Disillusioned Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 The world of singles and dating is a little easier to work with if you know there are different mentalities at work. Before, I used to divide them into keepers and players, but there's more to it than that. I'm part of a minority of singles who know what they want (and don't want) in a partner. Some people with this mentality can handle platonic relationships pretty well... we think it's useless to get involved with someone we'll never be friends with, let alone want to marry. With us, chemistry is everything. OTOH most don't know what they want, or they haven't taken the time to sit down and think about it. Unfortunately, pick-up artists fall into this group... these are people whose chemistry is limited to "me Tarzan, you Jane." Selectivity is incomprehensible to these people: why would any red-blooded guy turn down just any woman? They have a grab-bag mentality, and tend to be pleasure-centered. I have no hard numbers as to how many women are selective vs. grab-baggers, but I've learned not to ask for any more advice from my male friends about singlehood and dating, because they all have the grab-bag mentality, except for one... and he is divorced and has been under the mill. So, if online dating and just about everything else hasn't worked for you... you're probably in the selective minority. Almost all singles activities are geared toward grab-baggers---even the niche dating outfits. Whether you agree with my take on the situation or not, you still should agree when I say that the first step in failing smart, is in figuring out why you failed. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 I think the reason why dating tactics favor grab-bagging is the simple nature of discovery. Knowing what you want is great, but unless what you want can be readily identified on a person's surface, the only way to find out if they fit the bill is to interact with them. So grab-bagging is little more than "that one looks good - lets find out what they are into". Sure, if you're not into, lets say, materialistic people, there are ways to avoid the pool you fish in being heavy with materialistic swimmers. Don't go to the pricey, be seen hot spot is one way of limiting this problem. But you can still go to the hole in the wall indie club and find a bunch of skewed priorities having scensters. The only way to know for sure is to talk to who looks good and find out if they also are (by your own identifiers) good. Link to post Share on other sites
marsle85 Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 I'm selective. Definitely. Link to post Share on other sites
Engadget Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 I'm painfully picky. I'll flirt with girls, but if I don't feel a true connection after a certain amount of time I'll end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kentucky Jelly Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 I'm part of a minority of singles who know what they want (and don't want) in a partner. So do you have a checklist or something? Or a couple checklists? one to get in the door, the other to get into the vault? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Disillusioned Posted May 9, 2010 Author Share Posted May 9, 2010 So do you have a checklist or something? Darn tootin' I do. I thought I was the one who was being anal, until 1. my divorced buddy started pouting that he'd wished he'd been more picky and 2. Allison, who runs Divorce Detox, said you should not only know what you want, but write it out. If, however, you have the grab-bag mentality, by all means date all the jerks/jerkesses you want without having to worry about commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
Kentucky Jelly Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 you should not only know what you want, but write it out. That is a good idea. I sort of have a mental idea what I would like but have not written it down. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 ...you should not only know what you want, but write it out.hahaa...and i thought i was crazy for writing down my list. It's good to see i'm not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Disillusioned Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 Hmm... maybe we "selectives" will be the next group to come out of the closet... Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 did yall ever see the movie where the kids made the perfect woman in their bedroom lab? i think there was some sort of moral to that.. weird science.. thats what it was called! im joking/trying to understand this.. so, what kind of stuff gets on the list? hair color, temperament?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Disillusioned Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 did yall ever see the movie where the kids made the perfect woman in their bedroom lab? i think there was some sort of moral to that.. weird science.. thats what it was called! im joking/trying to understand this.. so, what kind of stuff gets on the list? hair color, temperament?? I graduated high school the year that movie came out. Personally, I'd like to see a comedy routine where a hustler tries to hit on an ttractive woman... then she smiles and puts on a pair of glasses and whips out a pen and notepad so she can start checking off requirements... this totally puts the hustler off and ruins his approach, and he gets totally disgusted. At least, that's the way things are heading... Link to post Share on other sites
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