Should I marry this woman?

[Jill Valentine]

Hi NMM,

 

First off, as an independent, attractive female with a doctorate degree and having attained a certain degree of financial success (also 29), I completely understand where you're coming from. I feel that the majority of women who are quick to denounce you are also the same type of women who have been raised to rely on the man as the provider. I fail to understand why women want to spend an exorbitant amount of money on one day's worth of celebrations.

 

What is a true relationship? It is not built on events leading up to a climax in which one's peers can be witness to one's glory, but facing a series of challenges and resolving them together. Of course, a mutually beneficial relationship is one in which both partners bring out the best in the other and bring happiness to the table. Another important thing that women tend to forget is that it is not anyone's job to "make" oneself happy. The ONLY person responsible for your own happiness is yourself.

 

I am in a completely happy relationship, and one in which my man makes half as much as I do. While at times I feel that a marriage would be somewhat amusing as a novel experience, it feels unnecessary as well. At other times, I have thought that if I were to marry, what if things should turn south later on...the last thing I'd want is to have half my assets taken from me, and be paying alimony so that the ex-hubby can buy baubles for the new flame.

 

Marriage, to me, is something the government wants to help maintain control. Marriage is also a highly lucrative field in which many divorce lawyers, wedding vendors, hotels, jewelers (the list is endless) would do their best to ensure its continued prosperity. But, marriage also has deep roots in culture and tradition, and as a result, does hold significant meaning (whether it makes sense or not).

 

If your woman truly loves you, she will sign the prenup.

 

Of course, it's only fair that there should be a clause that stipulates should you cheat on her...she gets the 50%. After all, we are a flawed species.

 

No one can tell you whether you should get married or not. If the feeling didn't come from your heart, do you think she would be happy anyway? She really sounds like an amazing woman--I know that I would be insulted if I were proposed marriage out of a sense of obligation. However, why would you not want to marry her, if she is willing to sign the prenup and your assets are protected?

 

Maybe a different way to think about it is this way as well: how does it make you feel to imagine her being married to someone else?

[SavannahSmiles]

Well considering the OP's username is "notmarriageminded" I think that gives us an answer. Don't marry her because apparently you don't want to be married and save both her and yourself the headache of a unhappy marriage and a divorce.

 

 

Exactly. I might also add that marriage is sacred. Since you detest religion, I don't know why you'd even consider marriage.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh please.... marriage is not sacred. It is religion that seems to think it should be, but it's not. Religion just tries to provide you with a guilt trip....

If marriage was sacred, it would be insoluble. As it is, the Law - and not the Church - is responsible for the dissolution of a marriage, which proves it's just a financial contract with a bit of the 6th commandment thrown in for good measure.....

[torranceshipman]

I'm ideologically opposed to marriage on some levels, have a contempt for the organizations that encourage and in some cases mandate it, and fear financial ruin should it not work out...should I marry this woman? If it would make her extremely happy, and she doesn't care about signing some documents, and all she really wants to do is be my wife and not change anything else, should I just give her what she wants? It seems like the right thing to do, but I can't shake those feelings that it's simply too much emotional and financial risk.

 

Based on this statement? Hell, no. You seem FAR from ready. This is a commitment that lasts until YOU BOTH DIE. You aren't nearly into the idea enough to make a commitment of that type of nature right now.

[notmarriageminded]

Thank you all for (most of) your input.

 

I don't really understand why so many of you are so vitriolic toward me. I made it perfectly clear that I love this woman and have no desire to be with anybody else. I simply haven't come to the conclusion that marriage is necessary to live a happy fulfilling life with a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex, for that matter). I am a libertarian, and I resent the involvement of ANY outside "authority" (church or state) in my personal affairs. A sexual relationship is about as personal as it gets.

 

Those of you who (Ronni, in particular) thought it prudent to jump down my throat seem to be very offended at the notion that I'm actually thinking this through, instead of putting on blinders and saying "let's have a wedding and it'll be perfect and we'll be happily and beautifully MARRIED and won't it be SO WONDERFUL!" Suggesting that I need professional help? That I'd blame the breakdown of the relationship on the woman or religion? Balderdash. Have I not made it clear that religion has NOTHING to do with my decision? That I have no respect for the fairy tales? It would seem to me that you're making justifications for your own decisions, good or bad.

