How I got MY wife into sex

[Honorable_Venerable]

Why are your here by the way. Most come to LS to seek solutions, feel acceptance, or offer advice. All you seem to do is attack other posters for their so called lack of intelligence. HV its plain and simple, I accomplished what others are trying to accomplish. But instead of just leaving the site I decided to stick around and offer some advice and hopefully help someone out. By the way did you notice the title of this thread is how I got MY wife into sex, did you notice the MY was capitalized. Meaning this worked for me on my wife MAYBE it will work on yours.

 

I assume"why are you here" is a question?" I don't attack other posters for any lack of intelligence. I have had a number of highly constructive dialogs with other posters.

 

You achieved your aim, in one way, that worked for you. Maybe it does work on other wives, BUT IT IS NOT A UNIVERSAL CURE ALL METHOD THAT WORKS EVERY TIME. Not withstanding your capitalizing the "my" etc, you flog this "treat 'em mean keep 'em keen" plan as though it works every time, every situation, every woman. IT WON'T! Some women see through it - they see what appears to them to be a silly little game and decide NOT TO PLAY. Or they see what appears to be a silly little game and play it back at you, harder, so you lose every time. It's like any "trick" - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and it has a limited shelf life before the trick is seen through, worked round or ignored.

[tnttim]

I assume"why are you here" is a question?" I don't attack other posters for any lack of intelligence. I have had a number of highly constructive dialogs with other posters.

 

You achieved your aim, in one way, that worked for you. Maybe it does work on other wives, BUT IT IS NOT A UNIVERSAL CURE ALL METHOD THAT WORKS EVERY TIME. Not withstanding your capitalizing the "my" etc, you flog this "treat 'em mean keep 'em keen" plan as though it works every time, every situation, every woman. IT WON'T! Some women see through it - they see what appears to them to be a silly little game and decide NOT TO PLAY. Or they see what appears to be a silly little game and play it back at you, harder, so you lose every time. It's like any "trick" - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and it has a limited shelf life before the trick is seen through, worked round or ignored.

 

How do you know whether it works or not if you've never tried it?

 

It's not my fault you don't have the testicular fortitude to try it out on your wife.

[Honorable_Venerable]

How do you know whether it works or not if you've never tried it?

 

It's not my fault you don't have the testicular fortitude to try it out on your wife.

Because I know my wife? No, really.

 

Now please - stop with the personal comments. You do not make your arguement appear stronger by calling into question the virtue of those who disagree with you.

[Jack & Coke]

Hey tnttim,

 

Would you mind sending those e-books my way? Sounds interesting.

 

[email protected]. Sorry, I can't send PMs yet or I would have sent this as one.

 

Thanks

[tnttim]

Because I know my wife? No, really.

 

I have grown weary of arguing with someone that does not offer any advice except, "It's her fault."

[Honorable_Venerable]

I have grown weary of arguing with someone that does not offer any advice except, "It's her fault."

Sorry, where did I say that? I think you have me mixed up with someone else.

 

As for not arguing, you seem to have blown yourself up into a state of high dudgeon as a result of being disagrred with. Feel free to deflate, cool down and accept that this isn't thermodynamics and there may be multiple, different options on what works.

 

FWIW, I aquired some CR James e-books, and read them. . There's a reason why the phrase "car salesman" is considered synonomous with "scam artist" in the UK at least, and he does nothing to break the stereotype.

[tnttim]

Sorry, where did I say that? I think you have me mixed up with someone else.

 

As for not arguing, you seem to have blown yourself up into a state of high dudgeon as a result of being disagrred with. Feel free to deflate, cool down and accept that this isn't thermodynamics and there may be multiple, different options on what works.

 

FWIW, I aquired some CR James e-books, and read them. . There's a reason why the phrase "car salesman" is considered synonomous with "scam artist" in the UK at least, and he does nothing to break the stereotype.

 

You're on ignore dude, good luck with your wife!!!

