I keep quiet, right?

[BL268]

I'm a bit worried about posting this so will probably delete it.

 

My boyfriends brother is getting married in just over a week. Everyone has been excited about this for ages, making arrangements, talking about it etc. I love my boyfriends brother and fiance and I think they make a great couple.

 

My boyfriend is extremely close to his brother. When they got engaged they were speaking on the phone one day (boyfriend and his brother) and the wedding came up. They said about me coming and his brother then said "of course, all being well". This worried my boyfriend, he didn't think things were going to work out with them. I tried to reassure him and said I think he meant all being well that we'd still be together when the wedding came round.

 

So, everyone threw themselves into the wedding. His parents are very excited. And they seemed excited about getting married and moving into their new home.

 

But then a couple of months ago while visiting my boyfriends parents we were talking about wedding outfits and wedding dresses. And my boyfriend said that his brother didn't like his fiance talking about her dress or the wedding. I thought this was a bit odd but didn't say anything else. Then he kept making the same kinds of comments, about his brother saying he was nervous etc but not to tell his parents or anyone else. I tried telling him I'm sure this is normal. I'm sure most people get nervous when their wedding day gets closer.

 

Then last week his brother told me and my boyfriend that he's been getting bad anxiety attacks, he went to the doctors who prescribed him some medication. He said he's excited about seeing all their family at the wedding but nothing else and isn't sure if he wants to marry her. And he said again not to tell anyone, especially not their parents.

 

Now I'm not sure what to say. I've said again that I'm sure this is normal to feel nervous. But this is something that's come up over and over since they got engaged (over a year ago). He's asked if we'll both turn up really early on the wedding day to give him some "moral support". My boyfriend said something about going early to make sure he "doesn't do a runner".

 

Is this all normal nerves? Or something else?

[Maxxx]

I'm a bit worried about posting this so will probably delete it.

 

My boyfriends brother is getting married in just over a week. Everyone has been excited about this for ages, making arrangements, talking about it etc. I love my boyfriends brother and fiance and I think they make a great couple.

 

My boyfriend is extremely close to his brother. When they got engaged they were speaking on the phone one day (boyfriend and his brother) and the wedding came up. They said about me coming and his brother then said "of course, all being well". This worried my boyfriend, he didn't think things were going to work out with them. I tried to reassure him and said I think he meant all being well that we'd still be together when the wedding came round.

 

So, everyone threw themselves into the wedding. His parents are very excited. And they seemed excited about getting married and moving into their new home.

 

But then a couple of months ago while visiting my boyfriends parents we were talking about wedding outfits and wedding dresses. And my boyfriend said that his brother didn't like his fiance talking about her dress or the wedding. I thought this was a bit odd but didn't say anything else. Then he kept making the same kinds of comments, about his brother saying he was nervous etc but not to tell his parents or anyone else. I tried telling him I'm sure this is normal. I'm sure most people get nervous when their wedding day gets closer.

 

Then last week his brother told me and my boyfriend that he's been getting bad anxiety attacks, he went to the doctors who prescribed him some medication. He said he's excited about seeing all their family at the wedding but nothing else and isn't sure if he wants to marry her. And he said again not to tell anyone, especially not their parents.

 

Now I'm not sure what to say. I've said again that I'm sure this is normal to feel nervous. But this is something that's come up over and over since they got engaged (over a year ago). He's asked if we'll both turn up really early on the wedding day to give him some "moral support". My boyfriend said something about going early to make sure he "doesn't do a runner".

 

Is this all normal nerves? Or something else?

 

You know its funny that I saw this because I am in the same boat as this guy it sounds like. I am scheduled to get married in July (this year) I am REALLY having a hard time of things. A few weeks back as prep I put my house up for sale (because I will be moving into her house after the fact)

 

I have just really been beside myself I can't sleep I feel stressed out all the time and it all centers around us getting married. I have been fighting myself because I am not sure what to do about it. I don't know if its normal to feel like this or if something is wrong....

 

I have had a number of friends ask me if I was excited and I have told them no and they are just dumb founded. To put it bluntly I am having major second thoughts. I love her to death she is my whole world but I am so scared of failure it is sucking all the joy I should be feeling right out of me. She is or seems to be very excited and it really is twisting me up knowing that I am not feeling the same way....

