A Serious Question for Those Who Hate Porn

[dreamingoftigers]

Surely one man is representative of the entire population.

 

I can only go from my experience. Seriously tho... the others have all tried stuff they saw in porn and it totally makes sex boring for me.

 

Its not like I am going to go out and find every guy that doesn't watch porn and find every other guy and then sleep with everyone and compare the two groups.

[shadowofman]

I can only go from my experience. Seriously tho... the others have all tried stuff they saw in porn and it totally makes sex boring for me.

 

I know what you are saying. It is very unsexy to mechanically attempt to copy porn. I admit that I am guilty of this sort of thing in the past. With experience, one learns to keep things organic and going with the flow. I think you are describing simple inexperience or ineptitude.

 

Not necessarily a condition of exposure to porn in itself.

[You Go Girl]

I know what you are saying. It is very unsexy to mechanically attempt to copy porn. I admit that I am guilty of this sort of thing in the past. With experience, one learns to keep things organic and going with the flow. I think you are describing simple inexperience or ineptitude.

 

Not necessarily a condition of exposure to porn in itself.

 

What I have noticed is this--men sometimes, from watching a whole heck of alot of porn, start writing these scripts in their head of what they want, without regard to what the other partner wants. They also are so tunnel-visioned about wanting to replay IRL what they saw, that they don't listen to cues from their partner.

Good sex is about one thing--and that's being in tune with your partner. Anytime there's a fantasy run amok--and the partner hasn't watched the porn and agreed to play that one out--it's one person's script and the other person is just the mechanism.

I've been with 2 partners that didn't watch much porn. They were better lovers. They tuned in to me--and I into them. They didn't have all that crap running around in their head. Not to say all porn is bad all the time. But, that's my experience. MUCH better lovers. TUNING IN. No preconceived notions of how it was all going to play out. Listening on a level so fantastic--wow!

Is it a coincidence that they were better lovers and not into porn? I think not.

How many threads are on this forum where they guy says--I want to do what I've been watching in porn and I'm frustrated that my partner isn't like the porn girls? A LOT. They don't put it in those words. They don't mention the porn. But it's not difficult to read between the lines. They say--I want to do such and such, and my partner isn't into my idea. Well HELLO! Show her the porn vid, have her watch it, and see if she likes the idea before deciding that you want that, and get frustrated that she doesn't.

Those threads aren't about connecting with someone. They're about one person's desire--but sex is a two way street!

[sally4sara]

I've seen things in real life that I have yet to see in a porn. Therefore porn did not influence my interest in these things. I will not deny that porn puts ideas in the minds of people, and in turn creates a focus in the viewers mind. But just like any trend in fashion or culture, it starts in the mind of one and quickly spreads because it is a virus.

 

It is a science called memetics. It is the method by which a culture is born and evolves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you being against the virus. There are hundreds of memes out there that I despise. Like religion. But you can't stop them without a superior meme to displace or void them.

 

And (I hope!) there are things you've seen in porn you have not done or seen IRL.

What do you think makes a person gravitate to certain acts?

Porn provides sexual release, sometimes for a specific need they can't so readily get IRL.

The superior meme to porn would be better sexual discourse.

 

Take the rough BJ theme. Yeah some are into that - more power to them!

But, take this couple:

We are friends with another couple. I'm more a confidant to the woman and my husband to the man. He complains to my husband about lack of BJs (and he likes the rough style). She has complied in the past but, complains to me about how it hurts and trying to avoid that pain diminishes her enjoyment in giving oral but knows it is something he enjoys in watching porn. She doesn't want him thinking the porn is hotter....

They each complain to us individually. We get together and talk about what we were told. Collectively - we see the big pic. They, separately do not. So the lack of BJs continue. If they were more communicative, he wouldn't be wonder why he gets less of something he thinks (because she has gone along with it in the past) she is fine with when she is not. If they were more communicative, she could let him know she has only seemed "into it" because she feels pressured by his porn preference.

The superior meme is communication. Porn can get in the way of that. If she didn't think he would just turn to porn more as a reaction, she'd be more likely to speak about what she struggles with. Perhaps, if he knew she was put off by those acts, might he be less provoked by that style of oral sex?

[dreamingoftigers]

I know what you are saying. It is very unsexy to mechanically attempt to copy porn. I admit that I am guilty of this sort of thing in the past. With experience, one learns to keep things organic and going with the flow. I think you are describing simple inexperience or ineptitude.

