Mothers day OW hug

[lilagirl]

Thank you all for your comments. Good and bad. I know I have no right to play the victim - and to be honest, I didn`t intend too.

 

I had a great day with my children. What made me sad was that I had to help them, they didn`t have my stbxH around to help them with Mother`s Day. If you care to know, he was extremely abusive to both me and my children. Their natural father is desceased - and he was a poor excuse for a stand-in. Needless to say, he did plan nice days with us for holidays like this. He expressed his love in that way. My kids didn`t have the opportunity to go to the flower shop and pick out my favorite flowers... while I missed that for them, I don`t miss all the other things that comes along with flowers on mothers day. Its just learning a new way of life... with or without xH or MM. My A gave me the strength to find myself and what I needed and wanted in life.

 

I had an amazing day with my not only my kids, but my family as well. All the while, I couldn`t help but take note that something was missing... the man I love deeply...

 

 

I appreciate the support ... its nice to have a place to go.

[White Flower]

Well, if it makes you feel any better hon:

 

I have never gotten a "Happy Mother's Day" wish from my H in the twelve years we've been together-his reason??I am NOT the Mother of his kids, nor am I his Mother. It really does makes sense to me:confused:, his reasons. And, my kids were all over me on the day, we (H and I) even went to my daughter's for a BBQ. But he has never wished me a Happy Mother's Day. He called his Mom and thanked her and made promises to visit this Summer, and that was only with my prodding. That is what the day is all about.

 

I"ve learned to live with this glaring flaw of his

(((((((Datura Noir)))))))

You DESERVE hugs for putting up with THAT!

 

So you're not the mother of his kids but I'll bet you certainly take care of them. I'll bet it's you who sends the greeting cards all year round, serves holiday dinners, makes arrangements for carpools and future weddings. You're MORE than the mother of his kids and more than his mother actually. His mother doesn't tuck him in each night so there! But you do and you deserve a HUGE thank you for all that you do. Further, you prodded him to call his mother on her day. If she doesn't thank you for that then I will. If only we could all end up with daughter-in-laws like you one day.

 

Happy late Mother's Day Datura Noir!

[White Flower]

Thank you all for your comments. Good and bad. I know I have no right to play the victim - and to be honest, I didn`t intend too.

 

I had a great day with my children. What made me sad was that I had to help them, they didn`t have my stbxH around to help them with Mother`s Day. If you care to know, he was extremely abusive to both me and my children. Their natural father is desceased - and he was a poor excuse for a stand-in. Needless to say, he did plan nice days with us for holidays like this. He expressed his love in that way. My kids didn`t have the opportunity to go to the flower shop and pick out my favorite flowers... while I missed that for them, I don`t miss all the other things that comes along with flowers on mothers day. Its just learning a new way of life... with or without xH or MM. My A gave me the strength to find myself and what I needed and wanted in life.

 

I had an amazing day with my not only my kids, but my family as well. All the while, I couldn`t help but take note that something was missing... the man I love deeply...

 

 

I appreciate the support ... its nice to have a place to go.

Glad you enjoyed the day with your kids. You will teach them how to handle future holidays, it comes with practice over time. You'll be both father and mother until they get it right. Enjoy the love that you all give each other and take one day at a time. Hug them as much as you can and let your eyes light up every time they enter the room.

 

You will miss him on those days until you decide you've had enough of missing him. Either you'll end up together or you'll want something better for yourself. He gave you strength once. If you no longer get the kind of strength you need from him, find it elsewhere ok?

 

Hugs.

[MizzBlue72]

(((HUGE HUGS)))

 

I know how it feels ... hugs to all OW.

[MizzBlue72]

I read all the comments - and just have to say - Lila - WOW. I know. It hurts.

Don't listen to the naysayers on here.

Chin up.

Yes, it is what we signed up for and I hope that others on here never have to be where we are. It must be SO great to have a wonderful and happy marriage .... and to be able to sit back and judge everyone else on here, since all OW are spineless, lowly ... we only want sex and love, right?? We aren't professionals making our way in the world or anything - we must all just be dumb and CHOOSE this. Just WOW.

 

When and if they are ever in our shoes - we will be here. Not bashing them. Just listening and offering advice - that is what this board is about.

