Please help w/ relationship at work

[Charlie]

Hi. I am hoping that ya'll can give me some advice. There is a girl in my office whom I am attracted to. We have been emailing each other off and on for the past three weeks. The email has, at times, been flirtatious. Nothing obvious, but it has been personal. I work in a large company and do not see her very often. I believe that she likes me since she asked a girl at work if she thought that I was nice. There are a couple of problems however. First, asking a girl that I work with out is not something that I am relishing. If she refuses or if we go out and the date goes bad I will run in to her from time to time. Secondly, she divorced two months ago (no kids) and I think that it was a painful divorce. I do not know if it is too soon to be asking her out although I heard through a third party that she misses having someone to go to events (weddings, parties, etc) with. I too am just coming off a very bad breakup (she was cheating on me with my best friend). We are both 30 and I realize that at that age it is hard to find people who have not had a bad relationship. My instincts are telling me that I should ask her out, but I really would like to go on more than my instincts. We have similar backgrounds (we both went to the same Catholic school at different times) and seem to have personalities that are similar. Any advice?

[Dave]

What do you have to lose but gain?

 

Aks her out, and if she goes out, do not think that the date will go bad, think positively. THe mind is a powerful thing, so you can actually think the best, and it will happen, do the best on your side, and if things don't go well, then hey, at least you will not be asking yourself this question 10 years from now" What if I asked her out?" You will never know the answer, and believe me, it will bother you to some extenet at least. So don't think too much, go and ask her, if she would be interested in joining you at lunch. See, lunch is kind of nice, because if You asked her out for dinner, she might refuse, but since you work together, lunch would be a great opportunity to break the ice. I did that once,,,it worked,

 

Then you may invite her to some event, whatever it is, a dinner or something, Give your best shot. And always remember, there are plenty other women, if she is not the one for you. And don;t worry about the fact that you work together, I am dating a girl from work. We are engaged.

 

Best of Luck

 

Hi. I am hoping that ya'll can give me some advice. There is a girl in my office whom I am attracted to. We have been emailing each other off and on for the past three weeks. The email has, at times, been flirtatious. Nothing obvious, but it has been personal. I work in a large company and do not see her very often. I believe that she likes me since she asked a girl at work if she thought that I was nice. There are a couple of problems however. First, asking a girl that I work with out is not something that I am relishing. If she refuses or if we go out and the date goes bad I will run in to her from time to time. Secondly, she divorced two months ago (no kids) and I think that it was a painful divorce. I do not know if it is too soon to be asking her out although I heard through a third party that she misses having someone to go to events (weddings, parties, etc) with. I too am just coming off a very bad breakup (she was cheating on me with my best friend). We are both 30 and I realize that at that age it is hard to find people who have not had a bad relationship. My instincts are telling me that I should ask her out, but I really would like to go on more than my instincts. We have similar backgrounds (we both went to the same Catholic school at different times) and seem to have personalities that are similar. Any advice?

[Agh!]

I'm afraid I have to disagree. I once dated a girl that I was attracted to in the office. Granted, the dates and times we had were fun, however, it was very awkward. We didn't wish to give an image of inpropriety...or have others whispering to each other what might or might not be going on. So, if we spent a weekend afternoon together, we would try not to make it look like we had the afternoon together. We would show no signs of affection to one another until after 5 p.m. It was an odd situation.

 

Eventually, she couldn't deal with the double lives we needed to lead to make a dating relationship work at...well...work. Nowadays, we are cordial to one another, and talk if we are in larger groups, but I feel that any friendship that may have been possible with her has been damaged because of this. I regret it--she's a cool person and she's a lot of fun to hang with.

 

Unless there is some other draw to this woman (i.e. member of your church, lives near you, common friends, common interests, etc.), this may not be A Good Idea. However, I do agree with Dave's notion that there are "other fish in the sea." (...now if I can only begin the process of seeing that one myself....)

 

Agh!

What do you have to lose but gain? Aks her out, and if she goes out, do not think that the date will go bad, think positively. THe mind is a powerful thing, so you can actually think the best, and it will happen, do the best on your side, and if things don't go well, then hey, at least you will not be asking yourself this question 10 years from now" What if I asked her out?" You will never know the answer, and believe me, it will bother you to some extenet at least. So don't think too much, go and ask her, if she would be interested in joining you at lunch. See, lunch is kind of nice, because if You asked her out for dinner, she might refuse, but since you work together, lunch would be a great opportunity to break the ice. I did that once,,,it worked, Then you may invite her to some event, whatever it is, a dinner or something, Give your best shot. And always remember, there are plenty other women, if she is not the one for you. And don;t worry about the fact that you work together, I am dating a girl from work. We are engaged. Best of Luck