A Serious Question for Those Who Hate Porn

[somedude81]

Um, he looks at heavier women. and he married me at a much heavier weight than I am now.

 

Furthermore. c'mon, as if the real thing should get turned down.

Then I was mistaken.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have a link that talks about a womans struggle in the porn industry, how she broke free from it and about alot of others porn stars who got out of it as well. Including some men porn actors too. It tells the other side of porn and how its not glamorous as they make it out to be. I think one of most lowest, cruelest things a person can say to someone or about someone who was/is in the porn industry that has been abused and suffered is, well they deserved what they got. I have heard people say it, and seen it on here. It wouldn't matter much if I posted the link because people or someone will make a justification about the site, and condemn them all because that person doing the condemning loves porn and is a advocate for it anyway.

 

It seems f-ed up to blame the victim.

[Jersey Shortie]

It would be intereting to see a study done on rasing boys who don't have access to porn liek there is today. Maybe not a realistic social experiment. But I can't help but wonder how these men would turn out. They would be raised *normally* other then having access to porn. They wouldn't be shamed for their sexual feelings or curiosity but they also wouldn't have access to what we have access to today via the internet.

 

I read a study that said after looking at porn, men had more negative opinons of their partner's body and actions in the bedroom and were more critical of their women.

 

 

Recently, the University of Montreal tried to do a controlled study about a possible link between exposure to porn and violence towards women. In the end, the study had to be abandoned because the researchers could not assemble a control group. They could not find a single man who didn't look at porn!

 

Ugg, at least post ALL the details of the study AFD. I also read this study and the group they were looking for men in was a very small segmented one. Either way, we all KNOW there is alot of misognistic porn out there. It's not so fun to love a man that is only happy in his masculinity because of the amount of porn he gets to view PLUS having real sex.

 

Alfred Kinsey once said that 90% or men masturbated, and the remaining 10% were liars. Again, I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect the same holds true for porn.

 

Yeah we get it. All men, most men love porn and women should shut their silly mouths because at the end what matters is men still have and feel good in their masturbation material. Men are great and women are worthless and deserve to be used. We get it. We get how men feel about women and porn and most times, most men pick porn. If that's the kind of man you want to be, that's the kind of man you want to be.

[zebracolors]

Yes but that male mindset was around long before porn in video, or magazine form ever, ever existed.

 

Gender roles are changing nowadays as well. Hell I'd love it if I met a girl who watched porn on her own. I know some do, but they don't out and out admit it usually.

 

I am a woman and I do sometimes watch it. So I may not be the best one to ask. However I'd much prefer the act with someone in person over porn or a "vibe"anytime.

 

As to what you can do? Why do anything about Porn in the first place? At the start of a relationship, that could be something established at the beginning. He/she tells the partner after a while of being together "look, I enjoy watching porn on occasion". Something like that is personal information that you would not tell just to any stranger. If both are fine with it, then there hopefully will be no issues down the road.

 

The intelligent people will know porn is just fantasy, and will not let it affect their real world relationships in the bed room or affect how they view the appearance of their partner. If Porn becomes a replacement of your partner, then there was probably some issues going into the relationship.

 

And yes, I guess it makes sense there is a side to the industry that most are not aware of. Unfortunately its an industry that is not going anywhere soon. Its going to continue get alot of business because its targeted mostly towards men, right?

[blair08]

It seems f-ed up to blame the victim.

 

 

Yep, but it has happened here before. I have seen a discussion about a person who had been in the industry got out of it, told their dark side and what not only had happend to her but others as well that were/are in the industry and of course, some one here's statement was, "no one told them to get into that to begin with. And they knew what they were getting into to start off with". Thats kind of like saying a woman who gets involved with a nice, handsome, charming man, who later beats the sh*t out of her, deserved it.

 

I think that is awful and low to say. I would think alot of young naive girls who start out in that do NOT know what its really all about, all they see is,fame , glamour, and dollar signs. Not the other side.

Edited May 7, 2010 by blair08

[Jersey Shortie]

I think that is awful and low to say. I would think alot of young naive girls who start out in that do NOT know what its really all about, all they see is,fame , glamour, and dollar signs. Not the other side.

