? will no contact work?

[alvina]

About 18 months ago i became very good friends with a guy we had an absolutely fantastic connection and chemistry and hung out alot and talked for hours and hours sometimes 5-6 hours in a row i know i was important to him and he cared about me.

 

He is one of those emotionally immature and emotionally detached men. He is also a bit socially weird, he is friends with mainly girls and can say all sorts of things to them and get away with it, he steals their jewelry randomly gives girls flowers but everyone knows it means nothing...he will do whatever he wants whenever he wants and loves his independence but he sacrificed alot for me.

 

The last 6 months i started to like him alot, we started spending alot of time together watching movies every night i used to lie on his lap and he used to put his arm round me and stroke my waist and stroke my back and hug me....over the past month i saw him every night we used to talk for hours and hours sit and watch tv together hugging and cuddling and him stroking me occasionally i would kiss his cheek and he would seem to like it...he started giving me really tight hugs and being really nice to me and sending me messages like good night sleep well etc we used to text allll if i wanted a milkshake at midnight he would come and pick me up and take me even if he didnt want anything. we went to the cinema and he held my hand throughout the movie. He just gave me so much time, more than he gave anyone else.

 

Tuesday night we were sitting together watching tv, and we kissed...we kissed twice, first i tried to intiate it and he wasnt feeling it so i backed off but then he came forward to kiss me.

 

afterwards i tried to act normal...but he said we should have kissed two friends shouldnt have kissed. I said we must have kissed for a reason and he said oh my god u and ure fate and destinity..i said oh my god im saying that im just saying that i like you more than a friend. We ended up having a 5 hour conversation in which basically he said he thought we were just friends (utter crap) and he didnt realise i liked him, to him crying because he hurt me and he didnt want that to happen at all he just hated to see me hurt and hates himself, he also kept going on how he doesnt want a relationship even though i wasnt asking for one and then kept saying there is nothing not to like about you, this isnt about you i just dont want a relationship....eventually after this 5 hour confusing convo with both of us crying holding hands...he said as far as im concerned we are still friends and the kiss was a mistake and he was sorry.

 

However ever since then, he has not been in touch with me i had to initate contact with him and its been just weird and awkward.

 

I know he likes me im not stupid, i miss him i want him back.

 

will no contact work in this situation? if not what can i do?

 

thankyou so much for reading. x

[ADF]

I am going to step right out into left field on this one. I honestly wonder if this guy is gay.

 

Think about it. He can say all kinds of things to women and, somehow, they're not offended. He streals women's jewelry--for what possible purpose? He gives women flowers, but they know it "means nothing?" These clues have set my gaydar to beeping.

 

But the biggest clue is his ambivelance about kissing you. He had no trouble making more casual contact. But as soon as you got to the kissing stage, he got nervous. He started making excuses and overanalyzing everything. That is a HUGE red flag.

 

Straight guys just don't act that way. The only thing a striaght guy would have been worried about is how far he could get with you, and he would have tried to go as far as possible. He wouldn't have even thought about all this friendship vs. relationship stuff until afterwards. If at all.

 

I think what you have here is a man who is at least conflicted about his sexuality, if not outright closeted.

[alvina]

thanks for ure post....if he was gay...would he have an erection by me just hugging him or sitting next to him? im just wondering.

 

Alot of people have wondered if hes gay but i honestly dont think he is i just think hes a bit of a weirdo and just a scared little boy who is emotionally inexperienced.

 

We are both 22 his last gf was when he was 18...

[ADF]

thanks for ure post....if he was gay...would he have an erection by me just hugging him or sitting next to him? im just wondering.

 

Alot of people have wondered if hes gay but i honestly dont think he is i just think hes a bit of a weirdo and just a scared little boy who is emotionally inexperienced.

 

We are both 22 his last gf was when he was 18...

 

He very well could have an erection. Everyone is capable of responding sexually to nearly everyone, at least to some extent. I don't know if he's gay. If he hasn't come out as gay, he may be conflicted or reluctant. Or, as you say, he may not be gay at all but "weird." But what you described sounds pretty consistent with gay to me.

[Eeyore79]

Why do you want to date a guy who is a thief? Why do you even want to be friends with such a person?

 

He's either gay or just isn't into you, but probably the former. You could probably go back to being friends, but he sounds like a weirdo anyway, so maybe NC would be best.

[BlindbyLove]

He very well could have an erection. Everyone is capable of responding sexually to nearly everyone, at least to some extent. I don't know if he's gay. If he hasn't come out as gay, he may be conflicted or reluctant. Or, as you say, he may not be gay at all but "weird." But what you described sounds pretty consistent with gay to me.

I hate to be the one to say it but being gay is what i got out of it.

 

You never know, being such a young age, what may have happened in his last relationship nor do you know what kind of childhood he had neither. If you guys are still friends, then maybe you should try again and just hang out as friends and see where it goes from there. Take time to learn eachother. Just a thought!