 

Jill Valentine seems to understand my position, in that she realizes the importance of protecting that which you have worked very hard to accomplish. Anybody who says "if you want her to sign a prenup then you don't love her" is either 1. a religious zealot, 2. a woman who wants what's "coming to her," or 3. hopelessly broke. Prenups exist to thwart deception, protect years of hard work, and provide a true picture of the nature of a relationship. If a woman (or a man) refuses to sign a prenup under the guise of "you don't love me," then it's pretty clear that the petitioner's fortune is at least PART of the reason said man or woman is in the relationship.

 

"Till death do us part" is also a foolish pledge to make, as people live 80-90 years or more, and decades of time spent together may or MAY NOT prove to be exactly what they both want. Again, people change all the time. Sometimes over night, sometimes over a lifetime.

 

HYPOTHETICAL REQUEST: PUT ASIDE RELIGION, FAITH, AND YOUR OWN PERSONAL SITUATIONS AND HISTORY. Is there anybody left who has anything to say about the PRACTICAL issues at hand? Or are all the negative comments simply from faith-addled gold diggers?

[notmarriageminded]

A side note:

 

I just realized that the three posters (Mary3, RonniW, NoraJane) that have the most to say about my situation also have THOUSANDS of posts EACH to these forums.

 

How do you three gals work on your marriages when you spend all day on the internet proselytizing?

[Mary3]

Vitriolic : def : Harsh , Caustic , Scathing Criticism

 

Thank you first of all , I can use this word on my Online Scrabble game

 

If you are worried about your money why don't you put it in Coffee Cans and bury it in your backyard ?

 

I wonder though WHY you are on here ? For help ? You seem to have your mind made up. This is usually a help site.

 

I will tell you the same thing I told you before. You seem like a royal ____ and I wouldn't want to marry you either.

 

And you well admit , love smchmov, love doesn't always last.

 

Your cash will last longer if you hide it...

 

I can give it to you simple and straight up. Don't get married . For HER sake , not yours.

[notmarriageminded]

Why am I here? I'm here because I wanted to pick the brains of what I thought were reasonable people. I'm here because I thought I'd made it clear in my original post that the things marriage stands for (love, commitments, etc) were things we had already achieved, and I was looking for practical, well-thought-out reasons to take the marriage step even though we already have what marriage is supposed to provide. So far, the only reasons I've been given are "if you love her," or "if you're truly committed," and other such EMOTIONAL suggestions.

 

Geez, are all you broads simply mad that you didn't find a man with money? Upset that you got married without thinking it through? Distressed that you're too religious to accept that your choice of mate MAY have not been the right one after all? Trapped ina mistake that you desperately want to "work on" instead of acknowledging you'd be happier in a different circumstance? These are all scenarios that I'm trying to avoid.

 

And yes, I use the term "broads" for comedic effect, so save your comments about my scathing sexism.

 

It's OK Mary3. I'm happy to provide fodder for post number 5,362.

[TaraMaiden]

notmarriageminded, I would respectfully refer you back to my post #6, and if any of it is useful take from it what you will. Other than that, I see no reason for you to do anything different to that which you are doing at the moment.

 

"If it ain't broke - why fix it?"

[Mary3]

A side note:

 

I just realized that the three posters (Mary3, RonniW, NoraJane) that have the most to say about my situation also have THOUSANDS of posts EACH to these forums.

 

How do you three gals work on your marriages when you spend all day on the internet proselytizing?

 

For ONE I am very happily divorced 13 years ! Thank you.

 

Did it ever occur to your brain matter that we help all forums , all sections , all people ?

 

Whether I am single ( which I am not ) or in a relationship or Married I come here to help if I can .

 

If it would help I will go back to your posts and throw in my 2 cents worth again.

