Please help me I dont know what to do...

[Johnnyboybrokenheart]

Please help me I dont know where to go what to do. I have been going out with this girl that I love more then anything I am 19 years old and she is 18 years old. We have been going out for 9 months.

 

I am abusive I didnt know that I was until I read this artical about it. I call her names at times, push her at times, and hit her at times (not all the time, but I have). She broke up with me, and says if I cant fix my mistakes we wont be going out no more.

 

I love her with all my heart, and I dont know why I am doing this I truly dont. Any help please I beg of you.

[dyermaker]

I'm going to venture a guess and say that this behavior is not new to you. Were you abused as a child? I think you should see a counselor, and work through your issues.

[Johnnyboybrokenheart]

I wasnt abused as a child that I know of. Though my mother left me when I was 1 years old. Some think that could be a reason. The problem with a counselor is I dont have any money. I have a job, but it doesnt pay that well (not many hours also).

[Johnnyboybrokenheart]

also I never did this with any other girlfriend in my life.

[dyermaker]

Do you have health insurance that provides counseling? Or can you get it through your job?

[locogurl]

There are many free counseling opportunities for men who are abusive. Call the police station and ask them to give you a number for a battered women's shelter. Call them, they'll know how to get you help.

[SoleMate]

She broke up with me, and says if I cant fix my mistakes we wont be going out no more.

That may be the best thing she has done for you. You won't have to deal with the anguish of hurting her and then hating yourself for it. If you can't afford counselling, then get a book. Here's one that's only $13.50 and has exercises to follow to help you control your responses. Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence that Tears Our Lives Apart by Paul Kivel at http://www.paulkivel.com/Books/mw.htm Also please check out this website: "How to Help a Friend in a Battering Relationship" http://www.ccsf.edu/Departments/Women_Studies/Project_SURVIVE/4_6.html

 

I wouldn't focus so much on the roots of your problem, like your childhood, but rather on strategies to change your behavior TODAY. They will have the quickest payoff.

 

If you have good, supportive people in your life, get them to help you with this program, and show your gf your progress too. You can definitely change the way you act, and you can stop hurting this girl, IF YOU WORK AT IT. Good luck and please let us know how it's going.

[calithin83]

thats weird, maybe you fear loving someone alot that you try to control them by being defensive, but if you truly love her like you say you do you should never put a finger on her or hurt her physically nor emotionally, you should get some help!

[Papillon]

You're delusional.

 

Like Calithin83 sed, if you love her then you would NEVER hurt her or abuse her. You're a pig. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you REALLY love this girl, then for her sake you'll end the relationship (i.e STAY AWAY COMPLETELY) and get some counselling.

 

You do have a saving grace though - the fact that you realise that you've been abusive and what you've done is wrong. That is the first step towards self-healing.

 

Your relationship is doomed - you can never heal it, so deal with that. But you CAN heal yourself. You really can. Good luck to ya!