Author secretlady76 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Share Posted May 5, 2010 Not just me then!! Yey;) I think its harder for a single xOW to get her head around it, sometimes I wish I had a SO to concentrate on. Thats got to be the hardest part for me, thinking xMM has someone to take his mind off me when he gets triggers but with me the trigger hits and its there all day, constantly nagging at me and thats when the conversations start in my head!! In a way it's worse when you have a SO because you have to pretend and shut down your feelings from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed. If you want to cry or get angry you have to go to the loo, or go out because you can't do it in front of the SO because they would then wonder what was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
michelle2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 I wish I could be disciplined enough to go somewhere else to cry. I just do it wherever the need strikes... BUT, I'm already a drama queen of sorts so my husband just thinks I need a good cry to get something out of my system... You ladies are so good at keeping your emotions under control, I REALLY need to learn that! And everything Joey mentioned is exactly what I do... Link to post Share on other sites
joey66 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 I think its harder for a single xOW to get her head around it, sometimes I wish I had a SO to concentrate on. Thats got to be the hardest part for me, thinking xMM has someone to take his mind off me when he gets triggers but with me the trigger hits and its there all day, constantly nagging at me and thats when the conversations start in my head!! h4u - IMO you have it exactly backwards. Trust me on this, that someone that xMM has doesn't take his mind off of you. She makes him think about you more. And what SL said, too. You have to be very careful what you do and say around the SO. michelle - I try not to cry (wouldn't be manly ), but I do spend a lot of time awake at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering if/when I'll get better. It's very frustrating. SL - It's hard to split the time into (1) madness and (2) EMR because the two have been intertwined. The whole thing amounts to more than two years. The last seven months or so have been about 90% madness, and the last four months have been exclusively madness. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Yeah I see where you are coming from, guess I do that at work (knowing I may see him) and when my 18yr old son is around, that brave face is hard work and just exhausting! Onwards and upward though, right?? JAST...I have a friend in the US and he cracks up at my accent and just like you he imagines things I say in a British Accent haha, I will put it into practice next week in Vegas;) Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Sorry Joey, I didn't mean to sound flippent, I know its hard for everyone, guess I just feel the loneliness sometimes:( Does my accent get me forgiveness? Link to post Share on other sites
LostMe Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 I think it's harder for a single xOW. No way could I face feeling lonely on top of everything else. Selfish as that is. Though I guess some people feel lonely in their M too... Hiding a secret heartbreak is so heartbreaking in itself- I've worked out the best ways, times and places to cry so no one knows- but it's a small price I pay for having cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
joey66 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Sorry Joey, I didn't mean to sound flippent, I know its hard for everyone, guess I just feel the loneliness sometimes:( Does my accent get me forgiveness? Nothing to apologize for. The bottom line is that, whether you are SOW/SOM or MOW/MOM, this is damn hard. (You should hear my accent!!) Lost - That bit about "... hiding a secret heartbreak is so heartbreaking in itself ..." is soooooo true. Not only do I feel like sh*t, but I can't tell anyone or even let it show. It's enough to drive a person Stark Raving Bonkers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretlady76 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Share Posted May 5, 2010 Nothing to apologize for. The bottom line is that, whether you are SOW/SOM or MOW/MOM, this is damn hard. (You should hear my accent!!) Lost - That bit about "... hiding a secret heartbreak is so heartbreaking in itself ..." is soooooo true. Not only do I feel like sh*t, but I can't tell anyone or even let it show. It's enough to drive a person Stark Raving Bonkers! What is 'moon accent' like? Totally agree with your sentiments... Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 SL - Hmmm ... Let's see if I can guess your day-to-day thought process. (Forgive me for being presumptuous.) Some days you are perfectly "normal" (whatever that means), you do not feel the need to pursue this man, or to be pursued. Some days you want to jump his bones and have wild monkey sex. Some days you are seethingly angry with him, for the crimes he has committed and for those he hasn't. Some days all you want to do is cry. Some days you want to spend in long, meaningful conversation with him, sharing the intimate details of your lives. Some days you are seethingly angry with yourself for being sooooo stupid. (For the record, I don't think you are.) Some days all you want is to take him in your arms and hold him. Some days you are just tired of the whole thing and want it to go away. And there is no way to predict which kind of day tomorrow will be. Am I close? This post gives me hope Joey.... Not that I want him back as I think he has made his decision or more so his decision was made for him when his W OD'd but if he still thinks of me like this then I can move on and be happy. My worst nightmare and the thing I'm finding hard to get over is that he hates me (his W always said she could deal with the A if she knew he hated me) and his actions towards me make me feel like he does....makes me cry just typing this!! Link to post Share on other sites
LostMe Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Nothing to apologize for. The bottom line is that, whether you are SOW/SOM or MOW/MOM, this is damn hard. (You should hear my accent!!) Lost - That bit about "... hiding a secret heartbreak is so heartbreaking in itself ..." is soooooo true. Not only do I feel like sh*t, but I can't tell anyone or even let it show. It's enough to drive a person Stark Raving Bonkers! haha! Too true. And I guess you can't even blame PMT like I do!!! (sorry girls!). Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 What is 'moon accent' like? Totally agree with your sentiments... I second that, what is moon accent like?? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretlady76 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Share Posted May 5, 2010 I second that, what is moon accent like?? lol I hear it's a universal language and generally well rounded but featureless and dark in some areas. Sorry, back to subject area.... Link to post Share on other sites
