Stepfather Wants me to co-sign his mortgage

[Little Bird]

My stepfather who I do not get along with wants to retire early soon, and he wants to get rid of his mortgage, by taking his name off of it, and having me co-sign the mortgage with my mother instead. Originally, the mortgage is in my mother and his names, but since he wants to retire, he would like to have no mortgage, which is where I enter the picture.

 

I have one more year of college and only work part time. However, my mother assures me I wouldn't be paying the mortgage payments, as they would still be paying it, only that on paper, he would be off and I would be the new co-signer. I know nothing about mortgages and retirement, and how having a mortgage effects retirement.

 

I'm really pissed off at him because he has lots of other debts and lives beyond his means. The house that my mom and him bought a few years ago that the mortgage is for is around $500,000 and way too big for them. He was the one who wanted it.

 

Even though I wouldn't be paying the mortgage, but would be the legal co-signer, I feel really uncomfortable doing it. I feel guilty saying no to my mom, but I don't want to get involved in his finances.

 

Oh, and did I mention my stepfather cheated on his second wife with my mom and helped to end my parents already failing marriage?

 

This should be an easy no, but I feel guilty saying no to my mom, because in a way this would help her out too. It's just frustrating that this is all because of his spending habits. I hate him.

 

I'm really stressed out thinking about all the money my step father is spending and how it'll effect my mom. He's selfish to think of early retirement, with his debts and having my mom support him.

[jackson30]

As guilty as you feel you have to say no, if they can't pay the mortgage then legally you're responsible for it.

 

If you only work part time I would be surprised if you would even qualify to co-sign. You just need to explain to your mom that you can't do it.

[Little Bird]

She thinks I would qualify, because she is full time, and I would be just the co-signer.

 

My step father has also been laid off for the past year, but they have been able to make their mortgage payments fine. You are right, though, if anything were to happen, I would be the one legally responsible.

 

Every time I see him, I go into a rage where I have panic attacks and can't breath, because he infuriates me so much. I only see him when I visit my mom, but now I think I don't want to see her as much because of him.

 

He's not mean spirited, but selfish, and just assumed I would do this for him. It shows just how clueless he is to other people's needs, asking me to do this after he helped to break up my parent's marriage.

 

I just hope my mom understands why I have to say no. I am afraid that he's going to screw up her life with his selfish spending habits.

[Art_Critic]

Honestly.. your Stepfather is a a jerk.. and so is your Mom..

Part of being a parent is wanting your kids to do better than you did.. to excel..

 

Tying your child down with your half a million dollar mortgage who is getting ready to go out into the real world is just plan SELFISH and self centered.

 

My answer is no.. don't do it..

 

Too many things can or will go wrong with this and you will likely ruin your credit for most of your good years when you want your credit to be prefect.

You should be able to go out and buy your own home one day.. not be tied to someone else's who is only sponging off of you..

 

Your Mother can assure you all she wants but the bank doesn't care what she assures when you have to start making the payments for her when he stops..

[Art_Critic]

I just hope my mom understands why I have to say no. I am afraid that he's going to screw up her life with his selfish spending habits.

 

She will....

Just give her a big hug and tell her you love her...

[Little Bird]

Well, my mom said she would still be making the mortgage payments, like she has been doing the past year since my step father has been laid off, but that the change would be that on paper his name would be replaced with mine.

 

She doesn't expect me to pay anything, assuming that nothing happens in the future, like her losing her job or something.

 

I will say no, but I feel really sick with guilt about what may happen if I don't help her and him (the bastard).

[Art_Critic]

She doesn't expect me to pay anything, assuming that nothing happens in the future, like her losing her job or something.

 

I will say no, but I feel really sick with guilt about what may happen if I don't help her and him (the bastard).

But the bank will.. and honestly it sounds more like he is looking to get his name OFF of it for some other reason than he is really saying..

I'm not normally a poo poo'er but your SF seems to have this plot that has something sinister behind it..

Like he is looking to not be responsible for your Mom and he has talked her into this scheme and she thinks it will help her but in reality all it will do is relieve him of his financial responsibility..

 

Do you think he is thinking of leaving your Mom ?

[Little Bird]

But the bank will.. and honestly it sounds more like he is looking to get his name OFF of it for some other reason than he is really saying..