 

 

Day after Mother's Day wishes.

[Fallen Angel]

This thread saddens and angers me, because lila needed loving support and got beat up instead. What a shame.

 

And for those of you who say that she got exactly what she deserved because she chose to be OW, well I am OW too, and I got my sweetheart on Mother's Day. So him choosing to spend Mother's Day with me and my children, that is exactly what I deserve for chosing to be OW as well, correct?

 

I mean really, either karma is at work or it isn't.. if Lila was without her sweetheart on MD because it is cosmic punishment for being OW, then me being with my swetheart for MD was cosmic reward for being OW. HMMM.. doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it?

 

How about Lila being without her sweetheart on MD was just bad timing, and passing on a hug for a fellow human being who is suffering emotionally....

 

I for one want to do that!! (((HUGS to you Lila))) I am sorry that you were feeling lonely. I hope your days since then have been happier ones for you.

[ladydesigner]

This thread saddens and angers me, because lila needed loving support and got beat up instead. What a shame.

 

And for those of you who say that she got exactly what she deserved because she chose to be OW, well I am OW too, and I got my sweetheart on Mother's Day. So him choosing to spend Mother's Day with me and my children, that is exactly what I deserve for chosing to be OW as well, correct?

 

I mean really, either karma is at work or it isn't.. if Lila was without her sweetheart on MD because it is cosmic punishment for being OW, then me being with my swetheart for MD was cosmic reward for being OW. HMMM.. doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it?

 

How about Lila being without her sweetheart on MD was just bad timing, and passing on a hug for a fellow human being who is suffering emotionally....

 

I for one want to do that!! (((HUGS to you Lila))) I am sorry that you were feeling lonely. I hope your days since then have been happier ones for you.

 

I like this:D I also felt that it was just awful to see some of the things written to her on Mother's Day. I often wonder why there isn't any moderation as far as keeping BS's from posting nasty things on a support thread.

[White Flower]

 

I mean really, either karma is at work or it isn't.. if Lila was without her sweetheart on MD because it is cosmic punishment for being OW, then me being with my swetheart for MD was cosmic reward for being OW. HMMM.. doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it?

 

I hear ya FA.

 

The same people who claim to know something about Karma seem to also believe in 'you only live once'. The concept of Karma comes from reincarnation folks. Why take a concept you don't believe in and use it against someone when it's convenient for you?

 

Who says we deal with Karma in this lifetime? Maybe MM's W cheated on him in the last life and it's his time around to get her back in this one? Folks, we just don't know.

 

Or how about MM was a Eunich in a past life and felt he needed to get as much poon (I miss you Stampdaddy) in this life? Again, we just don't know. Yes, we are responsible to people in this life time, but who knows WHY there are CERTAIN lessons we need to learn in any given life time?

 

So unless you believe in reincarnation please don't go spewing off about Karma.

[pureinheart]

Well, if it makes you feel any better hon:

 

I have never gotten a "Happy Mother's Day" wish from my H in the twelve years we've been together-his reason??I am NOT the Mother of his kids, nor am I his Mother. It really does makes sense to me:confused:, his reasons. And, my kids were all over me on the day, we (H and I) even went to my daughter's for a BBQ. But he has never wished me a Happy Mother's Day. He called his Mom and thanked her and made promises to visit this Summer, and that was only with my prodding. That is what the day is all about.

 

I"ve learned to live with this glaring flaw of his

 

Man DN even exDM called and left a happy mothers day message and we are not even talking...I didn't answer the phone because I didn't want to talk to him, or really anyone.

 

DN, it's about being thoughtful, it doesn't matter if "he" is not connected with you in some form of "mothership"...you are a "mother" period.

 

If you can live with it, that's cool...Happy Belated Mothers Day, k...

[pureinheart]

((((((((lilagirl))))))))

 

Lilagirl, I can't believe what I am seeing here on this thread; a thread that has been posted in a support forum for OW. AMAZING how LS seems to think OW and OM NEED support but many of its lurkers don't. How about they purchase the rights to LS, revamp it, and STOP THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH AMENDMENT???

