Is this why I feel so much guilt all the time?

[asrgal]

I had a really good childhood, all pretty normal and not much drama, but I always felt and still feel so much guilt. In all my relationships I always felt guilty and never knew why I have this feeling. If things go wrong in a relationship and it wasn't even my fault I feel guilty. Even with my bf now, and we have a great relationship, I feel guilty about everything, as well as him helping me through tough times etc.

As a child we used to spend the summers in Italy (where my mom is from) and I just recently remembered that one of the summers I use to hang out with my cousins and there was a guy who used to put his hands in my panties and more, over and over again throughout the summer and always threatend me to not say anything. I must have been 11 or 12 and he an older teenager.

I am in my 30th now and just don't understand why I totally forgot about that, and why it now comes back to me. And if it has anything to do with my guilt feeling in my relationships!?

[Ronni_W]

Yes, it is held that our childhood/youthful experiences can and do influence what and how we think, perceive and act as adults.

 

Our psyches are marvelously smart and protective, with the ability to keep "secret" any memories that we would not consciously (physically, emotionally or mentally) be able to handle.

 

Your good news is that your psyche deems you now "ready and able" to tackle recovering from this particular childhood wound/trauma. However, I would strongly encourage you to seek the help of a professional so that you can have the guidance and support that you deserve.

 

In the meantime, please do remember that what happened is not your fault, you did not deserve it...and you have already survived it. You are a survivor! :bunny: (You don't need to be that dysfunctional guy's victim.)

 

Sending hugs, and wishing you good healing.

[Green]

I wouldn't feel guilt over this its not your fault it happened. And when a relationship doesn't work out it is because of both people.

[asrgal]

Thanks :-)

[Green]

ur not alone

[turnera]

Now is when you need to see a psychologist, to learn to deal with what happened to you.

[summerl0vesyou]

Sometimes when you are young, you block out things because you just cant deal with it at the time.

my most recent ex, never thought hed been sexually abused, only physically. He always said it was a definite no. It wasnt until I learned that his brother had been sexually abused and then I brought it up to him that something in him snapped and he realized.

Hes 22. this happened when he was 11 or 12 like you were.

 

There is no need to feel guilty in relationships but Ive been there too..I know how it feels to blame yourself for everything even when its other people who make the mistakes.. I was abused too and I often am extremely self conscious and guilty in all my relationships..

Do you have low self esteem? how do you feel about yourself?

I would explore this with a counselor. Maybe you can finally change that guilty pattern though, so this self discovery should be a good thing. dont feel bad that you forgot, or bad for blaming yourself- now you have an answer to a problem youve probably had for a long time.