Just a stone's throw Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Yeah I see where you are coming from, guess I do that at work (knowing I may see him) and when my 18yr old son is around, that brave face is hard work and just exhausting! Onwards and upward though, right?? JAST...I have a friend in the US and he cracks up at my accent and just like you he imagines things I say in a British Accent haha, I will put it into practice next week in Vegas;) H4U and SL, the word "whilst" always gives you both away.... I have given personalities/voices to most of my LS "Friends". Some are quite interesting and I will leave it up to you all to imagine who!! Okay, now who is mad (read UK equivalent to crazy)......:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Just a stone's throw Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Oh, and LostMe, I love your UK accent too!! Heather, you and I are just US boring accents but Samantha at least has a Southern drawl in my head..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretlady76 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Share Posted May 5, 2010 Oh, and LostMe, I love your UK accent too!! Heather, you and I are just US boring accents but Samantha at least has a Southern drawl in my head..... JAST, how funny, I have always had you down as European, maybe because you seem to be on here when I am, but maybe you're just up at funny times. Joey66 I am convinced is English even though I doubt he is. In fact I think everyone is English, well, apart from the ones who shout a country on their avatar. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Oh, and LostMe, I love your UK accent too!! Heather, you and I are just US boring accents but Samantha at least has a Southern drawl in my head..... HaHa....you crack me up;) I will now start putting accents to everyone and asking for an area they are from 'whilst' not giving away anything obviously! Haha see what I did there.....yeah I know not that funny really eh??? Great british humour;) This thread is really cheering me up by the way....thank you x Link to post Share on other sites
LostMe Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Oh, and LostMe, I love your UK accent too!! Heather, you and I are just US boring accents but Samantha at least has a Southern drawl in my head..... Haha! Why thank you kindly! Link to post Share on other sites
Just a stone's throw Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 JAST, how funny, I have always had you down as European, maybe because you seem to be on here when I am, but maybe you're just up at funny times. Joey66 I am convinced is English even though I doubt he is. In fact I think everyone is English, well, apart from the ones who shout a country on their avatar. Or maybe I'm just on all the time!! I am afraid I will go by way of CarrieT and have to call it quits cold turkey one of these days as I think I've replaced my exMM addition with my LS addiction! But hey, it's better than the alternative..... Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Well I know a few people from here who I e mail but their secret is safe.....I do think it would be fun to guess as long as SL doesnt mind the threadjack?? Those who haven't given up where they are from should give us some clues??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretlady76 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Share Posted May 5, 2010 Well I know a few people from here who I e mail but their secret is safe.....I do think it would be fun to guess as long as SL doesnt mind the threadjack?? Those who haven't given up where they are from should give us some clues??? Nah, I think it's good to talk about something other than heartbreak. In fact is there a section on here at all for anything other than that?! Actually I think I might organise an International OW/OM Conference!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 This thread is craking me up now:laugh: US accent here! Link to post Share on other sites
LostMe Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 This thread is craking me up now:laugh: US accent here! We are living up to the title of the thread that's for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
StoptheDrama Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 (edited) Does anyone feel like they're going stark raving bonkers sometimes? I feel that I am getting bored of waking up every day and after 2 seconds knowing I am going to spend yet another day obsessing over a relationship that doesn't exist. In fact I am starting to wonder if I am obsessing over someone who doesn't exist at all. I have to see exMM sometimes and when I see him I think 'yeah ok, you're nice but you're not all that' and within and hour I am obsessing about the 'idea' of him, which is not the same as the actual person. I end up having imaginary conversations with him in my head, in fact I had one today which resulted in me walking the whole way round the supermarket not picking up anything because my mind was on something else. It's like I'm in my own world!!! I hope I'm not the only one who thinks this!!! I hope to God it stops because it is painful to feel so 'out-of-body' all the time. SecretLady - First, you're not bonkers. You're trying to reconcile the person you care for with the person that actually exists. Given the situaton, I think it's pretty normal. I don't know if this will help you but, when I finally realized that the man I cared for was not the man xMM really is, I mourned the loss as though it was an actual death. To me, that man did indeed die (if he ever truly existed). This helped me to separate that person from the one I still have to deal with at work. It was a difficult process but I no longer think back to the good times in the A after I see him/correspond with him. He isn't that person. The man I cared for does not exist. This kind of thinking has kept me from being sucked back in and I see xMM for the shyt he really is. Good luck & be strong... ((hugs)) Edited May 5, 2010 by StoptheDrama redundancy Link to post Share on other sites
Just a stone's throw Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Yeah, LD - the Land of Sunshine really could mean a lot of things but had you pegged as american but very cool and HOT! Maybe because Designing Women was one of my favorite shows years back.... I just didn't know if sunshine was Cali or Southern... Didn't want to "Stereotype"!! I picture Joey as a really sweet, dark-haired guy with cool glasses. Nice smile too. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a stone's throw Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 How would one explain to their spouse that they are going away to an OW/OM Conference??? That would be an interesting conversation! But definitely a fun trip!! Link to post Share on other sites
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