I'm not normally a poo poo'er but your SF seems to have this plot that has something sinister behind it..

Like he is looking to not be responsible for your Mom and he has talked her into this scheme and she thinks it will help her but in reality all it will do is relieve him of his financial responsibility..

 

Do you think he is thinking of leaving your Mom ?

 

Uh, well, he has been traveling a bit lately to China where he's from, and he's been building some huge house there. He plans on retiring and spending half the year in China in his new house and half at home here, every year throughout his retirement. I guess if he has no mortgage he could just never come back if he wanted to.

 

He probably has lots of debt, like with his credit cards and stuff, because he keeps traveling to China, and that costs a lot. I know that retirement is difficult and not recommended if you're going into retirement with a mortgage and debt. Aren't you supposed to be done with your mortgage by the time you retire?

 

The last time he was in China, he was working on the construction of his house there, and was short $500 USD for something, and so he phones my mom back home asking her to wire or send extra cash. She didn't want to, so she asks me, promising he'd pay me back. I flat out said no, and she was fine with it, but I guess she ended up sending him the money herself.

 

Also, my mom is his 3rd wife.

Edited May 10, 2010 by Little Bird

[Art_Critic]

He plans on retiring and spending half the year in China in his new house and half at home here, every year throughout his retirement. I guess if he has no mortgage he could just never come back if he wanted to.

 

I'm going with this one.. but don't tell your Mom, she loves him and no matter what you would say she can only look thru rose colored glasses.

 

Little Bird.. you seem to already have your eyes open... keep them open and you will be fine... and your Mom will always be fine too if you are..

[Little Bird]

Okay, it just seems like my mom will be screwed no matter what with this guy. I'm in no position to help much, but yeah, I guess no is the only option.

 

Every time I think about it, I have panic attacks, but it's easier knowing what my decision is.

 

Thanks, Art critic, at least I know I'm doing the right thing now.

[D-Lish]

Usually a co-signer is the "guarantor". So if for some reason, the payment cannot not be made by the first applicant, the guarantor agrees to being responsible for the payments.

 

Being in college, without a full-time job, there is little merit in being on the mortgage.

 

If your mother works full-time and makes a decent income, she can be the sole applicant.

[Little Bird]

Usually a co-signer is the "guarantor". So if for some reason, the payment cannot not be made by the first applicant, the guarantor agrees to being responsible for the payments.

 

Being in college, without a full-time job, there is little merit in being on the mortgage.

 

If your mother works full-time and makes a decent income, she can be the sole applicant.

 

I think I'm already committed to saying no, but my mom told me her being the sole applicant won't be enough, once he decides he wants out. Right now, technically both of them are signed to this mortgage even though he's been laid off for a year. Once he retires, I don't know what will happen.

 

I'm still saying no, and I assume they'll be okay, since nothing's really changed for them financially, since he hasn't been working for the past year, and still isn't. I think Art Critic is right that it's just about my step father wanting to relieve himself of financial responsibility. Either he keeps his name on the mortgage, or he gets one of his children (most of them are older than me) from his previous marriages to help him.

Edited May 10, 2010 by Little Bird

[Jilly Bean]

No bank is going to let you be a co-signer, so I wouldn't worry about it. A college student without a job history is not someone the banks are taking a risk on these days.

 

Regardless, shame on both of them for even asking you.

 

I don't know if your SF is up to something sinister, but for sure it's not something you should ever sign.

 

If your SF doesn't want to have a mortgage, then tell him to pay it off.

[D-Lish]

I think I'm already committed to saying no, but my mom told me her being the sole applicant won't be enough, once he decides he wants out. Right now, technically both of them are signed to this mortgage even though he's been laid off for a year. Once he retires, I don't know what will happen.

 

I'm still saying no, and I assume they'll be okay, since nothing's really changed for them financially, since he hasn't been working for the past year, and still isn't. I think Art Critic is right that it's just about my step father wanting to relieve himself of financial responsibility. Either he keeps his name on the mortgage, or he gets one of his children (most of them are older than me) from his previous marriages to help him.

 

Glad you are saying no. You have no collateral or financial resources, so the only thing putting you on a mortgage would do is make you responsible. You couldn't be a co-signer without a job or collateral.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Your stepfather is an arse, but you know that already.