 

 

Statisically, that is what they say happens and I agree.I've said this before but incase anyone missed it the average "career" of a pornstar is 6 months - 1 year. In that time frame they are asked to do increasingly hardcore acts and the films often highlight that this is the *first* time these girls have done it. The girls don't last much longer then a year for serveral reasons. Their bodies can't keep up with the expectation and men want to see newer women. The demand is insatiable. We are a country that gorges ourselves on food and gasoline yet alot of men want to *think* they have control over their porn use. That' just not honest or realistic.

 

I also find it strange that people will critize these girls and say they are *just* insert a name here and that plenty of guys seem to think that this should make women feel better, by calling these women in the movies names. So not only do alot of men take pleasure from seeing what these girls are doing, they also critize them for doing it all in the same.

[someotherguy]

Anti-pornsters are either frigid or semi frigid. They are also sexually repressed by tradition or dogma. There is a different biology between men and women. Men produce loads of sperm and their testosterone effects their minds to want to orgasm. Woman don't have the same biology. If you're lucky you'll find a partner who is sexually astute and willing to enjoy porn with you. Or you could marry a prude and find yourself jerking off every damn night while your partner sleeps her youth and potency away.

 

I'm a man, and it sounds like you're targeting anti-porn women, but maybe my point of view will be helpful anyway.

 

I don't like porn. I don't think it's horrible or disgusting or anything, and I certainly don't condone censorship. I am going to purposely not discuss what happens "behind the scenes" and whether or not the young ladies are coerced or misled, that to me is an entirely different discussion.

 

However, I am self-aware, and I understand that visual stimuli WILL condition a person sexually.

 

I choose, as a rational thinking human being, to not condition myself with porn.

 

I think this allows me to have a deeper emotional bond to my partner in regards to our shared sexuality. If I need to get off, she's involved in some way.

 

I am not frigid in any conceivable way, but I am very strictly monogamous.

 

I see porn in the same way I see drugs. They both provide a gateway to an altered state of mind, and are easily addictive.

 

Also, it's my opinion that it's not safe to try to link one's innate sexual drive to one's desire to watch other people have sex. My sex drive is high, even at 35 I want full-on sex at least every morning and night, and could even handle a quickie most days during lunch or when I get home from work. And yet, I have very easily kept myself from developing a desire to watch porn.

 

I think the key is to be selfish when you're getting to know someone, and before you make a serious commitment to them, determine whether they are sexually compatible with you. If you're incompatible, you have to ask yourself how important your sexual proclivities are in relation to the rest of the relationship. In my own case, I have come to the conclusion that I need a partner with a high sex drive and the willingness to experiment and initiate when I may be in a funk. Sex happens to be very important to me, moreso than some other concerns. The key is to understand yourself and be totally honest in your relationship. In my case, I need an alpha female, someone who is used to being in a position of authority, and who needs a strong male to overcome her innate strength in order to dominate her.

[sweetjasmine]

However, I am self-aware, and I understand that visual stimuli WILL condition a person sexually.

 

^ This. It's classic conditioning. There's research out there on it: people will start sexually responding to a non-sexual object if they're conditioned to do it by masturbating to the image repeatedly. What people view affects them in some way, even if they're aware of it.

 

That's not necessarily some horrible, awful thing, but it does happen.

[shadowofman]

Take one aspect of porn today that is pervasive. The facial. I will bet, that the facial was sexy in 300BC just as it is sexy now. It's just that the idea is now in the mind of the majority of men today because we are better able to share the idea through media.

 

I can not claim that porn does not increase an obsessive tendency of men. It certainly can. But porn is the future. No one can stop it. Young men will find it and do with it as they will. Just try and stop your teen boys. Just try.

[Zed]

Porn feeds the sexual slavery industry which has made incalculable billions from its purveyors. I cannot in good conscience support an industry that uses women and children (who some have been kidnapped and sold as objects) as fodder for anonymous users no matter how titilating and innocuous those images look. This is beyond Playboy and Hustle mags who you could possibly say willing went into that situation. There are real human beings behind those glazed expressions and some of those women have been forced to perform.

 

The stats are actually depressing. I do think that if you curtail the sex slavery trade, then the exhaustive numbers of gonzo and “light” porn that pervade the internet would take a precipitous downward spike. I do not advocate being a thought police, but the way men relate to women has shown that porn usage has negative effects to human sexuality, especially since the industry spends the majority of its resources highlighting male sexuality and their wants—which is not really flattering.