 

I am no longer the OW. I ended it and it sucks. I cried the last three days and my heart hurts. No, make that 4 days. Do I recommend anyone get involved in an A? No. But would I do it all over again if it were with my same guy? Yes. Why? Because believe it or not I learned VALUABLE lessons in the A I would not have otherwise. People can tell me I'm deluded and that MM got his jollies off but now he is the deluded one and I got my jollies off. There were lessons for the MM too. Like it or not LS lurkers.

 

These people, the WITCH HUNTERS, are angry that you and I chose to lose a little bit of our innocence. They want to keep theirs. That's GREAT for them, that is their choice, but to knock you on YOUR choice is just silly. Further, these people are just being mean to you. IN the SUPPORT FORUM FOR OW no less.

 

Yes you WOULD get flogged, sadly, for offering a hug to a woman whose H was cheating on her because even though they deserve one and even though you know it they don't want it from you. Knowing this, you added your disclaimer and I applaud you for it. You show compassion even in the face of humiliation. They wouldn't recognize these two traits if it slapped them in the face. All they would recognize is the slap in the face.

 

Hence the flaming.

 

You even stated that you felt guilt, but nobody noticed it. Well I did and you deserve a hug for that.

 

I was the first to jump on and post because I wanted to lift you up, offer some advice, and show you how I dealt with it INCLUDING focusing on my children.

 

After my wonderful day, my two oldest children asked ME (yes folks, the evil OW) for advice on their romantic Rs. I told my oldest to make her boyfriend answer her texts within 10 minutes or he's out the door. Gee, I wonder how I learend THAT lesson? Could it have been from my exMM? Then, my son in college asked how he could get his girlfriend to learn more manners, and get closer to ME in order to learn those manners. I suggested a family dinner where all my kids bring a friend and we get my son's girlfriend to watch as my daughter's boyfriend puts her to shame in the manners department (except of course his text timing issue;)).

 

My children VALUE me and show me every single day. I wonder how many BW can come on here and match my example. Gee, only if this were a forum for supporting BS. But guess what? ALL OF US would have gladly welcomed you and your advice for lilagirl. What did you do, how did you spend your day with your kids? How did you deal with Mother's Day after your H left? We could have all bonded but it just got catty instead.

 

lilagirl I'm so sorry. You deserved more support than you got.

 

Folks, we are more than just OW laying about in our lingerie and perfume. We are workers, employers, teachers, doctors without degrees, psychologists, taxi-drivers, soccer moms, cheerleaders, nurses, hostesses, tutors, nutritionists, and most of all we are MOTHERS (on this thread anyway) and WE deserve the right to enjoy our Mother's Day too. Who the hell are you to come here on this special day and kick us when we're down IF we're down at all?

 

Please go get your jollies elsewhere because HERE I'm exercising my first amendment rights as an OW (ex or otherwise).

 

This is very well said WF...and was thinking about this last night...the very ones that fight so hard concerning how "cruel" OW/OM/WS's are, are the very ones that are cruel themselves here on this board and others...they can see how they were hurt (or would be), but cannot look beyond that seeing how they are the ones doing the hurting...

[White Flower]

This is very well said WF...and was thinking about this last night...the very ones that fight so hard concerning how "cruel" OW/OM/WS's are, are the very ones that are cruel themselves here on this board and others...they can see how they were hurt (or would be), but cannot look beyond that seeing how they are the ones doing the hurting...

I'm not even sure they see it. They claim to come here in order to understand the OW. But understand how...and more importantly why?

 

Understand as in relate? Understand as in being compassionate? Or understand as in now I know how you think and will @#$%$^& rip your heart out with it?

 

I can relate to understanding how and why they got involved with my H. I was a BW too. I actually have compassion for the OW in my exH's case. Hell, I even talk to her still, hug her when I see her. THAT is demonstrative of understanding. I could never tell her she got what she deserved. MY exH didn't M her, he M somebody else days after the ink was dry. Do you see me on here bashing OW and telling them they got what they deserved? Some actually M the MM after he leaves, do you see them telling those particular OW they got what they deserved?

 

Ladies, be angry at your WH's. They did this to you. And come back and tell us how Karma kicked their arses.

 

Karma folks, understand how it works. It is different for EACH individual. There is no blanket Karma.