 

Not necessarily a condition of exposure to porn in itself.

 

It has felt to me that my orgasm is simply a thing to be crossed off of the list so that my H can get his job done. The others previously have been very much, almost withdrawn like they were looking for the arousing bits instead of being in bed with a person. It is kind of hard to describe. Like the whole experience isn't something to enjoy, just certain acts or positions. I think it has something to do with the "standard 4."

 

You know when you navigate to a site there is sort of 4 standard things to download: intro, bj, intercourse, facial. (I don't do facials, blech). It seems like in bed that that is about it too. Personally I like to mix things up a lot more and maybe do some of the things that I like too. As much as I love to give a bj, we don't have to go down the same path every single time. I found with my one lover that we changed, evolved and kept things fresh, that didn't mean that things got more extreme, just varietal. I could not tell you what each different sexual experience was going to be like, it was like a surprise gift. I found that with my first lover (who was heavily into porn) that there was a lot of extreme stuff, but not much experimenting and that that got old. With my H now I have literally had the same sex for four years. No matter what I asked for etc. He might do something new for a minute and then it is back on the same path and often I would almost have to nag for anything different at all (I would ask outside of the bedroom obviously). Standard 4 with a slightly different ending. FRUSTRATION.

 

Does anyone even notice that standard studio porn is not chalk-full of female orgasms? Quite frankly if porn empowered women, you would think we would be getting multiples as a standard.

 

There is nothing more frustrating that having someone else script my sex life, and its a boring script at that.

[Jersey Shortie]

Put me in the camp with the other girls here that had experiences with men who watched alot of porn and how they performed in the bedroom.

 

This isn't just one or two men and it's clearly not *just* me. I've seen alot of women on this board talk about experinces they've had with men who tried porn-like moves and didn't have a clue as to how to relate to a real woman. This isn't a once or twice thing. This isn't a lark. This has been a regular experience by different women. Even my girlfriends and I have talked about this.

 

Posted by Someotherguy:

 

I don't like porn. I don't think it's horrible or disgusting or anything, and I certainly don't condone censorship. I am going to purposely not discuss what happens "behind the scenes" and whether or not the young ladies are coerced or misled, that to me is an entirely different discussion.

 

However, I am self-aware, and I understand that visual stimuli WILL condition a person sexually.

 

I choose, as a rational thinking human being, to not condition myself with porn.

 

I think this allows me to have a deeper emotional bond to my partner in regards to our shared sexuality. If I need to get off, she's involved in some way.

 

I am not frigid in any conceivable way, but I am very strictly monogamous.

 

I see porn in the same way I see drugs. They both provide a gateway to an altered state of mind, and are easily addictive.

 

Also, it's my opinion that it's not safe to try to link one's innate sexual drive to one's desire to watch other people have sex. My sex drive is high, even at 35 I want full-on sex at least every morning and night, and could even handle a quickie most days during lunch or when I get home from work. And yet, I have very easily kept myself from developing a desire to watch porn.

 

I think the key is to be selfish when you're getting to know someone, and before you make a serious commitment to them, determine whether they are sexually compatible with you. If you're incompatible, you have to ask yourself how important your sexual proclivities are in relation to the rest of the relationship. In my own case, I have come to the conclusion that I need a partner with a high sex drive and the willingness to experiment and initiate when I may be in a funk. Sex happens to be very important to me, moreso than some other concerns. The key is to understand yourself and be totally honest in your relationship. In my case, I need an alpha female, someone who is used to being in a position of authority, and who needs a strong male to overcome her innate strength in order to dominate her.

 

 

Great post Someotherguy. Thank you for sharing your insight and I hope there are more guys out there like you, then not.

 

 

Zed

I do not advocate being a thought police, but the way men relate to women has shown that porn usage has negative effects to human sexuality, especially since the industry spends the majority of its resources highlighting male sexuality and their wants—which is not really flattering.

 

So very true. And I think alot of men understand that porn has affected how men relate to wome nbut there is stil la part that wants to deny that due to the pleasure they get from porn. It's easy for alot of men to sit here and shrug their shoulders at porn and still use it. It's not your gender being degraded and used more times then not. It's not your gender that is subhightled in their needs. It's women.

 

At the end of the day, a man that wants and does understand real women and wants to live in the real world is 10times more sexy then a man that sits and justifies fantasy and highlighting fantasy first and real world second. Aks yourselves what you think women are more impressed with. A man who gives accolades and defends pornography? Or a man who puts the time into understanding real women and developing both strong emotional and physical ties with them.

