Broken up, can i have your view?

[Profit]

I've been with my girlfriend for a year and two months. I' am 19 years old and she is 17, going to 18 soon. This was our first real relationship and after a few months we fell in love. I live about 3 hours drive away from her but we managed to see each other almost every week. She traveled up to my place almost every weekend and slept over. We spoke on the phone every night and sometime we texted during the day. We were both jealous but she was really jealous, she would start fights with me over everything. We were at a party once and some girl put on my jacket. My girlfriend heard me telling her to take it off but I wasn't going to chase her around the party to get it back. My girlfriend walked out and started crying and arguing with me. And whenever I got a message on facebook or any other website she expected me to tell her right away, I had nothing to hide but telling her I got a message wasn't the first thing on my mind. She once decided to go on a break with me because she was really stressed with herself, but she still texted my sister checking up on me. There were many stupid situations like this.

 

At the start of our relationship I broke up with her a few times because of some stupid things that she did, she never cheated on me but she annoyed me with some things she did. But we always made up in less than two days. After a few months into the relationship when we fell in love, I couldn't help but be nice to her because I really loved her. For Valantines Day I bought alot of candles and wrote I love you on my bedroom floor. When she walked in she started crying and said she doesn't deserve all that, and she always told me that I deserve better than her. After some time I could see that she was using my kindness to her advantage in a way. Two months ago she broke up with me because everything was getting too much for her, she said that she didn't feel free in this relationship because wherever she went I asked her who she was with and questions like that. And she didn't want to fight. So I told her that we don't need to text each other everyday and talk on the phone and we should stop being so insecure and I promised her I could do that, but she said that if I was out somewhere she would still want to know who was there and she couldn't help but question me. I pointed out everything that was wrong in our relationship and I told her how we could make it right but she still broke up with me. After two days she started texting me and she told me how she realized everything and that she wants to be with me forever. I told her not to get back with me if she is going to have doubts later on in future. So we got back together. But nothing really changed because we were still questioning each other when we were out with friends and always argued. I told her I would stop but I couldn't stop because she continued doing it.

 

I always felt I had more will to make our relationship work. Every time we seen each other or did something together I planned it and that really annoyed me. I told her if she wanted to see me she needs to talk to me and make it happen, if you want something you have to make it happen. She said she does want to see me all the time but doesn't know why she doesn't ask me, its like she expected me to do everything. It was like that for our whole relationship and that really annoyed me. So I spoke to her about it and I didn't see her will to make things right, that really hurt me so I said some things I shouldn't have out of anger. I apologized and she knows I didn't mean it. We planned on seeing each other on that weekend but wen I asked her if it was a good idea she said that we should leave it out because she is really stressed over what happened because what I said really hurt her and she didn't want to talk the next day. But she understood that she hurt me aswell. She texted me the following day saying she can't do this anymore and broke up with me. She said she can't do this anymore but never gave me a proper explanation. I told her that I' am going to accept her decision and not bother her again and she texted me saying thanks and I never wrote back. She is doing her last year in secondary school now and I know she couldn't focus on her exams and everything was too much for her. We didn't talk to a week now, I removed her from facebook and deleted our pictures but she still kept them. She was my first love, whatever happened in the past I always did my best to make it work and I am really disappointed now because she's not doing that. She really broke my heart this time.

 

Have you guys got any advise for me or can you tell me what you think about all this please? Thanks..

[asharpe]

This really sounds like a cyclical relationship. All of this breaking up and getting back together has probably did a number on both of your hearts. I know it hurts when you fall in love with someone and the relationship doesn't work. But, it doesn't seem like you are happy. I need to ask you... do you think your heart can take this cyclical form of torture? The answer is "probably not"

I can't really sit here and help you figure out what to do from here. But here is a quote that might give you some insight. relationships are like glass, sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together ~Anonymous.

 

Whatever happens, I wish you the best

[Profit]

This has been our first proper break up. We didn't talk for a week now. Do you think she will come back to me? Why do you think she never made things happen and never planned anything? If she loved me would she just give up on us like that? What do you think I should do now? One of her friends texted me asking to get with some girl, I dont know if my ex told her to text me to see what I would do because my ex taught i liked this girl before. There are a good few girls that really like me but I' am not the type of a guy that gets with easy girls and I cant see myself with anybody else right now. I wish things worked out between us because she was a descent girl and I really love her. From what I mentioned do you think she loved me? She said I hurt her because I got angry when I didn't see that she was trying to make things work and I said I would sleep with another girl. I apologized for this and i truly didn't mean it, I only said it because I knew it would annoy her and I' am sure she knows this. She also accepted my apology and said she wouldn't break up with me because her love for me is stronger than that. However her friends told her that I shouldn't have said that to her for no reason and I' am made out to be a bad guy I' am sure they are telling her not to get back with me. She accepted my apology but after a few days she still broke up with me without any explanation. I always wanted to make things right and had more will. What do you think I should do now? Thanks for the advise.

[asharpe]

I know this stuff isn't easy to figure out. If it was easy, everyone wouldn't feel the pain of a broken heart. I honestly can't tell you if she loved you or not, but I'm sure she had feelings for you. I'm no expert on things like this, in a matter of fact, I had something like this happen to me as well. I just moved on, let her go. It took a broken heart to realize what exactly I wanted in my next relationship. I'm sure everyone has their heart broken, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you should feel lucky you are as young as you are and have time to figure things like this out. There are a lot of threads of people on here that have been married for years and have lost a lot more than just a relationship. I would let her go and see what happens. Don't call, text, email, Facebook, whatever. Let her figure out exactly what she wants and go from there. In the mean time, you should do the same thing and figure out what you want. I know its not easy to do right after something like this but go out and meet new people, start enjoying yourself, if you have to, be a little selfish. Just go out and have fun and who knows who you will meet (probably someone who will appreciate everything you do). But I warn you, don't be quick to start another relationship, because if you do that, you risk breaking someone else's heart and we both know how much that hurts.

You will be fine.

I'm not going to lie, it will take some time for you to feel better.

But, if you can learn from all of this and think how to better yourself for the future, you will get over this a lot quicker.

Just wake up tomorrow and move forward, there is no sense looking back

[Profit]

Thanks asharpe. I hope things get better soon. I' am just really depressed now and I don't feel like doing anything.

[valleylux]

I think everyone on earth has to go through a breakup like this at least once, to find out more about themselves and what they want in another person. Time is going to heal it, and you'll find someone new. In my experience the best way to move on is to avoid contact with the other person, at least for a little while. So much easier said than done though.