 

Lots of people would like to be free of their debts. So now, your stepfather, who bought a house along with your mom, wants to be off of the mortgage (probably while maintaining his ownership interest in the house), so he can feel better about retiring early, all at you and your mom's expense? Please tell me there is more to the story, and this is not actually what he asked.

 

Did he even ever articulate something that he purported to be a good reason for this apparent effort to financially screw you and your mother, other than feeling a little better about his own personal finances going into retirement?

 

This one isn't even close. Just tell him no. Tell him no with confidence, certainty, and a little bit of self-righteous indignation if you like. I hope your mom is not upset, but if she is, try telling her what your stepfather is doing, and how it may disadvantage her.

 

Yes, that's right. This is also probably not in your mother's interests to do this for him, even without your involvement. When someone gets off a mortgage (by the other party doing a re-fi) without quit-claiming their interest to the other party, it means they still have the same ownership interest in the house only without the mortgage obligation. That is not fair to your mother. There may also be marital property laws which apply in your state, and your mother should get an attorney before doing anything for this guy regarding the mortgage

 

Think of it this way. We already know from your post that the mortgage is getting paid anyway, so think this through. The only reason he wouldn't want HIS name on the mortgage, would be to give him freedom from financial entanglement if he decides to ditch your mother, leaving her with the bill for the house, while himself continuing to own part of it.

 

This isn't even a question, and I am quite honestly shocked that your stepfather had the cahones to even ask.

Edited May 12, 2010 by WithOrWithoutYou

[Shindig]

Do NOT do it. It's a great way to end up in court and/or broke with ruined credit. They need to get a mortgage within their means.

 

Try watching some Judge Judy episodes on YouTube. About 1/3 cases is about family/couples co-signing on loans. It's nasty. You don't want to be there.

[Mary3]

He seems like an irresponsible selfish jerk who does NOT give a crap if you pay the mortgage or not as LONG as HIS name is off it.

 

I suspect something is going on in China. You both take his name off and he is GONE with the wind.

 

If he was a wonderful man dying of cancer , maybe yes , sign it to help you mom but this jerk is buying things he can't afford , running up massive debt and as soon as you sign the paper he is GONE !

 

I would give my eye teeth to see his credit card statements. I bet he is having an affair or is entertaining prosititutes and wants you to sign him off so he can destroy your life.

 

Do NOT do it , EVER !

[Joe Normal]

There is only one answer here - politely but firmly tell him "NO WAY". It is ridiculous to let someone who is not even a blood relative mooch off your credit and earnings. You have no control over what he does after you sign off on it. Never sign off on anyone else's debts, unless it is your spouse and you are happily married and have a good BS detector.

 

If you still aren't sure about turning him down flat, just call a lawyer for 5 seconds. They will tell you it's nuts.

[Joe Normal]

Well, my mom said she would still be making the mortgage payments, like she has been doing the past year since my step father has been laid off, but that the change would be that on paper his name would be replaced with mine.

 

She doesn't expect me to pay anything, assuming that nothing happens in the future, like her losing her job or something.

 

I will say no, but I feel really sick with guilt about what may happen if I don't help her and him (the bastard).

 

If no one expects you to pay then there is no reason for you to be on the mortgage. People only ask someone to sign on the mortgage because they *fully expect them to pay it*. Capisce?

 

On second thoughts, I think you should sign on it. Why don't you also sign a $1 million unsecured note for your stepdad and mom and tell them to take a world cruise on your tab! If you are going to ruin your life, do it in style!

[Little Bird]

Well, I phoned my mom the other day and told her I didn't want to co-sign on their mortgage. She replied with something like, "Well, we can talk about it more later". I answered with a mumbled, "no,", and that was that.

 

I do have an appointment to see my financial adviser at my bank to find out what she thinks about this whole thing. Even though I've already said no, I'd like to know more about what it means for my mom if my SF convinces her to remove himself from the mortgage once he retires.

 

I did have a co-worker tell me that perhaps he wants me to co-sign because he might be going bankrupt, and if the house isn't in his name anymore, that means legally they can't take the house. I don't know if co-signing a mortgage is the same thing as ownership.