 

And if BW really wanted to understand the OW you would do just that. Read that last sentence again.

[ladydesigner]

I'm not even sure they see it. They claim to come here in order to understand the OW. But understand how...and more importantly why?

 

Understand as in relate? Understand as in being compassionate? Or understand as in now I know how you think and will @#$%$^& rip your heart out with it?

 

I can relate to understanding how and why they got involved with my H. I was a BW too. I actually have compassion for the OW in my exH's case. Hell, I even talk to her still, hug her when I see her. THAT is demonstrative of understanding. I could never tell her she got what she deserved. MY exH didn't M her, he M somebody else days after the ink was dry. Do you see me on here bashing OW and telling them they got what they deserved? Some actually M the MM after he leaves, do you see them telling those particular OW they got what they deserved?

 

Ladies, be angry at your WH's. They did this to you. And come back and tell us how Karma kicked their arses.

 

Karma folks, understand how it works. It is different for EACH individual. There is no blanket Karma.

 

And if BW really wanted to understand the OW you would do just that. Read that last sentence again .

 

It's funny I am a BW too as well as an XMOW. I got angry at my WH and had a RA (his karma just doesn't know it). Then I ended up falling for XOM and he broke my heart (my Karma). Karma does work in mysterious ways...that is for sure.

[White Flower]

It's funny I am a BW too as well as an XMOW. I got angry at my WH and had a RA (his karma just doesn't know it). Then I ended up falling for XOM and he broke my heart (my Karma). Karma does work in mysterious ways...that is for sure.

Oh I could go down the road of the RA (revenge affair) but I won't. It was something I snuffed out as soon as I started thinking revenge. But I do understand it and the Karma involved including your own. I got mine!

[Lizzie60]

As for me I spent Mother's Day with my family, friends and kids.. I had a great day..

 

I don't give a rat's azz about my MMs on Mother's Day... I'm not their mother... plus I ignore them on Father's Day.. they're not my father..

[jthorne]

Amen, Lizzie and hockeyfan!

I didn't see the posts as bashing. Just because it wasn't what she and other OW's want to hear, doesn't mean it isn't support.

I read it as sorrow that she was hurting, but noting that it didn't have to be that way.

 

But what do I know... I'm just the xOW who was brave enough to end it, and am now getting ready to start a new life with an AMAZING SINGLE man.

 

Good luck to you, Lila. I hope you and others find the same happiness I have!

[herenow]

I find this very interesting. Not sure if the BW bashing posts on this thread are about me, but I stick with my original reaction to the OP. I think it's sad that a mother spends any part of Mother's Day thinking about a MM who is at home with his own family. Very sad as a matter of fact. Why is that wrong? Is there anyone here who is happy about the fact that the OP was thinking about a MM on mothers day?

 

Since the OP did not mention that she was with her kids in her original post, I asked that question. Again, I think it's a valid question to ask. I couldn't just assume that she spent the day with her kids because she didn't make any mention of it. I'm always told to never make assumptions, am I suppose to start now?

 

I offered the OP hugs. Why? Again, I am sad that any of her focus on Mother's Day was spent on a MM. Please tell me why that is so bad. I really want to know. Thank you in advance for the answer.

Edited May 12, 2010 by herenow

[jthorne]

I think it was towards the poster that said she got what she deserved if she remained the OW. *shrug*

I can see what they mean. I was raised to be responsible for my choices, so not to complain if I wasn't willing to change my course of action.

 

I'm not really sure what kind of support Lila was looking for. I know that as an xOW, I couldn't in good conscience tell her to stay in a situation where she was unhappy.

 

And I don't know who said that BS should be moderated on this forum. Would that mean that OW should be moderated on the Infidelity or Marriage forum? What about the Dating forum. That's not only pure sillyness, but would be a LOT of work for the mod.

Edited May 12, 2010 by jthorne

[bittersweet memories]

As for me I spent Mother's Day with my family, friends and kids.. I had a great day..

 

I don't give a rat's azz about my MMs on Mother's Day... I'm not their mother... plus I ignore them on Father's Day.. they're not my father..

 

 

You are so funny Lizzie...

