maybe I'm meant to be lonely?

[duskandsummer]

I recently got over this guy, I wouldn't say I'm 100% over him but a good 80%. I am much much better than I was a few months ago.

 

but now I'm in this weird place where I'm ready to move forward..and meet new guys and date. I've lost about 40 lbs in the process of getting over this guy. I just woke up one day and decided crying can't be a solution and really started working on me. Im still not confident though, even though I look so much better and am feeling so much better..I don't feel good enough and its a feeling I think i'm always gonna have.

I also wonder why guys don't approach me. I've never been really forward..but I just don't know why guys don't see as more of the girlfriend type..than one of the guys. Its not that i'm not girly..I am. I wouldn't say I'm unfortunate looking either. I just feel like maybe i'm just meant to be alone..like there is no one out there for me. I get hit on by some guys but i'm never attracted to them..they just aren't my type. So I guess my question is..how can I land a guy I find attractive..or how can seem approachable to them..

[skydiveaddict]

I'm sure you are beautiful and there is indeed someone out there for you. You just have to wait till he comes around . In the meantime enjoy life. He will be there one day for sure!!

[duskandsummer]

I'm sure you are beautiful and there is indeed someone out there for you. You just have to wait till he comes around . In the meantime enjoy life. He will be there one day for sure!!

 

I know..but I've waited..and I just can't seem to wait anymore. I want to make it happen and find someone. I'm 20 years old..and my dating life for the last 8 years consisted of dating a guy on and off for 5 *I was never officially his gf* and 3 years of wanting a friends with benefits to turn into something more, and instead he got bored and we don't talk anymore. So it's safe to say I haven't been in a real relationship because I've wasted so much time..all I hear is wait and I really feel I need to take action now.

 

Idk Its so hard to be happy with my life..when I feel I'm missing something major.

[D-Lish]

It's the wrong approach to take. No one else can make you happy if you aren't happy with yourself. Don't go looking for other people to fix what is missing, because you won't find it.

 

The best possible time to enter into a relationship is when you feel secure in who you are.

[USMCHokie]

You are still young at 20...very young...and don't think of it as waiting...you seem like someone that's willing to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship, regardless of whether it's with a good guy...it sounds like that almost doesn't matter to you...as long as the guy is willing to call himself your boyfriend...

 

It's definitely worth the wait if you take your time to find that guy that makes your life that much better...that loves you just as much as you love him...and it sounds like you haven't found a guy remotely close to that...

 

My first relationship wasn't until I was 25...and I wouldn't have traded a string of crappy relationships from 16-24 for the one relationship I had at 25...unfortunately things didn't work out...

 

You say that it's "so hard to be happy with life"...I hate to break it to you, but if you can't even be happy being alone, then you will never be truly happy in a relationship...you're only missing out on your life if you choose not to live it...and life definitely isn't all about relationships...you've got to decide what you want to make of it...

[blind_otter]

Just continue working on yourself. 80% is pretty good, but even then the guys who would be attracted to you right now might not be the best quality of individuals. IME, and I am a mite older than you, the best things come along when you don't expect them to or even want them to.

[blind_otter]

horse shiit

some people are meant to be alone

ive had sex 6 times in 40 years all with one woman

an acquentance has had none in 45 years, good person but doesnt wow his dates

another acquantance can walk into a bar and take home the female of his choice, he told me its natural and he doesnt know why its so easy

 

its mostly nature, your born with it or you arent

 

Pssssh. 3 people is a great representative sample of the entire human race.

[blind_otter]

i can give you 50

its most your born with it or you arent

the 45 year old i know is a better person than i by far

great guy and morals but the femals find him boring

hed make a perfect hubby but cant get dates to save his life

 

How do you know he'd make a perfect hubby? So many assumptions.

[somedude81]

I also wonder why guys don't approach me.

---

 

I get hit on by some guys but i'm never attracted to them..they just aren't my type. So I guess my question is..how can I land a guy I find attractive..or how can seem approachable to them..

So which is it? Guys don't approach you, or they do but you're not attracted to them so they don't count? Why aren't they your type or what is your type?

[Disillusioned]

Duskandsummer, I totally understand. I am a man who is very selective about what he's looking for in a woman. I'd love it if I could just walk into a neighborhood dating center with my laundry list and ask, but unfortunately we on this planet are not that enlightened yet. We are supposed to have a take-what-you-get mentality about finding that one person, and of course we're not supposed to take it seriously. If everyone who's single and looking knew what they wanted in a partner, divorce lawyers would nearly be out of work.

 

There is hope however... I recently got into contact with a woman who runs an outfit called Divorce Detox, and I suggested to her that she should also apply her workshops to never-married singles who don't have the gift of gab but know what they like. She'd hace a good thing going if she did that, because if you're marriage minded in Los Angeles, the only real option you currently hace is to pay a professional matchmaker $3-5k. Everyone else unfortunately just treats it like a game.

[duskandsummer]

So which is it? Guys don't approach you, or they do but you're not attracted to them so they don't count? Why aren't they your type or what is your type?

 

I don't get approached or hit on often. When I do its guys I'm not attracted to..which I feel like it doesn't count..because it wouldn't lead anywhere. I'm not the type of girl to give my number out to any guy who asks for it..there has to be an attraction or I won't move it forward..why give some guy hope you know.

 

As for why aren't they my type..its different reasons. When you are alone as much as I have you just have standards that the guys that are interested in me don't have. The two guys I did have..whatever with..I always wondered why they even wasted their time on me because they were both very good looking and everything I would want in a guy..just personality wise they were good guys to everyone but me. Physically its safe to say I compare guys to both of them..and when you first meet people the first thing you see are looks whether we want to believe it or not. There have been guys that didn't meet my standards physically that I have found interest in but those guys are usually just friends and I had time to get to know them..but still nothing would come out of it..cause of me. I feel like i'm not right for the dating scene..like i'm not attractive enough. I know that I could still keep working on me but even if I look how I want to I still don't feel like I would be good enough. Everytime I think about those two guys I had whatever with..it gives me hope that I could find someone as attractive as they were but I also think it was just a mistake like they were desperate or something.

 

I know it sounds like I hate myself..but I'm doing much better than I was months ago. I've gotten a little more confident..but I guess not confident enough.