Met with ex bf after 1 month! Sunday! what happened!!!!

[lullaby]

I can see why he would think that. After reading your description of what happened last Saturday that's exactly what I would be thinking in that situation.

All of these rules about power within the relationship and not settling are really just guidelines. After all, it's not like you're negotiating over a used car and holding out for new floor mats. Right now there is tension between you two. I do think it's possible to diffuse the tension, but if you (and probably both) are worried about ceding power or not settling then it's not going to happen.

 

He was the one who broke the first NC period. I wouldn't expect him to do it again, especially if you guys are in NC through his birthday. I'm not saying you should do NC, I'm just saying if it goes past his birthday then you should move on.

 

Thanks! I remembered your answer when he called, because he took it as you said he would. He was sort of angry because I had acted like a gf and shouldn't have.

 

The bold part really hit bottom for me.

 

I'm upset today... I wish we could talk. At least talk, because I've reached a point where I don't know what I need from him, I'm confused between moving on, which would be the 'right thing to do' and between working things out because we both share the guilt for what happened. Everything got screwed up over such a silly thing.

 

I'm working on me, trying to get busy and see what happens...

[2sunny]

 

He was sort of angry because I had acted like a gf and shouldn't have.

 

At least talk, because I've reached a point where I don't know what I need from him, I'm confused between moving on, which would be the 'right thing to do' and between working things out because we both share the guilt for what happened. Everything got screwed up over such a silly thing.

 

I'm working on me, trying to get busy and see what happens...

 

so when you act like a girlfriend - he shows you that you crossed the line - his boundary... and he pushes you back into the place he "expects" you to be... = NOT the girlfriend.

 

you do know what you need from him - he's not willing to play that role. he keeps showing you what the role is that he expects you to play, yet you want a different role than he's been willing to offer.

 

also, guilt is never a good place to be... it may motivate you to understand that something happened that you regret - and should change - but it doesn't mean you need to make guilt the basis for your ultimate motives. it should be motivating enough to invoke change and set things right, but not necessarily to force a person to let you play the role you want to be playing in their life. sometimes the best amends is to simply leave the person alone if that is what their actions show them wanting.

 

he's made it clear that you want more than he does right now... so he retreats in order to get you to step back so he doesn't feel pressured to play the role you want him to play.

[lullaby]

so when you act like a girlfriend - he shows you that you crossed the line - his boundary... and he pushes you back into the place he "expects" you to be... = NOT the girlfriend.

 

you do know what you need from him - he's not willing to play that role. he keeps showing you what the role is that he expects you to play, yet you want a different role than he's been willing to offer.

 

also, guilt is never a good place to be... it may motivate you to understand that something happened that you regret - and should change - but it doesn't mean you need to make guilt the basis for your ultimate motives. it should be motivating enough to invoke change and set things right, but not necessarily to force a person to let you play the role you want to be playing in their life. sometimes the best amends is to simply leave the person alone if that is what their actions show them wanting.

 

he's made it clear that you want more than he does right now... so he retreats in order to get you to step back so he doesn't feel pressured to play the role you want him to play.

 

Yes, you're totally right. I do believe he does this so I step back and can give him space because he can't give me more than that.

 

I won't change what I did, he made me think that too. I never imagined or thought something on my own, he cooperated in my believing we were working things out, right? that's why I said we share guilt. Me for being too available and making everything so easy for him, so he never had to work that much to see me, talk to me, or even sleep with me; he shares the guilt for sending the wrong signs, for acting as wanting to get back, for not restraining every thought that went through his mind and so the outcome was DISASTER! two people thinking and expecting different things.

 

And yes, I do know what I want from him, it's just that I'm no longer that sure I want to be in the process of waiting for him to give it to me... That's what I meant by that.

 

He had broken up with me, I shouldn't have been so available and so innocent. I should have waited and make him work a bit more instead of jumping into his arms and claws again.

 

I think now that it was too soon for us to be in the process, I'm still too emotional, and that's why I couldn't control my feelings of anger, and he was still not ready to step up to the plate for me because I made it too f*** easy for him.

 

It's so f**** upsetting!!!!!!!!!