Patrice Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 I was married for 26 years .. officially divorced 6 weeks ago. No affairs, he had mental health issues that he would not seek assistance for and it became emotionally abusive so I left him. We have 3 grown children who are doing very well - all college educated and higher and really okay with the ending of the marriage. Facebook got me connected to a man/family friend who is also divorced and working overseas. He came over to see me in December and I just wasn't ready to get into anything emotionally or physically with him. He said that he has been looking for me for 30 years. He came back this week for 10 days ... amazing connection of love, sex, care for one another and a marriage proposal. He gets the baggage from living with another man who kept me down for 26 years. He is flying back overseas tonight and will return again in 10 days to be with me. I think I am in love with him and want to be with him. The problem ... grown children who are uncomfortable with their mom moving on, moving overseas for possibly 4 years and not being available to them on a moment's notice. I have a good job here, I would be giving up all that I know ... my friends say "this is your time", yet, I feel selfish in pursuing that ... Is this a non-necessary guilt trip I'm putting on myself? My kids are 25, 22 and 21 .. should I go? Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 I understand your kids wanting their mom around, but really they're grown so I think they'll be fine. As to this marriage proposal, please explain a little more. How long have you two been dating? Since you said you were just divorced 6 weeks ago I'm guessing it couldn't have been that long. Also when did you realise you were in love? Are you sure it's not just infatuation because you want to feel loved? Just some things to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 I don't think you should go. Leaving your children, job and home for a new man, only 6 weeks after a divorce is irrational and irresponsible. The new man came to visit you a couple of times, that's a great start, but you don't have anywhere near enough history with him. Yes, your children are grown, as in over 18 but that doesn't mean they won't need you, especially since you say their father is mentally ill. I think that throwing your life away for a man you hardly know is crazy, and your children will be left putting you back on your feet if it doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 Well, I think this needs to slow down. We talk several times a day as it is .. he would like to meet the kids when he comes back in 2 weeks ... my boys are very protective of me - so this won't be easy. I think the plan will be, see how it goes in 2 weeks, will see him over the summer for 3 weeks and see what transpires from there. My daughter, who is the oldest would like to move to Europe and that is a short plane jaunt to where he lives. The oldest son will be in medical school next year and the youngest son wants to move to California for graduate school. They aren't around much now ... Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 I think you need to slow it down for you...not your children but you. If this man is someone that you want to build a life with.....he will wait and respect you for it and there is no big hurry. You need time for yourself......and gosh woman....enjoy it! You deserve to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 BB - I know you're right ... I'll force this to go at a slower pace .. he can wait if he really wants to be with me. The plan was to see him and figure out if we click - that happened. The next is to see what the kids think of him - maybe the kids aren't ready, if that's true - he will have to wait to meet them. My ex is already dating someone else, and they don't seem very interested in meeting her either Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 BB - I know you're right ... I'll force this to go at a slower pace .. he can wait if he really wants to be with me. The plan was to see him and figure out if we click - that happened. The next is to see what the kids think of him - maybe the kids aren't ready, if that's true - he will have to wait to meet them. My ex is already dating someone else, and they don't seem very interested in meeting her either Your kids are adults and if in the future you and this man get serious, they will deal with it and hopefully make the best out of it. I know it's hard on kids, even if they are adults, but right now your primary goal should be looking out for you and finding out what makes you happy. Your children are probably more concerned at the fast pace that things are moving and that you are contemplating such big changes in your life, so that explains the hesitation. Proceed cautiously with your heart as you are the only one who can protect it. It sounds like you've raised some find young adults so pat yourself on the back and take time to breathe and look out for yourself. I wish you all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 Okay, he is back for another 10 days ... the kids now want to meet him and he they ... my daughter was friended by him on facebook and thanked him for making her mother happy. Keep you posted! Link to post Share on other sites
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