[Jack & Coke]

Sorry, where did I say that? I think you have me mixed up with someone else.

 

As for not arguing, you seem to have blown yourself up into a state of high dudgeon as a result of being disagrred with. Feel free to deflate, cool down and accept that this isn't thermodynamics and there may be multiple, different options on what works.

 

FWIW, I aquired some CR James e-books, and read them. . There's a reason why the phrase "car salesman" is considered synonomous with "scam artist" in the UK at least, and he does nothing to break the stereotype.

 

 

Hey man, (and anyone else reading this of course)

 

I can't speak to your situation but I gotta say I think the e book is worth a try. In only a couple of days (I just finishsed reading it in its entirety about 30 mins ago) I've noticed changes based on little tweaks and strategies I incorporated. These next few weeks are going to be fun using these methods and trying to perfect them

 

Through reading it I bet most of us can pinpoint some AH HA! moments where we identify with what the author was saying or thought it was just us. He explains things in a way that even if you don't agree with the woman's games or thought process they make perfect sense when broken down. It's actually kind of frightening that I semi-understand the female psyche now lol.

 

But yeah man, there's nothing to lose really and if it doesn't work at least you'll get a mental high from the strategy involved.

[tnttim]

You need to be open minded and willing to break your social conditioning or it will not work. Its all about attitude!

Edited June 8, 2010 by tnttim

[Honorable_Venerable]

Hey man, (and anyone else reading this of course)

 

I can't speak to your situation but I gotta say I think the e book is worth a try. In only a couple of days (I just finishsed reading it in its entirety about 30 mins ago) I've noticed changes based on little tweaks and strategies I incorporated. These next few weeks are going to be fun using these methods and trying to perfect them

 

Through reading it I bet most of us can pinpoint some AH HA! moments where we identify with what the author was saying or thought it was just us. He explains things in a way that even if you don't agree with the woman's games or thought process they make perfect sense when broken down. It's actually kind of frightening that I semi-understand the female psyche now lol.

 

But yeah man, there's nothing to lose really and if it doesn't work at least you'll get a mental high from the strategy involved.

 

LOL. The process is essentially that of being a high-pressure saleman, who cons you into buying c**p you neither want nor need by pretending to have your best interests at heart. It's a course in being lying, cheating, manipulative, underhanded, deceitful and otherwise dishonest in order to get your own way. I was especially unimpressed with the bit where he describes women as having no control over their addiction to uncovering secrets and gossiping, and that if they think you're letting them into a secret you can get them to do anything because if it's a secret it's bound to be some mysterious "truth".

[Jack & Coke]

LOL. The process is essentially that of being a high-pressure saleman, who cons you into buying c**p you neither want nor need by pretending to have your best interests at heart. It's a course in being lying, cheating, manipulative, underhanded, deceitful and otherwise dishonest in order to get your own way. I was especially unimpressed with the bit where he describes women as having no control over their addiction to uncovering secrets and gossiping, and that if they think you're letting them into a secret you can get them to do anything because if it's a secret it's bound to be some mysterious "truth".

 

Lol I guess we read different books then. What I got from Super Sex Magnetism was that men aren't powerless and can fix a lot by starting with themselves. Kind of a taking control of your environment kinda thing.

 

And it breaks down female thought process in a way that makes perfect sense to send the right messages. Basically to me it's more about breaking down barriers and creating an environment that allows her to be free and comfortable. It just does so in a way that isn't PC and to me is true to male and female nature and sensibilities.

 

Ah well, agree to disagree I guess. I didn't see the part about gossip and secrets, I must have missed it.

[JamesM]

You need to be open minded and willing to break your social conditioning or it will not work. Its all about attitude!

 

While I agree to a degree that attitude plays a role in improving ourselves and our marriage, I cannot say after a few years of trying numerous methods and changes that it is ALL about attitude. I have been very positive at times and very negative.

 

And my recent experiences where I have been actually quite apathetic regarding our sex life shows me that it may be about attitude, but it ain't always about what MY attitude is.

