I'm just losing it-I miss my wife so much and it's just...ugh

[jinnkawabata]

So this will be my first post on this website because I have read some of the other seperation stories on here and most of them had some similarites to my problem. I love my wife more than anything and we have been together for 5 years-1 year dating before I told her my love for her and proposed. So here is my story - when we were first married everything was going fine or at least I thought. At first it took some work but both of us had great jobs and we turned a empty apartment into a beautiful home full of love. Now, there were times where I was looking for a better job and thought I had found one-but was lied to about payment and hours. So that put a damper on things but nothing we couldn't handle. So I get my old job back but at a different location. Now here is one of the problems-I returned home one day to find her missing. So I called after a few hours because I was worried to find out she went over to her mothers. I didn't see anything wrong with that until she told me that she couldn't handle the stress at her job and needed sometime to herself-which in her definition was staying at her mothers to find a new job and send me money for the apartment I couldn't afford for myself. So I had to abandon ship and follow her. I was worried but I felt that as long as we had each other everything would be ok. So, let me jump to a few year so I can get to what's happening now. We have had a bumpy ride because of some of the choices that she has made. A major problem that she has is that she is addicted to "yahoo messenger" and chat rooms with this "roleplay forum" stuff. She was into it even before I met her at which her mother told me she was addicted to it. I didn't mind it at first but she was always telling me that she needed her privacy and everytime I would try to get her away from it (as in like going outside or just out somewhere) it would take her forever to off of it. Now, I never cheated on her, abused her in any way, called her out of her name or anything of the sort. I have been a kind, understanding, and a very loving husband. I would even do more than normal men just to see her happy. But jumping back to the time now-I have had a problem trying to obatin a job in Georgia since last november-it has been very stressful for the both of us which I can understand if she is upset about it but just one day while she was on the computer she told me "I didn't want to tell you this way but I care about you but I'm not in love with you." When she told me that my mind and heart just went into an emotional overload of rejection. I tried to sit her down and talk with her but she didn't want to hear it. It has been over a month now and I only speak to her....on yahoo...just to see how she is doing. Myself? She kicked me out of the house without a job or money or transportation. I mean iam at rock bottom and she is all I ever think about. I have read some advice for some that NC or No Contact was a good tip but I have no idea what is going on and I'm in need of some serious help and would love any advice for me to get her back in my life again. I know my story may seem a bit broken but I feel it's best if I don't write out the whole five years and just summerize it.

[Chrome Barracuda]

For a woman to kick you when you need her the most, you need to realize you dont need her. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer. remember that?

 

 

You dont need this woman, she's off chasing rainbows instead of trying to lift you up and help you out she abandons you? WTF are you F-ing kidding me.

 

I see you love her. I understand that maybe she felt you was dead weight, maybe i know that some spouses want you to be more financially responsible in the marriage.

 

But i dont think you should be married to THIS woman. because at the end of the day if she's only with you because of your money, is that the type of woman you would want to be with???

 

She's not a real woman. So you know what build your own future, and rebuild it for yourself. She doesnt want you any more. That's evident right now. 180 my friend. Dont contact her anymore or talk to her, go black.

[jinnkawabata]

Thanks for you reply chrome. Yeah-I remember my vows and Im a man that holds his words and promises. It's just hard to cope with something like this. I feel like that my heart has been played with. I love this woman very much and I know, for myself, I have to be strong and build something for myself - I just don't know how to deal with this pain. I wouldn't say she is someone that is worried about money, but I do know that when she is backed into a corner she will run and quit instead of trying to tough it out. My saying is a man is not measured by the size of his wallet but what's inside his heart that counts. I just hate that one day everything will be fine but the next is like a train wreck. I will follow you advice on the going black and see how that works out. Thanks for you time Joker. Lol

[Gunny376]

For a woman to kick you when you need her the most, you need to realize you dont need her. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer. remember that?

 

 

You dont need this woman, she's off chasing rainbows instead of trying to lift you up and help you out she abandons you? WTF are you F-ing kidding me.

 

I see you love her. I understand that maybe she felt you was dead weight, maybe i know that some spouses want you to be more financially responsible in the marriage.

