

 

How are you feeling now?

 

I'm sorry that I can't be more definitive, but what is your gut telling you?

 

Trust your gut okay kid?

[lullaby]

Hi Lull,

 

Honestly if it were me, and I wanted to see my girl I wouldn't make a big deal about breaking it off with a friend for the night. I would be like, I'm going out with my girl and I'll tell my friend we'll hang another time.

 

I think he could change the arrangement but maybe he's trying to look busy, or his interest is less than we were hoping. Its impossible to say at this point.

 

Maybe he's testing you, maybe not. I wish I had an answer for you sweetheart.

 

If I were him I would be changing the plans with the Friend and saying. Yes I will go out with you Saturday night. No fuss made.

 

I am really sorry you are dealing with this BS. I hope that you get some relief from it soon.

 

How are you feeling now?

 

I'm sorry that I can't be more definitive, but what is your gut telling you?

 

Trust your gut okay kid?

 

Thanks Sup!

 

I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. I HATE THIS BS!

 

I guess what bothered me the most was that I was not his top priority for Saturday night. I don't care if he cancels with his friend now, he already had something else in mind and did not include me. He wanted to me, sure, because he called, but did not intend to go out, spend the night or whatever.

 

I believe he has interest and wants to make it work, but is not sure yet. Maybe I thought we were on the path towards reconciliation and we're not and he's still testing the waters.

 

My gut is baffled right now. I'm between thinking I'm making a fuss out of nothing and that everything will be fine, or putting all to the test and really questioning myself for the things I'm doing; and that maybe I should start to move on and quit this.

 

I'll have to wait and see. If he ends up telling me he will meet his friend, then that's all the proof I need to know he's not putting a 110% in this and it's not enough so it'll be a failed reconnection.

 

I feel we went many steps backwards with this, from my side and his, and I hate being this sad right now.

[supersub]

Thanks Sup!

 

I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. I HATE THIS BS!

 

I guess what bothered me the most was that I was not his top priority for Saturday night. I don't care if he cancels with his friend now, he already had something else in mind and did not include me. He wanted to me, sure, because he called, but did not intend to go out, spend the night or whatever.

 

I believe he has interest and wants to make it work, but is not sure yet. Maybe I thought we were on the path towards reconciliation and we're not and he's still testing the waters.

 

My gut is baffled right now. I'm between thinking I'm making a fuss out of nothing and that everything will be fine, or putting all to the test and really questioning myself for the things I'm doing; and that maybe I should start to move on and quit this.

 

I'll have to wait and see. If he ends up telling me he will meet his friend, then that's all the proof I need to know he's not putting a 110% in this and it's not enough so it'll be a failed reconnection.

 

I feel we went many steps backwards with this, from my side and his, and I hate being this sad right now.

 

This (the bolded) is very true and from the heart.

 

Just wait and see what happens. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

 

Its not all bad you know? Look at all the great people you have gotten to converse with on here, that have been in or are in the same boat.

 

Always something good from something bad, perceived or otherwise.

 

Hope that makes you smile even if there is a little uncertainty in your camp today.

 

Sup.

[lullaby]

This (the bolded) is very true and from the heart.

 

Just wait and see what happens. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

 

Its not all bad you know? Look at all the great people you have gotten to converse with on here, that have been in or are in the same boat.

 

Always something good from something bad, perceived or otherwise.

 

Hope that makes you smile even if there is a little uncertainty in your camp today.

 

Sup.

 

Yes, you're right Sup! we're all in this boat somehow and I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Although I wish we all were happy in our love relationships but that's tough, right?

 

And yes, it came from the heart, I shouldn't fool myself and settle for nothing. I hope he realizes the mistake he's making and that his words should follow his actions. He can't call me honey if he does nothing to make me his honey.

 

I'll keep struggling with study today, can't concentrate but will do my best. I hope he calls some time soon so I can have some relief.

 

Thanks again. You really helped me

[Narf]

i have been following you post for weeks now reading all the updates and hoping for the best for you Lul... However being an outsider reading i related it to my own situation and was a bit stunned... Cause your seems pretty clear to me but my own never was.

 

Reading what you have written... I believe your ex is confused, he knows he has feelings but how strong are they?? I personally believe he wants you to be a part of his life but just not in a relationship right now... He wants to feel close to you (and i believe if he thought he could get away with it he would sleep with you) but he doesnt want to be in a relationship with you as it puts pressure, makes him feel like he cant do things he wants too etc... He is being selfish right now and it is sad :/

 

I believe i was in the same situtation as you, i let it go on for ages then when i faced him and said will this ever turn into a real relationship ... He said "umm i dont know maybe, i really like you, you know that"

and i think that was an honest answer from him... He truely didnt know what the future would hold but he wasnt going to rule me out of it because he does care... But there are levels of caring... Best friends, family, causal friends, boyfriends...

 

Currently it seems you are treating him like a b/f and he is treating you like a friend...

 

Why would he have no confirmed plans... Yet wont confirm with you cause the other plans might happen...

 

You were doing the same but he was the one you were waiting for keeping your movie plans on hold INCASE! He wants to hang out...

 

See the difference?? I honestly think he hasnt made up his mind what he actually wants but he believes he has time because you are waiting.

 

Maybe he will wake up and choose but i dont think he will do it by himself, something will need to happen to get the ball rolling either way...

 

Good Luck! Reading your story has made mine clearer I had ready stopped waiting but you just confirmed i made the right choice and i know you didnt like 2sunny's advice much but i believe it is good and will help