 

We can be positive and optimistic. We can play the game just right. We can do everything by the book. And yet we can see no change. And the reverse is true. We can simply do nothing and not care about our marriage and yet suddenly our partner decides that the marriage needs fixing. So everything turns out to be good...despite our own attitude.

 

Yes, attitude plays a role in change, but it doesn't mean that having a positive attitude will mean positive changes will occur.

[Honorable_Venerable]

Lol I guess we read different books then. What I got from Super Sex Magnetism was that men aren't powerless and can fix a lot by starting with themselves. Kind of a taking control of your environment kinda thing.

 

And it breaks down female thought process in a way that makes perfect sense to send the right messages. Basically to me it's more about breaking down barriers and creating an environment that allows her to be free and comfortable. It just does so in a way that isn't PC and to me is true to male and female nature and sensibilities.

 

Ah well, agree to disagree I guess. I didn't see the part about gossip and secrets, I must have missed it.

 

Quoting from "Super Sex Power", page 4

 

"All women are nosey.

Women will risk going to PRISON for some good ole' Insider-Information."

 

 

"And the words that follow your Set-Up Phrase can tear down that irrational belief in seonds.

 

Why?

 

Because women over the years have been conditioned to except the garbage that is in those magazines. ... Fortunately for you, you are going to benefit from the fact that most women regard the garbage in those magazines as Truth."

 

(spelling, emphasis and punctuation per the original)

 

 

Then on page 5:

"But for some weird cosmic reason if you say: "All of the guys were secretly talking about a certain kind of woman...blah blah blah"

 

And you then create and describe a certain kind of woman that guys secretly go crazy over AND THEN you describe a characteristic of this woman (i.e. licking balls) to her...

 

In no time she is going to have so much hair on her chin that you are going to think she is the Great Goat-Girl (a circus favorite)."

 

How to lie and use deception to get what you want. Does he do a good book on coercion into the bargain?

[mem11363]

HV,

Mostly I find people pick names that say a lot about them. So I would expect you to be angry/offended by the tactics described below. Based on your prior posts your wife sold you on a certain behavior pattern and then stopped it right after marriage and then doubled down by telling you straight out that "nobody does that after marriage". So your wife basically did the EXACT SAME THINGS TO YOU that are described in that book. Maybe that is why it made you so angry?

 

 

 

 

Quoting from "Super Sex Power", page 4

 

"All women are nosey.

Women will risk going to PRISON for some good ole' Insider-Information."

 

 

"And the words that follow your Set-Up Phrase can tear down that irrational belief in seonds.

 

Why?

 

Because women over the years have been conditioned to except the garbage that is in those magazines. ... Fortunately for you, you are going to benefit from the fact that most women regard the garbage in those magazines as Truth."

 

(spelling, emphasis and punctuation per the original)

 

 

Then on page 5:

"But for some weird cosmic reason if you say: "All of the guys were secretly talking about a certain kind of woman...blah blah blah"

 

And you then create and describe a certain kind of woman that guys secretly go crazy over AND THEN you describe a characteristic of this woman (i.e. licking balls) to her...

 

In no time she is going to have so much hair on her chin that you are going to think she is the Great Goat-Girl (a circus favorite)."

 

How to lie and use deception to get what you want. Does he do a good book on coercion into the bargain?

[Jack & Coke]

HV,

Mostly I find people pick names that say a lot about them. So I would expect you to be angry/offended by the tactics described below. Based on your prior posts your wife sold you on a certain behavior pattern and then stopped it right after marriage and then doubled down by telling you straight out that "nobody does that after marriage". So your wife basically did the EXACT SAME THINGS TO YOU that are described in that book. Maybe that is why it made you so angry?

 

True. "Games" are played in even the healthiest of marriages. Why not take things into your own hand instead of giving her the power.