[shadowofman]

Actually the porn "industry" is dying because amateur streaming video is dominating the internet. These are consensual exhibitionists. And consensual voyeurs.

[somedude81]

Do we really need two of these threads?

 

Right now this thread is exactly like the other porn thread that has way too many posts.

 

This thread has gone too far off-topic from the original post...

[shadowofman]

So then, how do people propose to stop consenting adults from recording and sharing their most intimate moments? And How do porn haters plan to stop people for being voyeurs of such media?

[threebyfate]

I have a link that talks about a womans struggle in the porn industry, how she broke free from it and about alot of others porn stars who got out of it as well. Including some men porn actors too. It tells the other side of porn and how its not glamorous as they make it out to be. I think one of most lowest, cruelest things a person can say to someone or about someone who was/is in the porn industry that has been abused and suffered is, well they deserved what they got. I have heard people say it, and seen it on here. It wouldn't matter much if I posted the link because people or someone will make a justification about the site, and condemn them all because that person doing the condemning loves porn and is a advocate for it anyway.

I have no sympathy for people who get into porn. No one held a shotgun to their head to get into the industry. If you argue that it's about needing the money for addictions, I also have no sympathy for addicts.

[JackJack]

Some people have no clue what they are getting into to begin with, therefore IMO, I would never critisize someone for their choice. Its hard to say WHY someone does what they do or chooses to get into certain things.

 

I also believe that there are SOME people who do know what they are getting into, BUT perhaps in their mind they think it will be different for them, or that it wont happen to them.

 

As someone pointed out earlier, if a woman married a man who was nice, handsome and charming, she only saw that one side, then he later on beat her, I wouldn't blame her, and yes I would have sympathy for her. How could I not, if she didn't know he was like that or what she was getting herself into with him. So the same goes for people in porn.

 

I commend those that are very brave and can finally break free of something toxic or degrading. I'm glad when they take a step back, get some self confidence and say, I don't need this anymore, I made a bad choice.

 

"I think its f-ed up to blame the victim"

 

I agree.

[sally4sara]

Take one aspect of porn today that is pervasive. The facial. I will bet, that the facial was sexy in 300BC just as it is sexy now. It's just that the idea is now in the mind of the majority of men today because we are better able to share the idea through media.

 

I can not claim that porn does not increase an obsessive tendency of men. It certainly can. But porn is the future. No one can stop it. Young men will find it and do with it as they will. Just try and stop your teen boys. Just try.

 

Honestly Shadow, I know a few guys who dig it, but many (said to other guys) can't figure out the fuss. Some even think its gross. It doesn't add to the sensation.

Do you think perhaps having seen it in porn so much, it would become so "sexy" to you"? Where as if you had not, it might not have even occurred to you?

I remember in the "how to give oral sex" thread, your advise was exactly everything I've heard women say puts them off about giving oral sex.

I know some people will like things like that, and of course if they and their partner like it -its all cool, but what does it say when everything you dig is what puts a lot of women off about sex the most?

 

I'm not trying to challenge your likes, I'm trying to challenge you to examine where your likes come from because you have been watching from a young age.

[sally4sara]

Actually the porn "industry" is dying because amateur streaming video is dominating the internet. These are consensual exhibitionists. And consensual voyeurs.

 

And IMO, those private maker's of amateur are better than the fake "AH AH AH" pro films.

[pureinheart]

I have a link that talks about a womans struggle in the porn industry, how she broke free from it and about alot of others porn stars who got out of it as well. Including some men porn actors too. It tells the other side of porn and how its not glamorous as they make it out to be. I think one of most lowest, cruelest things a person can say to someone or about someone who was/is in the porn industry that has been abused and suffered is, well they deserved what they got. I have heard people say it, and seen it on here. It wouldn't matter much if I posted the link because people or someone will make a justification about the site, and condemn them all because that person doing the condemning loves porn and is a advocate for it anyway.

 

For me, have never viewed the porn deal as glamorous, it devalues people.

[ADF]

I appreciate that so many people have answered this post, but let me get back to the original question. If you think porn is a problem, what is your proposed solution? Please, let's not just say how much we hate or why porn is bad or why it no big deal. If it is a problem, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT IT?

