Billy Bob Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Eating away at my ego! Wife works for the same company as I do and recently was promoted to management... She now makes roughly 10% more than me and is probably on track to make substantially more.. It's bothering me a bit.. I have a higher education level and always have been the main provider for my family. I know it's silly.. guess it's just a male ego thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 If it bothers you that much, it's time to up the ante and get yourself positioned for an upgrade, whether it's with the same company or a different one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted May 7, 2010 Author Share Posted May 7, 2010 Yeah, that would be a good plan.. but after 14 years at the co. don't think I am going much further or can get a better job elsewhere.. I know I just have to suck it up and accept it. I don't know how many other guys out there feel the same way.. I do know it is a dated attitude.. but one I grew up with... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 If it doesn't bother her then it should not bother you. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Yeah, that would be a good plan.. but after 14 years at the co. don't think I am going much further or can get a better job elsewhere.. I know I just have to suck it up and accept it. I don't know how many other guys out there feel the same way.. I do know it is a dated attitude.. but one I grew up with...So you're just going to roll over and self-defeat yourself without trying? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted May 7, 2010 Author Share Posted May 7, 2010 Oh I'm going to try.. Have to one up her! Its just not many are drafted into management in our company. Maybe one in 30 or 40... I really believe, no matter how hard I try, I won't break into management or a higher level/paid skill.. not being a defeatist, just being realistic. I'm a good judge of my abilities and skills. I know it's silly, its just a role reversal that bothers me.. I guess it's a sexist attitude...probably due to my upbringing in the 70-80's.. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 If you are happy with your job and your pay then relax. If she is belittling you or making some kind of a deal about it then its not ok. However I know a lot of men who would be phased by this situation. It is not really that bad, you are a couple so its joint income. Rejoice, more money! Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 I agree with witabix - you need to sabotage her career! Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 I agree with witabix - you need to sabotage her career! Sabotage? Did I say that? No, he needs to relax as long as she isn't making a big deal over it, and he is happy with his job. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 What difference does it make? It's just more money coming into your home and making your lives better. I know quite a few wives who make substantially more money than their husbands. I guess it's just a new age, but at least you know you will not have to carry the financial burden alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Gosh, I don't get it. When their wives don't work or don't earn much, some men complain. When their wives earn more than them, some men (often the same men!) also complain. So a woman is supposed to earn a decent amount to supplement the household income, but just the right percentage below her husband's so as to allow him an ego boost but to still provide a significant contribution to the household income? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Maybe it isn't wise to build one's self worth on something so easily affected? Its good to have drive and want to be as successful as possible, but.... at the expense of supporting that same in the person you're suppose to love the most? Sounds an awful lot like "I love the way you make me look better by comparison". Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 .............Sounds an awful lot like "I love the way you make me look better by comparison". That made me laugh.....a lot... But he's just being honest about his self image problem because his wife earns more than him. Believe me a lot of men will belittle another man in that situation. Its one of the kinds things men do to each other, not nice but it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 That made me laugh.....a lot... But he's just being honest about his self image problem because his wife earns more than him. Believe me a lot of men will belittle another man in that situation. Its one of the kinds things men do to each other, not nice but it happens. No its not nice, and when a person admits to this emotion, I notice they seem to know it is awful. Of course, not awful enough to stop feeling that way tho. Continue to knuckle under - won't that undercut your self esteem even more? That you cannot stand against attitudes you know are wrong by people you don't want to be in a relationship with? Why care more about what other men think than your own spouse? Marriage means you are a team, not in competition with each other. But that's not it either is it? Its that some men get married as part of competing with other men. "Look I got the wife, ain't she is pretty, I take good care of her; she's such a gracious hostess for dinner parties - look at our kids and all our toys." Now he perceives one of his accessories is outshining him. He use to wear the wife. Now she wears him. Thinking like that - how else WOULD he perceive it? Link to post Share on other sites