[ADF]

Put me in the camp with the other girls here that had experiences with men who watched alot of porn and how they performed in the bedroom.

 

This isn't just one or two men and it's clearly not *just* me. I've seen alot of women on this board talk about experinces they've had with men who tried porn-like moves and didn't have a clue as to how to relate to a real woman. This isn't a once or twice thing. This isn't a lark. This has been a regular experience by different women. Even my girlfriends and I have talked about this.

 

 

 

Great post Someotherguy. Thank you for sharing your insight and I hope there are more guys out there like you, then not.

 

 

 

 

So very true. And I think alot of men understand that porn has affected how men relate to wome nbut there is stil la part that wants to deny that due to the pleasure they get from porn. It's easy for alot of men to sit here and shrug their shoulders at porn and still use it. It's not your gender being degraded and used more times then not. It's not your gender that is subhightled in their needs. It's women.

 

At the end of the day, a man that wants and does understand real women and wants to live in the real world is 10times more sexy then a man that sits and justifies fantasy and highlighting fantasy first and real world second. Aks yourselves what you think women are more impressed with. A man who gives accolades and defends pornography? Or a man who puts the time into understanding real women and developing both strong emotional and physical ties with them.

 

Thank you, JersieShortie, for that extended post. But let me repeat the actual question: WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE TO DO ABOUT IT?

[shadowofman]

They were better lovers. They tuned in to me--and I into them. They didn't have all that crap running around in their head. Not to say all porn is bad all the time.

 

Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe they didn't have all that stuff running around in their mind and that's the reason they didn't watch porn.

 

I fully agree that porn can put an idea in a head. But after that....

[You Go Girl]

Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe they didn't have all that stuff running around in their mind and that's the reason they didn't watch porn.

 

I fully agree that porn can put an idea in a head. But after that....

 

Interesting thought, and I'm sure true for some men. I guess it depends on what 'that stuff' is. The really far out there orgy stuff, or things I consider gross, are not things these lovers asked for, nor desired.

 

There's been men that have joked with me about the porn stuff, but I noticed--they joked. They weren't really into it, whereas the porn lovers, take it oh so seriously lol

I mean, it's a frickin' very important part of their day, their life.

You'll notice which ones they are--they'll defend porn agressively, and act as if they are nervous that we women are going to take their porn away.

[ADF]

There's been men that have joked with me about the porn stuff, but I noticed--they joked. They weren't really into it, whereas the porn lovers, take it oh so seriously lol

I mean, it's a frickin' very important part of their day, their life.

You'll notice which ones they are--they'll defend porn agressively, and act as if they are nervous that we women are going to take their porn away.

 

So any man who aggressively defends his right to view porn is a "porn lover?" This sounds a little simplistic to me. If you read carefully, you'll find most men who defend their right to view porn do so on free speech grounds, not on I-just-really-love-porn grounds. They might be just as aggressive in defending their right to watch football or boxing against people who say watching such sports encourages violent behavior.

[shadowofman]

People that like freaky things like orgies, enjoy orgy porn. You can't blame the porn any more than you can blame Rock and Rock for suggestive dancing.

 

It's true that a video of an orgy might introduce a young man to the concept and therefore spark his interest in orgies. But learning the word "orgy" in it's self is enough to spark the same interest in seeking out orgy videos.

 

People were having orgies and anal sex and blow jobs and ejaculating on faces and you name it, long before the advent of video. The only difference is that it is visually available on demand. This has caused many problems in monogamous relationships. Maybe it makes men view all of these acts obtainable realities rather than just fantasy. And they will, and we do try to fulfill these fantasies.

 

Does not mean we are not capable of intimacy. Or proper love-making. Just means that kinkier sex is preferred, sometimes. Some of us guys just don't know when to stop trying.

[Engadget]

So any man who aggressively defends his right to view porn is a "porn lover?" This sounds a little simplistic to me. If you read carefully, you'll find most men who defend their right to view porn do so on free speech grounds, not on I-just-really-love-porn grounds. They might be just as aggressive in defending their right to watch football or boxing against people who say watching such sports encourages violent behavior.

 

Yes exactly. I view porn once in a while, and I'll defend it because most of the arguments against viewing it are silly beyond belief.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Maybe it makes men view all of these acts obtainable realities rather than just fantasy.

