How I got MY wife into sex

[mem11363]

Yes it does.

 

 

Does this happen to married people - real married people, outside works of fiction or on the TV? I have to or else I'd

[Honorable_Venerable]

Yes it does.

Listen - do you hear that noise? It's the sound of me wailing and gnashing my teeth!

[xxoo]

Like I said, it's the Industrial Revolution model of management - bind the worker to you, then pay them barely enough to prevent rebellion / insurrection whilst taking them for all you can...

 

Added to this, I am bound by oath and honour not to shop elsewhere. As I noted above, you take an oath not not shop anywhere else, whilst taking on trust the one market left to you will supply:(

 

But it isn't enough, is it? The insurrection is inevitable.

 

I remember your thread now. Your wife is putting up roadblocks to her own pleasure, and then demanding that you fix it for her. Not fair.

 

Does your wife have friends? For the first time in my life (I'm in my late 30s), I have a couple female friends who dish sex with me. It's fun! But it would be hard to be the "odd woman out" who didn't like sex. Maybe she could benefit from some positive peer pressure (female peer pressure). Women are competitive

[Honorable_Venerable]

But it isn't enough, is it? The insurrection is inevitable.

 

I remember your thread now. Your wife is putting up roadblocks to her own pleasure, and then demanding that you fix it for her. Not fair.

 

Does your wife have friends? For the first time in my life (I'm in my late 30s), I have a couple female friends who dish sex with me. It's fun! But it would be hard to be the "odd woman out" who didn't like sex. Maybe she could benefit from some positive peer pressure (female peer pressure). Women are competitive

Not a hope this side of the Led Zep / Who reunion gig (see above). When she's been to the pub with the kids' friends' mothers, when sex is discussed she decides to join another conversation. Apparently people who discuss their sex lives have no shame or self-control.

[xxoo]

Not a hope this side of the Led Zep / Who reunion gig (see above). When she's been to the pub with the kids' friends' mothers, when sex is discussed she decides to join another conversation. Apparently people who discuss their sex lives have no shame or self-control.

 

But we have fun!

 

Aw, HV, I'm sorry. Sounds miserable. At least she can't claim that "every wife" is like her, if she's heard otherwise from the other mommies.

[Honorable_Venerable]

But we have fun!

 

Aw, HV, I'm sorry. Sounds miserable. At least she can't claim that "every wife" is like her, if she's heard otherwise from the other mommies.

Ah, but all "proper" wives are like her - sex is fun through thrusting from the husband / osmosis / magic, not by working out what you enjoy, how you enjoy it and working together so everyone has fun!

[soserious1]

Everything you do around the house, gifts, dinners, cleaning, cooking..... Is considered expected..... and certainly not "rewarded" with sex.....

 

Now a woman puts on lingerie, snuggles up to a spouse, brings some drinks to him, plants a kiss and plays with his body and is turned down, should really wonder what's wrong with him. Vice versa, man in skivvies, kissing and caressing his spouse, it would be a joke and she'd laugh at him......

 

Guess what? I work, pay bills, cook, clean, step and fetch after putting in my 60 hrs at the job.. know what my "reward" is ? I get another week of doing the same.

 

Welcome to the real world, if you don't want to buy gifts don't do it, stop buying flowers, you don't feel like cooking or cleaning then just stop doing it. All this "Well I did x,y or Z, it should at least get me a BJ" kind of talk it really grows old.. and I'm woman who used to get down on my hand's and knees nude in order to beg my husband to allow me the pleasure of servicing him, I love sex that much.

[giotto]

sh*t, and I thought my marriage was bad...

[Honorable_Venerable]

All this "Well I did x,y or Z, it should at least get me a BJ" kind of talk it really grows old...

So does the "If you do x,y and z I'll think about it. Well, I've thought about it and the answer's still no" spiel.

[hopesndreams]

You guys really need to read your own posts again. You all keep blaming your wife for not giving you sex. It's not about getting sex, it's about getting her to want sex with you, a huge difference. Also, your negativity towards your wife is glaring in each post. This is how you feel deep down inside about her and she can sense that, no matter how much you try to hide it. Stop blaming her for what you can't accomplish, and do not feel resentful towards her.

 

By not being you? You get her to have sex with you by not being yourself and instead being a manipulative little control freak? What is the point in that?

