Mothers day OW hug

[lilagirl]

(((HUG)))

 

To all the OWs who spent the day without hearing from (or LC) their MM due to Mother's day extraveganza's...

 

I would offer a hug to all the BSs who spent the day with a man pretending to be a loving husband... but I would get flogged

 

Today was my first mother's day without my stbxH and i had a tough day remembering all the great things he did for me, getting the kids excited, etc. It was hard to know that my MM was playing the role of loving husband and father, while I sat at home without a partner, because I had the balls to make the decision.

 

Regardless... today is a day for family, allot of guilt, jealousy, frustration for me in today.

[White Flower]

Hugs right back lilagirl! Your sitch sounds a lot like mine last year and the year before. I was separated yet living in the same house the year before and last year was my first Mother's Day as a fully D'd woman. Of course all these years I spent apart from MM. I ended it on Friday but he still texted me today with a Happy Mother's Day greeting. Small consolation when I know his day was very festive.

 

But I hope you start doing wonderful things for YOU every Mother's Day from here on out. Last year I decided that since I finally had a choice of my own, and didn't have to do whatever my MIL wanted to do then I could take my kids with me to one of my favorite gardens, take pictures of gorgeous botanicals, and have a nice dinner afterwards. My friend is separated as well so she and her kids join us. We started this tradition last year and did it again today. These last two Mother's Day have been the best of my life!

 

I hope you can start a tradition with your kids that you find meaningful to you.

 

(((lilagirl)))

[bananalaffytaffy]

Lilagirl,

I've tried very hard to be sympathetic to you, but in this case, I can not.

Your loneliness and your situation on Mother's Day is because of YOUR choices, not his.

 

You've said on other boards that your MM does not want to leave his wife. That he "desperately wants his marriage to work", all while having you on the side. You know darned well that the marriage isn't going to work while you're involved, yet you choose to stay.

 

So you've resigned yourself to being the OW. Fine.

Stop whining about it.

[bittersweet memories]

Lilagirl,

I've tried very hard to be sympathetic to you, but in this case, I can not.

Your loneliness and your situation on Mother's Day is because of YOUR choices, not his.

 

You've said on other boards that your MM does not want to leave his wife. That he "desperately wants his marriage to work", all while having you on the side. You know darned well that the marriage isn't going to work while you're involved, yet you choose to stay.

 

So you've resigned yourself to being the OW. Fine.

Stop whining about it.

 

 

Exactly Stop Whining!! He's where he wants to be or else he would be with you ok...

[jennie-jennie]

Lilagirl,

I've tried very hard to be sympathetic to you, but in this case, I can not.

Your loneliness and your situation on Mother's Day is because of YOUR choices, not his.

 

You've said on other boards that your MM does not want to leave his wife. That he "desperately wants his marriage to work", all while having you on the side. You know darned well that the marriage isn't going to work while you're involved, yet you choose to stay.

 

So you've resigned yourself to being the OW. Fine.

Stop whining about it.

 

Exactly Stop Whining!! He's where he wants to be or else he would be with you ok...

 

Are you ladies lost? This is the OW/OM forum. Lila has every right to vent the frustrations of being an OW here. If you don't like it, stop reading.

[jennie-jennie]

(((HUG)))

 

To all the OWs who spent the day without hearing from (or LC) their MM due to Mother's day extraveganza's...

 

I would offer a hug to all the BSs who spent the day with a man pretending to be a loving husband... but I would get flogged

 

Today was my first mother's day without my stbxH and i had a tough day remembering all the great things he did for me, getting the kids excited, etc. It was hard to know that my MM was playing the role of loving husband and father, while I sat at home without a partner, because I had the balls to make the decision.

 

Regardless... today is a day for family, allot of guilt, jealousy, frustration for me in today.

 

Thanks Lila for posting this. As Michelle2010 noted, we OW who are presently choosing to stay in extramarital relationships need support of a different kind than advice to leave the relationship.

 

Not being from the US Mother's Day is not celebrated very much in my country. Still, I know exactly the emotions you are talking about.