[hopesndreams]

Then on page 5:

"But for some weird cosmic reason if you say: "All of the guys were secretly talking about a certain kind of woman...blah blah blah"

 

And you then create and describe a certain kind of woman that guys secretly go crazy over AND THEN you describe a characteristic of this woman (i.e. licking balls) to her...

 

In no time she is going to have so much hair on her chin that you are going to think she is the Great Goat-Girl (a circus favorite)."

 

How to lie and use deception to get what you want. Does he do a good book on coercion into the bargain?

That book is really vulgar.

[Lovelybird]

 

That book is really vulgar.

Did you read the book first hand? or just listen to the rumor?

[Honorable_Venerable]

True. "Games" are played in even the healthiest of marriages. Why not take things into your own hand instead of giving her the power.

Maybe it's just me, but I have this adsurd, naive view that two wrongs don't make a right. If someone rips you off, does it give you carte blanche to become a con artist?

[Honorable_Venerable]

Did you read the book first hand? or just listen to the rumor?

 

It's here

 

http://www.edocfind.com/download/ebook/Super%20Sex%20Power:%20The%20Secret%20Men&39;s%20Discussion%20Technique/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5nZXRzZXh5bm93LmNvbS9wZGYvc2VjcmV0bWVucy5wZGY

 

read it and form you own opinions. What I posted were verbatim quotations, not derived opinions.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I read this. I guess it could work on some women, but for a lot of the guys with sexless marriages on here I can imagine their wives responding to the spiel with an absent "that's nice dear" while watching their favorite show.

 

Some women just aren't into sex, period. Trying to 'up' sexual value to women like this is pointless. You can't 'up' the value on something they don't ascribe any value with to begin with.

[Jack & Coke]

Maybe it's just me, but I have this adsurd, naive view that two wrongs don't make a right. If someone rips you off, does it give you carte blanche to become a con artist?

 

 

Guess we see things differently. And I can only speak for myself. I notice that my approach with my wife could have been different as well as my attitude about it. If listening to messages to learn her buttons, keeping the "gateways" (massages, kissing, backrubs, etc.) pure by making sure they don't always lead to sex so that her defenses aren't up, giving positive reinforcement and different types of compliments to set a mood, and establishing dominance so that I'm not ASKING for sex and she's not GIVING me sex, etc. makes me a con artist, then hey...I'll be that!

[JamesM]

I read this. I guess it could work on some women, but for a lot of the guys with sexless marriages on here I can imagine their wives responding to the spiel with an absent "that's nice dear" while watching their favorite show.

 

Some women just aren't into sex, period. Trying to 'up' sexual value to women like this is pointless. You can't 'up' the value on something they don't ascribe any value with to begin with.

 

And I agree. My wife will never be a sex fiend and I will never be one either. At least (for now) we have enough currently for both of us. And that is a satisfying situation IMO.

 

What I would have to say having read only a little is that after being married 20 years, games will only work for a short time before the partner figures out what is going on. Open and honest communication is best for the long term satisfaction.

 

While I do believe that changes in attitude and personality (if possible) are helpful in a marriage for better sex or better relations, I would have to say that IME most only for the short term. And one needs to accept that there will be ups and downs. Each moment shall pass and will come again.

[Jack & Coke]

I'd also like to also go over a few other things I threw in the mix that appear to have gotten some reaction.

 

Creating separation:

 

 

When we were dating/engaged, she would always long for me to cuddle her while we went to sleep. I'd do it, but sometimes it just got too uncomfortable (hot, arm falling sleep,etc.) so it wasn't like it was an every night thing. I have no idea how that changed, but after we got married I was all about cuddling her every night and it didn't bother me at all anymore.

 

So I decided about a week or so ago to stay on my side of the bed and let her come to me. I also cut down the frequency of kisses and hugs and let he breathe for the most part. I stopped saying "I love you" so much, and sometimes when she said it to me I'd just smile or give her a wink instead of saying it right back. We aslo text pretty frequently, so I'd go hours at a time without responding unless it was a pressing matter.