 

I have avoided the various porn threads for some months now, as it's mostly the same thing over and over again, but I have to respond to this point. Not only is not only a good point, it is one I've had in my mind but had not yet found the words to convey, so kudos. Indeed, I suspect some opposition to porn is not REALLY opposition to erotica, per se, but rather is motivated by a fear of sexual competition. By that I mean, some people (mostly, but not exclusively women) have certain sex acts they are simply unwilling to perform and are afraid that knowledge that other women will happily do so will cause them to either lose their existing relationship, or make finding one MORE difficult.

 

For I can certainly attest that the 'fantasies' involved in what I label 'mainstream porn' (things like orgies, threesomes, FWB's, oral sex to completion, etc, etc) are absolutely available if you want them and choose a partner who agrees. As I've said before on these very boards, my life IS a porn, and if you want that you can have it. (You being generic here, not you you.)

 

In fact, I read an article some time ago written by (I think) Naomi Campbell that was really nothing more than lamenting the fact that back in the day all a woman had to do was show up naked and that was good enough for men, but today they have to do things like groom, and be sexually creative and enthusiastic. The horror!

[threedrunkduck]

Porn is addictive

I just can not see the positive side of it

why people like porn? they must have a bit control

 

it has become a very large and well organized business, however it will always be there until the end of the world. To reduce porn is to ban the business entirely and to educate ourselves, our families, especially our kids how bad it has affected our life.

[ADF]

Porn is addictive

I just can not see the positive side of it

why people like porn? they must have a bit control

 

it has become a very large and well organized business, however it will always be there until the end of the world. To reduce porn is to ban the business entirely and to educate ourselves, our families, especially our kids how bad it has affected our life.

 

So you would in fact favor censorship? Okay, I believe you are the first poster to say that. How would you legally sanction men who watched porn?

[Engadget]

Porn is addictive

I just can not see the positive side of it

why people like porn? they must have a bit control

 

it has become a very large and well organized business, however it will always be there until the end of the world. To reduce porn is to ban the business entirely and to educate ourselves, our families, especially our kids how bad it has affected our life.

 

Porn isn't addictive. People can get addicted TO it, but it's not addictive by itself.

[shadowofman]

It's sex that is addictive. And a vast majority of the population is addicted to it. I mean men. Women just hate sex. Haha.

 

http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/why-women-hate-sex/

[dreamingoftigers]

It's sex that is addictive. And a vast majority of the population is addicted to it. I mean men. Women just hate sex. Haha.

 

http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/why-women-hate-sex/

 

Porn is a level one behaviour of sex addiction.

 

Nice source

[shadowofman]

Porn is a level one behaviour of sex addiction.

Exactly! And most often the emotional despair which results from the "porn problem" is not in the addicted individual, but in the partner of the individual who feels the relationship is threatened by the porn. The threat can be real or imagined.

Edited May 12, 2010 by shadowofman
mistake

[Engadget]

People can become "addicted" to anything. You can become addicted to the internet, to tennis, to television, to video games, to running, on and on. However putting it on the same level as something like heroin is idiotic.

 

Behavioral addictions are not the same thing as a chemical one, at all. I'm sick of everyone saying "Oh no I have a disease I can't help it!" shut up, yeah you can. This medicalization of natural, behavioral issues as addictions drives me ****ing bananas.

 

It's basically an easy cop out for those who make bad decisions, like Tiger Woods. He made the conscious choice to have sex with every woman that he did, and going to "rehab" for "sex addiction" is a way to say "Oh poor me I just couldn't help it!". Yes, you could. It was a choice. Your body didn't force you to do what you did.

 

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6099083.ece

 

Dr Philip Hopley, an addiction specialist at the Priory Hospital at Roehampton, southwest London, and a consultant psychiatrist for LPP Consulting, says that public scepticism is “understandable”. He says: “The major concern is where sex-related problem behaviour is labelled an ‘addiction' when in fact poor decision-making and/or impulse control lie at the root of the problem. What constitutes normal, average or healthy sex? There is no recommended limit for adults as there is for, say, alcohol - and if there was, would it be different for males and females?”

 

Phillip Hodson, a Fellow of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, points out that the whole idea of having an addiction to a natural drive is problematic. “The excuse, of course, is that nature wants us to have sex to make babies and isn't bothered about rationing the drive. It's the same with eating. You cannot really be ‘addicted' to normal drives. What's the cure - to stop procreating or eating?” Yet perhaps one can't really blame people for using the term “addiction”, because compulsivity or mania don't have quite the same ring. “Sex maniac” sounds like something out of a Carry On film.

