Re: I am so in the wrong; HELP!

[Tony T]

I am only assuming that by "sleeping" together the three of you engaged in sexual activity.

 

The more you do to try to show your remorse, the more he will be reminded of your transgression and back off.

 

First, you made a serious mistake saying anything to him about this, unless you suspected your two partners would say something. I don't care what anybody says, if this was a one shot deal, keeping the lips zipped would have been worlds better.

 

You have to look at this from his perspective. He has been extremely kind to you and has not been pressing you for sex. He's one in a million. He was too tired from working to go on the trip so you go alone and make whoopie with another couple. The fact that he is talking to you on the phone is a positive, and it's only because he does care for you on some level and is probably still in shock. Just hope he doesn't discuss this with a lot of his friends because you probably wouldn't like the advice they may give him.

 

Well, if he is an absolute saint he may be your friend at some point but he does not trust you at all now. Trust is somewhat like virginity. Once compromised it cannot be restored (easily).

 

The only thing that will help you here is time. Again, and let me emphasize, the more he sees you trying to do acts of contrition, the more he is going to figure you feel guilty about this and the more he will also feel you are guilty.

 

He sounds like a great guy and I'm sure he has already forgiven you. But he has been deeply hurt by a lady he obviously cared a great deal about and was working to make something special with. It is not likely he will soon forget. If he welcomed you back with open arms very quickly, you would have no respect for that kind of wimp and he would be sending you a message that such behavior could be quickly overlooked.

 

Go very slowly. Let him take the lead. But I would not count on this being a keeper. Sometimes the lessons we learn are done so the hard way and this is an example. I know you feel really bad. Forgive yourself as well and forget this ever happened.

 

The ONLY way this would ever ever work if he does try to work on things is if neither of you ever brings this situation up again in any way. You must bury it for all time.

 

Note: If I have made a mistake and the three of you just went to sleep together, I am sorry. But when the sleeping as in "good night" sleeping begins with "sleeping" as in "sex" that's another matter.

[D]

Well, if you loved him, which I doubt, you would not do that. Anyhow, ##### happens, and now, the only thing you can do is just apologize, and say that you felt like telling this to him, because you are honest and really care for him and would not lie to him. If he is REAL, he will forgive you

 

Remember: Forgiveness is the most valuable gift we can give each other, yet the cost of it is nothing.

 

I would forgive you, just for being honest with me!!!

 

Cause I am in a relationship myself, and this ##### happend to me once, my GF cheated, because this a**h*** friend of mine took advantage of her, while we were broken up temporarily, But I forgave her, cause I LOVE HER

 

GOOD LUCK

I am only assuming that by "sleeping" together the three of you engaged in sexual activity.

 

The more you do to try to show your remorse, the more he will be reminded of your transgression and back off. First, you made a serious mistake saying anything to him about this, unless you suspected your two partners would say something. I don't care what anybody says, if this was a one shot deal, keeping the lips zipped would have been worlds better. You have to look at this from his perspective. He has been extremely kind to you and has not been pressing you for sex. He's one in a million. He was too tired from working to go on the trip so you go alone and make whoopie with another couple. The fact that he is talking to you on the phone is a positive, and it's only because he does care for you on some level and is probably still in shock. Just hope he doesn't discuss this with a lot of his friends because you probably wouldn't like the advice they may give him. Well, if he is an absolute saint he may be your friend at some point but he does not trust you at all now. Trust is somewhat like virginity. Once compromised it cannot be restored (easily).

 

The only thing that will help you here is time. Again, and let me emphasize, the more he sees you trying to do acts of contrition, the more he is going to figure you feel guilty about this and the more he will also feel you are guilty.

 

He sounds like a great guy and I'm sure he has already forgiven you. But he has been deeply hurt by a lady he obviously cared a great deal about and was working to make something special with. It is not likely he will soon forget. If he welcomed you back with open arms very quickly, you would have no respect for that kind of wimp and he would be sending you a message that such behavior could be quickly overlooked. Go very slowly. Let him take the lead. But I would not count on this being a keeper. Sometimes the lessons we learn are done so the hard way and this is an example. I know you feel really bad. Forgive yourself as well and forget this ever happened. The ONLY way this would ever ever work if he does try to work on things is if neither of you ever brings this situation up again in any way. You must bury it for all time. Note: If I have made a mistake and the three of you just went to sleep together, I am sorry. But when the sleeping as in "good night" sleeping begins with "sleeping" as in "sex" that's another matter.