I miss her.

[Cpunch75]

Kevin,

 

Hang in there buddy, I know how it feels, a lost love is something that you will probally never ever forget, I know I won't forget mine. Have you been keeping busy? or are you somewhat still thinking about it frequently? What positive steps have you been doing to help you get over her? Im just curious because I'd like to know how you are dealing with your greif, because Im not sure if the way I handled my greif was the best way......

 

Carl

[Amie]

I can relate to you Kevin about wondering if she misses you and that sort of thing. I do that too with my ex. My breakup is about a month old so I'm still in that phase where I will talk to anyone about it. I find myself talking about it with almost anyone who will listen including people I barely know. In telling my story, I feel some small amount of comfort. I think talking about it is a way of unloading it from your own mind if only for a moment.

 

Something else that brings me comfort is that a person cannot screw you over, hurt you or otherwise break your heart (however well intentioned they might have been in their actions) without paying for it in some way later on. Guilt is a heavy cross to bear. It is absolutely true that what goes around comes around. People learn these lessons, sometimes much later in life than we might otherwise want them to.

 

I don't know what the point to this pain is, but I do know I've learned a lot even in the very small amount of time that has passed since the breakup. I know that I will be a more compassionate person in my relationships, both romantic and platonic. I will care more about how people are feeling and what impact I can have on them. That's at least one thing I've gotten out of this.

 

The other thing I've gotten out of this is that I have to walk the talk. I talk frequently about the principles of life that Dr. Phil profers (which I tend to agree with) and about having faith in God. Whether you're religious or not, there are beliefs that we all have that sometimes we just talk about. Then when we have to live them, it gets tough.

 

Personally, I find that my darkest times are in the morning. I do well at night. I've always been a night person so that's not an issue for me, but the depression over my breakup descinds upon me when I wake up. It's another day without him. What I really need to do is look at it as another day that I've lived without him, which means I'm getting stronger and that I can do it. Each day that passes, it gets easier. I'm at least able to go a few days without crying.

 

What's really depressing though is that each day that passes I get more insight into the relationship, I see something I didn't see before and I think to myself "How could I not have seen that?" But then, hindsight is 20/20.

[delia88]

I wish I could move on. My hindsight just keep showing me how great everything truly was and I still don't get it. I've had a lot of experience in relationships so that's why this hits so hard.

 

I just can't get over how they just walk away and not be hurting.

 

Thanks for listening.

[UCFKevin]

Hindsight is indeed 20/20, but it's also...like a constant kick in your ass.

 

My worst time doesn't happen much anymore, but it WAS at night going to bed. Not having someone to fall asleep with.

 

Actually, that's not true.

 

I used to wake up a half hour early than I'd have to be awake just to hold her in my arms before we went our separate ways for the day. I would just do it automatically, without the help of an alarm.

 

I did that for a month after the break up. Waking up early to hold someone who wasn't there.

 

Christ. That almost brings me to tears typing that.

 

I'm not sure if what she doled out to me will come back to get her, I don't wish that upon her. I don't know if she feels bad for what's she done, last time we talked, she was almost proud of what she was doing, so who knows.

 

CPunch, originally, I would just stay at home and cry and be miserable, but then I started going out with my friends more, going on dates, meeting new girls, and it helped, but ultimately, it was pretty empty. I've pretty much come to terms with my single-dom and have gotten used to it, more or less. There is, however, not a day goes by that I don't think about her. It becomes less and less, though, at least.

[Amie]

Hindsight is indeed 20/20, but it's also...like a constant kick in your ass.

 

It can be. What we all have to learn to do though is to stop looking backwards. One of the reasons I think we do that is to try and find something to hold on to in terms of understanding the breakup or what we might have done differently and whether or not we can correct the problem and get back with the ex. At some point, it's no longer worth it to keep looking back. It's better to just move forward.

 

I'm not sure if what she doled out to me will come back to get her, I don't wish that upon her. I don't know if she feels bad for what's she done, last time we talked, she was almost proud of what she was doing, so who knows.

 

It's not that you would wish it on her, it's just that people can't do what they do in terms of treating others poorly and get out of life unscathed. As JulieG's story illustrates, many times the guilt comes years later when you've grown and had time to reflect on it. Or, someone else will give the ex a lesson in loving and losing. There's always a balance with life and these people do eventually learn. A relative of mine recently got an apology for the from a boyfriend she had when she was a teen. He left her in a most terrible way. It's been over 20 years. So...people do eventually learn. Life has a way of instilling lessons.

 

much come to terms with my single-dom and have gotten used to it, more or less. There is, however, not a day goes by that I don't think about her. It becomes less and less, though, at least.

 

It's going to be that way for awhile. Another relative of mine had a relationship that ended and it took him about two years to really get over it. I suspect I will be over mine in about three months or so. I do plan to do all that I can to get over him because there are some things that I cannot change - reality for me is that he is not here and won't likely be back so I cannot let the sun set on another day thinking "Oh, life is not worth living without him." I do have a lot of depression over this and it hits me at weird times of the day. But you know, my life IS worth living without him and since he chooses not to be a part of my life, I need to get back in the game and go on. That's my goal these days. I frequently fall short of it, but I am trying.