 

I don't know I know this is not helping you with your issue but anyway

 

 

Just some background

It is my first (I am 40 y/o) and it is her second (@41 y/o) so I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.

[BL268]

Thanks for the reply!

 

I really hope it's just me being doubtful and that things are OK, it's just stress and natural nerves. Just something doesn't feel right. It doesn't seem like he's been excited at all about it. He's a lovely guy and she's really lovely too. When they first got engaged he came to stay with my boyfriend for a few days. Me, my boyfriend and his brother went out for dinner and my boyfriend told me I can't mention weddings to him. I thought this was odd and thought I should congratulate him anyway because I wouldn't see him for a while. So before I left I said congratulations and he said thanks, didn't smile and went back to watching the TV. Seems like everyone else, my boyfriend especially, has been more excited about the wedding than he has.

 

Ahhh I just got off the phone to my boyfriend and he was talking about what time to leave on wedding day, the hotel we're staying at etc. Meant to ask how his brother is because he said he'd spoken to him this afternoon but forgot to, shall ask him when I see him tomorrow.

 

Thanks again for the replies. I really hope for him and you that it is just natural nerves!

[Maxxx]

Thanks for the reply!

 

I really hope it's just me being doubtful and that things are OK, it's just stress and natural nerves. Just something doesn't feel right. It doesn't seem like he's been excited at all about it. He's a lovely guy and she's really lovely too. When they first got engaged he came to stay with my boyfriend for a few days. Me, my boyfriend and his brother went out for dinner and my boyfriend told me I can't mention weddings to him. I thought this was odd and thought I should congratulate him anyway because I wouldn't see him for a while. So before I left I said congratulations and he said thanks, didn't smile and went back to watching the TV. Seems like everyone else, my boyfriend especially, has been more excited about the wedding than he has.

 

Ahhh I just got off the phone to my boyfriend and he was talking about what time to leave on wedding day, the hotel we're staying at etc. Meant to ask how his brother is because he said he'd spoken to him this afternoon but forgot to, shall ask him when I see him tomorrow.

 

Thanks again for the replies. I really hope for him and you that it is just natural nerves!

 

 

I am sure things will be fine I worry about EVERYTHING that is my issue and I am trying to work on that LOL

[dazzle22]

This degree of nerves and nonexcitement is not normal nerves, it is his subconscious giving him major warning signals that he is stuffing down, probably because he doesn't want to bring shame, hurt, or humiliation on others.

 

But the problem is, the ceremony will not cause any 'magic' to appear and make the problems go away. This guy needs to be sat down for a real heart to heart, and told we will love you no matter whether you go through with this or not. This will end badly if he goes through with it. I am speaking from personal experience here.

[BL268]

Well, the wedding was last weekend. And it was actually a really good day. We were supposed to be arriving early because he wanted us to support him a bit but we left a bit late, stopped for food on the way then got stuck in traffic and couldn't find the place so only got there half hour before the ceremony. By this point most of their family and friends had shown up so there wasn't time to really talk to him other than to wish him luck.

 

He was extremely nervous before, normal probably but I was still worried after what he'd said before. I stayed with my boyfriend the night before the wedding and we rang him in the evening to make sure he was OK. He said he was fine, he couldn't talk right now because he was out for dinner with some friends. I worried for him through the whole ceremony. But when they said their vows they looked perfectly happy so I'm not sure.

 

The rest of the day was brilliant. And they do seem like they're in love. We did keep an eye on him to make sure he was OK but he seemed pretty up beat for the rest of the day. Before we left the reception he was very happy (very drunk too). He came and spoke to me for quite a while in the evening and asked if I'd enjoyed the day. I asked how he was and he said he'd had a good day, he then went off to talk to other people.

 

Next morning we popped round to where they were staying for breakfast and went to the park with them and some friends which was nice. They went off and sat on their own and cuddled. There were quite a few of us and we walked back to our cars (most of us were leaving to go home at that point) in groups and I walked with boyfriends brother but didn't feel it was appropriate right then to ask how he was. He's coming to visit next month (him on his own without his wife) and I think we're going to go out and do things together (me, boyfriend and him). Can see how things are then I guess.

 

I hope this was all just normal nerves because on the wedding day they really did seem happy together and he seemed much happier than he had been. I hope it wasn't just the drink and being around his family.