[bananalaffytaffy]

Are you ladies lost? This is the OW/OM forum. Lila has every right to vent the frustrations of being an OW here.

As we have every right to point out that she's brought all this upon herself. She's not venting, she's whining and playing the victim. Just because she left her marriage, does not mean he is obligated to leave his. She knows where he stands. Should she choose to stay, she deserves everything she gets, as it's exactly what she signed up for.

[Confused4Now]

As we have every right to point out that she's brought all this upon herself. She's not venting, she's whining and playing the victim. Just because she left her marriage, does not mean he is obligated to leave his. She knows where he stands. Should she choose to stay, she deserves everything she gets, as it's exactly what she signed up for.

I have to agree with Jeanie-Jeanie on this.....what you bring has no value to a OW/OM forum....I remember where I was at and I certainly wouldn't appreciate your words. Take it somewhere else please like the infidelity forum.

[herenow]

I can't give you any insight about being an OW on Mothers Day, but I can tell you a lot about being a mother. I assume you have kids based on your post. Why were you thinking about a MM on a day that is all about being a mother? Where were your kids? Were they not enough to make you happy on the day set aside for them to show you how much they love you? Hugs to you for not being able to fully enjoy a day meant mostly for a mom and her kids.

 

BTW, it's silly to say you would saying something but you would get flagged, and they say it anyway. It's like me saying, I would call you a (place anything inflammatory here), but I know it would be wrong so I won't. If you know it would upset someone, why mention it at all?

[bananalaffytaffy]

I have to agree with Jeanie-Jeanie on this.....what you bring has no value to a OW/OM forum....I remember where I was at and I certainly wouldn't appreciate your words. Take it somewhere else please like the infidelity forum.

Ok, how's this?

Lilagirl, I'm so very sorry that you had to spend your day alone because the man you are in love with is committed to another person, and decided to spend that day with her instead of you. After all, she is the mother of his children, and you are not.

[herenow]

Ok, how's this?

Lilagirl, I'm so very sorry that you had to spend your day alone because the man you are in love with is committed to another person, and decided to spend that day with her instead of you. After all, she is the mother of his children, and you are not.

 

My question, why didn't she enjoy the day with her kids? How sad that on Mother's Day she was thinking about a MM and his family. Hugs to you Lila

[bananalaffytaffy]

My question, why didn't she enjoy the day with her kids? How sad that on Mother's Day she was thinking about a MM and his family. Hugs to you Lila

How very sad that is. How awful it must be for the kids to want to honor and spend time with Mom. Yet Mom would rather be with someone else, or in the very least, feel her day wasn't complete because MM wasn't there. My heart breaks for those poor children who it seems are taken for granted. I hope they were able to have a nice day anyway.

 

And I do hope that her MM isn't too traumatized if he was forced to have obligatory sex with his wife on her special day... I believe the OP did mention in another post that "that time" was coming up. I suppose Mother's Day would have been a good day for that.

Edited May 10, 2010 by bananalaffytaffy

[Confused4Now]

Ok, how's this?

Lilagirl, I'm so very sorry that you had to spend your day alone because the man you are in love with is committed to another person, and decided to spend that day with her instead of you. After all, she is the mother of his children, and you are not.

Much better!!! Unfortunately it's sad that she was thinking of MM during this special day....but I wonder how many of us who have moved on or still trying to will always think about that other person on special days?

[ladydesigner]

Lilagirl don't feel bad about things. So you had a down day. I'm sure you spent quality time with your kids unlike what some other posters have said. I too spent my Mother's Day with my kids...but my silly little thought process crept in on me too as my XOM used to email me Happy Mother's Day emails and this was the 1st year he did not and because I don't want him too ( we are NC) but the thought still crossed my mind and still made me a little sad.

 

Thanks for being brave enough to start the thread in the 1st place. You are in the OW/OM forum so it is the right place for it. Sometimes what people have to say has to go in one ear and out the other.... oh well.

 

Hope you are feeling better today.