[Mary3]

Greetings,

 

I've been meaning to post this somewhere, but I haven't had much luck finding a suitable forum for discussion. I have, at last, decided to post here first with the option of re-posting on other forums if I feel I could benefit from further advice.

 

I have never believed that marriage was particularly necessary for two well-adjusted adults to have a sucessful and fulfilling relationship. I associate it with formaliy, which I eschew whenever possible

. It is primarily (at least culturally) a custom of religion, which I detest.

Finally, I find all ot its primary benefits (love, companionship, dependability, comfort, stability) achievable outside of marriage.

More practically speaking, some would say that I have a lot to lose

. I am 29 years old, and have been fortunate enough to start and run two successful small businesses with minimal time expenditure.

The business assets are numerous and growing, and I have absolutely no intention of releasing ANY portion (let alone 50%) of them to somebody else simply because our relationship didn't work out.

Love changes

.

Relationships change. People change. It's a fact of life,

and one that is often overlooked when deciding to marry the "love of your life." We are a flawed species, and no relationship is immune to collapse.

It is because of this that I would insist, without argument or discussion, on a prenuptial agreement.

 

Now to the heart of the matter: the woman. I know, you're thinking "who the

hell would tolerate a pompous ass like this?"

Well, to my amazement, I have managed to settle down with a spectacular woman who, in my estimation, is as close to perfect for me as I can expect to find anywhere.

I don't want to go into gooey details, except to say that she's patient, kind, genuine, physically attractive, and just a tad bit smarter than I am. These are five qualities that I feel are absolutely essential to an apropriate "life mate" again, for me. Other people may desire different things. That is a different discussion. We've lived together for three years, share everything, pay bills, work on the house, and generally behave as if we're married.

So, is it really necessary to make it "official?" Official to who? Friends and family? The government? Truthfully, I couldn't give two sh*ts what others think.

Most people think small and are more judgmental than they ought to be.

Besides, I didn't get where I am at a young age by worrying about the opinions of others.

This includes my parents, whose approval means more to me than I'd admit in public.

 

This woman adores me, which is fantastic

. Yeah, I know, "she's not there to adore you," and "

that's so sexist," and blah blah blah.

It is my considered opinion that in order to be properly cared for, one must be properly loved. There is nothing wrong with having an adoring mate. She has said that she wants to be married, but will stay with me if I decide against marriage.

She also is indifferent toward prenuptial agreements.

She figures we'll be together forever, and if not, she'd never want anything of mine, anyway.

Indeed, these concessions are proof that she's pretty much as low maintenance as they come.

So, even though I'm ideologically opposed to marriage on some levels, have a contempt for the organizations that encourage and in some cases mandate it, and fear financial ruin should it not work out

...should I marry this woman?

If it would make her extremely happy, and she doesn't care about signing some documents, and all she really wants to do is be my wife and not change anything else,

should I just give her what she wants?

It seems like the right thing to do, but I can't shake those feelings that it's simply too much emotional and financial risk.

 

Many thanks for your help.

 

Well...............I just highlighted the many things that screamed out from your post and my answer is still NO you should not torture ..I mean marry this poor girl....

[Pleco]

I agree 100% with the OP. And to all those who are pitying the "poor girl" he's with...why are you pitying? I'm jealous of her! She has an honest, LOGICAL man who clearly adores her.

 

He says he believes in all the things marriage stands for and embodies those things in his relationship. He just doesn't understand the need for marriage itself. It has nothing to do with his love for or commitment to her: it is purely from an ideological standpoint that he rejects marriage. Do you not understand that?

 

To the OP: as long as your girl signs a pre-nup and your assets are 100% protected, then if I were you I would marry her just to make her happy. It won't cost you anything but a wedding, and you don't have to have an extravagant one. I am on your side completely. I will only get married to avoid having to use the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" forever and so my family and friends won't bug me for the rest of my life. It also looks good in the professional world to be married and I know it shouldn't matter what other people think but hey, sometimes it does.