 

Dr Hopley says that patients who seek help often claim to be suffering from sex addiction and be troubled by sex-obsessed thinking, compulsive sexual behaviour and/or hypersexuality, “However these problems often stem from mood disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, personality disorders or mental impairment. Not infrequently, alcohol and drug misuse are relevant coexisiting conditions, exerting a significant disinhibiting effect.”

 

Consider the case of Valerie, a patient being treated for sex addiction. “Any time I met a guy who didn't respond to me sexually, it would make me determined to have him,” she says. “The lowest point came when I tried to seduce my best friend's fiancé.” She may have been given a diagnosis of sex addiction, but her history reads like someone with a histrionic personality disorder - which is characterised by a pattern of attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductive behaviour.

Edited May 12, 2010 by Engadget

[ADF]

People can become "addicted" to anything. You can become addicted to the internet, to tennis, to television, to video games, to running, on and on. However putting it on the same level as something like heroin is idiotic.

 

Behavioral addictions are not the same thing as a chemical one, at all. I'm sick of everyone saying "Oh no I have a disease I can't help it!" shut up, yeah you can.

 

There's actually some controversy about that.

 

You're right--chemical addictions and behavioral compulsions do differ in important ways. But in other, equally important ways, they are similar. Dr. Gabor Mate, a Canadian physician specializing in addiction medicine, says behavorial compulsions and chemical addictions are really at opposite ends of a single, unified spectrum. At the darkest end of that spectrum, you have things like heroin addiction or meth addication. Behavorial compulsions like excessive shopping or constant porn-watching are far towards the brighter, less destructive end, but still on the spectrum.

 

However, I know of no hard evidence that shows watching porn is any more addictive than, say, playing video games. I think a lot of anti-porn arguements are really just dressed up expressions of personal distaste. They come from people who are personally so offended by porn, so outraged by it, that they assume it MUST be some great, diabolic evil.

[Engadget]

There's actually some controversy about that.

 

You're right--chemical addictions and behavioral compulsions do differ in important ways. But in other, equally important ways, they are similar. Dr. Gabor Mate, a Canadian physician specializing in addiction medicine, says behavorial compulsions and chemical addictions are really at opposite ends of a single, unified spectrum. At the darkest end of that spectrum, you have things like heroin addiction or meth addication. Behavorial compulsions like excessive shopping or constant porn-watching are far towards the brighter, less destructive end, but still on the spectrum.

 

However, I know of no hard evidence that shows watching porn is any more addictive than, say, playing video games. I think a lot of anti-porn arguements are really just dressed up expressions of personal distaste. They come from people who are personally so offended by porn, so outraged by it, that they assume it MUST be some great, diabolic evil.

 

Agreed. People can become hooked on pretty much anything, but that doesn't make it wrong because they do. I posted an article, but it must have got added after you replied.

 

Regardless of what the medical community ever says, I will never regard behavioral compulsions the same as chemical dependency. This drive to call addiction an incurable disease bothers me because it tells the addict that they are without hope, that this isn't their fault.

 

The thing that bothers me about that is, if someone has an addiction disease, why then are they addicted to say crack, and not heroin? Does the disease pick and choose? I can see if there's some genetic basis, like hereditary alcoholism, but what if there isn't? Said person made the choice to use the drug until their body became so dependent on it they couldn't stop.

[Jersey Shortie]

Thank you, JersieShortie, for that extended post. But let me repeat the actual question: WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE TO DO ABOUT IT?

 

Just saying what my thoughts were ADF previously.

 

I think there needs to be more open discussions and honesty in regards to this subject. And not just this subject, but on subjects regarding how men want women to treat them and how women want men to treat them. How men and women relate and how they want to be portrayed and how they want to teach kids to treat each other. There needs to be a level of honesty about these things that despite all the talk, we haven't fully met.

 

You can't live in a society that says it's okay to debase an entire gender in a popular medium and not expect there to be some kind of backlash or lack of connection between the sexes. You can't have parents teaching kids respect for others if they don't give it themselves. If daddy watches Horny Sluts Volume XXX and tells little Timmy that this is okay, then we are basically saying it's okay to use women for sex. Ficitional Daddy can't turn around and get mad when little Susy's first crush asks for a bj on the back of a school bus.

 

Any kid with a computer in the house can see the most graphic sexual acts. If you don't think kids or adults are affected by porn, you're kidding yourself. Just look at the short amount of time in which porn as affected culture and society. If you don't think porn is apart of that, again, you're lying to yourself. Porn is the one medium that comes directly into the home completely free.

