Bad sign?

[Eclipse11]

Hi...

 

Would you see this as a bad sign or is it not that bad?

One day, following an awful day of walking round in silence and tension, following a disagreement, the end of the evening comes...I said quite angrily to my boyfriend, was he just going to drive off then and part on such a bad note...

 

He became furious, I got in the car, he sped away really really fast ( at least 100mph ) to the other side of the road and heavily braked so I felt terrified and was quite shaken up...

 

Was it my fault? I broke up with him after that, he had shouted and sworn loudly before too and I just found it intimidating...though I guess lots of people do this in an argument...

 

Was it not that bad or a bad sign...I don't know, I feel mixed up at the moment but do not regret the break-up

 

Eclipse x

[burningheart]

Does he normally have mood swings?... Does he often try to imtemidate you?.... Be strong..... No one has a right to treat you that way.

[Eclipse11]

Hi burningheart...he had mood swings, not often, but the few times he did get very angry were the few times when I spoke my mind, stood up to him and disagreed with him really...he did not often get very angry but he did sulk fairly often and I could sense he was annoyed...

 

So, let me just get this clear...even if I was fairly angry, he still shouldn't have done that right...I would never treat anybody like that no matter what they did really and I am a pretty easy-going person...

 

Maybe he wasn't that bad though, it wasn't like this happened all the time...I'm just thinking about it all...

 

Thanks...I'm staying strong and I really appreciate your thoughts and your encouragement...welcome to Loveshack, see you've just joined...Eclipse x

Edited May 7, 2010 by Eclipse11

[spiderowl]

If both of you are getting to the stage where you are reacting with such strong feelings, then it is not a good sign at all. It does not sound as if you are making each other happy. It could mean that one or both of you has not learned how to communicate properly and so any dispute is escalating. It could be that you have lost that loving feeling for each other and it has turned into finding fault instead. Whatever is happening, such violent feelings are potentially dangerous.

 

Only you know whether you played any real part in fuelling this anger, but regardless, your guy's actions were extreme. Personally, if someone did this to me, I would be out of there fast. I have no time for men who can't control themselves; not only is it a sign of immaturity but it can also be a sign of a violent nature. What would happen if you spent more time with him? At what point would he suddenly find it acceptable to turn his violence directly on you?

 

If this is the way things are, then you are not right for each other. You would be better with someone calm and pleasant who knows how to deal with arguments in a sensible way. Unless you are addicted to the adrenalinethat goes with drama (and some people are), then you don't need this kind of relationship.

[Eclipse11]

Thank you Spiderowl...we had so many bad days I'm just surprised he wants to hang on and continue with it...since we broke up I've been feeling like I was let out of a cage, it feels great!

I just got this uncomfortable feeling around him, just felt like he had the potential to get very angry...

Thanks again Spiderowl for taking the time...Eclipse x

[Template]

Sounds like there were some real communication issues at hand. It also sounds like you were walking on eggshells. Anytime this happens, it is inevitably a bad sign for the relationship.

 

However, I'll be honest and that you made it sound like it was a one-sided affair. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Whatever the case, just do yourself a favor, and learn and grow from this, as really as of right now, that's the only redeeming value of what was once this relationship. You'll be surprised how many people don't do this.