 

I also want my partner to have the say-so about my medical needs if I were to have an accident (which is likely, given my hobbies) and to receive my assets if I die. Presumably he would be my closest confidant and would do what I wanted with them or with my health. Those are the only real reasons I'd want to get married. But ONLY with a solid pre-nup.

[Mary3]

I agree 100% with the OP. And to all those who are pitying the "poor girl" he's with...why are you pitying? I'm jealous of her! She has an honest, LOGICAL man who clearly adores her.

 

He says he believes in all the things marriage stands for and embodies those things in his relationship. He just doesn't understand the need for marriage itself. It has nothing to do with his love for or commitment to her: it is purely from an ideological standpoint that he rejects marriage. Do you not understand that?

 

To the OP: as long as your girl signs a pre-nup and your assets are 100% protected, then if I were you I would marry her just to make her happy. It won't cost you anything but a wedding, and you don't have to have an extravagant one. I am on your side completely. I will only get married to avoid having to use the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" forever and so my family and friends won't bug me for the rest of my life. It also looks good in the professional world to be married and I know it shouldn't matter what other people think but hey, sometimes it does.

 

I also want my partner to have the say-so about my medical needs if I were to have an accident (which is likely, given my hobbies) and to receive my assets if I die. Presumably he would be my closest confidant and would do what I wanted with them or with my health. Those are the only real reasons I'd want to get married. But ONLY with a solid pre-nup.

 

Just to Clarify. I don't care about Marriage either way. Not saying I would never marry again but not too likely right now...

 

But why bother getting married for the OP ? He is more worried about the Green Paper in his wallet than anything else.

 

He wants a Pre Nup. You like Pre Nups too. Pre Nups say to me : This marriage will likely FAIL so lets protect what we have each earned.

 

That FACT that he WON'T marry her if she does NOT sign this piece of paper sends a red flag out.

 

How about they both put all their money is a pot , shake it up and blindly hand it back out to eachother ?

 

Some People should NOT get married and OP is one of them. Period.

 

Thats my 2 cents.

 

He should buy 2 puppies and a bag of food . The puppies won't ask for a PreNup...I hope !

[Pleco]

How naïve can you get?

 

A pre-nup doesn't say "this marriage will likely fail." It says, "60% of marriages end in divorce and I am a realist. We may not always be what's best for the other and if that is the case, we part with what is rightfully ours."

 

A pre-nup also says, "Let's decide for ourselves from the beginning what belongs to us like adults, and not let a lawyer/judge do it for us."

 

People change, and if you show me someone who has 100% faith that their partner will always be the person they first married, I will show you someone who stands a good chance of paying 2/3 of his or her salary to an ex-spouse for the rest of their lives.

 

Don't be a fool.

[BentSpine]

Congratulations on your great relationship! Actions speak louder than words, so if someone claims to want to be with their partner forever then why not prove that through actually staying together forever before celebrating! My suggestion to the OP is to wait 12-15 years to find out if she really doesn't mind being with you unmarried, then give her the gift she appreciates in court (marrige, that is) along with the prenup. Not as an obligation from you, but as a gift to you loving partner.

[Mary3]

How naïve can you get?

 

A pre-nup doesn't say "this marriage will likely fail." It says, "60% of marriages end in divorce and I am a realist. We may not always be what's best for the other and if that is the case, we part with what is rightfully ours."

 

A pre-nup also says, "Let's decide for ourselves from the beginning what belongs to us like adults, and not let a lawyer/judge do it for us."

 

People change, and if you show me someone who has 100% faith that their partner will always be the person they first married, I will show you someone who stands a good chance of paying 2/3 of his or her salary to an ex-spouse for the rest of their lives.

 

Don't be a fool.

 

You are absolutely right . 60 % end in divorce. I am in no hurry to get financially raped either ...

 

Why rush marriage . I like the 5 year courtship thing or longer, if that's what it takes to prevent walking into a failing situation.

 

Those who are wealthy or have substantial assets need to do what they have to do....