[White Flower]

This forum is for everyone and just because some people pointed out to the original person that her priorities, in their view, were misplaced, that is their right. I also thought it was sorta silly to post about how on mothers day a woman was more worried about her married man than spending the day with her kids. Makes me wonder if she will be thinking about him on fathers day when he is with his kids (if he has any) or his wife (which we know he has).

Your post was cool but I only have one problem with it. Who says she was MORE worried about her MM than spending time with her kids? I sure didn't see it that way. I saw it as she will be missing him, as on any day but since it was Mother's Day some sensitive women (OW or not) could use a hug. That's all. It wasn't about loving one more than the other. (MM over her kids). To me it was about throwing a kind embrace out there who wish they could share their children with their MM as in the case of OW who finally M their man in the end. After all, the OP is in a transition stage.

[GreenEyedLady]

This thread saddens and angers me, because lila needed loving support and got beat up instead. What a shame.

 

And for those of you who say that she got exactly what she deserved because she chose to be OW, well I am OW too, and I got my sweetheart on Mother's Day. So him choosing to spend Mother's Day with me and my children, that is exactly what I deserve for chosing to be OW as well, correct?

 

I mean really, either karma is at work or it isn't.. if Lila was without her sweetheart on MD because it is cosmic punishment for being OW, then me being with my swetheart for MD was cosmic reward for being OW. HMMM.. doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it?

 

How about Lila being without her sweetheart on MD was just bad timing, and passing on a hug for a fellow human being who is suffering emotionally....

 

I for one want to do that!! (((HUGS to you Lila))) I am sorry that you were feeling lonely. I hope your days since then have been happier ones for you.

 

You know, this is why I don't believe in karma at all.

 

The fact of life is that no one gets what they deserve, they get what they get.

 

People get all mad when someone gets something that they think they don't deserve. The fact of the matter is it's about choices and chance. There are natural consequences and then chance factors in.

 

We all have what we have due to the choices we've made and then there's that element of chance that sometimes skews the results.

 

People need to realize that the reward for being a good person sometimes just results in intrinsic satisfaction. It doesn't mean nothing bad will ever happen to you.

 

OP: Choices and chance. I hope that you take the steps to ensure that your next Mother's Day looks how you want it to.

 

((HUGS))

 

GEL

[White Flower]

You asked and so here it is.

(((HUG)))

 

To all the OWs who spent the day without hearing from (or LC) their MM due to Mother's day extraveganza's...

 

I would offer a hug to all the BSs who spent the day with a man pretending to be a loving husband... but I would get flogged

 

Today was my first mother's day without my stbxH and i had a tough day remembering all the great things he did for me, getting the kids excited, etc. It was hard to know that my MM was playing the role of loving husband and father, while I sat at home without a partner, because I had the balls to make the decision.

 

Regardless... today is a day for family, allot of guilt, jealousy, frustration for me in today.

 

Summary: lilagirl missed the past in which her H would get her kids all excited about Mother's Day. This made her wonder how her MM treats his BW on Mother's Day. This is normal thinking, it's called relating. I wonder if you ever wonder what your WH did for his exOW on Mother's Day if she is in fact a mother; if you did that would be normal but that is beside the point. Finally, lilagirl is going through a major transition in life as she is D'ing her H and hoping that her MM comes through on his end. Since you took your WH back, your thoughts never had to be quite as jumbled as lilagirl's. Almost but no cigar, you can't compare the two.

 

And even though she is going through so much stress in giving a betrayed H his freedom, in hoping her MM will come through, and wondering how much he is faking it at home she is still gracious enough to come here and send all of us including you hugs. Nice lady. I think we call that grace under pressure.

 

I can't give you any insight about being an OW on Mothers Day, but I can tell you a lot about being a mother.

And here begins the cuts.

I assume you have kids based on your post. Why were you thinking about a MM on a day that is all about being a mother?

You never thought about your WH when you threw him out after D-day? You only thought about your kids that day. I thought most women multi-tasked but maybe that is just me.

Where were your kids? Were they not enough to make you happy on the day set aside for them to show you how much they love you?

I'm not even going to address that.

Hugs to you for not being able to fully enjoy a day meant mostly for a mom and her kids.