 

Despite all the porn talk we have around here, many of it honest in some regards, there are still things people don't want to be honest about. I don't think people want to be truly honest because it would mean admitting some ugly stuff about ourselves and saying that the short-term pay-off (masturbating to porn) out weights the social affects and stereotypes made.

 

I think we need more men that set examples instead of pandering to what is easiest to pander to hormonly. We need more men that stand up for real women instead of justifying actions under "well I am a guy". That's weakness speaking. We need more women that don't just accept that men look at porn and deal with their own hurt on the issue and keep quite about their real feelings. We need women that give just as much respect to men just as we need men that give respect to women.

 

If we don't do these things, it's just going to get worse. But I think they already are in some regards.

[SarahRose]

It has felt to me that my orgasm is simply a thing to be crossed off of the list so that my H can get his job done. The others previously have been very much, almost withdrawn like they were looking for the arousing bits instead of being in bed with a person. It is kind of hard to describe. Like the whole experience isn't something to enjoy, just certain acts or positions. I think it has something to do with the "standard 4."

 

You know when you navigate to a site there is sort of 4 standard things to download: intro, bj, intercourse, facial. (I don't do facials, blech). It seems like in bed that that is about it too. Personally I like to mix things up a lot more and maybe do some of the things that I like too. As much as I love to give a bj, we don't have to go down the same path every single time. I found with my one lover that we changed, evolved and kept things fresh, that didn't mean that things got more extreme, just varietal. I could not tell you what each different sexual experience was going to be like, it was like a surprise gift. I found that with my first lover (who was heavily into porn) that there was a lot of extreme stuff, but not much experimenting and that that got old. With my H now I have literally had the same sex for four years. No matter what I asked for etc. He might do something new for a minute and then it is back on the same path and often I would almost have to nag for anything different at all (I would ask outside of the bedroom obviously). Standard 4 with a slightly different ending. FRUSTRATION.

 

Does anyone even notice that standard studio porn is not chalk-full of female orgasms? Quite frankly if porn empowered women, you would think we would be getting multiples as a standard.

 

There is nothing more frustrating that having someone else script my sex life, and its a boring script at that.

 

That was an excellent explanation of it.

 

I recall back in the late 70s with experiences pre porn. It seemed more spontaneous and fun. Yes they were still clueless on how to please a woman but that was because of youth and inexperience.

 

Plus I never ever never felt I was being compared to someone else or to porn. I never got the feeling when they didn't want to do it that it was because he had been previously wanking to porn. Also the guys were completely fine with full trimmed muff and weren't flipping over normal natural public hair like the boys are today and that is because of porn influence.

 

I wish I could explain how it makes me feel but it is difficult to put into words.

 

Finding out about my H porn habits and that he was replacing our sex life with the porn was so devastating. I can't get it out of my head that if we haven't h had sex in several days it is because he is too busy wanking to porn. I agree that the sex is boring and mechanical. I would like to try some different things and do it in different places but it is the same 2-3 positions and hardly any foreplay and no oral for me.

 

I never really cared about porn before all this. I just thought it was just something guys do occasionally. I didn't realize it could be an addiction or they replace a real sex life with it.

[ADF]

That was an excellent explanation of it.

 

I recall back in the late 70s with experiences pre porn. It seemed more spontaneous and fun. Yes they were still clueless on how to please a woman but that was because of youth and inexperience.

 

Plus I never ever never felt I was being compared to someone else or to porn. I never got the feeling when they didn't want to do it that it was because he had been previously wanking to porn. Also the guys were completely fine with full trimmed muff and weren't flipping over normal natural public hair like the boys are today and that is because of porn influence.

 

I wish I could explain how it makes me feel but it is difficult to put into words.

 

Finding out about my H porn habits and that he was replacing our sex life with the porn was so devastating. I can't get it out of my head that if we haven't h had sex in several days it is because he is too busy wanking to porn. I agree that the sex is boring and mechanical. I would like to try some different things and do it in different places but it is the same 2-3 positions and hardly any foreplay and no oral for me.

 

I never really cared about porn before all this. I just thought it was just something guys do occasionally. I didn't realize it could be an addiction or they replace a real sex life with it.

 

I am going to have to ask again: BUT WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE TO DO ABOUT IT?

 

I swear, I have never seen people on LS have so much trouble staying on topic. But I guess that tells me something.