 

But i dont think you should be married to THIS woman. because at the end of the day if she's only with you because of your money, is that the type of woman you would want to be with???

 

She's not a real woman. So you know what build your own future, and rebuild it for yourself. She doesnt want you any more. That's evident right now. 180 my friend. Dont contact her anymore or talk to her, go black.

 

Laura Bush just wrote a book, and in it? She wrote about when he was a hard drinker.

 

She self admittenly gave him a really hard time about it. She told him,

Your not living up to the man that you could or should be! Your not living up to your full potential!"

 

 

You know what?

 

She was right!

 

She also said that she wasn't going to ever leave him, and that he sure as Hell wasn't going to leave her!

 

That's the kind of woman you want and need in your life! Damnit I'm going to make you become the man you were meant to be and to live up to your full potential!

 

A woman that's not going to quit on you? And who's not going to let you quit on them!

[hopesndreams]

One man for one woman. She doesn't subscribe to that. When you hear the ILYBNILWY, it means there is someone else. You made a wrong choice in a life partner so be thankful there are no kids involved. She is not marriage material, for you or for anybody else. Let her go.

 

As for the pain, it will lessen in time and it will happen much sooner if you go NC.

[jinnkawabata]

Thank you-thank you all for your words. It really helps me to know that Iam not alone in this situation. I just wish I could turn back the clock sometimes.

[SummerLady]

For a woman to kick you when you need her the most, you need to realize you dont need her. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer. remember that?

 

 

You dont need this woman, she's off chasing rainbows instead of trying to lift you up and help you out she abandons you? WTF are you F-ing kidding me.

 

I see you love her. I understand that maybe she felt you was dead weight, maybe i know that some spouses want you to be more financially responsible in the marriage.

 

But i dont think you should be married to THIS woman. because at the end of the day if she's only with you because of your money, is that the type of woman you would want to be with???

 

She's not a real woman. So you know what build your own future, and rebuild it for yourself. She doesnt want you any more. That's evident right now. 180 my friend. Dont contact her anymore or talk to her, go black.

 

 

Chrome is so right, she is a user. She only wants you when the money is coming in, life is not perfect. If you go back now even with a good job what will she do in the future. She is a worker, user and cold. She has exploited your weakness at this moment, she is an adversary not a companion. You have lost nothing but time. Move on.

[hoping2heal]

Op, what exactly about this woman do you miss so much? I'm sure she has her positive qualities but at the end of the day what weight do they hold when your spouse won't be faithful to you? She was always tied up on a roleplaying forum?? She wouldn't let you be a part of it?? She spent the majority of her time wrapped up in other people - instead of you. What value did she treat you with? Not very much from what I'm hearing.

 

You may be a lonely person who feels someone is better than no one, but that doesn't mean the way this woman treated you was so wonderful.

[jinnkawabata]

To answer hoping2heal-I fell for her the very first day I met her. I felt at the time it was love at first sight. I couldn't eat nor sleep and she was all I could ever think about. She wasn't always like this. Yes - she had her online messaging before I met her, and her mother regrets to ever get her a computer, but she was also very sheltered. I took her out of that life and showed her a lot of wonderful things and places that she has never experienced. I don't know when her "transformation" took place but I had a feeling something was wrong when she would spend more time posting nonsense with total strangers instead of going on walks or just to go out or spend time together. I'm not a man that has a lot of money nor rich-but I do what I can for our dates and whatnot because it all comes from the heart. I still have very strong feelings for her but Im working on myself right now to just better myself and my future. I'm not really a lonely person to just have someone to fill that void-I thought I had something really special there-I just wish she would wake up from her fantasy world. Lifes a bitch, no?

[witabix]

Thank you-thank you all for your words. It really helps me to know that Iam not alone in this situation. I just wish I could turn back the clock sometimes.

 

The clock only goes one way jinn. Forward. You need to move forward with it. It doesn't sound like she was really there for you. Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes we can't see it, sometimes it hurts and sometimes its f***ing agony.

 

Grit your teeth, learn from it, and move on.

 

Good luck.

[Gunny376]

Words I could've used twenty years ago!

[Steadfast]

 

The clock only moves one way jinn. Forward.

 

 

That's a keeper.