Doesn't sound real sincere but if you say so. Oh, and I think you DO understand multi-tasking because I see the word 'mostly' above.

BTW, it's silly to say you would saying something but you would get flagged, and they say it anyway. It's like me saying, I would call you a (place anything inflammatory here), but I know it would be wrong so I won't. If you know it would upset someone, why mention it at all?

Because her heart is full for all people, not just her own kind.

 

My question, why didn't she enjoy the day with her kids? How sad that on Mother's Day she was thinking about a MM and his family. Hugs to you Lila

That sounded kind of trite. Sorry.

 

Ya know, I feel bad that Lila had a down day too. She didn't mention her kids, so I'm not sure she spent quality time with them. I hope your assumption is correct for Lila and her kids.

She didn't have to mention her kids and we don't have to know that she spent quality time with them. The OP wasn't about spending quality time with her kids, it was after her day with them, and after her day she had some time to reflect on how much she missed her MM and how his W's day might have been special at the hands of a liar/faker. Again, multi-tasking. She may have also spent the day on the phone with her mother, mother-in-law, grandmothers, sisters who are mothers, etc., etc. There are more people in our lives even on Mother's Day than just our precious children.

Still, I think it is very sad that a mother takes any time out of Mother's Day to think about a MM who is celebrating with his own family. That is why I offered "hugs" to Lila. Very sad indeed. Never said she shouldn't post. I think this is the perfect post for this forum.

Perhaps it is easier for you to wave off people who hurt us than others. If so, I don't know how you forgave your WH so easily but you did. You don't seem to focus so much on the present in your posts as much as the past but for a lot of OW our posts are current and not in the past.

 

You asked and so I'm telling you that your posts seemed to be attacking in nature toward lilagirl. You questioned her motherhood, her character, and even how she spent her holiday. And all she did to you was offer a hug.

[Fallen Angel]

I think what so many former OW and other posters was saying was this is one of the 'drawbacks' of being in an affair...not spending the day with someone you care about.

 

Mothers day should be spent focusing on the kids who made you a mother; at least that is how I look at it. I don't expect a gift from my children..I just want to be with them.

 

After my divorce, my ex never took our kids to get me something for specials days, but my friends and family members stepped in to help ensure I was properly acknowledged.

 

As for spending the day with the MM, you just spent a day, not a life with him so not sure if that is good or bad. You aren't with him fallenangel, you just had him for a day until he went back home to his wife. Is that karma? I do not know. But it is the day in the life of an OtherWoman.

 

This forum is for everyone and just because some people pointed out to the original person that her priorities, in their view, were misplaced, that is their right. I also thought it was sorta silly to post about how on mothers day a woman was more worried about her married man than spending the day with her kids. Makes me wonder if she will be thinking about him on fathers day when he is with his kids (if he has any) or his wife (which we know he has).

 

You are making a lot of assumptions here.

 

Firstly, you are assuming that the OP was not focused on her children on Mother's day, obviously by her follow up posts, that assumption is incorrect. By you commenting that you do not expect a gift from your children, it sounds to me as though you are assuming that the OP was lamenting not getting a gift from her children. What I saw her lamenting was not having someone to "prepare the children for the day". What I see in that is that she misses the fact that her almost xH used to plan special activities for Mother's Day. *shrug* I find it hard to believe that any mother would prefer to have to plan their own Mother's Day as opposed to having someone else plan a special day for them.

 

It is sad to me that your ex felt that after your divorce he no longer should help the children to prepare a special Mother's Day for you. You are still the mother of his children, what a shame that he thinks that is a less important role now that you no longer share a bed with him.

 

As for me just having my sweetheart for a day before he went back home to his wife, well that too is an assumption. You do not know the details of my week or his, nor do you know that he went "home to his wife". I would suggest that "a day in the life of the Other Woman" is not the same for all OW. I am sorry for you if that is what your experience was like. ((hugs to you))

 

As to her thinking of him on Father's Day. I would suspect she will (an assumption on my part). It is only natural for people to think of their loved ones on "special days" and want to do nice things for them. I know that if my sweetheart is not with me on father's day i will be thinking of him. I will also buy him a card and a small token of appreciation for the "fatherly" role he plays in my children's lives, as he is much more fatherly towards them than their own father ever was/is. (for example, my sweetheart left work early to be able to attend a school performance event one of my children recently participated in.)