 

You guys have this attitude that sex is an obligation for her to fulfill, and then you wonder why she doesn't like it with you. Woman can see right through to your inner feelings, they have 6th sense for picking up on, neediness, weakness, and lying.

 

Bang on. As in, you're right. Look upon it as a gift. She is giving her body to you. It's not something to be taken. That's why I don't understand the manipulation tactics.

 

If you want what I suggested to work, you have to change your attitude about your wife, and about sex with your wife, first. If you have the attitude of failure in your mind, then you will fail. If you have the attitude of, it's her fault, then you will fail. As you can see, all the attempts to rekindle that flame inside will be extinguished by your attitude. So you have to lose the attitude first.

 

The best attitude an H can have toward his W is to be there for her always. You can't make her to do something she doesn't want to do. IMO, a W is a complete selfish b*tch for not having sex with her H.

[soserious1]

post continued .. I was called away by the phone.

 

Once you get to the place where you're begging for it, trying tricks and schemes to get it, cajoling to get it, stomping your feet and pouting to get it.. well it's all over IMHO. You reach a point of no return with the sexless marriage deal.. a place at which the problem can't be fixed, all this stuff is like treading water trying to stay alive another hr before you finally drown. You have limited choices when your sexual life head's south

 

1. you flat out tell the refusing spouse "put out or I'm out"

 

2. step outside the marriage to get your needs met with/without the lower desire spouse's knowledge

 

3. Find a way to truly reconcile yourself to no sex or sex at levels greatly lower than what you desire... and when I say

this I mean, you accept it without constant low level snark and snivel

 

4. You decide that living this way is too painful, too humiliating and you get a divorce.

[hopesndreams]

post continued .. I was called away by the phone.

 

Once you get to the place where you're begging for it, trying tricks and schemes to get it, cajoling to get it, stomping your feet and pouting to get it.. well it's all over IMHO. You reach a point of no return with the sexless marriage deal.. a place at which the problem can't be fixed, all this stuff is like treading water trying to stay alive another hr before you finally drown. You have limited choices when your sexual life head's south

 

1. you flat out tell the refusing spouse "put out or I'm out"

 

2. step outside the marriage to get your needs met with/without the lower desire spouse's knowledge

 

3. Find a way to truly reconcile yourself to no sex or sex at levels greatly lower than what you desire... and when I say

this I mean, you accept it without constant low level snark and snivel

 

4. You decide that living this way is too painful, too humiliating and you get a divorce.

 

1. She'll call your bluff and it's bye bye.

 

2. Hey, if you can live with that, there are plenty of willing woman that will go along for the ride.

 

3. Acceptance of whatever you can get. That looks like the way to go. Hey, you married her, for better or for worse. Time to prove it.

[hopesndreams]

4. You decide that living this way is too painful, too humiliating and you get a divorce.

 

Oh yeah, number 4. How is that an option? You never know what tomorrow will bring. She could turn into a sex starved lunatic and then someone else will get all the "fun".

[hopesndreams]

Oh...and number 2

 

Meant to say, there are plenty of low class women that will go along for the ride.

[soserious1]

4. You decide that living this way is too painful, too humiliating and you get a divorce.

 

Oh yeah, number 4. How is that an option? You never know what tomorrow will bring. She could turn into a sex starved lunatic and then someone else will get all the "fun".

 

And you might also hit the big lottery one day if you keep buying tickets. If wishes were horse beggars would ride..

 

I decided that wishing my entire life away based on the hope that my now ex-husband might decide he did desire me intimately after all would be a waste of my most precious resource, my time.

[hopesndreams]

Didn't try putting a viagra into his drink? That would be low down and dirty huh.

[soserious1]

Oh...and number 2

 

Meant to say, there are plenty of low class women that will go along for the ride.

 

Ok, I'm sorry but I don't consider spending YEARS of my life

alternating between simmering anger and pouting over my lackluster marital sexual life to be a quality way of life.

 

If a man doesn't desire me (barring accident/illness) all the anger, tricks, schemes, foot stomping and pouting in the world isn't going to make him want me... once you've reached this place it's all over except for the crying my friend.

[hopesndreams]

Maybe you should start a thread about getting a husband into having sex with you. Oh, too late for that. You divorced him.

[mem11363]

This is right. I do think there is a sexual point of no return in most marriages.