[Eeyore79]

She might say she'll stay with you even if you don't marry her, but she's probably just saying that so as not to put pressure on you. She's already admitted that she wants marriage, and if she doesn't get it then she'll eventually leave you for a man who does want to marry her. If you want to be sure of keeping her, you should marry her. If you don't, and she leaves you, you only have yourself to blame.

 

Marriage is not about feeling that you want to live with someone - it's about feeling that you can't live without them. It's about wanting this person to be with you always, to be your next of kin, your best friend, the closest person to you in the entire world. It's about committing yourself to them legally and permanently, in front of everyone, and the emotional and social changes that such a commitment brings are real despite their intangibility. Marriage sets your partnership apart from all others, apart from all of the mere "girlfriends" that you've had before. Everyone knows the situation when ou're married; it confers a certain social status. Marriage is making a promise, and however much you like to pretend that a relationship without a legal commitment is just the same, it isn't - at least not in a legal and emotional sense. The act of making that promise means a lot to some people, including me and (probably) your girlfriend.

 

If you don't feel that you want to make a promise to this woman, to ensure your best chance of keeping her forever by committing to her publicly and legally, then you're not ready to be in a serious relationship with her. You want to maintain the opportunity for an easy get-out, and cutting off that opportunity seems senseless, but wll mean a lot to her in an emotional sense. It feels momentous to you, so you obviously have some understanding of the seriousness of marriage... the truth is you don't really want to marry her, so you're making excuses and trying to rationalise it.

[Mary3]

She might say she'll stay with you even if you don't marry her, but she's probably just saying that so as not to put pressure on you. She's already admitted that she wants marriage, and if she doesn't get it then she'll eventually leave you for a man who does want to marry her. If you want to be sure of keeping her, you should marry her. If you don't, and she leaves you, you only have yourself to blame.

 

Marriage is not about feeling that you want to live with someone - it's about feeling that you can't live without them. It's about wanting this person to be with you always, to be your next of kin, your best friend, the closest person to you in the entire world. It's about committing yourself to them legally and permanently, in front of everyone, and the emotional and social changes that such a commitment brings are real despite their intangibility. Marriage sets your partnership apart from all others, apart from all of the mere "girlfriends" that you've had before. Everyone knows the situation when ou're married; it confers a certain social status. Marriage is making a promise, and however much you like to pretend that a relationship without a legal commitment is just the same, it isn't - at least not in a legal and emotional sense. The act of making that promise means a lot to some people, including me and (probably) your girlfriend.

 

If you don't feel that you want to make a promise to this woman, to ensure your best chance of keeping her forever by committing to her publicly and legally, then you're not ready to be in a serious relationship with her. You want to maintain the opportunity for an easy get-out, and cutting off that opportunity seems senseless, but wll mean a lot to her in an emotional sense. It feels momentous to you, so you obviously have some understanding of the seriousness of marriage... the truth is you don't really want to marry her, so you're making excuses and trying to rationalise it.

 

Incredibly Moving Post !

[TaraMaiden]

She might say she'll stay with you even if you don't marry her, but she's probably just saying that so as not to put pressure on you. She's already admitted that she wants marriage, and if she doesn't get it then she'll eventually leave you for a man who does want to marry her. If you want to be sure of keeping her, you should marry her. If you don't, and she leaves you, you only have yourself to blame.

 

Marriage is not about feeling that you want to live with someone - it's about feeling that you can't live without them. It's about wanting this person to be with you always, to be your next of kin, your best friend, the closest person to you in the entire world. It's about committing yourself to them legally and permanently, in front of everyone, and the emotional and social changes that such a commitment brings are real despite their intangibility. Marriage sets your partnership apart from all others, apart from all of the mere "girlfriends" that you've had before. Everyone knows the situation when ou're married; it confers a certain social status. Marriage is making a promise, and however much you like to pretend that a relationship without a legal commitment is just the same, it isn't - at least not in a legal and emotional sense. The act of making that promise means a lot to some people, including me and (probably) your girlfriend.