 

For you friend, this painful realization is still delivering fresh doses of bad news, unrequited feelings and the guilt/burden we all feel when love and romance is only cherished by one person. Then again, if that is the case it isn't a romance any longer; what is glorious to obtain is hellish to lose, for the same reasons.

 

But there is hope for you jinn, and the fact that you can express yourself so well here probably means you're capable of it anywhere. Gunny spelled it out profoundly and it's the single most important thing you'll get from this process. We search for answers as to why, and end up discovering ourselves in the process.

 

Winston Churchill once said; "When you're going through hell, keep going" That's the key for you. With no kids in the picture, you should heal quicker and more completely, but don't rush it. That same painful clock will someday deliver you. For now and forward, have nothing to do with her. Prove your love once and for all by letting her go. What happens with and to her because of her actions is her problem. Deal with your own-

[jinnkawabata]

Hey guys. Thank you all for your helpful words but now Im in need of some advice or more so, what would you do in this situation. I got word about two weeks ago from my ex-roommate that he was moving out of his apartment way before his lease was up. My wife and I had our own room and was living with him at the time due to finacial reason. He lost his job a while back and put a damper on things. Coming back to present-He moved out which at the same time forced my wife to move out as well because they couldn't afford it. They have different storys on how it came to be. But here is what is strange to me. My ex-roommate who is also a long time friend tried to collect my things for me because my wife and I are still seperated and I have been in NC. Also I didn't even ask him about getting my things because I didn't know of the move until it actually happened. So he tried to get my things for me and my wife would not let him. So I confronted her by text-i wasn't upset or anything so there was nothing bad said. She told me that she told him that she would give me my things. I didn't pry about it. So now here is my question-why would someone want a seperation and then hold on to the significant others things? All I have are clothes, music CDs, some gaming stuff, swords, and just random things really. Nothing of high importance. So I'm just a little confused right now. I'm still in NC so I have no idea what's going on or where she moved to. So any advice on this matter will help. Thanks all.

[habs53]

Is it just me or is this the in thing for women to now. I mean i do realize that men do it to. But is surely seems to be the woman doing it far too often. I really feel for you man. Its happening at my home as we speak. Hopefully things get better for you.

[jinnkawabata]

Is it just me or is this the in thing for women to now. I mean i do realize that men do it to. But is surely seems to be the woman doing it far too often. I really feel for you man. Its happening at my home as we speak. Hopefully things get better for you.

 

So are you saying that women, for some odd reason, will keep the seperated SO items? But that now men are doing the same as well? If that is true then I don't understand it. I mean, she told me that she will hand my stuff over but that has been over a week....more so over two months ago that we have been seperated. I just don't really know. I mean, is there a reason she is holding on to my items? Or is she trying to get me to communicate to her? Or does she just want my scent? I just have really no clue. Anyone else out there with anything on this matter? And thanks Habs, I hope everything works out here and your end as well.

[Logik]

Contact her one last time to find out where your stuff is. Then go and get it. We don't know the reason why she's keeping it, so don't try and guess why she's doing it. Get your stuff and then go NC again. Keep it all simple. Don't be a pawn in whatever game she's trying to play.

 

Go in and get your stuff, get out and go!

[V1k1ng0]

I am sorry that is happening to you. I'm going through the same crap too right now. What is this crap about "I love you but I'm not in love with you'". I had never heard this phrase until all this crap happened with my wife. From what I've read on here when a woman says that they have been thinking about it for some time and they are as good as gone. Sucks man. I didnt want to hear that either. I keep wondering what I could have done different or what I could have done better. But, when it comes down to it I've realized that if she really wanted to work on our marriage she would have spoken up and went to counseling with me when we had the opportunity to. I've realized she is always looking for that "love" feeling and will always seek it out even though I am right here and love her so much. It is sad. I dont want to see her with anyone else but I know it will happen. I know it wont last too long though because she will be looking for that "love" feeling again when it runs out with whoever she is with. I just hope my kids dont turn out all jacked up because of this. I've given all of my pain and hurt to God man. He's all I got left. It helps. I think everyone is right when they say focus on yourself right now. Praying for you.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTjRlUD_cwc