[herenow]

Lilagirl don't feel bad about things. So you had a down day. I'm sure you spent quality time with your kids unlike what some other posters have said. I too spent my Mother's Day with my kids...but my silly little thought process crept in on me too as my XOM used to email me Happy Mother's Day emails and this was the 1st year he did not and because I don't want him too ( we are NC) but the thought still crossed my mind and still made me a little sad.

 

Thanks for being brave enough to start the thread in the 1st place. You are in the OW/OM forum so it is the right place for it. Sometimes what people have to say has to go in one ear and out the other.... oh well.

 

Hope you are feeling better today.

 

Ya know, I feel bad that Lila had a down day too. She didn't mention her kids, so I'm not sure she spent quality time with them. I hope your assumption is correct for Lila and her kids.

 

Still, I think it is very sad that a mother takes any time out of Mother's Day to think about a MM who is celebrating with his own family. That is why I offered "hugs" to Lila. Very sad indeed. Never said she shouldn't post. I think this is the perfect post for this forum.

[bananalaffytaffy]

Never said she shouldn't post. I think this is the perfect post for this forum.

I never said she shouldn't post either, and my posts certainly we not meant to bash. They were simply meant to point out that when you are in a relationship with a married man, missed holidays are part of the territory. If it's that important to you to have someone with you on special occasions, find someone else with the ability to give you what you want. If you're not willing to do that, don't complain about your choices.

[ladydesigner]

I never said she shouldn't post either, and my posts certainly we not meant to bash. They were simply meant to point out that when you are in a relationship with a married man, missed holidays are part of the territory. If it's that important to you to have someone with you on special occasions, find someone else with the ability to give you what you want. If you're not willing to do that, don't complain about your choices.

 

While I agree that we should not complain about our own choices I think sometimes we need to just "get it out of our system" and maybe it comes out in complaining. God knows I am guilty of this same sh*t. I have brought all the pain that I have felt on by my own self in terms of my XOM, but if you have no one else to complain to how do you get it out? I come here for the same reasons.

 

But I am one who likes harsh criticism as it has helped me open my eyes, that is for sure.

[pureinheart]

(((HUG)))

 

To all the OWs who spent the day without hearing from (or LC) their MM due to Mother's day extraveganza's...

 

I would offer a hug to all the BSs who spent the day with a man pretending to be a loving husband... but I would get flogged

 

Today was my first mother's day without my stbxH and i had a tough day remembering all the great things he did for me, getting the kids excited, etc. It was hard to know that my MM was playing the role of loving husband and father, while I sat at home without a partner, because I had the balls to make the decision.

 

Regardless... today is a day for family, allot of guilt, jealousy, frustration for me in today.

 

 

Ya I hear ya, and you weren't alone...and hugs to you and hope it gets better ...I'm not sure mine will, but I'll hang in there...Mothers day sucked for me, my kids could care less...family...what a joke.

 

I am up for adoption to a nice family...who knows, it could happen.

[ladydesigner]

Ya I hear ya, and you weren't alone...and hugs to you and hope it gets better ...I'm not sure mine will, but I'll hang in there...Mothers day sucked for me, my kids could care less...family...what a joke.

 

I am up for adoption to a nice family...who knows, it could happen.

 

Aww sweetie I hope family life improves for you. It would kill me if my kids acted that way. Mine are young now but who knows what happens later.

 

Hang in there and Happy Belated Mother's Day as you deserve a big hug for raising beautiful children and getting them ready in an uncertain world.

[pureinheart]

Lilagirl,

I've tried very hard to be sympathetic to you, but in this case, I can not.

Your loneliness and your situation on Mother's Day is because of YOUR choices, not his.

 

You've said on other boards that your MM does not want to leave his wife. That he "desperately wants his marriage to work", all while having you on the side. You know darned well that the marriage isn't going to work while you're involved, yet you choose to stay.

 

So you've resigned yourself to being the OW. Fine.

Stop whining about it.

 

Exactly Stop Whining!! He's where he wants to be or else he would be with you ok...

 

 

Wow, you guys are cold...thanks jennie, totally agree with your comment.

[pureinheart]

Aww sweetie I hope family life improves for you. It would kill me if my kids acted that way. Mine are young now but who knows what happens later.

