brokeninsideforever Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Right now I am about to PUNCH a whole in the wall from my anger. I am crying HARD NOW my back hurts and its late and i need to be up at like... 8 am and its 3 now for testing at college. I MUST BE SO STUPID!!!! I must be pshyco. I met this guy over a year ago, and we started dating about 2 months after we met. We met at the park, so it wasn't an online thing. Well, We were happy beyond happy for many months. He purposed to me, I had the ring, set wedding date for October then SUDDENLY He changes over January. We got pelted with over 30 inches of snow and couldnt see one another because he lived an hour away. ANYWAY he changed. He started controlling me, telling me I was cheating on him because I talked to my best friend (steven, known him 5 years) and then if I looked at a guy, I was cheating. He wouldnt let me go out of the house shopping or he would say I was out impressing other guys. He wouldn't allow me to wear make-up saying I am to impress him not other people. He said I couldnt carry a purse anymore, it was to fake. He tells me I have to kill my dog who I have had for 15 YEARS to prove my love. He made me delete the dog sites I worked hard to build for my dog, and made me give up everything that had to do with my dog. See my dog is my pride and joy, he was my ONLY friend for YEARS. So he meant alot to me. So I wanted to make him memorable and in a book, sites for when he died. Dan supported it when we first dated, now he hated it. He told me if I didnt do that, I didnt love him and we would break up. I could never say "NO" or he would end up threating me with blackmail or break-up. I would spend so many nights crying. He got more and more sexual with me, he wanted sex, I would say no. He would get mad, pout and leave and ignore me for a few days then try again. While I was on my period he decieded to do something that hurt me, like dry humping on my period with cramps. I begged him to stop, screamed ouch but he laughed. He became worse and worse. Finally came easter and couldn't get a ride to his aunts house. He told me if I couldnt come it was over between us and it was because I couldnt want to be with him bad enough to manipulate my mom into going. I was crying, I was in bad shape. Scared. I told my mom the whole story and she was pissed she took him away from me said I am done with him no more. I told her I was over 18, I could do what I want she said fine, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW you are never allowed back here. So it was HER OR DAN. Of course I choose to stay at home. Anyway it was downhill from there and here we are MAY now. I tried being friends with Dan again...because my stupid brain still wants him even though i know hes abusive and bad for me. SO right now he just put me through hell. I told him I want to be friends, he said hes offering me more than friends, bf/gf again. I told him I DONT WANT THAT. He said thats all he offering its that or nothing. I told him I cant go through that again, I want friendship now that is it. he claims to have changed...I doubt that. Anyway, He said mean things to me, blocked me, blocked me, blocked me. HE CANT END IT NICE. HE keeps hurting me and putting me back to start one. HE SAID WE COULD BE FRIENDS if i did this one thing for him. I DID, then he says NEVERMIND!!! LIKE TORTURE. THEN HE SAID I DID THIS AND I WILL REGRET IT. so I must be pshyo...I still want him. IDK WHY???? Its nanoying me. I cant stop crying, and i am so mad I feel like taking a punch to the wall. But see, I never had to deal with losing a friend before, or losign someone to death. So basically I don't know how to let go and move on. I am use to getting everything I wanted. I grew up homeschooled, no friends...no loss. So basically what im saying is...my heart knows hes ABUSIVE and my heart knows im happier without him...but theres that other part of me so mad and hurt and crying and angry WANTING him BACK and mad he doing this and treating me like this. He never loved me. I know that. He will keep hurting me and making me cry. His promsies are worthless. So why am I acting like this? How do I let go? How do i change this feeling? I need help bad, I tried pshycatrist but they dont help. They all fail. So i come to you guys. please help. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 I'm at a complete loss for words. I hope I don't have to hear Nancy Grace talk about this relationship for the next year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokeninsideforever Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 Also wanted to note that, he would always check my laptop, and photos and see if i was hiding anything. He would check my cell phone too. He was controlling, also I went to dentist in late March and found out I had cavities. HE punished me by taking my phone for a week saying I deserved it maybe next time I will brush better. I was unhappy, but there was times he would make me happy. He would treat me mean then pull me back in with kindness then same thing. I was to love blind to see, I wanted the perfect happy family with him. I wanted to be the wife, I couldn't see the bad. Now its like I see the bad but I want to still be his friend, even if he is mean...I shouldnt and i feel stupid too. I just don't know why? Is it a fear I am having? I just am so aggrivated right now. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Maybe you like to be treated poorly? Maybe it comforts you in some way? A person like this would make me vomit but thats just me. I mean, my SO is possessive, but completely tolerable. This is such an extreme case you are describing. He actually sounds like the worst human being on the planet. I have more sympathy for Hitler. Nevermind how he treats you. KILL the dog? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokeninsideforever Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 Well see he is my "first" love, first one I was ever serious with. We were in love I feel I was atleast. We were happy for so many months until he changed so much. I always did what he wanted, expect when it came down to killing my dog. I could never do that, I could never even have the heart to do something so cruel. Then he is in college to be a police man! An abuser, trying to protect us?!?!! While truth is, I met this other guy and he does want to treat me good, he gets really mad at me whenever I tell him I tried talking to dan again or I am upset. He said I should be treated with respect and I don't deserve this. He asked me out a few times now, but I am really not ready to jump back into anything after this thing with Dan. Then Dan has the nerve to tell me I am cheating!! Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Have no more contact with this PIG. **** the po-lice anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokeninsideforever Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 Well I tried having no contact, I was doing good for a week. He then finds out my new AIM account, email addy and starts harssing me again. He tells me he changed and I give in and then he treats me like **** again. Now its to point where I am back to step one all over again. I make new account, then what he finds it out again? I cut all CONTACT with people he talks to so it shouldn't be leaked. He has been driving past my house too, even drove up my driveway and sat there for about 5 minutes then left the other day. **** police is right, I tried contacting them for help whenever he threatned stuff, and harassed me, and they told me basically they didn't care. I guess question I am asking is, how do i make my heart let go and move on? Whats the best ways to do so? I am new to losing freinds so... Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 For the sake of the rest of society, you should do everything in your power to report him to the authorities. As a police officer, he is likely to do serious harm to someone someday with a power invested in him by law. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Well see he is my "first" love, first one I was ever serious with. We were in love I feel I was atleast. We were happy for so many months until he changed so much. I always did what he wanted, expect when it came down to killing my dog. I could never do that, I could never even have the heart to do something so cruel. Then he is in college to be a police man! An abuser, trying to protect us?!?!! While truth is, I met this other guy and he does want to treat me good, he gets really mad at me whenever I tell him I tried talking to dan again or I am upset. He said I should be treated with respect and I don't deserve this. He asked me out a few times now, but I am really not ready to jump back into anything after this thing with Dan. Then Dan has the nerve to tell me I am cheating!! Well I tried having no contact, I was doing good for a week. He then finds out my new AIM account, email addy and starts harssing me again. He tells me he changed and I give in and then he treats me like **** again. Now its to point where I am back to step one all over again. I make new account, then what he finds it out again? I cut all CONTACT with people he talks to so it shouldn't be leaked. He has been driving past my house too, even drove up my driveway and sat there for about 5 minutes then left the other day. **** police is right, I tried contacting them for help whenever he threatned stuff, and harassed me, and they told me basically they didn't care. I guess question I am asking is, how do i make my heart let go and move on? Whats the best ways to do so? I am new to losing freinds so... How old are you? why would you block out a new guy who actually sounds like he may be a decent man? My guess your still hung up on Dan thats why hoping he will change well trust me he wont they never do! One thing about this I find odd the police wont do anything? thats strange they usually take stalking fairly seriously now a days I thought if your living with your mom get her to contact them maybe that will work. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Unfortunately, situations like this only get worse. What often happens is the victim ends up questioning their own sanity (which the title of your post indicates) What you have described is light years away from loving behavior.Real love does NOT leave you feeling helpless, or worse yet, fearful.It does NOT tear you down, it builds you up. You have all the power you really need, right there in your fingertips.If he attempts to contact you, hit "delete" Text message?.........DELETE. Email?...................DELETE. Phone call?.........don't answer.Better yet, block his number. I'd also recommend that you take the time and google, "Emotional Abuse". Read some articles, check out some of the forums that specialize in abuse in particular. You are NOT alone, and perhaps hearing similar stories will help to shed some light on what you've experienced.(notice, I said experienced, I put that in the past tense, intentionally..) Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 http://www.thirdage.com/articles/are-you-addicted-emotional-pain-0 Link to post Share on other sites
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