 

I gotta say...this worked WONDERS. Don't get me wrong now, I didn't turn into some *******. I love my wife and whenever I express it or give her time I do it sincerely. I just felt like I was doing the "good husband" thing and cuddling her every few minutes and asking for kisses and saying I love you a lot, so by creating that seperation it gave these displays of affection more power and meaning and gave her time to miss me.

 

These past few days she's been clingy (In a very good way), more attracted to me (looked like she wanted to eat me alive when I popped up at her job to bring her lunch and whispered what she wanted to do to me later), and a lot more affectionate. She now comes to me and cuddles up instead of me being the one to initiate it.

 

She texted me a few days ago saying she wanted sex tonight and I didn't respond for a few hours so when I finally did, she said the mood passed so she didn't wanna do it anymore. My response? "Your loss." She didn't know how to act! She was used to me asking and jumping at opportunities so by not sweating a missed opportunity I think the balance of power begins to even out so that I'm not such a sad little horny puppy.

 

 

Another point, STOP MASTURBATING! (Or cut down...):

 

If you think of your wife as your only means of release then it'll mean more to you so there will be no wishy washy half-hearted attempts at initiating sex because you're not really all that horny. (These type of half ass, passive aggressive attempts aren't going to turn her on. That's like offering a cold balogna sandwich for lunch).

 

It'll also keep the testosterone levels high which she'll sense and will help you out in the confidence department (which is key). And when the sex does happen it'll be raw and animalistic instead of ehhh, I'm not really horny but why not? And if you knock her socks off and dominate her in bed then she'll be turned on and remember that.

 

Results may vary, but these two things have been working for me. Even outside of the bedroom I just get a vibe that we're connecting more much like we did in the beginning of the relationship. I'm going to keep implementing techniques and listening to ways to please her while also making her more drawn to me.

[JamesM]

True. "Games" are played in even the healthiest of marriages. Why not take things into your own hand instead of giving her the power.

 

While I agree that games are played in all marriages, I do not agree that it is a sign of a healthy marriage. In fact, a healthy marriage will be one that very few games are needed.

 

Games are only necessary when two people do not walk together for the benefit of the other. When one feels that games are necessary for getting his or her own objectives met, then at that point the marriage is more about an individual than about the couple. This is not healthy.

 

When one feels the other has the power (and I say that from experience), then the resentment and anger leads to a breakdown and not good health.

[JamesM]

I gotta say...this worked WONDERS. Don't get me wrong now, I didn't turn into some *******. I love my wife and whenever I express it or give her time I do it sincerely. I just felt like I was doing the "good husband" thing and cuddling her every few minutes and asking for kisses and saying I love you a lot, so by creating that seperation it gave these displays of affection more power and meaning and gave her time to miss me.

 

Assumption made here is that what you did caused her to be as she is. She could be playing her own game that has nothing to do with what you have done.

 

Not saying one way or another that it did or didn't, but time will tell.

 

Another point, STOP MASTURBATING! (Or cut down...):

 

If you think of your wife as your only means of release then it'll mean more to you so there will be no wishy washy half-hearted attempts at initiating sex because you're not really all that horny.

 

Or it gives her even more power because you are extremely horny and she knows it. Masturbation relieves the need to have her and takes away the feeling that she needs to fulfill your needs.

 

Personally, too much masturbation has never taken away my desire for sex with my wife....except for the few moments after.

 

Results may vary, but these two things have been working for me. Even outside of the bedroom I just get a vibe that we're connecting more much like we did in the beginning of the relationship. I'm going to keep implementing techniques and listening to ways to please her while also making her more drawn to me.

 

Results may vary, but I am glad they are working for you...at the moment.

 

As for listening to her and finding ways to please her...this is good and has nothing to do with playing games and has everything to do with building a good marriage. However, if your only objective is to get great sex and it is not about building her up and creating a good marriage whether there is good sex or there is not, then I think you will have less success.

 

Just my opinions.