 

If you don't feel that you want to make a promise to this woman, to ensure your best chance of keeping her forever by committing to her publicly and legally, then you're not ready to be in a serious relationship with her. You want to maintain the opportunity for an easy get-out, and cutting off that opportunity seems senseless, but wll mean a lot to her in an emotional sense. It feels momentous to you, so you obviously have some understanding of the seriousness of marriage... the truth is you don't really want to marry her, so you're making excuses and trying to rationalise it.

 

I have to agree. This is actually a very powerful statement, particularly the middle paragraph. The Bolded bits resonate.

[aerogurl87]

She might say she'll stay with you even if you don't marry her, but she's probably just saying that so as not to put pressure on you. She's already admitted that she wants marriage, and if she doesn't get it then she'll eventually leave you for a man who does want to marry her. If you want to be sure of keeping her, you should marry her. If you don't, and she leaves you, you only have yourself to blame.

 

Marriage is not about feeling that you want to live with someone - it's about feeling that you can't live without them. It's about wanting this person to be with you always, to be your next of kin, your best friend, the closest person to you in the entire world. It's about committing yourself to them legally and permanently, in front of everyone, and the emotional and social changes that such a commitment brings are real despite their intangibility. Marriage sets your partnership apart from all others, apart from all of the mere "girlfriends" that you've had before. Everyone knows the situation when ou're married; it confers a certain social status. Marriage is making a promise, and however much you like to pretend that a relationship without a legal commitment is just the same, it isn't - at least not in a legal and emotional sense. The act of making that promise means a lot to some people, including me and (probably) your girlfriend.

 

If you don't feel that you want to make a promise to this woman, to ensure your best chance of keeping her forever by committing to her publicly and legally, then you're not ready to be in a serious relationship with her. You want to maintain the opportunity for an easy get-out, and cutting off that opportunity seems senseless, but wll mean a lot to her in an emotional sense. It feels momentous to you, so you obviously have some understanding of the seriousness of marriage... the truth is you don't really want to marry her, so you're making excuses and trying to rationalise it.

 

Bravo! I agree.

[BentSpine]

Since you got much praise for you post from intelligent posters, I think you will cope with me turning things around...

She might say she'll stay with you even if you don't marry her, but she's probably just saying that so as not to put pressure on you. She's already admitted that she wants marriage, and if she doesn't get it then she'll eventually leave you for a man who does want to marry her.

If the woman plays mind games then she would be no keeper anyway.

If you want to be sure of keeping her, you should marry her.

It's controlling to think that you ultimately have the power to prevent someone from leaving if they desire to.

If you don't, and she leaves you, you only have yourself to blame.

T.D. Jakes: People leave you because they don't belong in your life. Let them walk.

 

Marriage is not about feeling that you want to live with someone - it's about feeling that you can't live without them.

This is codependency.

It's about wanting this person to be with you always, to be your next of kin, your best friend, the closest person to you in the entire world.

I'd day this is achieved by the consistent day in-day out caring actions which, with the exception of kinship, don't require a certificate to show this kind of consideration.

It's about committing yourself to them legally

and assuring a decent financial settlement when he finally embarks on an affair after I stop pretending that I enjoy sex. Or after he stops buying my excuse that the kids may hear, specifically since the kids moved out years ago!

and permanently,

Or seven years, in other words. Getting married is so much fun for the bride, why restrict it to only once?! First one's are called starter-marriages for a reason. Then it's third time's a charm: but...just maybe I ought not make promises of together forever anymore. Naa, that wouldn't be romantic like in the Cinderella story. Besides, I'm so catty, I probably have a least nine lives to promise away!

in front of everyone,

Approval seeking

and the emotional and social changes that such a commitment brings are real despite their intangibility.

Unable to accept oneself so needs to flaunt a title as a means of compensation.

Marriage sets your partnership apart from all others, apart from all of the mere "girlfriends" that you've had before.

No one outside the relationship knows how lovingly or miserably you treat your partner, or girlfriend. But it will become clear to others how much you value your partner by how caring you are. Then others will, if they value you, also value your bond. Even without a certificate.

Everyone knows the situation when ou're married; it confers a certain social status.