 

Hang in there everyone. It's hard to make it through those first few months. I'm glad we can do it together so to speak:)

[Kriz]

I'm sorry to barge into your club. You can reconcile with your ex if you give it a try. Sometimes it works. I'm just saying this again, because I fear the lot of you are enforcing eachothers feelings on the past, telling eachother 'letting go' is the right thing to do.

 

Sometimes it's not. Sometimes who you were with in your past is the right person for you and you might just move on without considering fighting for it. Sorry for the intervention, do continue your quest for closure.

 

I realise this all might sound condescending, but it's not meant to. I just don't want to see you guys and gals letting go now and regretting it later.

[Amie]

Kriz,

 

I agree with you that it's not a good idea to move on if there might be a chance of reconciling with the ex. But for a lot of us, we've done what we can do in that area. In other words, we've fought like hell to get the relationship back on track and it just didn't work.

 

For me, my ex told me that he just didn't love me and never would. I gave it one last shot (a phone call) and that's what he said (along with many other things that are indicative of him not wanting to be with me). So, there's nothing left to fight for. Anything else I might do at this point would only be humiliating and embarassing for me.

 

The fact is that I need to move on. I loved this man, but he doesn't want to be in my life so accepting that is very important. A lot of where people get hung up in this healing process is in the area of false hope. They hang on to the idea of getting back together with the ex and that means they don't move on. It's not a good idea.

 

If you can get back with your ex, go for it. Give it a try and fight hard for a relationship. But when it's over, go through the stages of grief and move on. Doing anything else is counterproductive.

[UCFKevin]

If I had any shred of hope that we could reconcile, Mary and I, I would focus on that shred and do everything I could to make it work.

 

But I know for a fact that there IS no hope. At all.

[fnouri]

I don't know Kevin and Amie. There is always hope. If God wants to make something happen, it will happen. But having hope does not mean hanging on and wallowing in your own sorrow. That would be foolish. If you loved the person you were with, you want the best for them even if it hurts you. Instead of thinking about things that got us separated, I think about the moments of joy we had together and what I learned from her. Sure, it gets a little depressing, but it is bittersweet.

And that is how I ease my pain.

[fnouri]

All these broken hearts and bruised feelings, including mine. Sometimes I wonder if the girls I broke up with felt like this, and what was my response? Is this Karma? May be.

 

Words of God are what get me through each day. Night times and early mornings are bad for me. I still can't sleep on her side of the bed! I still smell her scent, see her smile, and feel her touch. That is when I remember God and his plans. And immediately, I feel better.

 

The Lord said, "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you." And "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." The reason I think about this is focus. Why would I anguish over an imperfect love, when I have God's perfect love and friendship?

[calithin83]

Who broke up with who ??how long were u guys together and how old r u guys?

[UCFKevin]

Fnouri, God can't make things happen. That impedes on free will, and that ain't something He's about. I wouldn't want that, anyway.

 

Calithin, we were together for two and a half years, I'm 23, she's 21. Originally, on the break, we both originally kinda decided to break up but then I decided we should give it a shot and that's when we were officially "on break" but at the end of it, she ended it in a very cowardly way, i.e. not contacting me for two weeks.

 

You have a hell of a nice stomach.

[calithin83]

thxz about the stomach..

 

well thats a long time sorry to hear that, but hey if she wasnt willing to go back then u just gotta accept it and try to move on, i KNow it sux but u can live in hope. You tried but maybe she wasnt feeling it anymore. Just focus on other things besides her, even though i know the memories will always be there, but sooner or later you will stop thinking about her as much as u are now.. Also dont blame ureslef for the breakup or dont say "maybe if i wouldve done this, or said this..or bla bla"...dont live in the "couldve, wouldve world"

Right now youre still young, maybe God has another plan for u and shes not part of it, or maybe some day you'll see her again....

 

right now just enjoy being single, and meet new girls and if u dont like any as much well just have fun...dont think ure never gonna find the right girl and dont compare each girl to ure ex.

 

Slowly just start letting go, sooner or later youll have someone specia;

[UCFKevin]

You're welcome.

 

I'm already moving on. Thoughts of her come and go. Lately more so, I don't know why. Maybe because of that dumbass "holiday" coming up.

 

But I've recently decided to ixnay on the dating thing. I've done a lot in the past few months and it seems like every girl I've dated has....problems. Mental problems. Don't understand it. But I'm just gonna stick with being single for a while. I was trying too hard to find a replacement anyway, that isn't healthy. You never find anything worthwhile when you're looking, that's something I've come to learn.

[GoldfingerCymru]

Kev,

 

I know exactly what you mean. I've gone out and had a few offers in nightclubs, but I just am not the type of person to jump in bed with someone else or enter a relationship just yet. Sounds strange, but because I still have feelings for my ex (strong ones which also come and go) it would feel like cheating, even though she may be with someone else. I am just not ready to say yes to any offers I have had. It would not be fair to the other person either, considering I would take my ex back if she called me.

 

I don't do one night stands or rebounds - may sound mad, but I don't want too many notches on my headboard.

 

Here's to hope.