 

Hang in there and Happy Belated Mother's Day as you deserve a big hug for raising beautiful children and getting them ready in an uncertain world.

 

Wow...thanks LD and backatcha!

[pureinheart]

Actually, in breifly reading through the comments, I remembered in the OP that Lila brought up her stbxh and that he would get the kids going...now to me, that is what she sounded like she missed.

 

Not saying she wants the M back, but that was something he used to do that was nice...

[White Flower]

(((HUG)))

 

To all the OWs who spent the day without hearing from (or LC) their MM due to Mother's day extraveganza's...

 

I would offer a hug to all the BSs who spent the day with a man pretending to be a loving husband... but I would get flogged

 

Today was my first mother's day without my stbxH and i had a tough day remembering all the great things he did for me, getting the kids excited, etc. It was hard to know that my MM was playing the role of loving husband and father, while I sat at home without a partner, because I had the balls to make the decision.

 

Regardless... today is a day for family, allot of guilt, jealousy, frustration for me in today.

 

((((((((lilagirl))))))))

 

Lilagirl, I can't believe what I am seeing here on this thread; a thread that has been posted in a support forum for OW. AMAZING how LS seems to think OW and OM NEED support but many of its lurkers don't. How about they purchase the rights to LS, revamp it, and STOP THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH AMENDMENT???

 

I am no longer the OW. I ended it and it sucks. I cried the last three days and my heart hurts. No, make that 4 days. Do I recommend anyone get involved in an A? No. But would I do it all over again if it were with my same guy? Yes. Why? Because believe it or not I learned VALUABLE lessons in the A I would not have otherwise. People can tell me I'm deluded and that MM got his jollies off but now he is the deluded one and I got my jollies off. There were lessons for the MM too. Like it or not LS lurkers.

 

These people, the WITCH HUNTERS, are angry that you and I chose to lose a little bit of our innocence. They want to keep theirs. That's GREAT for them, that is their choice, but to knock you on YOUR choice is just silly. Further, these people are just being mean to you. IN the SUPPORT FORUM FOR OW no less.

 

Yes you WOULD get flogged, sadly, for offering a hug to a woman whose H was cheating on her because even though they deserve one and even though you know it they don't want it from you. Knowing this, you added your disclaimer and I applaud you for it. You show compassion even in the face of humiliation. They wouldn't recognize these two traits if it slapped them in the face. All they would recognize is the slap in the face.

 

Hence the flaming.

 

You even stated that you felt guilt, but nobody noticed it. Well I did and you deserve a hug for that.

 

I was the first to jump on and post because I wanted to lift you up, offer some advice, and show you how I dealt with it INCLUDING focusing on my children.

 

After my wonderful day, my two oldest children asked ME (yes folks, the evil OW) for advice on their romantic Rs. I told my oldest to make her boyfriend answer her texts within 10 minutes or he's out the door. Gee, I wonder how I learend THAT lesson? Could it have been from my exMM? Then, my son in college asked how he could get his girlfriend to learn more manners, and get closer to ME in order to learn those manners. I suggested a family dinner where all my kids bring a friend and we get my son's girlfriend to watch as my daughter's boyfriend puts her to shame in the manners department (except of course his text timing issue;)).

 

My children VALUE me and show me every single day. I wonder how many BW can come on here and match my example. Gee, only if this were a forum for supporting BS. But guess what? ALL OF US would have gladly welcomed you and your advice for lilagirl. What did you do, how did you spend your day with your kids? How did you deal with Mother's Day after your H left? We could have all bonded but it just got catty instead.

 

lilagirl I'm so sorry. You deserved more support than you got.

 

Folks, we are more than just OW laying about in our lingerie and perfume. We are workers, employers, teachers, doctors without degrees, psychologists, taxi-drivers, soccer moms, cheerleaders, nurses, hostesses, tutors, nutritionists, and most of all we are MOTHERS (on this thread anyway) and WE deserve the right to enjoy our Mother's Day too. Who the hell are you to come here on this special day and kick us when we're down IF we're down at all?