Again, weak sense of self and of the strength of the relationship.

Marriage is making a promise, and however much you like to pretend that a relationship without a legal commitment is just the same, it isn't - at least not in a legal and emotional sense. The act of making that promise means a lot to some people, including me and (probably) your girlfriend.

Words are cheap. Your bond will be as strong as you make it, with actions every day, not by uttering a few words to a priest.

 

If you don't feel that you want to make a promise to this woman, to ensure your best chance of keeping her forever by committing to her publicly and legally, then you're not ready to be in a serious relationship with her.

The caring way the partners treat each other is a better way of gauging their readiness for a serious relationship.

You want to maintain the opportunity for an easy get-out, and cutting off that opportunity seems senseless, but wll mean a lot to her in an emotional sense.

Or you want to avoid the risk of making life hell on earth in the case that you dislike the true, non-marriage hungry personality that emerges after the ceremony.

It feels momentous to you, so you obviously have some understanding of the seriousness of marriage...

Rightly so, celibacy is a very serious thing. For a man. Just read the posts by the guys in sexless relationships.

the truth is you don't really want to marry her, so you're making excuses and trying to rationalise it.

I agree the OP doesn't see the advantages for himself. But he apparently thinks not only of himself but of his partner together as a unit, taking into consideration how his partner would appreciate marriage. The more a woman needs marriage, the more she's going to change for the worse after the ceremony. Because she has high expecations of how much better life will, like magic, be with her so called Social Status.

[Mary3]

Why am I here? I'm here because I wanted to pick the brains of what I thought were reasonable people. I'm here because I thought I'd made it clear in my original post that the things marriage stands for (love, commitments, etc) were things we had already achieved, and I was looking for practical, well-thought-out reasons to take the marriage step even though we already have what marriage is supposed to provide. So far, the only reasons I've been given are "if you love her," or "if you're truly committed," and other such EMOTIONAL suggestions.

 

Geez, are all you broads simply mad that you didn't find a man with money? Upset that you got married without thinking it through? Distressed that you're too religious to accept that your choice of mate MAY have not been the right one after all? Trapped ina mistake that you desperately want to "work on" instead of acknowledging you'd be happier in a different circumstance? These are all scenarios that I'm trying to avoid.

 

And yes, I use the term "broads" for comedic effect, so save your comments about my scathing sexism.

 

It's OK Mary3. I'm happy to provide fodder for post number 5,362.

 

OP I can't believe I missed this one OP but I will ablidge...

You say I have 5,000 + posts . I didn't really notice. Just like when I play an online game. Its the FUN of the game. ( not the score ) Here it's the hope of helping ..

I know you might disagree.

 

As I said before I joined here many years ago and received great advice ! After reading alot of posts I really loved learning what * being pathetic during a breakup * really meant. And many other things so I decided to stay and learn. Eventually offering advice . Some told me to stuff it and some told me they loved my advice. So hey !

 

I think its reasonable to stay single forever personally. The next person will say they think its reasonable to get married .

 

* If you love her *...Right . NEVER get married just for love. You are right.

 

*Emotional Suggestions.* - Right . Is love a choice , an emotion or a feeling?

 

The "Geez , all you broads comment" . I haven't heard the term broad since the 1940's Humphrey Bogart movies . Just how old are you ?

 

Find a man with money ? Wouldn't that make me a Gold Digger ? Proud to say I am not one of those

 

Upset that I got married and didn't think it through ? ABSOLUTELY ! Was carrying a bun in the oven and like most dumb kids I got married. We all know now having a baby will not hold a marriage.

 

Too Religious ? No. I don't shove religion down anyone's throat...

 

Trapped in a Mistake ? No more . Thank you

 

I will always remember your scathing sexism

[stillafool]

OP it seem to me from your posts that you don't want to marry. So don't. You said your gf said she would be with you even if you don't marry her. Why would you need a bunch of strangers to convince you that marriage is good. If you don't want to marry and your wonderful gf can't convince you this is a wonderful idea; like Nora Jane said how can we convince you?