Template Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 I'll have to admit, I'd be in the same boat as you buddy. I actually had a couple girlfriends that made more money than me. But you know what - having a solid, stable, loving relationship means sacrifices, and in that case, you have to sacrifice your ego. If your wife is good with it, then you should be too. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 I understand perfectly where this attitude comes from and what causes it but it is very misguided. Too many men confuse financial dependence with loyalty which is certainly not the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Engadget Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 It's something that's drilled in to us, even if things have/are changing. We're expected to provide, or feel as if we're supposed to. Will women start paying for dates now? Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 It's something that's drilled in to us, even if things have/are changing. We're expected to provide, or feel as if we're supposed to. Will women start paying for dates now? Yes engadget they have already. I have been 'treated' many times to a night out by a woman. I don't find it threatening, they don't make a big deal out of it. They have wanted to pay. I have been a student/researcher for a long time and we don't have much money. Women understand that. Its all about mutual respect. Some of my friends (guys) have also covered the cost of a few beers. I don't really see the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 What do you want your wife to do, quit her job or ask to be demoted because your ego can't handle the fact that she now is making more money than you and is in a higher position? You should be proud of her! If it bothers you that much then you quit and find something else that will help you make more money than she does. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 What do you want your wife to do, quit her job or ask to be demoted because your ego can't handle the fact that she now is making more money than you and is in a higher position? You should be proud of her! If it bothers you that much then you quit and find something else that will help you make more money than she does. I could hear you shouting from here! Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 Gosh, I don't get it. When their wives don't work or don't earn much, some men complain. When their wives earn more than them, some men (often the same men!) also complain. So a woman is supposed to earn a decent amount to supplement the household income, but just the right percentage below her husband's so as to allow him an ego boost but to still provide a significant contribution to the household income? Sounds like some little boys need to grow up and become men. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 (edited) Why don't you try being proud and happy for what your wife has accomplished that can only benefit the family instead of being spiteful and jealous on what you *think* you haven't accomplished. I am sure there are things you do better then her and things she does better then you, that's why you are a team. If you project confidence in your wife, it won't matter what other's think. Edited May 17, 2010 by Jersey Shortie Link to post Share on other sites
Major Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I would just say, what is it about this that makes you feel this way? Was your father the sole breadwinner in your family and if so, does that effect the way you view family relationships? Also, as one blogger said, if she doesn't emasculate you in any way, is it something you are having more of a problem with. I have learned, that as a woman that God has blessed with the potential to make a lot of money, I really don't mind working extra hard to make the man in my life know that he is the man, and that he controls our household. It's how I treat him, respect him, honor him. Think of it this way, she can't be successful without your support. You are apart of her professional growth just as her support is apart of yours. It's not what she makes. It's what the both of you make to make your life what you want it to be. Money is not important. It's the choices you are empowered to make in order for your life to be more fulfilling because you don't have to worry about money. Embrace it! If you have a wonderful, woman, love what you have, bring it together and make your dreams come true. Her success isn't tied up in money, it's in you. Women may try to fool everybody else, but I contend. A real woman would rather have a true, meaningful relationship with true love, versus things. Things can't hug you back. Power can't sooth you when your heart needs caressing. Only a man and woman can give each other what they really need. Money is a tool. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
lola7 Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Hey, I know it must have felt pretty good to confess how you were feeling about your wife's earnings. You mentioned something about how you have more education and such. Because of this, I feel your largest grief about this matter happens to be over suffering some injustice in the workplace. And this sense of injustice has got to be magnified by the fact that it's your own WIFE who is now out earning you. Yes? What I've learned about life is that you can't look to a company to fulfill your potential. Consider starting a side business--not with the intention of "out earning" your very own wife, but, to overcome the shadow of injustice that you now feel. Make sense? Go get em' tiger, write your own ticket. Maybe now is the time. Since the wife is earning more, the two of you can take a bigger risk. Roll the dice bro. I'm sure you got what it takes to make lots of money. This isn't about your wife, imho, it's more about the ceiling you feel closing in overhead. Bust threw it. Her extra earnings give you that luxury. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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