 

I am trying to understand why you think that thinking about him on a day that is special to him would be a negative thing.

Edited May 13, 2010 by Fallen Angel
tired typos

[pureinheart]

I'm not even sure they see it. They claim to come here in order to understand the OW. But understand how...and more importantly why?

 

Understand as in relate? Understand as in being compassionate? Or understand as in now I know how you think and will @#$%$^& rip your heart out with it?

 

I can relate to understanding how and why they got involved with my H. I was a BW too. I actually have compassion for the OW in my exH's case. Hell, I even talk to her still, hug her when I see her. THAT is demonstrative of understanding. I could never tell her she got what she deserved. MY exH didn't M her, he M somebody else days after the ink was dry. Do you see me on here bashing OW and telling them they got what they deserved? Some actually M the MM after he leaves, do you see them telling those particular OW they got what they deserved?

 

Ladies, be angry at your WH's. They did this to you. And come back and tell us how Karma kicked their arses.

 

Karma folks, understand how it works. It is different for EACH individual. There is no blanket Karma.

 

And if BW really wanted to understand the OW you would do just that. Read that last sentence again.

 

I personally believe it's an indirect/direct way to get back/release anger, hate and resentment at OM/OW?WS's using a guise of "understanding".

 

I see way too many "pot shots" in this forum to believe otherwise.

 

I also see quite frequently the term IRL...well, this is about as real life as it gets IMO, the words here and horrid comments made can actually hurt worse than what is "considered IRL".

 

Really WF, what are they looking for ...answers as to why their H's cheated, what the OW was like...one can get a "generalization", but that is soooo generalized that it doesn't count. The H and W need to look deep in the M and focus on that, or just simply walk away.

 

What really needs to happen is the W, H and OW/OM need to look at their own situations because NO two are alike...to me it's just a way to play extremely immature games over the internet.

Edited May 13, 2010 by pureinheart

[pureinheart]

Actually, in breifly reading through the comments, I remembered in the OP that Lila brought up her stbxh and that he would get the kids going...now to me, that is what she sounded like she missed.

 

Not saying she wants the M back, but that was something he used to do that was nice...

 

Thank you all for your comments. Good and bad. I know I have no right to play the victim - and to be honest, I didn`t intend too.

 

I had a great day with my children. What made me sad was that I had to help them, they didn`t have my stbxH around to help them with Mother`s Day. If you care to know, he was extremely abusive to both me and my children. Their natural father is desceased - and he was a poor excuse for a stand-in. Needless to say, he did plan nice days with us for holidays like this. He expressed his love in that way. My kids didn`t have the opportunity to go to the flower shop and pick out my favorite flowers... while I missed that for them, I don`t miss all the other things that comes along with flowers on mothers day. Its just learning a new way of life... with or without xH or MM. My A gave me the strength to find myself and what I needed and wanted in life.

 

I had an amazing day with my not only my kids, but my family as well. All the while, I couldn`t help but take note that something was missing... the man I love deeply...

 

 

I appreciate the support ... its nice to have a place to go.

 

So many times I see in this forum the assumption that OW/OM/WS's neglect their children and focus too much on the A or whatever...actually I would ask the BS why they are focusing so much on the A also...are you concerned with your kids? Have they suffered due to the obsession with the OW/OM or H and what he is doing every second of his life. Are you talking mess about their father/mother (ws) to the kids?

 

OW/OM/WS's take very good care of their kids and that is usually the reason, especially in the WS's circumstances and that can be the reason they stay in the situation that they do at home. Actually the OW/OM have a lot of time to spend with their children and they are usually very well adjusted...it's hard being a single parent, but there are less distractions.

Edited May 13, 2010 by pureinheart

[jthorne]

Could somebody kindly explain to me how bashing other posters in any way, shape or form helps the OP? There are more posts on this thread bashing each other than offering advice or support to Lila.

And unfortunately, I've just contributed to it.

Ladies, would it be possible to get back on topic? Or is the bickering because no one has anything of value to say to her?