 

What makes it more annoying is my SF is one of those clueless types who isn't mean spirited, but just ignorant and selfish. He didn't even know that he was being charged for text messaging and email on his cell! He thought it was all free, and I had to explain to him that it's not free with his plan. He also said to my mom that he barely used his phone to go online or text or email, but my mom told me the bills detailing his usage told a different story.

 

I hate him.

[PrettyinInk]

it is not as easy as just switcing someone else's name on the mortgage, that is not how it works, certianly not any more (i am assuming you are in the US, although i did not look). you can't just flip around cosigners whenever you feel like it, you have to refinance your home, which is a lot of work and a lot of drama, and not practical.

has your mother gone to the bank to talk to someone about refinancing? if she has not even looked into the process of this, then you need not worry about her being hurt by you saying no, because it most likely wont play out how she wants it to anyway.

btw, say no! your mother, of all people(!) should be the LAST person asking you to do something like this!

[Little Bird]

it is not as easy as just switcing someone else's name on the mortgage, that is not how it works, certianly not any more (i am assuming you are in the US, although i did not look). you can't just flip around cosigners whenever you feel like it, you have to refinance your home, which is a lot of work and a lot of drama, and not practical.

has your mother gone to the bank to talk to someone about refinancing? if she has not even looked into the process of this, then you need not worry about her being hurt by you saying no, because it most likely wont play out how she wants it to anyway.

btw, say no! your mother, of all people(!) should be the LAST person asking you to do something like this!

 

 

I think they do want to refinance their mortgage, but I'm not positive. I wish she would just divorce him, but that's not going to happen, and I think most people know that it's useless trying to get your parents to do anything.

 

I guess, all I can do is not worry about HER problems, although it's nearly impossible to not get involved. It's frustrating when it's the parent that needs guidance, and not the child. I wish I just had responsible parents. I hate it, because I am paying for my own college education, and hate asking my parents for money, and yet my SF sees no issue with asking a non-blood relative for help.

[KikiW]

I'm sorry, i didn't read every single reply - but if you DID manage to become a co-signer, I believe it will make it that much harder for you to get loans for your OWN things, like a car, or a home. If this is considered YOUR home, but you want to buy one for yourself, the mortgage companies will treat it like a SECOND home.

 

I am glad you said no. It's one thing to help mom out, it's another to be on the hook for a house in case for some reason it can't be paid for. You need to be establishing good credit for your future.

 

If he doesn't want to be on the mortgage, then they need to sell the house. JMHO though.

[Tony T]

First of all, it's not his to say about who signs the mortgage. It's the lenders and they're not likely to let him off the hook.

 

However, if there's a lot of equity in the house and he wants off the hook...sure, sign a mortgage, get a note from him to you for the payments, and have the house put IN YOUR NAME. The minute he stops paying the note to you, you sell the house and the money's yours.

 

No brainer.

[Mary3]

Well, I phoned my mom the other day and told her I didn't want to co-sign on their mortgage. She replied with something like, "Well, we can talk about it more later". I answered with a mumbled, "no,", and that was that.

 

I do have an appointment to see my financial adviser at my bank to find out what she thinks about this whole thing. Even though I've already said no, I'd like to know more about what it means for my mom if my SF convinces her to remove himself from the mortgage once he retires.

 

I did have a co-worker tell me that perhaps he wants me to co-sign because he might be going bankrupt, and if the house isn't in his name anymore, that means legally they can't take the house. I don't know if co-signing a mortgage is the same thing as ownership.

 

What makes it more annoying is my SF is one of those clueless types who isn't mean spirited, but just ignorant and selfish. He didn't even know that he was being charged for text messaging and email on his cell! He thought it was all free, and I had to explain to him that it's not free with his plan. He also said to my mom that he barely used his phone to go online or text or email, but my mom told me the bills detailing his usage told a different story.

 

I hate him.

 

In a true Bankruptcy your SF telling the BK Court he signed over the house to someone else just wont FLY !

 

Any transfers of money or property are HIGHLY scrutinized.

 

It's not like in 1942 where you gave uncle Joe all your belongings , all your money , cars and so forth...

 

The BK Trustee WILL Find out ! Also trying to hide money the Trustee already KNOWS ALL your bank accounts , how much you have in them, when you transfered money OUT of them.

 

Its like Forensic Files. You can't get away with anything in the BK Court...