 

If you get there and don't want a divorce - stop climbing the walls trying to please your partner and do whatever you think is your "fair share". It won't change your sex life noticeably - but may preserve your sanity.

 

post continued .. I was called away by the phone.

 

Once you get to the place where you're begging for it, trying tricks and schemes to get it, cajoling to get it, stomping your feet and pouting to get it.. well it's all over IMHO. You reach a point of no return with the sexless marriage deal.. a place at which the problem can't be fixed, all this stuff is like treading water trying to stay alive another hr before you finally drown. You have limited choices when your sexual life head's south

 

1. you flat out tell the refusing spouse "put out or I'm out"

 

2. step outside the marriage to get your needs met with/without the lower desire spouse's knowledge

 

3. Find a way to truly reconcile yourself to no sex or sex at levels greatly lower than what you desire... and when I say

this I mean, you accept it without constant low level snark and snivel

 

4. You decide that living this way is too painful, too humiliating and you get a divorce.

[soserious1]

Maybe you should start a thread about getting a husband into having sex with you. Oh, too late for that. You divorced him.

 

Yes I did & my only regret? that I didn't do it yrs sooner, it would have saved me a TON of pain.

[soserious1]

This is right. I do think there is a sexual point of no return in most marriages.

 

If you get there and don't want a divorce - stop climbing the walls trying to please your partner and do whatever you think is your "fair share". It won't change your sex life noticeably - but may preserve your sanity.

 

 

Thank you for stating my thoughts so clearly & succinctly

[mem11363]

SS1,

Always a pleasure to read your thoughts. Hope your research is going well.

 

MEM

 

Thank you for stating my thoughts so clearly & succinctly

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Yes I did & my only regret? that I didn't do it yrs sooner, it would have saved me a TON of pain.

 

I really have to wonder..... Any woman who went to the lengths you did, was/is attractive (i.e. stayed in shape, attractive I imagine when you were married), brought home the bacon and crawled naked begging for sex and had a husband who ignored it should have been gone in no time....

 

Sorry maybe I'm programmed like a dumb lunk of a male, but any female who invites sex from her husband and is the aggressor who gets turned down (unless you are pushing for it day and night:p;)) should have known it was doomed and done something......

 

Not to rehash, but were there kids involved (know he is with a young attractive female now).....

 

And yes I shudder and feel terrible when I think of the paid and misery you went through.

 

Difference is us men frankly are programmed to be the hunter and be turned down often..... Unless of course we are George Clooney or Brad Pitt:rolleyes:...

[soserious1]

TDP, my point is that once you are spending more time begging for sex, scheming for sex, reading how to books to get more sex than you are actually

having sex ,the relationship is all over but the crying.

 

For all the talk, all the compromises a couple can reach there must remain an element, however small of unbridled passion for sex to be any good. You can reach a point of no return with all this, a point at which no matter what your spouse says or does it's too little too late, the flame of desire has been permanently extinguished.

 

I respectfully submit that there's probably more than one regular poster here who's marriage is basically Dead in the water, they just either can't face that truth or if they have they feel stuck due to kids, finances or the lowered self-image that a sexless marriage brings.

[mem11363]

Raw physical passion is beautiful. And I love being lusted after as much as the next person. In the last couple years I have found that I get just as good a feeling from the sincere emotional desire my better half shows by her desire to connect with me in bed even when her "raw desire" is low.

 

We used to have sex more than twice as frequently as we do now. But I don't think she was as "into me" then as she is now. She often did it because (not a flattering reflection on me) she felt obligated (yes my fault), where as now she does it because she genuinely wants to make me happy.

 

I don't know if this makes sense - but it is true.

 

TDP, my point is that once you are spending more time begging for sex, scheming for sex, reading how to books to get more sex than you are actually

having sex ,the relationship is all over but the crying.

 

For all the talk, all the compromises a couple can reach there must remain an element, however small of unbridled passion for sex to be any good. You can reach a point of no return with all this, a point at which no matter what your spouse says or does it's too little too late, the flame of desire has been permanently extinguished.

 

I respectfully submit that there's probably more than one regular poster here who's marriage is basically Dead in the water, they just either can't face that truth or if they have they feel stuck due to kids, finances or the lowered self-image that a sexless marriage brings.