 

Please go get your jollies elsewhere because HERE I'm exercising my first amendment rights as an OW (ex or otherwise).

Edited May 10, 2010 by White Flower

[ladydesigner]

((((((((lilagirl))))))))

 

Lilagirl, I can't believe what I am seeing here on this thread; a thread that has been posted in a support forum for OW. AMAZING how LS seems to think OW and OM NEED support but many of its lurkers don't. How about they purchase the rights to LS, revamp it, and STOP THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH AMENDMENT???

 

I am no longer the OW. I ended it and it sucks. I cried the last three days and my heart hurts. No, make that 4 days. Do I recommend anyone get involved in an A? No. But would I do it all over again if it were with my same guy? Yes. Why? Because believe it or not I learned VALUABLE lessons in the A I would not have otherwise. People can tell me I'm deluded and that MM got his jollies off but now he is the deluded one and I got my jollies off. There were lessons for the MM too. Like it or not LS lurkers.

 

These people, the WITCH HUNTERS, are angry that you and I chose to lose a little bit of our innocence. They want to keep theirs. That's GREAT for them, that is their choice, but to knock you on YOUR choice is just silly. Further, these people are just being mean to you. IN the SUPPORT FORUM FOR OW no less.

 

Yes you WOULD get flogged, sadly, for offering a hug to a woman whose H was cheating on her because even though they deserve one and even though you know it they don't want it from you. Knowing this, you added your disclaimer and I applaud you for it. You show compassion even in the face of humiliation. They wouldn't recognize these two traits if it slapped them in the face. All they would recognize is the slap in the face.

 

Hence the flaming.

 

You even stated that you felt guilt, but nobody noticed it. Well I did and you deserve a hug for that.

 

I was the first to jump on and post because I wanted to lift you up, offer some advice, and show you how I dealt with it INCLUDING focusing on my children.

 

After my wonderful day, my two oldest children asked ME (yes folks, the evil OW) for advice on their romantic Rs. I told my oldest to make her boyfriend answer her texts within 10 minutes or he's out the door. Gee, I wonder how I learend THAT lesson? Could it have been from my exMM? Then, my son in college asked how he could get his girlfriend to learn more manners, and get closer to ME in order to learn those manners. I suggested a family dinner where all my kids bring a friend and we get my son's girlfriend to watch as my daughter's boyfriend puts her to shame in the manners department (except of course his text timing issue;)).

 

My children VALUE me and show me every single day. I wonder how many BW can come on here and match my example. Gee, only if this were a forum for supporting BS. But guess what? ALL OF US would have gladly welcomed you and your advice for lilagirl. What did you do, how did you spend your day with your kids? How did you deal with Mother's Day after your H left? We could have all bonded but it just got catty instead.

 

lilagirl I'm so sorry. You deserved more support than you got.

 

Folks, we are more than just OW laying about in our lingerie and perfume. We are workers, employers, teachers, doctors without degrees, psychologists, taxi-drivers, soccer moms, cheerleaders, nurses, hostesses, tutors, nutritionists, and most of all we are MOTHERS (on this thread anyway) and WE deserve the right to enjoy our Mother's Day too. Who the hell are you to come here on this special day and kick us when we're down IF we're down at all?

 

Please go get your jollies elsewhere because HERE I'm exercising my first amendment rights as an OW (ex or otherwise).

 

Thank you (applause) this is wonderfully said and I too am tired of the witch hunt. I am a fBS and a fMoW and I don't flog others...sheesh people.

[datura_noir]

Well, if it makes you feel any better hon:

 

I have never gotten a "Happy Mother's Day" wish from my H in the twelve years we've been together-his reason??I am NOT the Mother of his kids, nor am I his Mother. It really does makes sense to me:confused:, his reasons. And, my kids were all over me on the day, we (H and I) even went to my daughter's for a BBQ. But he has never wished me a Happy Mother's Day. He called his Mom and thanked her and made promises to visit this Summer, and that was only with my prodding. That is what the day is all about.

 

I"ve learned to live with this glaring flaw of his