[sweetjasmine]

I will bet, that the facial was sexy in 300BC just as it is sexy now.

 

Prove it.

 

What people find sexy varies across cultures and over time.

 

Honestly Shadow, I know a few guys who dig it, but many (said to other guys) can't figure out the fuss. Some even think its gross. It doesn't add to the sensation.

Do you think perhaps having seen it in porn so much, it would become so "sexy" to you"? Where as if you had not, it might not have even occurred to you?

 

Yup. You see it in a sexual context when you're already aroused and bringing yourself to orgasm, and it becomes sexual. This is what I mean by classic conditioning.

 

I remember in the "how to give oral sex" thread, your advise was exactly everything I've heard women say puts them off about giving oral sex.

 

This too. And the things listed were things my SO would find a turn off.

 

Porn and other forms of entertainment aren't merely a reflection. They have an effect on culture, too.

 

I appreciate that so many people have answered this post, but let me get back to the original question. If you think porn is a problem, what is your proposed solution? Please, let's not just say how much we hate or why porn is bad or why it no big deal. If it is a problem, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT IT?

 

Not much to be done about it.

 

All I would do is try to keep my kids from viewing porn (until they're adults) and teach them that masturbation and fantasizing are normal and healthy but that porn can affect how they view sex and condition their sexual responses. And that they should be aware of that and use it carefully.

[You Go Girl]

I appreciate that so many people have answered this post, but let me get back to the original question. If you think porn is a problem, what is your proposed solution? Please, let's not just say how much we hate or why porn is bad or why it no big deal. If it is a problem, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT IT?

 

All we can do is educate people. If there was a really good documentary out there, about porn, the industry, the users, the effects on everybody involved, their spouses, related divorce statistics, men who were very heavy users that told their stories of only being able to perform with porn, women's views, all views across the spectrum, etc., etc., and this was shown to kids in high school, and was on pbs regularly, it might just have a profound effect indeed.

 

I don't think porn use as a 'relationship' as some men use it will go away any faster than war will disappear from the earth.

Doesn't mean I have to play a part in it or stop hoping that it goes by the wayside.

There's a place for porn as there is for most things. What is happening in this era though, extreme use, is not for me and my relationships.

 

Are the men who watch less porn better lovers? YEP! I've been with a couple, and they were FAR BETTER lovers than the porn addict.

[shadowofman]

I've seen things in real life that I have yet to see in a porn. Therefore porn did not influence my interest in these things. I will not deny that porn puts ideas in the minds of people, and in turn creates a focus in the viewers mind. But just like any trend in fashion or culture, it starts in the mind of one and quickly spreads because it is a virus.

 

It is a science called memetics. It is the method by which a culture is born and evolves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you being against the virus. There are hundreds of memes out there that I despise. Like religion. But you can't stop them without a superior meme to displace or void them.

[Engadget]

All we can do is educate people. If there was a really good documentary out there, about porn, the industry, the users, the effects on everybody involved, their spouses, related divorce statistics, men who were very heavy users that told their stories of only being able to perform with porn, women's views, all views across the spectrum, etc., etc., and this was shown to kids in high school, and was on pbs regularly, it might just have a profound effect indeed.

 

I don't think porn use as a 'relationship' as some men use it will go away any faster than war will disappear from the earth.

Doesn't mean I have to play a part in it or stop hoping that it goes by the wayside.

There's a place for porn as there is for most things. What is happening in this era though, extreme use, is not for me and my relationships.

 

Are the men who watch less porn better lovers? YEP! I've been with a couple, and they were FAR BETTER lovers than the porn addict.

 

You people have this sort of exaggerated, almost insanity-fueled view of porn.

 

And men who don't watch porn are better lovers? Whaaaaat? How on earth would ever watching porn attach itself to being better in bed?

[dreamingoftigers]

You people have this sort of exaggerated, almost insanity-fueled view of porn.

 

And men who don't watch porn are better lovers? Whaaaaat? How on earth would ever watching porn attach itself to being better in bed?

 

Because I found that the man I was with paid more attention and actually learned what the women wanted from the women instead of just mimicing what he saw on screen. Also it wasn't just about the orgasm.

[somedude81]

Surely one man is representative of the entire population.